My thoughts taunted, “the eyes are the window to the soul”, as I was laying down, conscious. My window was ripped and torn until it was unrecognizable. A couple hours in a surgery of my choosing would eternally transform my reflection and identity. Beauty and aesthetics are universal desires that often control how you feel, which then controls what you do. My hunger for beauty tainted my view, pushed my mind to surrender, and eventually led me to the decision to receive double eye-lid surgery once I turned 17. I am 100% South Korean and I was not proud. My culture consisted of generations of voices commanding perfection to their standard. “Lose weight! Make money! Stop biting your nails! Be undeniably beautiful!”, they said. It felt like if these standards were not met, I would not be worthy of love. I was involved in too many conversations about my flaws; I was introduced to too many “solutions”. My grandma, who was beautiful in my eyes, looked at me with pity. She felt sympathy for the woman I was not becoming. My mother, whose bright eyes brought light to all crowds, looked at me with disappointment and darkness. My grandfather barely looked at me at all, but I saw his eyes filled with a subtle disgust. At the end of every day, I stared into my own eyes with the same pity, disappointment, and disgust. But there was hope! Apparently, my eyes could be easily transformed! I would be loved and will love myself once I do what all Korean, love-worthy girls do—surgery! Awake with my eyes closed, I already felt the contempt for my culture disappearing from my worldview. I felt the incisions, the needles, and the stitches, and I felt the burden that there was no looking back. After an anxious amount of time passed, I was “fixed”, but I was now a girl I did not know. It’s been over a year and I’ve seen some of my greatest nightmares become my reality. I’ve seen countless judging and confused eyes. My character is now visible and assumed by all my communities. Without words, their windows showed me how they felt in their souls. I’ve seen the world twist and turn upside down. With a new outward identity, I found the need to face the unfamiliar college environment with a "rebranding" of who I am. I’ve seen personal growth and deep-rooted downfalls. I searched for various ways to cope with the tainted lens of darkness that continued to follow me. I sought after all the techniques that the internet said would help me breathe and sleep at night. I’ve seen and consumed from a multitude of mediums, but I still have more to see. This physical transformation motivated profound realizations and mental formations. The perspective of anger I once had toward my surgery and culture shifted into gratitude and love; and this love dispersed into all areas of my identity. Beauty and aesthetics are now ideals that I cherish and do not hold to a standard of perfection. When I create art, I see beauty through the uncomfortable risks I take instead of the cookie-cutter rules I followed. When I think about Korea, I find acceptance and pride in the roots of my identity and past destruction, which have led to continual growth. This love drives my desire to design so I can showcase what beauty means to me. I create to pour out my soul and communicate with windows that are not physical features. My past decisions molded my present passions, and I can now recognize my purpose and see my future clearly. The future that I aspire to lead has been primarily formed by my past. Reflecting on my own personal evolution, I have observed the many areas of habitual comfort that I have subconsciously trapped myself in. The walls of “human nature” that keep society from growth are present in many of my former actions, thoughts, and ideologies. Surrounded by a tradition-based community, there were certain influencers that paved a single path of life for me. For example, I grew up not challenging the ideas of religion or considering my own perspectives because I found security in rules. Additionally, I became obsessed with the “black-and-white” mindset of right and wrong, unwilling to explore world views. The foundation I had built my life on was actually a self-created box preventing me from progression. My first semester in college opened my eyes to the countless opportunities I could actively seek out for my future self. The path of possibility was no longer a straight narrow road, but a collage of excitement, passion, and purpose. Through the designs I create, I strive for individual growth while simultaneously expanding the ideas of an entire community. I deeply desire to continue the ripple effect of creativity. Through the experience of newfound awareness and involvement in the heart of diversity, I intend to establish new conversations, invite challenging controversy, and spark curiosity. Various inspirations of cultures, backgrounds, and ideals ignite the passion and creativity that I desire to showcase through my art.

My grandfather, who I have dedicated a garment to (attached below), has been the biggest influence in my life and my art. When looking back on past generations, many tend to feel burdened. My grandfather has told countless stories about war, suffering, and familial downfalls that I felt the need to carry around with shame. But, my grandfather aided me in changing my perspective to see these obstacles as building blocks to my identity. Because of his past, the future of my culture is supported. The past is now a part of me that I wear with pride. The future that I aspire to lead has been primarily formed by my past. Reflecting on my own personal evolution, I have observed the many areas of habitual comfort that I have subconsciously trapped myself in. The walls of “human nature” that keep society from growth are present in many of my former actions, thoughts, and ideologies. Surrounded by a tradition-based community, there were certain influencers that paved a single path of life for me. For example, I grew up not challenging the ideas of religion or considering my own perspectives because I found security in rules. Additionally, I became obsessed with the “black-and-white” mindset of right and wrong, unwilling to explore world views. The foundation I had built my life on was actually a self-created box preventing me from progression. My first semester in college opened my eyes to the countless opportunities I could actively seek out for my future self. The path of possibility was no longer a straight narrow road, but a collage of excitement, passion, and purpose. Through the designs I create, I strive for individual growth while simultaneously expanding the ideas of an entire community. I deeply desire to continue the ripple effect of creativity. Through the experience of newfound awareness and involvement in the heart of diversity, I intend to establish new conversations, invite challenging controversy, and spark curiosity. Various inspirations of cultures, backgrounds, and ideals ignite the passion and creativity that I desire to showcase through my art. Being a part of a well-rounded college, would mean that I get to receive in-depth knowledge, experience, and understanding of design, along with stories and communication methods of people that are just as eager as I am. Through pushing the boundaries of fashion and clothing, my future self, once I graduate, will continue to be using unconventional outlets to motivate herself and society to question the “black-and-white” lenses of our peers. I intend to demonstrate my belief that design and innovation are integral pieces to the progression of the hearts of every community. In the near future, I am profoundly pursuing my passions of clothing, sustainability, and relationships through all the paths that are presented. Through my artwork I will zealously work toward a more beautiful, ever-changing future.

The future that I aspire to lead has been primarily formed by my past. Reflecting on my own personal evolution, I have observed the many areas of habitual comfort that I have subconsciously trapped myself in. The walls of “human nature” that keep society from growth are present in many of my former actions, thoughts, and ideologies. Surrounded by a tradition-based community, there were certain influencers that paved a single path of life for me. For example, I grew up not challenging the ideas of religion or considering my own perspectives because I found security in rules. Additionally, I became obsessed with the “black-and-white” mindset of right and wrong, unwilling to explore world views. The foundation I had built my life on was actually a self-created box preventing me from progression. My first semester in college opened my eyes to the countless opportunities I could actively seek out for my future self. The path of possibility was no longer a straight narrow road, but a collage of excitement, passion, and purpose. Through the designs I create, I strive for individual growth while simultaneously expanding the ideas of an entire community. I deeply desire to continue the ripple effect of creativity. Through the experience of newfound awareness and involvement in the heart of diversity, I intend to establish new conversations, invite challenging controversy, and spark curiosity. Various inspirations of cultures, backgrounds, and ideals ignite the passion and creativity that I desire to showcase through my art. Being a part of a well-rounded college, would mean that I get to receive in-depth knowledge, experience, and understanding of design, along with stories and communication methods of people that are just as eager as I am. Through pushing the boundaries of fashion and clothing, my future self will be using unconventional outlets to motivate herself and society to question the “black-and-white” lenses of our peers. I intend to demonstrate my belief that design and innovation are integral pieces to the progression of the hearts of every community. In the near future, I am profoundly pursuing my passions of clothing, sustainability, and relationships through all the paths that college presents. The ability to learn from experienced mentors, faculty, various programs, and mutually ambitious peers, will drive my future self to inspire and innovate. Through my artwork will zealously work toward a more beautiful, ever-changing future.