Let me begin by stating that mental health is health! While symptoms of mental illness are not always as visible to others compared to physical illnesses, their impact on our overall wellness is just the same. Just like a physical injury or illness, mental illness can inhibit our abilities to engage and participate in everyday life. I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety since I was 12 years old after my father passed away. He was the breadwinner of the family and the light of my and my mother’s lives. After his passing, my mother also fell into a deep depression. I remember seeing her lying in bed for days at a time. She would cook rice and leave it out with Vienna sausages or sardines for me. I remember her leaving in the evening without telling me where she was going, and I wouldn’t see her until the next day, or sometimes the day after. At 12-13 years old, I didn't know what I could do to help. Family members kept telling me, “you have to be there and be strong for your mom.” Mental illness destroyed my relationship with my mother because while I was trying to be there for her, she wasn’t able to be there for me. I didn't know who to blame for my sad situation; and based on the lack of emotional support from my mother, I blamed her. A lack of mental health literacy prevented both of us from being able to take care of ourselves and therefore of each other. If we cannot care for our own mental health, we cannot care for others. My depression festered inside me, leading to a suicide attempt in 2016, one month in inpatient in the adolescent psych ward, months of outpatient group therapy, and years of therapy. Depression and the time I spent in inpatient and outpatient took a toll on my grades. I failed classes for the first time and felt completely hopeless. I moved out at 18 and enrolled in community college. Now separated from my mother, I was able to focus on what it takes to take care of my needs. Addressing my mental wellness was the best thing I did to take control of my life. I utilized the university counseling services, worked full-time while being a full-time student, paid for all four years of college out-of-pocket, and graduated in 2022 with my bachelor's in political science and no debt. I’m 23 years old now, and I can confidently say that I have progressed immensely in coping with my depression. At the start of the pandemic, I started doing yoga as an easy, at-home way to connect with and move my body. Since beginning yoga, it has become a routine practice that brings me peace every time. During a deep depressive wave, I started taking an antidepressant medicine Sertraline. Although I was reluctant to start antidepressants, my doctor highly recommended them to me. After about eight months on Sertraline, I have felt an improvement in my mental state and am no longer prescribed. I have also started reading the book “Feeling Good” by Dr. David Burns, which, without even finishing the book yet, has given me information and exercises that help me identify and rationally respond to the distorted thoughts that lead to depressive feelings. Today, I feel like a walking advertisement for how to cope with depression. Although I work full-time, I go on vacations, am in a healthy relationship, exercise regularly, meal prep, and have goals for the future! 16-year-old Tawni wouldn’t believe it if you told her.

I was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri to two full-Filipino Parents. My mother's family in the Philippines is impoverished by US standards, but an average family in Manila. Because of this, I have been taught from a young age the privilege I have been born in the US; to have enough food to eat every day, new clothes, air conditioning, and WiFi. These are luxuries my cousins in the Philippines do not have, therefore my focus was to be on succeeding in school to give back to my parents and family. Since graduating high school, I have been searching for this way to return thanks to my mother. My mother came to the US in her twenties for better opportunities. My father passed away from a heart attack in 2011 when I was 12 years old. He was an airplane mechanic for many years and did a great amount of traveling in his lifetime. They moved from New York to St. Louis for a safer and more affordable life as they brought me into the world. I often saw my father stressed about finances as my mom quit her job to take care of me and he worked out of town. I do not want their struggles to go to waste. Today, I am in the process of finishing my undergraduate degree in political science at the University of Missouri-St. Louis and I am looking toward JD programs. I chose political science because after my father's death, my mother was unemployed and we experienced significant financial hardship. We both continue to suffer from depression to this day due to this loss; my father was the light of our lives. We relied on food stamps and social security for several years as she searched for a new job. I started working when I turned 15 and helped my mom pay bills. In our experience, there were not sufficient mental health and financial resources available, and this depression carried on to larger health problems in both of us. I believe the financial and emotional stresses my family experienced could have been avoided with more efficient social programs. Public policies regarding housing, food, and mental health should enrich our society and help raise healthier and more productive citizens. I am going to be a political voice for the Filipino community and improve social conditions for low-income families like my own.