Some of the best moments I’ll never forget were the times when my dad would express how proud he was of my artwork. He was a very serious person who often didn’t express emotion but one thing his face would light up to is seeing my artistic abilities on canvas. He was extremely hopeful for me and always reminded me that I’d one day be very successful because of it. He believed in me and for that I am very grateful because those were experiences that heavily influenced my journey in learning who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live life. Losing my dad in December of 2018 was very hard on my whole family. His unfortunate alcohol addiction was what had eventually led him to his passing. His sudden death caused a huge shift in emotions for all of us. After being so used to the many fights, anger, and frustration that had become so normal within our family for many years, as we did live with what seemed as an extreme alcoholic, it had all gone away so suddenly. I didn’t know what to feel anymore after his passing. I had always loved him but also hated him for putting us through so much because of the alcohol he couldn’t seem to let go of. It’s a mixture of feelings that I believe is quite common in the families of alcoholics and drug addicts. After losing my father, there was what seemed as a long quietness that lingered our home everyday. There were no more fights and no more anger. Although we did seem to benefit from this, the thought of no longer having a father truly couldn’t be overtaken by anything else. Through this period of quietness, I had a long growth period that transcended from myself wanting more peace, positivity, and growth in my life. I wanted nothing but the best for myself and my family. I felt all of our past pain and hoped to move on in the best, most healthiest way possible while also continuing to rebuild a stronger bond with my sisters and mother. The years before my dad’s passing, I was very lost in terms of what I wanted to do in my life and how. I wanted to do something artistic for a living but wasn’t confident at all that I would have a stable income with such a career. My dad’s words had more of an impact after his death because I was more determined on following my dreams then, than I ever was before. I let go of all doubt this past year specifically and have decided to go full in on my dreams to becoming an interior designer. Not only did I realize what I wanted to pursue in my life, but I also became a much more optimistic person who only looks forward to positive things while also only fostering good feelings. I believe that losing a close person in your life truly put things into perspective for a person. It emphasizes the idea that you should look to enjoy your life while you still have it and appreciate all those around you while you still have them. I’ve experienced the whole journey first hand, from the loss to the growth that comes afterwards. Being in the situation that I’m in, I do acknowledge that it’s harder for low income students, especially those that are minorities, to become successful in the Interior Design career. It’s also not a career that’s looking to grow much over the years in terms of job opportunities but none have stopped me or hindered me at all from pursuing the career I want to do most. I believe that I’m smart enough to find my way to success in this career as my dad had always told me. I believe I have the potential to do whatever my heart wishes. Life is too short not to take risks. You only get far in life if you’re willing to get out of your comfort zone which I’m more than ever, willing to do now.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a first-generation firstborn student, it’s that nobody else is going to make your future goals happen but yourself and that you can’t rely on other people to do the work. Only you can truly work your goals into existence. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone in order to grow in life. I learned this specifically from my mother who has spent her whole life stepping out of her comfort zone in order to give us the best life she possibly could give. Growing up, I went though many of the common struggles that other first-generation firstborn students went through. I had to learn English not by my parents but by my experiences in school and through watching English shows on television. I had no influence from an older sibling to guide me through situations, to look up to, and to learn from. I was extremely shy from the start of Elementary school until the end. Going to school for the first time, I hadn’t ever had other kids to socialize with for the most part other than my younger sister who was nothing like the kids my age. Everyone else seemed to socialize so perfectly and I’m assuming it’s because they had older siblings and friends their age already. Much of the struggles of being a first-generation firstborn student resided in my high school experience. This is where it becomes almost necessary for a student to have older influences with graduation experience and at least some sort of college experience as a U.S. born citizen themselves. Of course, I didn’t have this near necessity. Because of that, I didn’t know how important joining clubs and organizations and having work experience was for applying to colleges. I was clueless about the whole college application process and about what scholarships were, how I was suppose to get them, how long they would take to apply for, etc. It’s unfortunate that I didn’t have and still don’t have the help and influence other people had in high school but I won’t let it stop me from seeking to be just as successful in getting through it all. Because of the lack of assistance and guidance in my life, there have been many times where i have felt like giving up. I’ve had a countless number of breakdowns because I felt so lost and didn’t know where to start or go regarding school and college. I suffer from anxiety and because of that, I’ve also had many anxiety attacks that have came from my mind freaking out over not having my life together and figured out. I have become very familiar with the feeling of fear over what my future may possibly end up looking like through a negative lens. While it’s true that the challenges I’ve faced have been many, I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to successfully surpass these obstacles for the most part. From what I thought would be a never ending feeling of cluelessness over what I was going to do with my life, I’m now more certain than ever over what I want to do in my life and how. I have been able to get through what I think is one of the most difficult phases in a first-generation firstborn student’s life: the last two years of high school in the transition into becoming a college student. My journey as a first-generation firstborn student is unique to me through many ways. I feel that I’ve been disadvantaged to a higher extent in regard to having the resources and finances to help me through getting involved with school activities and getting a job. Many of the first-generation firstborn students I know of, have a car to get them places including but not limited to testing locations, extracurriculars at school, jobs, etc. I also lost my dad a few years ago which has left me with much less money to be able to pay for school with compared to what my parents had originally planned for. Apart from non-ideal material circumstances, I feel that my experience is most unique to me in how I’ve chosen to learn from it. If there’s one thing that varies to a much higher degree between first-generation first-born students, it’s the knowledge that we hold which, in itself, heavily influences how we view the world and move within it. I would describe my journey in life as an extremely positive one. I feel that I’ve become much more enlightened emotionally, physically, and mentally. I believe that everything in my life has played a very specific role in making me who I’ve become today. I personally wouldn’t change anything about my journey. The wisdom that I’ve encountered, in the past year specifically, is overwhelmingly high from what I’ve felt. The struggles that came from being a first-generation firstborn student seem to have sprouted much of the wisdom that I’ve encountered to this day. One noticeable difference, that not only I have seen but people around me have seen as well, is the greater amount of positivity I have been able to foster through the past year specifically. I’ve now become a much more determined person who’s willing to put in the work to get where I want to be. I’m grateful that my life experiences have taught me the important ideas of independence, ambition, and courage. I’m a huge risk taker who believes that there has to be sacrifice in order to move forward in life. There will always be challenges in life but from these challenges, we must learn the lessons and wisdom that surround these experiences and apply such things towards our life ahead.

Often times we become too invested in the lives of other people and aren’t always aware of it happening. We get too caught up with the idea that our lives should look a certain way and begin to lose focus on our own track in life over trying to see what other people are doing in theirs. It’s not uncommon for people to fall into this deep cycle of constant comparison. It was summer of 2019 when things took a turn for the worst in my life. I had become depressed. It was rooted in what I saw as a constant need to compare myself and my life to those around me. I felt that I wasn’t on the right path, that I wasn’t doing the right things, that I didn't have enough friends, that I didn’t own enough things. I wasn’t enough and didn’t have enough. The action of comparing yourself and your life to those around you is extremely detrimental. You’ll eventually regret that you never appreciated your life for what it was and spent the whole time longing for what you didn’t have. You’ll regret only ever thinking about how you didn’t do what everyone else did nor had what everyone else had. I want to use my experience to advise people on what I learned you should look at your life as. I want to let people know that there is no singular right path in life, that there isn’t one ideal life. I want to emphasize to people that social media is not real life and that material things don’t contain as much value as life experiences and your outlook on life do. No matter what we do and how much we do in life, how you decide to look at life is the only thing that’ll truly matter in the end. Did you appreciate your life for what it was and did you seek to fill every moment with positivity, acceptance, and growth? We all have control over what type of life we make, some people just need to be reminded of this control.

A lot of my artwork gets its origin from social issues in the world as well as the beauty in distinct people, animals, and things. I like to make art that can send a message without the usage of words, typically a powerful message with a deep meaning that I feel everyone should pay closer attention to such as the beauty in femininity, the struggles people of color and women tend to face, the rejected beauty of people who don’t align with the beauty standards of this society, etc. I center a lot of my artwork around womanhood specifically and the struggles that they encounter as well as the beauty and strength that comes with being a women. I started creating art that concerns these topics in my early years of high school when I became more involved with social activism. I have grown to be much more aware of the many social problems in this world as well as beauty that many people fail to recognize and have learned to incorporate these findings and ideas into my art. I personally think it gives my art much more value and sentiment as opposed to simply painting random objects and people as I use to do in my earlier years of painting. If I were to win this scholarship, I would put it towards paying off any costs associated with my pursuance in getting a Bachelor’s Degree in Interior Design. I need as much help as I can get since I am in a situation where I can’t afford to pay for many things at all. Considering the fact that I live in a single-parent low-income household, I’m left with no other option but to rely heavily on scholarships to get me through my college journey. I am very passionate about becoming someone who’s able to express themselves artistically through planning and designing out homes and commercial areas. Despite the fact that I’m financially disadvantaged, I am committed to doing whatever it may take to become a successful Interior Designer. As a younger teenager, I was only ever concerned with pursuing a career that would guarantee me a lot of money such as becoming a doctor, lawyer, or dentist. I had heavy doubt that I would ever be successful in an artistic career even though it had always been my dream. As years passed, I became more committed and determined to actually follow my dreams which involved pursuing an artistic, creative career such as Interior Design. I no longer let doubt get the best of me. I am now on a clear path to becoming an interior Designer which I know will be a fulfilling job for me, being the artistic and creative person that I am. I have always found satisfaction in homes and places with beautiful and aesthetic interiors and will only find more satisfaction in knowing that I’ll one day possibly be able to design these places myself which will all start with my college journey.

This is my beautiful boy named Licker. We’ve had him for 2 years now, ever since we rescued him from the streets. I love him so much and I’ve grown so attached to him. He’s practically my baby. I really can’t imagine a life without him by my side. He’s naturally a grumpy kitty who loves his personal space but will often times come cuddle with me and play at night when he gets the well known “cat zoomies”. He’s my first pet and I’m grateful that he’s led me to form an obsession with cats and animals in general.