Two years ago, I lost my grandma unexpectedly to a brain aneurysm. She was the adult I confided in and looked up to the most. We also shared several special connections. We both suffered from depression caused by Hypothyroidism. Thus, she was the perfect role model to help me come to terms with the illness. In fact, when I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and began to experience mental illness, I was shocked to learn that my grandma had been diagnosed with depression for decades as she was such a bright, positive, and happy person. I now know this is a testament to her strength and resiliency. Through her story, I learned that having a positive attitude, seeking the support of loved ones, and learning healthy ways to express emotion are the keys to living a happy and successful life with depression. Another way we bonded was through the piano. My grandma was a pianist and passed on her love for piano to me. I have many fond memories of my grandma teaching me to play piano and playing duets with me. My grandma also illustrated that piano could serve as a healthy manner of emotional catharsis and expression. In fact, playing the piano is still one of my most effective coping skills. And even now that she has passed on, I can still feel her looking over my shoulder and gently guiding my fingers when I play on her old piano. When I lost my grandma, I was devastated, especially since it was unexpected, and I did not have the chance to say goodbye. I did not know what to do with my feelings; I had too many and they were too strong. But I remembered my grandma’s wisdom and confided in friends and family. And I played our piano. Playing our songs and writing poetry in memory of my grandma reminded me of how she was a welcoming lighthouse for me in the fog of mental illness. It also helped me find meaning in my sorrow. I knew she would not want to see me so sad, and I resolved to honor her by helping others. So, I leapt back into my studies with a passion and got ready to attend a graduate counseling program so that I could become a therapist and be that beacon of light and hope for other individuals with mental illness. But then tragedy struck my family again. And far worse this time. My older brother committed suicide. My family and I were devastated, shocked, horrified. It seemed completely out of the blue. Life ground to a halt for us and for a while I thought about postponing my master’s program. I had looked up to my older brother and I loved him. I did not see how I could carry on as if everything were okay. Although losing my grandma hurt terribly, with her death at least, I was consoled by the fact that she had lived a long and happy life. I could not say the same for my brother. And at first, I blamed myself for his death because I thought I should have seen warning signs because of my background in psychology. I know now that this is irrational especially since I had not seen him in months. But at the time, this thought brought me to my knees. No amount of piano playing helped. I could not write poetry. Sometimes it felt like I had nothing left in me, that even my tears had dried up and deserted me. But through this trial I found strength and purpose. I became infuriated about the lack of preventative mental health programs on college campuses and was driven to help change this so other families would not have to suffer what mine did. Thus, I decided not to put off my master’s program; I decided to learn all I could so I could advocate for college students, who are completing very difficult life transitions and desperately need to increase their perseverance and sense of resiliency, so setbacks that are minor in the scheme of things do not end lives prematurely, like in my brother’s case. Upon graduation, I plan to become a therapist at a college counseling center, where I will strive to prevent mental health crises, and to better support students who do reach their breaking points. I especially want to support the high-risk populations of LGBTQ+ students, first-generation students, and those from minority ethnic groups. Thus, this will be Brian’s legacy. I will use my pain and frustration as an impetus to help others. I will honor the memories of my grandma and my brother by continuing to pursue a career as a therapist and by becoming a beacon of hope for those who are struggling with mental illness.

Growing up I was always a dog person. I loved our soft-coated wheaten terrier, Angel, with all my heart and considered her one of my best friends. Taking care of her helped me to become a responsible and empathetic adult, because I learned to consider and anticipate her needs. Therefore, caring for Angel set me on the right path in the typical way, teaching me lessons about responsibility and love like pets are apt to do. However, over time our bond became much deeper, and she took on other roles for me. When I was 13, I was raped by a classmate, who then continued to threaten and harass me for years. I kept this fact hidden from my parents, out of shame, and fear, until I went to therapy in high school. By this time, I had developed depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Angel was a constant source of strength for me during this turbulent time, since I could tell her anything and everything, which kept me sane and allowed for emotional catharsis until I was able to confide in my parents. Although I had cared for her since puppyhood, at this point Angel took on an almost maternal role for me. Furthermore, knowing that I needed to take care of her was a constant motivation—to get out of bed, to go out for a walk, to keep trying—when all I wanted to do was curl into a little ball in my room and give up. Her love and persisting concern helped me to survive and overcome. She could always sense when I needed her the most and would be a quiet and warm presence until my urges to self-injure had passed. Thus, I also learned from her that sometimes the best way to support a loved one is to simply listen in comforting silence and to provide a shoulder (furry or otherwise) to cry on. In fact, my relationship with Angel helped me understand how integral the comfort of animals can be for individuals struggling with mental illness. The strength and nature of our bond even influenced my career aspirations. I am currently pursuing a MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling degree in order to become a therapist. Upon completion of this degree, I will become certified in Animal Assisted Therapy so that I can effectively incorporate the solidarity and strength of therapy animals into my practice. Thus, my childhood dog, who we could not have given a more suitable name, served as a guardian angel for me. She helped me to reach adulthood and to develop into a resilient, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent individual. And most importantly, our unique relationship gave me insight into how I could utilize my own traumatic experience to help fellow survivors by combining my passions for psychology and animals. She was an inspiration, a teacher, a healer, a source of comfort and strength, a life-saver, and most of all a best friend, and I will always be grateful that I was blessed with her companionship growing up.

In middle school, I was raped by a peer and then scared into silence for several years, leading me into a downward spiral of PTSD and depression that I struggled to emerge from for many years. After finally working up the courage in therapy to disclose my trauma and report the perpetrator’s continued harassment, I was able to obtain a restraining order during our senior year. During this year, and my undergraduate education, I finally began to heal from this ordeal, and eventually would emerge from a chrysalis of posttraumatic growth as a stronger and more resilient person. But throughout middle and high school, and even into my undergraduate program when I was free from my tormentor, I still suffered greatly from mental illness and self-hatred, resulting in frequent self-harm and several suicide attempts. It took years of therapy for me to recover some semblance of normal after living in terror and constant vigilance throughout most of my adolescence. And during this time, life felt bleak and pointless. But when I discovered my knack and passion for counseling, the world began to regain some color and I decided to pursue a career as a therapist. During the senior year of my undergraduate program, this career path solidified and took on a more specific direction when I embarked on an internship as a Care Coordinator at the Colorado Mesa University Counseling Center. I primarily engaged in peer counseling, but also designed and co-facilitated a support group for survivors of sexual violence. This experience helped me realize that because of my own trauma, I had the necessary understanding, compassion, and skills to help other survivors on their tumultuous roads to recovery: an unexpected silver lining. This drew me out of my depression and gave me a purpose in life. I am now pursuing a master’s degree and plan to specialize in counseling and advocating for survivors of sexual trauma. This is my true calling and allows me to simultaneously experience posttraumatic growth and to make a significant difference in the lives of individuals struggling with the same issues that once plagued me.

In middle school, I was raped by a peer and then scared into silence for several years, leading me into a downward spiral of PTSD and depression that I struggled to emerge from for many years. After finally working up the courage in therapy to disclose my trauma and report the perpetrator’s continued harassment, I was able to obtain a restraining order during our senior year. During this year, and my undergraduate education, I finally began to heal from this ordeal, and eventually would emerge from a chrysalis of posttraumatic growth as a stronger and more resilient person. But throughout middle and high school, and even into my undergraduate program when I was free from my tormentor, I still suffered greatly from mental illness and self-hatred, resulting in frequent self-harm and several suicide attempts. It took years of therapy for me to recover some semblance of normal after living in terror and constant vigilance throughout most of my adolescence. And during this time, life felt bleak and pointless. But when I discovered my knack and passion for counseling, the world began to regain some color and I decided to pursue a career as a therapist. During the senior year of my undergraduate program, this career path solidified and took on a more specific direction when I embarked on an internship as a Care Coordinator at the Colorado Mesa University Counseling Center. I primarily engaged in peer counseling, but also designed and co-facilitated a support group for survivors of sexual violence. This experience helped me realize that because of my own trauma, I had the necessary understanding, compassion, and skills to help other survivors on their tumultuous roads to recovery: an unexpected silver lining. This drew me out of my depression and gave me a purpose in life. I am now pursuing a master’s degree and plan to specialize in counseling and advocating for survivors of sexual trauma. This is my true calling and allows me to simultaneously experience posttraumatic growth and to make a significant difference in the lives of individuals struggling with the same issues that once plagued me.

I am Shane Canitz on Facebook. I am proud to be nonbinary because I have struggled through countless hardships, obstacles, and prejudice but am still thriving academically, socially, and personally. I am also proud to be LGBTQ+ because we are a vibrant, strong, and diverse community who look out for one another and stand up for what is right and just. I could not ask for a better chosen family.

I am attempting to achieve fluency in Spanish so I can become a bilingual therapist. I want to be able to provide therapy services in Spanish because I have witnessed a lack of mental health resources for individuals who primarily speak Spanish. This is especially concerning because the subgroup of the Latinx community which primarily speaks Spanish has higher rates of suicide attempts, especially in many rural communities. Thus, I want to help alleviate this problem. To do so, I minored in Spanish while obtaining my BA in Counseling Psychology in Spanish. I am now proficient in the language, but not fluent. I wish to continue taking Spanish classes while pursuing my MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Northern Arizona University. However, with tuition and the high cost of living in Flagstaff, Arizona, I cannot currently afford to do so. This scholarship would allow me to take these advanced Spanish courses and progress toward my career aspiration of becoming a bilingual therapist and helping reduce the disparity in mental health resources for Spanish speakers. Thank you for considering me for this scholarship.

My education has allowed me to make meaning from the hardships and trauma in my life, and helped me utilize these experiences as an impetus to help others. In 2019, I graduated Summa Cum Laude from Colorado Mesa University (CMU) with a BA in Counseling Psychology and a minor in Spanish. This November, I just completed my first semester in a MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Northern Arizona University (NAU), while also working as a Graduate Assistant for NAU’s Center for University Access and Inclusion. I am so proud of myself for these achievements and my continued progress, especially since I honestly never thought I would survive high school, much less graduate from an undergraduate program or enter a master’s program. To say middle school and high school were difficult for me is a gross understatement. I faced several challenges that would have floored many adults. For starters, In seventh grade, I was raped by a classmate on the way home from school, held down by two other boys. The perpetrator scared me into silence with threats of violence against myself and my family, and thus was able to continue harassing me in high school. He stalked me in our school and in the neighborhood, scratched messages into my car, and continued to verbally and physically harass me. I suffered this abuse until I finally confided in my parents during my junior year of high school, with PTSD and severe depression, went to therapy for months, and finally got a restraining order against the perpetrator during my senior year, forcing him to leave my school. Finally standing up to him and getting him removed from my school was the first step in changing my life trajectory from that of a helpless victim to that of a strong and resilient survivor. However, even after going away to college, I still struggled with feelings of hopelessness and PTSD. It was also very hard for me to imagine a meaningful future for myself. This began to change, slowly but surely, as I reconnected with my passion for counseling, especially once I realized that because of my own trauma, I had the necessary empathy, knowledge, and skillset to help other survivors of sexual violence. This became apparent to me while I was interning as a Care Coordinator at the CMU Counseling Center. In this role, I primarily screened and peer-counseled students, and soon discovered a lack of support groups for survivors of sexual trauma. Thus inspired, I designed and co-facilitated a support group for this population which I named “Finding Your Voice”. I immensely enjoyed running this group and experienced tremendous fulfillment from it, crystalizing my career path. Thus, my education has helped me find meaning in life, transform my trauma, and embark on a gratifying career. As I progress through my master’s program, I plan to specialize in trauma-focused counseling interventions, especially for underserved populations like LGBTQ+ survivors of sexual violence. This scholarship would help me afford this additional training.