I lost my father to suicide on June 9th, 2022. Recieving the call from my brother to tell me the news was the worst moment of my life. It was completely unexpected, and I truly felt lost trying to deal with grief and continuing my education to pursue my career as an ambitious music teacher. My father and I had a rocky relationship, after he got diagnosed with stiff-man syndrome, a rare, auto-immune disorder that effects his agility and body. Although we struggled in our relationship as his condition worsened, he never stopped supporting my musical journey, encouraging me through college auditions, voice lessons, competition and programs. After his passing, it took all the emotional strength I had to leave my grief stricken mother alone at home while I returned to school for my junior year. I felt incredibly guilty and struggled with torturous anxiety that greatly effected my daily life. Additionally, I am pursuing two degrees, voice performance and music education, both of which are academically rigorous and requires student teaching, opera performances, and rehearsals. I felt like I was fighting every spirit to convince myself that I belong there and encourage my continuance at school. I began more serious course work, delving into music teaching techniques, conducting, language, and diction. I started teaching middle school and high school choir before my college classes, and gained experience in the classroom. Working in the public school system has been a blessing; I have met the most incredible students, and ones that made me grow as a teacher. To put this simply, one day, it all came to me. Our lives are made to enjoy, make memories, experience new things, and to love one another. My father was so depressed with his life and struggling every day, that he gave up. He gave up on me, and gave up on his family, and he gave up on himself. I have made a vow that I will NEVER give up, whether it be for my loved ones, my students, or myself. God provides so many joys of life that we get to experience. I am such a stronger person now that I have been through one of the worst things anyone could possibly experience; I am able to understand things that my students might go through at some point. Now that I am starting my student teaching, I have never been more excited to meet new students and to bring positivity and joy through music in my classroom. My plan is to teach in public schools for five years, and then go back to school to recieve my Doctorate in Music Education. My dream is continue bringing music to children, and to work in higher education to teach others how to be great music teachers. My goal as a future music educator is to be able to provide a safe space for students, where they are free to express themselves as they wish, and are able to grow as individuals. I want my classroom to be an environment where my students are challenged, yet encouraged to experience new things. Teachers are one of the most influential figures in a child’s life, and I want to be able to provide academic and musical support for them, no matter what the circumstance is. As an introvert, I know how it is to hide feelings and expressions to avoid confrontation or reality. You never know what someone may be struggling with, therefore, I want to be there for my students when they need me. Overall, I’ve tried to make this the most positive, life-learning experience I could make of it. I am so lucky to wake up every day and make music. My biggest goal in life other than to teach music, is to be a mother of many children. I want to inspire and grow with my children, and be able to provide them with the best, no matter what I may go through. Although my father gave up, I will never give up for him, and I am so excited to inspire others through music.

I lost my father to suicide on June 9th, 2022. Recieving the call from my brother to tell me the news was the worst moment of my life. It was completely unexpected, and I truly felt lost trying to deal with grief and continuing my education to pursue my career as an ambitious music teacher. My father and I had a rocky relationship, after he got diagnosed with stiff-man syndrome, a rare, auto-immune disorder that effects his agility and body. Although we struggled in our relationship as his condition worsened, he never stopped supporting my musical journey, encouraging me through college auditions, voice lessons, competition and programs. After his passing, it took all the emotional strength I had to leave my grief stricken mother alone at home while I returned to school for my junior year. I felt incredibly guilty and struggled with torturous anxiety that greatly effected my daily life. Additionally, I am pursuing two degrees, voice performance and music education, both of which are academically rigorous and requires student teaching, opera performances, and rehearsals. I felt like I was fighting every spirit to convince myself that I belong there and encourage my continuance at school. I began more serious course work, delving into music teaching techniques, conducting, language, and diction. I started teaching middle school and high school choir before my college classes, and gained experience in the classroom. Working in the public school system has been a blessing; I have met the most incredible students, and ones that made me grow as a teacher. To put this simply, one day, it all came to me. Our lives are made to enjoy, make memories, experience new things, and to love one another. My father was so depressed with his life and struggling every day, that he gave up. He gave up on me, and gave up on his family, and he gave up on himself. I have made a vow that I will NEVER give up, whether it be for my loved ones, my students, or myself. God provides so many joys of life that we get to experience. I am such a stronger person now that I have been through one of the worst things anyone could possibly experience; I am able to understand things that my students might go through at some point. Now that I am starting my student teaching, I have never been more excited to meet new students and to bring positivity and joy through music in my classroom. My plan is to teach in public schools for five years, and then go back to school to recieve my Doctorate in Music Education. My dream is continue bringing music to children, and to work in higher education to teach others how to be great music teachers. My goal as a future music educator is to be able to provide a safe space for students, where they are free to express themselves as they wish, and are able to grow as individuals. I want my classroom to be an environment where my students are challenged, yet encouraged to experience new things. Teachers are one of the most influential figures in a child’s life, and I want to be able to provide academic and musical support for them, no matter what the circumstance is. As an introvert, I know how it is to hide feelings and expressions to avoid confrontation or reality. You never know what someone may be struggling with, therefore, I want to be there for my students when they need me. Overall, I’ve tried to make this the most positive, life-learning experience I could make of it. I am so lucky to wake up every day and make music. My biggest goal in life other than to teach music, is to be a mother of many children. I want to inspire and grow with my children, and be able to provide them with the best, no matter what I may go through. Although my father gave up, I will never give up for him, and I am so excited to inspire others through music.

I chose the song "Rise Up" by Andra Day because this song has kept me moving through the most difficult times of my life. Each song has significant meaning, each representing an emotion that I experienced. "Please Stay" uses Twitter messages in the piece describing instances of suicide and how loved ones want them to stay with us. It is an inspiring piece and pushed me through the darkest moments. Each song has brought tears, inspiration, and joy (mainly the funk songs!). Creating this was a joy to do and I hope that I can share my passion for music.