My life changed in unexpected ways after I lost my cousin in a terrible car accident. I had always looked forward to our annual trips; she was just thirty-two, lively, and full of life. Our time together was restricted because we lived in different states, but every visit was valuable. In addition to being family, my cousin was a friend, role model, and mentor with whom I could discuss anything. In addition to leaving a gap, her death caused a significant shift in how I view relationships, life, and the value of time. Despite our distance, my cousin and I had a unique closeness. Whether we were sitting in comfortable silence, visiting her city, or catching up over coffee, she had the unique ability to make every moment feel important. She was full of wisdom, kindness, and humor, and I always felt better and more understood by her. It was like coming home when I visited her every year. She was the one I turned to for support and direction, and I felt happy and stable knowing that I would see her every year.
My initial reaction upon learning of her accident was one of incredulity. I found it incomprehensible that someone so vibrant and someone I greatly respected should be stolen from me so abruptly. Her passing rocked me to my core and made me reevaluate my views on the justice and predictability of life. Although I had heard of catastrophes involving other people, this one was personal. I battled severe grief and bewilderment, finding it hard to comprehend how someone so young and cherished could disappear so quickly. Her absence made me feel disoriented and disempowered, but it also made me re-evaluate what I held important. I realized how frequently I had taken time for granted in the months following her death, and I struggled with intense remorse over missed calls and the times we never spent together. Her absence taught me to live with a greater feeling of thankfulness, to prioritize the people in my life, and to make time for those who are important.
I also had to reevaluate my priorities after losing her. Before, I rarely stopped to think about who I wanted to become and instead concentrated on my daily accomplishments. I now make an effort to emulate her warmth, friendliness, and enthusiasm for life. She placed more value on experiences than material belongings, therefore I started to value forming bonds and making memories over amassing material belongings. I was strengthened by her memories, which made me more grieving-resilient. Even while the sadness is still there, it has inspired me to live a life that respects her legacy. I strive to live fully, love deeply, and make her proud by using the values she taught me.