'Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else." ...Leonado DaVinci This quote is clear in its message that all of mankind's survival as a race is dependent upon its understanding and caring for the planet we live on. The Earth is being depleted of its natural resources, entire species are destroyed, and environments such as the rainforests and the arctic circles are in distress. Our "home" is being poisoned. We must wake up and understand that we are connected to everything on Earth. Mankind must look beyond itself. There is cause and effect at play and we must see that every negative action we take will result in an adverse reaction. Maybe not today, possibly many years in the future but that is the "Big Picture.". I have changed my Major from Chemistry to Biology. I know that with my love of the outdoors and through work in conservation, I can accomplish more in this field. My aim is animal survival, and eradication of extinction because they are losing the very environments that they need to survive in. As we lose these environments and species it creates an imbalance. That imbalance leads to a change within the Earth itself. You may say that it's only a tiger or a panda but they are connected to the balance of life and us. " When enough people come together, then change will come and we can achieve anything. so instead of looking for hope - start creating it." ... Greta Thunberg Change can come once we look beyond ourselves, into the nature of our planet and universe. Scientists can explore the depths of our oceans, the secrets of space and surrounding planets. Understanding what we discover can lead to a better understanding of ourselves and how it all connects. If all groups come together with the knowledge that each contains we may find the link to our beginnings and our future. The work being done every day by explorers and scientists should be applied to our lives wherever possible. Sustainability should become our goal. Green technology can create that future and drive social innovation. Human sustainability is social, economic and environmental. Mankind needs to find ways to offset the wasteful practices of the past. Biodegradable, compostable, recyclable, and energy efficient are all keywords for developing a promising future and global healing. We need to explore, develop and create a better future. We can do it.

Fall is my favorite time of year! The crisp air, falling leaves and finish of the hot summer months promise a time of reflection and change. My favorite seasonal Starbucks drink is their Apple Crisp Oatmeal Macchiato which is filled with the nostalgic flavors of this season. It is just the right balance and reflects my mood as I step into the return of college. Balance is what I am seeking to achieve. This particular drink has a balance between the crispness of the apple flavor, the lightness added by the oatmeal and the sweetness of the brown sugar. It refreshes my mind as I choose my educational path in my career choice. The crispness of a challenging new class, the lightness of understanding a concept and the sweetness of completing a study that furthers the completion of my goal. This has become my fall narrative and will continue to be until I have completed my degree. There are many choices to be made in life. The solution is to find your path and understand that once you set a goal you need to keep your sights on that path and not deviate even though life may throw some curves along the route. My path toward a degree in Pharmaceuticals is strewn with obstacles and unforeseen challenges however the balance I create in my life will guide me and see me through. There is a time to push, study, and learn and a time to relax, regroup, and enjoy being alive. As I sip my Apple Crisp Oatmeal Macchiato stress falls away as the flavors trigger reflection upon my achievement narrative. Every Fall as I look forward to the changes around me I also look forward to enjoying, once again, this particular drink. Change and new challenges in our chosen path, if we accept them, turn us into responsible young adults but some consistency in that path gives us promise and strengthens our will to step forward. As I sip my special drink I reflect upon past achievements in goals met and seek to find balance once again in the forthcoming year. I hope to enjoy the Apple Crisp Oatmeal Macchiato for many years to come even as I complete my educational path and step forward into fulfilling my life goals. The flavors of this drink will always trigger memories of past challenges sweetly met, the crispness of new challenges on my journey and the lightness that the balance of mind brings

High in the Colorado mountains where the land and sky meet, the air is crisp and invigorating my dream home would nestle among the clouds. In a sprawling split-level style, the stone would create the outside facade so that it appears to not be there, a natural illusion blending into the mountain it sits upon. There but not there, my hidden retreat from where I could work and rest. The inside would be simple. Natural materials and colors with an open floor plan. I love a modern look blended with rustic chic showcasing all shades of green, my favorite color. It would be a smart home, computer, voice assist controlled. The first level and entryway have a large wooden double door entrance and steps down 2 stairs into the open main floor. Straight ahead is a wall of glass reaching upward to a 20 feet ceiling showcasing the vastness of the scenic mountaintop. A stone wall fireplace to one side and to the other a dining area leads into the kitchen. The kitchen would be a master chef's dream as I love to cook and create. It would be slightly raised and a wall of glass with French doors to an outdoor covered patio which also has a complete kitchen built in. A cascading pool would complete the area along with a bathhouse where guests could change or relax around a bar area. However, a hidden path would lead to a helicopter landing pad from which I could receive supplies, and guests and travel. Beyond the kitchen are 3 large guest bedrooms each with a full bath and a stone wall fireplace. Doors in each room lead to a circular patio that connects back to the patio and pool area behind the kitchen. They too would be decorated simply with large canopy beds each in a soft shade of green. The master bedroom would have a full rainforest shower and jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. The bedroom itself would be done with forest green accents, a huge canopy bed with an area for my puppy Loki to rest. Simple, comfortable, and natural are my keywords. The best part of the house is the lower level which is private and accessed by an elevator. In this area is a huge lab containing everything I would need to work with. Upon completion of my Pharmceutical degree, I hope to go into Research so a lab within my home would allow me to continue work. I hope to contribute to our world by helping find ways to lower prescription costs through more effective methods of chemical compounds used. I know that my dream home would not be complete without this. Next to the lab would be a computer/library setup to aid in my studies and to stay abreast of all outside research being done. A wall of research books would be complemented by an infusion of personal reading preference for those times when I just need a break. Finally a room with workout equipment. A sound mind requires a sound body. Working out also clears my mind and allows me to step outside of myself which is an asset in any life. Sometimes you need to step away from a problem to see the bigger picture. This is not a very elaborate dream home in the iconic Barbie style. I feel that Barbie would have grown beyond her original concept, becoming the woman not of today but of tomorrow with her sights set on the future of the world and my home a beacon of a hopeful tomorrow.

How does anyone, let alone a child, understand that the people who should love them the most don't? I sometimes feel that I would have been better off if my parents completely abandoned me instead of being a constant disruption in my life. By the age of six, I was given to my Grandparents who became my Legal Guardians. My Mother was addicted to drugs and my Father just couldn't be bothered caring for me so they gave up their parental rights. This was painful for me even though I didn't fully understand the situation. Conflict was added because my Father drifted in and out of my life always bringing a girlfriend and their child around. It was hurtful to see that he wanted another child in his life but not me. I became withdrawn and anxious and started having night terrors. I felt worthless and unloved. I started counseling and this did help but every time I felt that I was making progress my Father would appear and present another "family" that he wanted me to accept. All the progress I made slipped away each time. I developed an eating disorder which led to health issues. Elementary school was a nightmare because I was withdrawn, chubby, extremely tall and therefore a target for every bully. I was sinking into an abyss of despair. In desperation, my Grandparents enrolled me in the 4H Program. This was my turning point. The acceptance from my peers and adult leaders within this group was new and revitalizing. It didn't matter that I was too tall, too chubby. It didn't matter that I didn't have parents. I was encouraged to try different Projects and became comfortable with others in the Project groups. This led to my speaking up at the group meetings where we reported on our Projects and suggested changes or additions. Realizing that others listened to my point of view started a small surge of hope within me. I became more involved with Projects especially Shooting Sports where I excelled. My confidence grew and I found my voice in becoming a leader. Elected me to be the Youth County Representative I sat on the Clay County Council representing my Club re-elected every year for 3 years. During this time of personal growth, I became very involved in volunteer work which the 4H Club is known for. Giving gave me meaning in life, it filled my heart and gave me strength. Thirteen was the year I finally succeeded in freeing myself. My Father wanted me to come live with him and his new family. I now had two Step-sisters so the desire to be a real family pulled me into accepting his offer. It started fine until the verbal abuse grew and finally turned physical. Thankfully my Grandparents stepped in again and although he threatened them with harm they stood fast. He finally caved in but not before he confronted me telling me that he regretted the day I was born and he never would see me again, I was dead to him. Instead of destroying me the confidence I had gained cloaked me and although it hurts that I can't see my siblings I do not dwell on his rejection. I am determined to succeed. All the rejection from my parents has turned my will into steel. I am drawn to Pharmacy because I never want to see a child drawn to drug abuse. I never want to see a child rejected by their Mother because of drugs. My mission is two-fold and I am the woman of steel.

"He who has health has hope and he who has hope has everything." - Arabian Proverb Personal wellness is body and mind in sync working towards a common goal. It's difficult to work towards a goal and have hope for a bright future if your body is not being nourished and maintained. Constantly feeling tired and ill makes your mind sluggish and unresponsive. wellness in itself is a goal to achieve and maintain. There are so many ways to go about maintaining a good balance and what works for one does not necessarily work for another. I'm not saying that you need to be a super-toned and perfectly shaped individual there is a balance to everything in life and finding your balance and what works for you is important to succeeding as a student. I am 6"3" with a large bone structure. I have struggled all my life to maintain balance. With the help of my physician, I have come to accept my physical appearance. This acceptance gave me a structure to build a physical routine to keep my body healthy and well. I found online exercise programs since I am uncomfortable working out in a gym. Working out every other day keeps those endorphins flowing through my body giving me a positive attitude. I also have a beautiful Weimaraner puppy named Loki with whom I spend time walking and playing outdoors. His undemanding acceptance and love add to my well-being Living at home does have its benefits as I have a small garden which allows me to eat healthily. Maintaining a proper diet feeds the mind and body. Munching on fresh veggies is a great way to study and keep my mind concentrating on my work while nourishing my body. I pack and carry fresh snacks with me on campus for that break between classes. It keeps my body and mind engaged and energized, a positive reinforcement. Success as a student to reach my long-term goals is very important to me. I must look ahead and not allow small setbacks that can and will pop up to pull my hopes and dreams down. A positive attitude depends upon a sound body and mind. When I start to feel disappointed or find myself struggling with a task I step away, go for a walk, play with my puppy treat myself to a snack. I find my mind clear; I have hit the reset button. I can resume my studies because I know how to maintain a vital balance.

And what did you do this weekend?? Well, I went to the shooting range and......that's about as far as I get into that conversation.! All my peers hear is the word "shooting" and I am already judged. I understand that with all the incidents at schools, theaters malls and other crowd-filled arenas people are panicked when anyone even breathes such a word. This is my sport, one that I will not apologize for nor give up because the concept of "shooting" is socially unacceptable. Unique is a word that could be my middle name. My name is Shyla Heindel and I am a 6'3", blonde, female. I hunt, camp, fish and shoot competitive Archery and Trap. I have been with the Clay County4 H for 10 years where I developed and honed my shooting sports skills. It is supervised by qualified Instructors with many safety rules and hours of instruction. As a result of my interest in this sport I became the Clay County Youth Representative for my club; elected by my peers and serving four years in that position. I was also selected by the Missouri State 4H Council to become one of the first State Youth Shooting Sports Advisors representing all of Clay County. In both positions the responsibility for deciding on and setting into place rules and training guidelines. Being a part of this group gave me a new set of skills in handling preconceived notions regarding shooting sports. I spoke to other groups such as town councils, schools, firemen, and police advocate on equipment safety. I started and with the aid of the adult, instructors taught basic firearm safety classes which I made a requirement for incoming club members. My love for this sport made me realize and see the pitfalls that a lack of training could cause. I participated in any event that offered youth instruction with equipment safety including dedicating time at the Missouri State Fair each year with the State 4H Council. The 4H motto: "To Make the Best Better." Our pledge offers our hands, head, heart and health into service to our community, country and world. I lived this and it is part of my soul. Giving is self-satisfying. I hope to become an adult counselor within 4H once I am finished with my education. I would love to instruct the youth of tomorrow in shooting sports. I always felt after each event that if I saved one person from making a mistake with equipment then my time was well spent. If one person heard what I had to say and changed a law then my time was well spent. This is my community and this is how I would give back. So yes, I am very tall. Yes, I do hunt and camp and do "boy" things. Yes, I can properly handle any piece of shooting equipment that you hand me because I have been properly trained. No, I never played soccer, basketball or volleyball. No, I am not LGBTQ I am just a tall girl! Allow me to be me as I accept you. Everyone is different, that's what makes each person unique.

College is a new horizon, an adventure in learning and living, a frontier to be conquered. It's exciting and yet scary to be finally making decisions that will affect my future life as an adult. I have a finish line to cross but how do I achieve it and keep myself balanced? I am a very organized person, taking one step at a time in an orderly fashion. I set myself up with a chart for my Freshman year that shows progressively the goals I need to maintain and achieve for this year. As the year progresses I check off my accomplishments and for each item checked I give myself a personal reward. Perhaps it's just a day of laying around and playing with my puppy or a lunch out with friends. This small thing boosts my morale and gives me a "what next" attitude. My physical health is a vital factor in continuing toward my goals. I set aside an hour on Saturdays to plan lunches for the following week. I live at home with my Grandparents which is a benefit in itself. I feel that staying on track with healthy, nutritious meals prepped ahead of time is easier for me since I'm not tempted daily to grab whatever looks good in the college cafeteria or a quick bite running to my dorm. I am in the work-study program so I don't always have time to stop and eat but a healthy lunch carried with me assures my nutritional needs are met. Physical activity is not an issue in my life. My Grandparents own a small farm with land in CRP. That means maintaining the property in a federally set timeline. Mowing, fence repair, and tree line maintenance all need to be done. In addition, I am an avid hunter and outdoorsman. I also compete in Archery and Trap. My life is complete. The beauty of the land surrounds me and I find peace walking through the woods or sitting outside and staring into a star-filled night sky. Since I live off campus my biggest challenge is making friends and socializing. Many of the functions happen in the evening or on weekends so I have to decide whether to stay late and possibly miss an academic deadline or just shrug and feel that this is not the time, friendship can come later when my goals are achieved. It's a balancing act but my Grandparents encourage me to stay and make use of library and internet accessibility while waiting to join the social event. It's not always possible to accomplish however I have become friends with two other people who are not only in my class but also live off campus. It's hectic sometimes but adds the fun factor to my life. So at 19 I am a balancing act! I feed my body, soul and mind, not equally all the time but that is the act of balance. As I go forward in my studies I will stay with my plan. Life can get messy and interfere at times but by focusing on my final goal, that shiny star just out of reach yet reachable I will succeed.

Gandhi..."The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." This quote resonates with my inner self. It reflects how I became the person I am today and offers the reason I chose my career path. My Grandparents have been my Legal Guardians since I was 7 years of age. I was lost, abandoned and feeling worthless. How do your parents just leave you? What was so very wrong with me? Searching to find myself I was encouraged to join Clay County 4H. Their pledge of clear thinking, loyalty and larger service to the community and country and world opened my eyes and heart. I proceeded to spend ten years with this club volunteering for community events. Food drives, park cleanups, visiting the elderly, adopting families for the holidays, and helping neighbors; all of this became a part of my life, a ritual that worked itself into my being. It wasn't just about the gratitude of the people you helped it was about the satisfaction of knowing that I made a difference. Through service to others, I found confidence, meaning and a sense of worth. I had found myself. I realized that everyone has personal issues and when put on a scale mine weighed so much less than others. I had people who loved and cared about me enough to take me in and save me from foster care. I had food, clothing a home but more importantly, I could help others instead of wallowing in self-pity. One of my main fields of focus growing up was Youth Shooting Sports. I am a competitive Archery and Trap participant. In the 4H Program, I not only competed but became a County Youth Council Representative and one of the first State Shooting Sports Ambassadors. As such I helped at events showing young people proper procedures to handle equipment, equipment safety and the importance of following guidelines and rules put in place for their safety and protection. I always felt that my role in these events may have saved someone from harm. If only one person listened to me and took heed of my instructions then perhaps one harmful situation was avoided. As I grew older and started searching for my future path in this world I knew that it would have to be in a field that gave back to others. My cousin has Cystic Fibrosis and I watched her struggle with the changes in treatment and medication knowing at a very young age that a cold could kill her. I found myself becoming very interested in chemistry and more specifically Pharmaceuticals. If I could pursue receiving a doctorate in this field and then enter research I would not only enter a growing field but give back to my family and community. I will always find peace in service to others. It gives me a sense of value. I intend to follow my dream of research in the pharmaceutical field with the hope that my service there benefits the people of my community.

"Each of us should contribute at least a tiny grain of sand into the world." .....Samuel Strauch I believe this quote sums up how we should live every day. I hear so many people say that they would LOVE to change the world and help improve the footprint we leave upon the world but they are too "just one person." However, that's the start of it. One person building upon another; creates change no matter how small a grain of sand it is. Sign a petition, join a group, and choose products in sustainable packaging. Just pick up your trash and recycle it's that simple. Sustainability is a keyword in my daily life. I am very aware of the choices I make when purchasing groceries and personal products. It takes but a minute to read packaging labels. It takes just a minute to research online a product I may want or need. Each minute is my grain of sand. I am a hunter and my family owns acreage. We live outdoors. Land protection through CRP, following game regulations and contributing to wildlife preservation are factors in my decisions. We must preserve what we have for future generations. I carefully research each method we use to guarantee the sustainability of the land we own and the wildlife living on it. Each item researched and properly used is my grain of sand. While in 4H as a Missouri State Youth Shooting Sports Ambassador, I had the opportunity to express my concerns and help implement procedures for state event practices. This included cleaning up after each event and proper use of equipment used each time. As a group, we had the honor of meeting with our Governor, Mike Parsons, at which time I spoke about the sustainability of our environment involving land and wildlife preservation. Having a voice is my grain of sand. Traveling across our great country, camping and visiting National Parks has given me a great sense of responsibility toward our world. The beauty of the Grand Canyon at sunset, the Colorado Rocky Mountain National Forest with its diverse scenery, North Carolina's Great Smoky Mountains and its ancient mountains, and Chincoteaque with the preservation of the wild ponies all motivate me to add my grain of sand. One person perhaps can't make a drastic and immediate change in our world ut one person can add to the larger picture. I always will live sustainably and add my grain of sand. Hopefully, I will have a larger voice once I finish my education and through my career within the pharmaceutical path I have chosen I can advocate for sustainable practices. In the meantime I will live my daily life, speaking out where I can, choosing wisely and never forgetting that it is our future on this planet at risk. We can only take so much without giving back.

Plan your future and work towards that goal with all that you have within you. Tenacity is everything when attempting to move forward and achieve life's dreams. My parents abandoned me when I was only 7 years old so I understood at a very young age that life is full of twists and turns, and you must keep moving forward. I was raised by my Grandparents who gave me the old-fashioned values of hard work, honesty and sell reliance. This coupled with a need to never be dependent upon others has made me somewhat hard core in my desire to succeed in my life. A career in Pharmaceuticals has become my goal with the wish to enter into research. It seems like and odd choice since I was at the Northland Career Center in the LE/CSI program for two years. It was through my interest in the Forensic side that this path caught my attention. Drugs can be a blessing or a curse to society. I studied so many cases where drugs were involved yet I watch my young cousin who has Cystic Fibrosis pray for a cure. A torch within me lit up, inspiration led me to this path. Now I must find a way to pay for my college education so I can pursue my dream. I have worked and saved setting aside every penny I have earned. I apply for each and every Grant and Scholarship that I qualify for. Through FASA I am considered an independent student and therefore receive the Pell Grant as well as being in the Work Study Program. My Grandparents generously allow me to remain with them, so my daily living expenses and housing are not an issue. Over the summer break I will work and set aside that money. I will accept a federal loan if I have to but that is a fallback plan. Wealth for me is completing my education in my chosen career. The perfect outcome would be a job that not only pays well but allows me to grow within my field. If I complete my education debt free, I can invest my earnings and secure a promising future for myself and my future family. I would never want my family to be in financial need so wise investments with an eye toward growth and security could be achieved through a well-planned career path. I would love to invest in my community with the knowledge I have gained through my education. I was in 4H for 8 years and would like to become an adult leader and setup a drug awareness program within that community thereby giving back to a group that truly helped me grow. Through them I received a grant which helped me in my freshman year. The financial freedom of a debt free education can help me achieve my dreams.

Abandonment! A loss worse than death because I know that out in the world lives a father and siblings whom I in all probability will never see again. Left like a piece of trash you may find lying about. The person who should have loved me the most and whom I loved with all my young heart just left me. What hurts the most is that my siblings were taken with him along with his stepchild. Why am I so unworthy of his love? This loss consumed me as a younger child, but with the guidance and love of my Grandparents I have become strong. I am focused and driven to succeed. My chosen career path is in Pharmaceuticals which I know will be difficult however it is a field of great interest to me. My cousin has Cystic Fibrosis, and this guided me to research because I feel it would suit me and also allow me to give back and help others who need advances in medication to help them control health issues in their lives. What matters the most to me is never being lost again. I will struggle and fight to reach my educational goals and attain my dreams. It's that simple.

Songs can emotionally impact people. Music can connect with a situation that you are currently dealing with or stir a deeply imbedded emotion. I personally connect with the song "Family Portrait" by Pink. From the first time I heard this song the words hit my inner being like a sledgehammer. Then I watched the video clip and was stunned. How could this singer know my life? The song as done in the video clip portrays a young girl begging her parents to stop the violence between themselves. She and her brother are just torn by the family abuse but love both parents despite it. My "Family Portrait" revealed. My young life was torn by family verbal and physical abuse. I protected and cared for a younger brother and like the words of the song say I felt like I lived in World War 3. The importance of the song is that I was not alone. Others live like this and are trapped in the situation that is not of their making. When you are living with domestic violence you feel like it is only you that is going through this. It must be your fault that your family is different. My brother and I escaped as my Grandparents stepped in and became our Legal Guardians. I listen to this song and know that I will never allow violence into my life again. The song reminds me of how horrid it is for a child to be so emotionally torn. It is sad to say that I am stronger for going through it all but it's a truth that I live with.

Darkness Surrounding. Binding, Complete. A scream builds but is stifled. A name is called. My name. Darkness starts to recede as my surroundings come into focus. A smile and laugh for my friends. Darkness Receding, Binding, Whispering Always there in hiding.

Personal loss is a growing experience unlike any other. We live in a rural setting where neighboring homes can be seen but you would need to drive over to visit. I never became close to any except for the elderly man across the road and that was by sheer chance. Richard was out working on his fence line and sat down to rest for a minute. I was riding my horse nearby and noticed him stretched out in the grass. Naturally I assumed something was wrong and stopped to see if i could assist him. From this incident a friendship formed between me at age 12 and this 80-year-old man. I called Richard the energizer bunny because he just kept going and going. He told the best stories, worked constantly on his land and relaxed by canning and making chocolates. I would help him when he needed an extra hand, and my reward would be a story about his glass collection or a bag of chocolate. So, our unlikely friendship grew. In June I lost my dear friend to cancer. I never suspected that he was ill, and he never let on. This moment was pivotal for me. I realized that everything could change in a moment, life is precious and uncertain. I took for granted that this amazing person would always be part of my life and now he was gone. At his funeral his daughter came to me. In tears she told me how much I meant to her father; he considered me a daughter of the heart. I think at that moment I grew up. I never realized that he was lonely and looked forward to our time together. I thought I was the one benefitting from the little I did for him when in actuality he saw it so differently. We have new neighbors now. I have learned that change is inevitable, and I am now open and ready for it. Life will bring unexpected changes no matter what I plan but my determination to live a good life remains. I have discovered that what seems inconsequential can have a great impact. Being open to people, offering a helping hand can have unexpected rewards.

A life of independence and self-reliance is my focus as I start college. I never want to be dependent on another person for financial security. This is a lesson I learned as a young child when my parents divorced, and my mother did not have the education or training to be able to provide for my brother and I. Struggling to find a job that would cover our needs, depression set in; she became addicted to drugs. At the age of 5 I was caring for her and my three-year-old brother. My father never took notice and was constantly without work, so we had no help there. Finally, after two years of struggling my Grandparents took custody and we were removed from parental care. In my heart and mind the struggle continues. I am afraid of being without food and suffer from night terrors. With counseling I have come to understand why I am like this but the coping mechanisms don't always work. I know that I don't ever want to go back to struggling to live. If my mother had a sound education behind her she could have provided for us. We could have remained a family instead of being torn apart. I decided in grade school that I would work very hard. I knew even then that education was the key to a bright and promising future. It would be a struggle as I would be the first in our family to even think about attending college. Added to this was the financial aspect. My Grandparents are retired and on a fixed income. They help me all that they can but it falls to me to find the means to cover my costs. This scholarship would mean so much to me in assisting at covering some of my tuition. I am enrolled at UMKC in their 6 -year Pharmacy Program. I am in the work study program, Escalators, First Gen Program and Honors. I am doing all that I can to cover costs while staying on top of my studies. My future depends upon my education and pursing my dream of becoming a Pharmacist. t WILL be able to provide for myself and hopefully a family. Security, well-being and the end of emotional struggles can be mine through my education. Your scholarship can aid in my success!

Spring into sneeze and migraine season. Most people love the smells of Spring. Freshly cut grass, blooming fruit trees, redbud and dogwood. Ahhh....choo! Spring just means severe migraines and constant sneezing for me. Now to top it all off there is COVID. Just walk into a building with tearing eyes and sneezing and count how many people back away. At least crowds are not an issue for me. I sneeze and people scatter. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember. The migraines just make studying anything near impossible. The meds make me sleepy. I find field trips to be a nightmare. But I persevered. I would get all my work done " binge it" style. Work is usually assigned for a week so I would do it all on good days. Unfortunately this did not always work but I had very understanding teachers who guided and aided me through these issues. I find if you approach your teachers when you first begin and show them a doctor note or describe your issues they are usually cooperative. I feel that my issues guided me into my chosen field of Pharmacy. I am accepted at UMKC in their 6 year Pharmaceutical Program. I am also in their Honor Program. I hope to help others who suffer as I do. Giving back would be very self gratifying.

If my life thus far was a book it would be filed under Fictional Drama. My book cover would be a warriors banner with a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Sounds like a good read doesn't it. It nearly destroyed me emotionally. What child understand parental negligence; what child should have to. Growing up I questioned myself. What did I do or what was there about me that made my parents not want me? What made my Mother chose drugs not me? Why did my Father want his current girlfriends children in his life but not me? I became reclusive and shy, constantly questioning, worried that others would see how worthless I was. The bright side of this tale is that my Grandparents became my guardians and from them I learned acceptance through personal strength. They showed me to look at all that happened not as my fault but as a flaw within my parents. The fault was within their weakness of character and nothing I could do would change that. I had to be strong and rise up to the challenges of my future. It took me years to understand this. Slowly I examined them and found that as I reflected upon myself that I was nothing like them. I want to help people and be a part of a family. I want to set goals and succeed at them. In a way I guess I'm driven to rise up and become someone but that's not a bad thing. Would I love for my parents to see me a success, the child they threw away? Yes, yes I would but I don't NEED that. I will succeed because I can.

Have you ever heard the expression that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease"? I would rephrase that to say that "the persistent wheel is taken care of". Small change of words but a different outlook, from being annoying to challenging. Growing up outside of town in a rural area where wifi is not reliable or readily available is a challenge. Growing up and being raised by your Grandparents in that setting creates a technology learning obstacle. It wasn't until I entered middle school that not being tech-savvy became a true obstacle to my learning. All of my peers who lived in town had access to wifi and were familiar with technology, using it daily. I soon discovered that everyone was light years ahead of me on the tech learning curve. It was somewhat daunting to realize that if I wanted to succeed, I had to first play catchup! There was little I could do about the wifi availability where I lived. Some things you have to work with what you have. I started a campaign of having my Grandparents awaken to the realization that I needed more than fresh air and sunshine to grow, I needed access to technology. I became the "squeaky persistent wheel" setting visit nights to the library to learn and use their wifi. I researched in school and found that there were resources for students who like me had no wifi access. The school provided me with a hotspot Next I sought out after school time with my teachers who helped me tremendously. I worked, I persevered and I succeeded. I have a great GPA and I now mentor others who have the same problems I had with technology. At the end that persistent wheel got everything taken care of!

Reading is my favorite way to relax, unwind and disconnect from technology. When you hold a book, something is quieting, turning the pages perhaps sipping a warm drink. It's hard to choose a favorite since I read about 4 books a month however I thought that if I constantly reread a book, I own then should be the deciding factor. Without further ado, I believe that my favorite book is the classic "Gone with the Wind". I love everything about this epic tale. The characters are so vibrant that I can easily slip into their lives and feel how they must feel at each step. As I turn the pages I am in that story and a part of the surroundings. It is such an emotional tale that I laugh aloud at some of the antics or weep at the tragedy of the moment. Scarlett Is my favorite! I know that she is supposed to be the "villain" of the tale, but I connect with her. She is spoiled and pampered but as life hits her hard, she hits back just as hard. I understand that. She will do anything to save her home and if it's not socially acceptable well too bad. In the end, she pays the price of losing Rhett Butler but even then, she is not crushed. I think she is such a powerful woman that I can imagine her in today's world. The book is timeless. The fact that it is being banned by some as racially provocative saddens me. It tells the story of a time in our history that is so important. The Civil War was the start of racial equity and this book, although fiction, shows a time and place that is truly gone with the wind.

Death is not the only loss one can face. I would have preferred the loss of my father if he had passed away rather than face the fact that for some reason he despises me and his abandonment is by choice. Harsh words to say but even harsher in reality. Memories of my father are scattered and bittersweet as he floated in and out of my life. My best memory is from the time I was very young probably 8 years old. It is so simple but replays in my dreams. He was making dinner and put me on a chair next to the counter. I was "his little sou chef". It is the only time I can remember that he was loving and connected to me. The hurt I have faced by the betrayal of someone who should have loved me pushes me towards my goals. I am motivated to succeed because I want to prove to myself that I am worthwhile.

As I think of what friendship means to me the lyrics of a Bill Withers song run through my mind. "Stand by me, just stand by me. All I ask is that you stand by me.". I think the true test of friendship lies not in how long you have known someone but rather how positive and supportive the relationship is. And that is a two- way street! A friendship that is only a benefit to yourself or to the other person is not a good relationship. A good friend is difficult to find today. Everyone is so wrapped up into creating a social media persona. Is that person on Tik Toc real? I know that I find it hard to connect and maybe I'm just to exacting. I want to see the real face of the person I'm connecting with and sometimes it's messy and sometimes it's sunshine and flowers. That's okay because I expect to be real for them too and sometimes I'm messy and sometimes I'm flowers and sunshine. I expect truth in a friendship. So friend I will be there for you throughout any joy or trial that you go through. Fair warning, I expect the same from you. I will stand by you if you stand by me.

"I love you tomorrow you're always a day away" is a simple phrase from a song in the musical "Annie" yet it is my guideline for staying positive, always looking towards the gift of another day. I learned from an early age that events happen in life which are either a direct result of your actions or an indirect occurrence that you have no control over. Sometimes it is great but other times it can be an obstacle to overcome. My parents left me when I was 8 which could have set me on a path of negativity. I was fortunate that my grandparents became my guardians and have raised me since then. Through them, I was shown that life is unceasing change. You can either roll up into a ball and cower or you can charge ahead towards tomorrow. My grandma always sang the Annie song to me when I first came to them. It is engraved on my heart. I will always look ahead and face the many trials and changes to come in my life. I want to grow and become the very best person that I can become. 4H became a part of my life for 10 years. Through them, I learned to give back through my heart and mind. I mentored younger members in Projects and became not only a County Council Representative but one of the first State Shooting Sports Ambassadors. Now that I have aged out I have been asked to come back as a Youth Mentor. If I help just one child see that they too can get through a trial in their life then I will have accomplished one of my many goals. All that I do I do for tomorrow where change and growth are always possible!

The most powerful word in the English language is the word "IF". That statement is so profound, that I find myself repeating it when I have an important decision to make. It means that I should consider all before making a hasty decision. "IF" means a moment that can't be changed. I place myself in a future of living with the decision I make. Can I live happily with what I'm about to do? How will my actions at this moment affect me later? I know that all decisions are sometimes made in a split second I feel that the more important ones should be reflected upon. In my short lifetime I see how decisions made by others have affected my life. Sometimes I think about the big "IF". IF my parents hadn't left me, IF my Grandparents hadn't taken custody of me, IF I didn't have nightmares about my father, IF only..... I approach my continued education with all of this in mind. It makes me strong because I don't want the negative meaning of this in my life. I look to the positive! IF I continue my education, IF I receive the Scholarships and Grants to help out, IF I stay on course look at how positive and meaningful my life will be. I will have succeeded.

"Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars and see yourself running with them." - Marcus Aurelius. I find truth in this little-known quote which I learned from my grandma. It isn't just about star gazing but about finding joy through the beauty of that which surrounds us and using your imagination to place yourself within it. When I'm tired, anxious or feeling letdown I try stepping back from all the noise of life. I refresh the joy and bounty that is actually in my life through nature. I take a quiet walk through a park, but it isn't enough unless I really look and listen to the beauty around me. That buzzing bee among the wildflowers...stop and watch. I see the moment, relax and find joy in the peace. I sit out in the evening and watch the sky to find a shooting star. I wonder at how vast the universe is knowing that the light from the stars I see is hundreds of years old. I find peace and joy in the continuance of nature. Joy can be found in sharing these times. I sit with family or a friend and gaze at the clouds. We laugh as we make figures and find funny shapes within them. I point to a cloud that looks like a running horse as my friend sees butterfly. Simple pleasure shared with another and who knows what they are struggling with in their life. Perhaps this moment of joy renewed them.

My Uncle does woodwork specifically woodburning. While visiting him in California I was fascinated with the process. He gave me a starter kit and we worked on basic concepts and designs for the month that I was visiting. Once I came home, I started researching the skill a bit more and slowly added better tools. Since I am interested in Art this new skill set added even more dimension to display designs that I create. At the time I was still in 4H and did a working skill demo for County Fair where I received First Place and was fortunate to display my pieces and do the demo at Missouri State Fair. Currently I am in Skills USA through the Northland Career Center LE/CSI Program. For the District Competition I did the woodburning demo and moved on to the State Level which is in April 2022. I am working on a new design for this demo and hope that the judges at State find it as interesting as those at District. One of the fun aspects of this skill is the curiosity from my peers and adults who have the opportunity to see me do a demo. Most people have never seen it done and the fact that I can create any design on most wood mediums makes it all the more interesting. This skill set has given me the opportunity to hone my drawing and design concept skill. It also has added new friendships from interested people. In 4H I even did a mentoring project to introduce the skill to other interested youths. I love to create and woodburning helps me relax and refresh my mind when I feel burned out from daily events. I love trying new woods and different techniques to freshen my creative side.