I remember the day that I had found out my feelings for a friend that I had reconnected with. I also remember how scared I was as I sulked in the car seat before coming out to my older sister in text even though she was right next to me, because I was too afraid to say it out loud. It felt like the words would come out too easily and too quick if I had said something. I always relied on my phone to do the talking for me, that's probably why I've become so attached to it. Nowadays, I am still afraid, because I have seen the ways that people would bring us down by using something so simple as love against us. The challenges only grew as I got older. There was no bullying or anything of that sort in middle school, but my self-consciousness grew worse because I was so influenced by social media and the negativity within it. It ruined my relationships. I was in a state of depression, and had wished that I would one day leave this world where no one would ever again deal with my negativity. I came across this book by Adam Silvera, "They Both Die at the End". It recalls two boys who are fated to die at the end of their day, and they spent it together until their last moments. The book had not affected me too much, not until the second book of that same series. One of the main characters wants to be an author and publish his own book. The way he talked about his passion for writing hit me like a ton of bricks. “There’s something magical about my words summoning people to one space. I don’t think I’m going to live long enough to actually publish a book of my own–novel, short stories, the world’s slimmest autobiography. Anything! But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a chance tonight to tell my story to this audience.” What if I want to do that? What if this was my purpose in this world? My imagination had already been formatting story ideas without me actually thinking about publishing these stories- what if this was just the thing I needed to want to live? These people in the books know when they are going to die and live their life to the fullest. I want to do the same. I want to publish my first book. I want to win a prize. I want my characters to get the positive recognition that I have hardly received because of my sexuality, all I was seen was the "lesbian girl" who would never have anyone. If I were to die, to be reckless and not care for my life, I would prove those people right; that I do not belong in this world. I am only 18, people have made it big with these stories that they created in their mind, and I want to do that. To have the power to write down your thoughts on paper and show it to the world?- Magic.