“I’m your person Taylor Raye,” is something I hear quite often. My everything was the first to hold me at birth after x amounts of hours of labor. My dad is my everything! Over the last eighteen years of my life, I’ve learned more life skills known to man. From finding a stud in the wall, trimming the fresh cut grass, to knowing when to alert him about the coolant temperature light that may appear on the dashboard of the car. It takes a lot to call yourself a “daddy’s girl,'' as mom may have had other opinions on that claim, but for my dad and I that was different. My mother died of brain cancer in 2014; I was just ten years old. An immediate, yet scary change of claiming to be ‘daddy’s girl’ quickly became a true statement. I once purchased a writing prompt app to help me with creative writing and I came across a breathtaking, yet very insightful prompt. “If the end of the world was near, what would the last thing you say to your parents be?” The thought of a parent dying never crosses anyone’s minds voluntarily, so I, of course, was taken aback. I wrote in the prompt,“ Thank you dad for loving me and showing me what love looks like. Thank you for showing me to never stop learning or achieving my goals. I am grateful to have been your daughter, I love you dad.” Coincidentally, I answered that prompt not long after my mother’s death in 2014, but those words still remain true today. A trait I believe I inherited from my dad is the attentiveness I have towards minuscule details. Although I was only ten when my mom died, I can still visualize the love my dad had for my mom, even after “I had to be the first to hug daddy when he got home from work.” As a little girl, I never understood why I’d always see my dad’s head in a laptop, book, or on the pillow of his bed at 7:30 pm. However, as I’ve grown up I’ve come to a better understanding as to why I didn’t. Partially for his career of choice, but also to provide me with the best life possible. From a very young age my dad has prioritized my education- even Pre-K. Many doors have opened in my life, from the sacrifices my dad continues to make for me. He wouldn’t be my ‘everything’ if I didn’t know at least one of his favorite movies… Lion King. Just like Timon and Pumbaa ‘have no worries’ about their friendship, I have no worries that my dad will be by my side throughout the rest of my life.

My name is Taylor Swanigan, and I am an incoming freshman at Saint Louis University this fall. I am double-majoring on a Pre-Medical track in Biology and Psychology, and I will graduate in 2025 with two bachelor’s degrees. I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, until the age of seven, when my parents and I moved to St. Louis, Missouri. At the age of ten, my mother died of brain cancer and my brother had an accidental drug overdose a few days after her passing. I am determined to be the best neurosurgeon I can be, to be a person of assurance for the patient, to be confident in my skills and abilities to help the patient, and most importantly, to guarantee my patients have clean bills of health when coming to see me. Becoming a neurosurgeon for me will not simply be a career or a job, but a calling. Losing my mother to brain cancer was tough, but I feel it is my duty to help others, especially those who were once in my shoes. Seeing my mother in pain, endure countless hours of chemo and radiation therapy, and become lifeless showed me only a little of how the body truly works. To say I was in the hospital and in doctors’ offices quite a bit is an understatement. I became fascinated with the world of medicine and the art of neurology. From my curiosity, a calling soon became clear to me. My story is not one of kind, but my drive to pursue my dream is. One of the many debated topics in America is how to provide affordable healthcare to the masses. While many focus on accessible health care insurance, I believe the answer lies within the hospital itself. The actual healthcare providers. It seems that neurosurgeon’s are known greatly for their work on the brain, but they often go unappreciated for their versatility and value in the medical profession. Becoming a neurosurgeon will allow me to provide attainable medical services to underserved communities. At the peak of my medical interest, research is a priority to become enlightened with how human anatomy, physiology, and brain intricacies shape people’s lives. I’ve come to know what I experienced at the age of ten was very traumatic. I hope to one day save many kids from receiving any news that negatively affects their loved ones. While doing so, I will save the lives of others and bring a part of my life back to life. After completing the extensive college application process, I plan to attend Saint Louis University (SLU) this fall. Choosing to attend one of the best private-jesuit universities in the country over a noted historically black college was a tough decision, however, it was a wise choice that’ll greatly benefit me in the future. SLU is best known for performing groundbreaking research, studies, and their amazing STEM programs. College, for me, is a world where my dreams can come true. Attaining my B.S. in Biology and Psychology only speaks a little to my aspirations of my wanted profession. The cliché “it’s not what you know, but who you know,” isn’t entirely true—both matter. Receiving my college degrees will allow me to develop both the what and who needed to climb my career ladder. Being in the unique college environment will provide a valuable starting point for my professional network. Years down the line, I can look to my college professors and other noted staff, for references to jump start my new found career. Though the value of professional writing cannot be denied, verbal communication remains as important as ever. As a college student I plan to improve my verbal communication through regular practice both in and out of the classroom. From preparing presentations to participating in discussions, I will quickly build the confidence needed to make a positive impression on medical boards. Earning my college degree will guarantee my quest of continuous learning. In order to thrive in any field, having confidence in my knowledge of my field will allow for easier success. Like many, I too fantasize about human anatomy and physiology. With the valuable experience of grasping the vast spectrum of neuroscience in AP Biology and Psychology, I aspire to study Biology, a field that perfectly synthesizes my scientific interests of psychology and biology. This academia encapsulates the “hows” and “whys” of human behavior which foster my quest for continuous learning. Winston Churchill once said, “Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” And while I never define my obstacles as ‘failures,’ I mark my success by my repeated perseverance through adversity. I have faced several challenges over the years, from losing a parent to losing a brother; yet I continued to strive to obtain exemplary grades. I have the strength and determination to achieve my goals, no matter what hurdles I have to overcome. Having the determination and passion to become a trusted member of the neurological community excites me. By obtaining my degrees, I can help people get the treatment they need hopefully at early ages like my mom, giving them the best chance at finding their own success. This scholarship is not just helping me get through college. This scholarship will improve the quality of life for countless families to come. The scholarship award will only push me further towards obtaining my degrees. Five years from now, I see myself being an incoming resident, learning to soar through the wings of the best hospital in the country. Being awarded this scholarship will help fulfill my dreams and prove that I do have what it takes to not only be a successful student, but an outstanding neurosurgeon.

I am determined to be the best neurosurgeon I can be, to be a person of assurance for the patient, to be confident in my skills and abilities to help the patient, and most importantly, to guarantee my patients have clean bills of health when coming to see me. Becoming a neurosurgeon for me will not simply be a career or a job, but a calling. Losing my mother to brain cancer was tough, but I feel it is my duty to help others, especially those who were once in my shoes. Seeing my mother in pain, endure countless hours of chemo and radiation therapy, and become lifeless showed me only a little of how the body truly works. To say I was in the hospital and in doctors’ offices quite a bit is an understatement. I became fascinated with the world of medicine and the art of neurology. From my curiosity, a calling soon became clear to me. College, for me, is a world where my dreams can come true. Attaining my B.S. in Biology only speaks a little to my aspirations of my wanted profession. The cliché “it’s not what you know, but who you know,” isn’t entirely true—both matter. Receiving my college degree will allow me to develop both the what and who needed to climb my career ladder. Being in the unique college environment will provide a valuable starting point for my professional network. Years down the line, I can look to my college professors and other noted staff, for references to jump start my new found career. Though the value of professional writing cannot be denied, verbal communication remains as important as ever. As a college student I will improve my verbal communication through regular practice both in and out of the classroom. From preparing presentations to participating in discussions, I will quickly build the confidence needed to make a positive impression on medical boards. Earning my college degree will guarantee my quest of continuous learning. In order to thrive in any field, having confidence in my knowledge of my field will allow for easier success. I also gain a feeling of gratitude knowing I possess the ability to attain a degree in Biology. If nothing else, earning my college degree is worth the long nights of studying for the eventual satisfaction of making my parents proud. The importance of having a college degree will not only provide possible sources of income, but open many doors for me and my profession, all while doing what makes me happy. Attending college will be a major commitment of time and money, but it is also a down payment on success. Earning my degree will help me see the golden picture in my career as well as life in general. It will require a lot of hard work, but I am ready for the work that will prepare me for a challenging and rewarding career.

A Death Overcome I remember that dreadful day like it happened yesterday. The night before seemed off; my close family members crowded around me in my room. The more my family surrounded me, the more claustrophobic I felt. Tears were rolling down their cheeks like waterfalls. I already knew the swarm of bad news that was coming my way. I just hoped and prayed it wasn’t the news I was thinking of. “Your mom died this morning Taylor Raye,” my dad blurted out followed by the sobs of my family members. I went into immediate shock, I was in denial to know that the woman that carried me for 9 months and loved me like no other passed away. All the memories of her started flooding back to my heart. Every late-night grilled cheese sandwich with pickles, our trip to the Mall of America, sleepovers in my room, and the laughs that we shared. It was difficult to deal with the loss of a parent. I am grateful that the heartbreaking experience I went through at only age ten, does not define me today. Though I have my moments, there are far more life lessons I learned from my mother’s death, that shape me into the woman I am today. “Leave nothing unsaid while you have time.” When I was with my mom, I told her how much I loved her. How much I treasured her, and that I would always be there for her. Within the last few years of my mother’s passing, I have learned to say all that I need to say to the people I love. That means, committing to respect them enough to hash out any problems or issues. When death comes, it’s often too late to say what you need to say; so I say what I feel compelled to say, now. No one will ever fill the void of my mom in my life. There is a hole in my heart. Not a fatal condition, but a primal spot that cannot be filled from the loss of my mother. For a long time, I worried that I would never feel whole again with the closest relationship in my life suddenly severed. When my dad remarried, I harbored an illusion that his wife was trying to replace my mom. Over the years, I’ve learned that healing is not an act of substituting, but of expanding, despite the holes we carry in our hearts. As my mother would call it, “widening your circle.” The major life lesson I’ve been taught by my mother’s death is: life is not about fixing yourself, but rather allowing yourself love and be loved. I spent many years trying to figure out how I could “heal” from emotional trauma only to realize that there will be no final “fixed” product of me. I am constantly evolving, and what I believe has changed me for the better is that I have learned to wait and to fully feel my emotions. Being present with my surroundings and embracing the uniqueness within me. It is my resilience of matureness and relentlessness, that motivate me to further my studies to make my mom proud. Even after all of the grief I’ve endured, I always try to open up my heart even after closing it in fear. Having conviction, I can say that I am proud of my willingness to show up time after time, even in often messy and uncertain ways. I have grown and learned a lot from losing my mom. It has forced me to mature, reconcile my emotions, and to give my best at everything I do. As my mother would say “the world is your oyster and you are the pearl.”

A Death Overcome I remember that dreadful day like it happened yesterday. The night before seemed off; my close family members crowded around me in my room. The more my family surrounded me, the more claustrophobic I felt. Tears were rolling down their cheeks like waterfalls. I already knew the swarm of bad news that was coming my way. I just hoped and prayed it wasn’t the news I was thinking of. “Your mom died this morning Taylor Raye,” my dad blurted out followed by the sobs of my family members. I went into immediate shock, I was in denial to know that the woman that carried me for 9 months and loved me like no other passed away. All the memories of her started flooding back to my heart. Every late-night grilled cheese sandwich with pickles, our trip to the Mall of America, sleepovers in my room, and the laughs that we shared. It was difficult to deal with the loss of a parent. I am grateful that the heartbreaking experience I went through at only age ten, does not define me today. Though I have my moments, there are far more life lessons I learned from my mother’s death, that shape me into the woman I am today. “Leave nothing unsaid while you have time.” When I was with my mom, I told her how much I loved her. How much I treasured her, and that I would always be there for her. Within the last few years of my mother’s passing, I have learned to say all that I need to say to the people I love. That means, committing to respect them enough to hash out any problems or issues. When death comes, it’s often too late to say what you need to say; so I say what I feel compelled to say, now. No one will ever fill the void of my mom in my life. There is a hole in my heart. Not a fatal condition, but a primal spot that cannot be filled from the loss of my mother. For a long time, I worried that I would never feel whole again with the closest relationship in my life suddenly severed. When my dad remarried, I harbored an illusion that his wife was trying to replace my mom. Over the years, I’ve learned that healing is not an act of substituting, but of expanding, despite the holes we carry in our hearts. As my mother would call it, “widening your circle.” The major life lesson I’ve been taught by my mother’s death is: life is not about fixing yourself, but rather allowing yourself love and be loved. I spent many years trying to figure out how I could “heal” from emotional trauma only to realize that there will be no final “fixed” product of me. I am constantly evolving, and what I believe has changed me for the better is that I have learned to wait and to fully feel my emotions. Being present with my surroundings and embracing the uniqueness within me. It is my resilience of matureness and relentlessness, that motivate me to further my studies to make my mom proud. Even after all of the grief I’ve endured, I always try to open up my heart even after closing it in fear. Having conviction, I can say that I am proud of my willingness to show up time after time, even in often messy and uncertain ways. I have grown and learned a lot from losing my mom. It has forced me to mature, reconcile my emotions, and to give my best at everything I do. As my mother would say “the world is your oyster and you are the pearl.”