"How am I supposed to make you feel okay" when "I don't wanna be you anymore?" These two songs written and sung by the calming voice of Billie Eilish uplifted me during one of the darkest times in my life. In 2020, I associated my self worth to the state of mind of a boy that I really liked. It was so bad to the point where I experienced a form of body dysmorphia that was stemmed from how I was treated by the guy that didn't want anything to do with me. I looked in the mirror and saw an unattractive, stupid girl, when in reality I was gorgeous. I couldn't recognize my worth because I sought approval from guys, and when I didn't get that, I believed I was nothing. Billie Eilish was one of those artists who inspired and had a chokehold on every teenage girl during quarantine. When I listened her songs "wish you were gay," "idontwannabeyouanymore," and "when the party's over," they comforted to my insecure soul and me feel okay. Though her situations were different from mine, especially in "wish you were gay," her music helped me get in touch with my feminine peace of mind and find a sense of self-love and respect for myself when I didn't think it would be possible.

“IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!” Some obnoxious bean headed, probably obese dude yelled that at me from the stadium. To this day I still can’t believe it. This dude actually had the audacity to yell that at ME from the comfort of his seat, probably cheering on his daughter who’s secretly on steroids, eating a hot dog with extra mustard. You got me, running in the dead heat of the North Carolinan sun, dead last, dead focused... running my little heart out. Just to hear a voice I will never forget telling ME was that the best I could do. Mind you, this was my first season of track, and I had the honor of running at Nationals as a brand-new athlete. Who you know doing that? Even when I tell this story I SERIOUSLY cannot believe he had the actual right to say that to me, and everyone always laugh at me like “did you really take that?” Bro, HOW COULD I NOT? Was I supposed to just throw the baton at whoever made eye contact with me? Was I supposed to stop in my tracks and scream “COME RUN THIS RACE FOR ME”? Let’s actually be realistic. That experience is exactly why I handle problems the way that I do. I attack them myself cause you’re not gonna do it for me. You’re just gonna scream and criticize me for my decisions. I got through track like that. Even when I was the best 800 runner (for females) in my school, my mind always screamed “IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!” cause is it? Isn't there always room for improvement? Can’t I grow to be better than I already am? That's rhetorical. That’s a yes. I can always be better. I can acknowledge and accept that I'm proud of what I'm capable of, but I know I could always do better. So thank you fat guy. I hope you enjoy the race.

Beep! Beep! Beep! It’s another Monday morning, and your 8:30 alarm goes off alerting you that you have 30 minutes to get to class. It’s okay though, the professors don’t mind if you’re late. It’s college after all; they don’t hone you down like teachers did in high school. The problem is, it’s one of those mornings. You stayed up longer than you should have the night before, and you’ve completed none of the assignments that were due at 11:59. Not to mention, you genuinely don’t have the energy to get out of bed. You sigh and email your professors about taking a mental health day, but this isn’t the first or last time this will happen to you during this semester alone. It’s a cycle. When those mornings happen, it’s hard for me to feel happy, grateful, or satisfied with myself about any of my actions or thoughts. There’s a negative cloud that tends to follow me around for the week, attracting any bad luck towards me. For instance, when walking to class, it would be storming, and on the corner of a crosswalk, a speeding car would splash water all over me. Perfect. In this moment, I’d believe God was punishing me for the heathen activities I would participate in on Sunday nights instead of going to church. Another notable experience is overthinking about my appearance. I started to nitpick at everything I believed was wrong with my body and proceeded to shame myself for it. I mentally punished myself for no exact reason, all because of a small mistake I made the previous night before. Even when I attend my classes in college, I begin to second guess myself. Is this the right career path? What if I'm making the wrong choice right now, and I regret it in the future? What if my mom was right, and I should've been a nurse like her? Sometimes, I get so scared, I start to have these silent panic attacks where I freak out in my mind, but on the outside, I appear to be calm. It gets harmful. Even when my days get difficult, I still try to prioritize myself by decompressing and finding moments of peace throughout the day. Especially when my mental health deteriorates in class, I listen to my favorite music to uplift my spirits. Calm and collected artists like Tyler, the Creator, Smino, and Frank Ocean bring me at ease because of their soothing music. It genuinely fulfills my soul when it’s needed the most. They tend to remind listeners, like me, that we are everything we put our minds to. It reminds me that I’m worthy, beautiful, and sophisticated. Even when I make mistakes, I still have the ability to make corrections and grow from it instead of repeating them. At the same time, I find that the time I take to pray helps me calm down from the anxiety attacks. Reminding myself to take it one day at a time truthfully puts my mind at ease. Every person’s battle with mental health is different, but we all manage to find our ways to be happy. Instead of allowing our negative thoughts to be consumed, it’s best to find positive ways to work through them. Music and self-love have always been my medicine, and I encourage others to find their same coping mechanisms.

What’s the point of being creative if you can’t give back to the community that raised you? That’s the beauty of creating art: you have the power to creatively influence the audience you wish to seek in your own element. My element happens to be Graphic Design, and composing art that inspires, motivates, and congregates people together has always been one of my main career goals. When thinking about the potential to create and design for the church I grew up in, St Moses the Black Parish, I want to able to help them get their messages out to capture people’s attention and call to their faith. I recall the family movie night event they threw after our annual “Thanksgiving Turkey Donation.” After passing out turkeys, vegetables, and other canned foods, we hosted a cozy gathering of the Peanuts Movie with hot chocolate and donuts inside of the church. The problem was that there wasn’t a big turnout like they had anticipated because their way of informing the community about the event was screaming, “Come inside for movie night!” over the whistling wind. Not enough people knew about it since they couldn’t hear them. Of course, they were grateful that people showed up for the Turkey Donation, but I could tell they were slightly disappointed that the movie event didn’t meet the same expectations. I knew that if they had more colorful posters and marketed the event to the public well, it could’ve been much more successful. At this point, I had already been interested in graphic design and digital art, so viewing this as an opportunity to help my community thrive made me want to do more to support them. When vibrant posters are posted around the city to highlight and inform the public about an event, people are more likely to contribute and show up for them. With my skills to visually communicate, I want to be able to help those small businesses, like my church, to get their word out to the world. Especially since St. Moses the Black Parish is a predominately African American church on the south side of Chicago, it’s hard for them to execute their plans due to funding. It would be phenomenal to be a significant part of their events that help bring the city together. Today, digital art is the new form of bringing people together, so instead of disapproving of it, we should embrace it and use it to uplift our underprivileged communities. By using the vibrance and relevance of graphic design, we can promote various events around the city that will benefit these communities.

“Thank you so much! May God bless you! Say thank you to the nice lady.” One of the Tuesday’s regulars encouraged her young son to use his manners. “Thank you, ma’am.” He happily obliged. They walked further down the aisle, hand in hand, with three bags full of produce, meat, cereals, bread, and the mac and cheese they received from me. It was the small triumphs like these that made volunteering at the food pantry worth it. I loved giving back to the community because I knew I was making a significant change in someone’s life. We didn’t struggle as much as others did while growing up, and that was something I had always been grateful for. Our small, intermediate family of 3 has always been independent. Anytime we were in desperate need, we had family down the street who would drop everything to provide any assistance they could. As I got older, I realized that we were extremely lucky to have a family to rely on: my mother’s side of the family lived in Michigan, so whenever they were in peril, they had nobody to support them. Over time, I made it my spiritual mission to be generous to those who needed it. The St. Moses the Black Parish has inspired me in more ways than one. Every Sunday, Father Matt does a brilliant job at encouraging us congregation participants to spread God’s word and kind intentions in our daily lives. “Don’t be duped! Be aware! Practice makes Catholic!” These are my favorite quotes that have stuck with me. The golden wisdom that he preaches every week remains stained in my soul: it reroutes how I view people, how my mind works, and how I treat others. “Don’t be duped! Don’t let those continue to do you wrong when you know they’ll do it again!” He delivers to us as people, not sinners, which makes it an inclusive and supportive environment. “Be aware of your surroundings at all times! Don’t let the negativity get to you, you must treat others how you wish to be treated!” He expresses that we have to prioritize ourselves and our faith to discover peace within our struggles. “Practice makes Catholic! Nobody is perfect… but of course, all we can do is practice our faith and try to be better for ourselves and others.” Perfection is a myth. We can do all that we can, but it’ll never be perfect. And that’s okay. He provides nonjudgemental acceptance and forgiveness to every participant in the church and every person that he encounters. I’ve always admired this impartial spirit because I feel that everyone deserves the gift of forgiveness and hospitality to reconstruct a person’s values. As a result, I wish to continue uplifting compassion and forgiveness to everyone I encounter in my life. Participating in nonprofit organizations for food distribution is an activity I plan to continue at any opportunity that I can.

Art has always been my passion, stress reliever, and triumph. I’ve always been fascinated by the intricate details that devoted artists would showcase in their artwork. Viewing these masterpieces sparked a passion for creativity inside of me. For example, during middle school, when we first viewed The Starry Night by Van Gogh, I was amazed by the swirls and the delicately painted specifics of the town. I figured it would be easy to recreate the piece since “it was just swirls and squares.” I quickly realized that it was arduous, and I needed guidance and more skills. As a result, I engaged in my Art Fundamentals during high school to elevate my painting, drawing, and rendering skills. I wanted every product I created to have an awe factor that captivates the audience. I showed this through ordinary assignments and projects. I would take the extra step to surpass mediocre expectations by being vivacious or adding meticulous details. Adding those details made my presentations enjoyable for me and the audience, regardless of the rigor of the assignment. I want to continue to immerse myself in fine arts to improve my enjoyment of life. Since then, I've been immersing myself in art classes at my high school, and it's been the most fun I've had. The art world opened doors to amazing opportunities that left me wanting more. It allowed me to express pain, happiness, and any other feeling I wanted to share in an art form. It’s been a solid outlet for communicating with my artistic peers: not only do they create pieces that I can understand and relate to, but they’re groundbreaking, and inspire me to improve my ability and surpass basic expectations. I love learning new techniques about arts and crafts and I plan to become a Graphic Designer after college. I want to be the type of person who encourages authenticity to everyone because the world must keep its "human nature" before it's overrun by technology. A lot of people don’t take art seriously because they absentmindedly believe it’s just a hobby, but art is the way of life. Everywhere we look, there’s art, and we wouldn't be drawn to the commercials we see, the restaurants we eat at, and the stores we buy from if there was a world without it. I would like to make sure that the world revolves around the b beauty of art, no matter how “technical” society gets.