What do you do when the love of your life leaves and you now have the responsibility of caring for a child? What do you do when it happens a second time? How about a third?
Let me tell you she did.
She put her life on hold. Her dreams, hopes, and aspirations were put on the backburner in exchange for our dreams, hopes, and aspirations to come to life. She’s always been our biggest fan, our biggest supporter, our number one.
By being in the military, she couldn’t depend on family members or friends to help because she was always moving. Instead, she and my older brother then took on the role as my new parents. It really does take a village to raise a child, even if it is a tiny one.
Being stationed in California especially during the government shutdowns were especially hard times for us. Those were the times where we would simply have to rely on her savings to sustain us. I remember her giving me $1.50 most days to get food. In California I couldn’t even buy a drink with that. Instead, I’d simply buy one tiny package of Welch’s gummies for $0.50 and pocket the dollars for a full lunch on Fridays since full meals there cost close to $7.00.
During my senior year, we struggled even more. This is when my dad completely stopped paying the $150 he was paying in child support every month. In addition to that, my mom had also made the sacrifice to pay more and move to a school district that provided more opportunities for me. She would drive back and forth an hour everyday to work. Some days she even had to do that and then drive another hour just to come see my track meets. Daily care is expensive enough, but this is also the time when those extra fees arose: shoes for track, prom and homecoming attire, clothes for award ceremonies, gas to travel to games and meets, supplies for school and projects, money for conferences I was invited to, SAT and ACT testing costs, and college application fees.
Because of that, I spent months looking for a free, but beautiful prom dress. I went without the senior jacket and senior ring. I even took culinary class at school and learned to cook just so that when she came home, she would be able to have a break. In order for her not to pay for SAT or ACT prep courses or for multiple tests, I made sure to study any and every prep book I could find in the library. I also applied to over 50 scholarships and ended up getting enough scholarships to cover ⅔ of my tuition and fees. Now that I am in college, I work two jobs and still actively apply for scholarships.
Knowing that my mom has to financially support three human beings other than herself always puts me on edge. I always think about her health. I think about her riding to work and about what would happen if she didn’t make it back.
I am grateful though that she is in the military. I couldn’t imagine how things would have been otherwise. My little sister was born prematurely and had to have prenatal care for a month. No one tells you about what could go wrong. She was a million dollar baby and without the military, those costs would have made life a nightmare.
Because of her, I think of parenthood as the most important, serious, and honorable part of life. When girls my age see babies, most of them think that they are cute and say they want one. When I see babies, I think of the $40 formula cans, the diaper changes, the rashes and ointment, the drooling, and even the cost of having a baby without insurance, which in Texas where we reside now is close to $18,000. I think of having to take the stroller out every time you go somewhere, all of the spilled food and cleaning, struggling to stuff those close-toed shoes on feet that push against you, and all the late night crying.
I remember visiting one of my church members back in 2019 in the summer. I left for a year for college, came back, went to see her, and she was over 100 pounds heavier. She had had a baby, went through postpartum shedding, and postpartum depression. Her husband stood by her side through it all. I remember thinking, “Wow. There are so many things people don’t tell you about when it comes to not only being a mother, but life after the birth of a child.”
Mostly, when I think about my future after seeing my mom, I think of my future partner. I think about how much my mom had to endure without one. I think about my fears of being alone. Some say parenthood is the end of your life, but I think that when you plan properly for a child and truly wait for the right time mentally and financially to do it, it doesn’t have to be.
Because of my experiences, my goal is to keep people together in life through strong relationships. If not for themselves, for the people they brought into the world. I see myself in the future counseling people on how to live and lead better lives when it comes to friendships and family.
Right now, I have a support group for black females and LGBTQ+ on my campus called Black Fem Healing Circles. We meet every week and talk about our challenges and successes, our families, and futures. We have created a supportive village on our own, for our own.
Getting this scholarship would mean that I can continue to focus on supporting my mom with easing her stress about some of my finances for school. I want to support her in the same way that she has always supported me.