I chose to pursue advanced studies in nursing within the STEAM field because I believe that being there for the patient every step of the way and ensuring their comfort is just as, if not more, important than medical treatment. I also plan to work abroad in countries that need medical attention due to a deeply personal journey that underscored the significance of patient-centered care. Witnessing my great uncle's arduous battle with cancer was a profound experience that shook me to my core. He didn't just fight the disease; he fought against a system that made him feel unwelcome and unsafe, forcing him to risk everything to seek treatment outside the confines of a concentration camp. He didn't have his family with him, he was in an unknown area and he didn't feel welcomed. Working with people means putting their comfort above all else and having a welcoming demeanor. His struggles highlighted the harsh reality that comfort and compassion are as vital as medical intervention, especially in environments where patients feel marginalized and overlooked. My battles with undiagnosed migraines further solidified my commitment to nursing. Despite enduring excruciating pain and debilitating symptoms, I was met with skepticism and dismissal from healthcare professionals. The journey to a diagnosis was fraught with obstacles; it took a visit to my homeland to receive validation from a doctor, only for that diagnosis to be disregarded upon my return to America. This meant my family had to put aside a great deal of money for me to go to a neurologist and get tests done every other week for my entire fourth-grade career. Despite the neurologists saying I have stress-induced and chronic migraines my doctors refused to prescribe me anything because I was young and this is just something I will have to deal with. This only made me feel invalidated and that these headaches and nausea that left me so weak I had to be in bed for days was normal and I was too weak to handle it. It wasn't until my junior year of high school when my gym teacher told me that it wasn't normal and that I did need to seek professional help for it that I realized that I was being medically gaslighted. I was constantly invalidated and dismissed when I would come to them with my ails and that only made me feel as though it was in my head. These experiences ignited a fire within me, fueling my passion for nursing and underscoring the profound impact of compassionate healthcare. I am drawn to the role of a nurse not only to administer treatment but also to advocate fiercely for my patients and provide unwavering support through their darkest moments. My heart resonates deeply with the idea of serving pediatric patients, ensuring that every child receives the care, validation, and support they deserve. Receiving this scholarship would mean more to me than words can express. It would not only alleviate the financial burden of pursuing advanced studies but also serve as a validation of my journey and my unwavering commitment to making a difference in the lives of others. With this scholarship, I am determined to honor the struggles of my great uncle and my own experiences by becoming the compassionate and impactful healthcare provider that I know I can be, dedicated to bringing comfort, healing, and hope to those in need.

Arraba, Jenin- my hometown deeply influences my identity and perspective on life. Jenin is a city noted for its resilience and indomitable spirit in the face of unending conflicts. It has instilled in me a strong sense of perseverance and commitment to justice. The men in my family, some of whom are affiliated with Islamic Jihad, have faced significant challenges such as imprisonment and displacement. These experiences have branded my family gatherings with the absence of loved ones and while it left me with a sense of emptiness it reminded me of the reality that greatly touched my childhood and adolescence, instilling in me a yearning for peace and stability as core values in my life. In May of 2023, the martyrdom of my uncle, who was sent to Gaza as a form of punishment for being part of the Jihad, truly exemplified the personal costs of the conflict. His loss is not only a family tragedy but also a harsh reminder of the hard life that so many Palestinians are forced to live. Such experiences have sharpened my resolve to chart a course that honors their sacrifices by working to lessen the suffering of my people and others in like situations worldwide. My educational goals are intricately intertwined with these personal and communal experiences. What makes me want to pursue a career in healthcare, particularly nursing, is the commitment to serving and healing. Nursing offers a concrete avenue for making a difference and echoes the Islamic principle that saving a single life is as though saving all of humanity. My ambition is to be equipped with the skill and knowledge to provide compassionate and competent care to communities torn apart by war and neglect, particularly in Palestinian territories and other areas of similar disposition. Furthermore, I would like to extend my reach beyond clinical practice into healthcare education. The lack of Muslim and, more specifically, Palestinian educators in this area has been a marked omission in my own educational experience. This gap is what I want to fill as a nursing educator, helping and guiding future generations coming from a similar background. In this way, I will be able to contribute toward creating a health workforce that is more sensitive to the needs of people with varied cultural and religious backgrounds. In a nutshell, my Palestinian heritage, one of resilience and the continuing struggle for justice and peace, is the cornerstone of my identity. It informs my educational pursuits and career goals, motivating me to dedicate my life to healthcare and education. Through these avenues, I aim to pay forward the lessons of perseverance and service instilled in me by family and community, helping to heal and uplift others in the process.

The decision to pursue a career in healthcare stems from a deep-rooted desire to embody the compassion and service intrinsic to my faith and heritage. Raised in a Palestinian Muslim family, the values of altruism and benevolence were instilled in me from a young age, especially the Islamic tenet that saving one life is akin to saving all of humanity. This principle, combined with personal tragedies—such as the martyrdom of my uncle in Gaza and the preventable death of my grandfather due to medical malpractice—has deeply influenced my career path toward nursing. My ambition is driven by the urgent need for healthcare equity, particularly in war-torn regions and underserved communities. Witnessing firsthand the disparities in healthcare access and the devastating impacts of inadequate medical care has fortified my resolve to make a tangible difference. I am committed to serving as a compassionate caregiver and an advocate for those who are often forgotten or marginalized by the global healthcare system. Looking towards the future, my career goals are twofold. Firstly, I aspire to work directly with affected populations in areas like Gaza, Yemen, and Syria, providing critical medical services and improving healthcare delivery systems to ensure they are resilient, effective, and compassionate. Secondly, I am determined to contribute to the educational aspect of healthcare by becoming a nursing educator. There is a significant lack of Muslim representation in nursing education, and I aim to fill this gap, providing mentorship and inspiration for future generations of healthcare professionals who can benefit from seeing their beliefs and values reflected in their instructors. In pursuing higher education in healthcare, I am equipping myself with the knowledge and skills necessary to effect real change. My career will be dedicated not just to treating individuals but to enhancing the health and well-being of entire communities. Through clinical excellence and educational leadership, I plan to advance healthcare practices, advocate for equitable healthcare policies, and inspire a new generation of healthcare workers who are as compassionate as they are competent. The support from this scholarship would not only alleviate the financial burden associated with obtaining a high-quality education but also allow me to focus more fully on developing the necessary competencies and knowledge to bring about significant impact in the field of healthcare. With this support, I can continue to drive forward my ambitions without the looming worry of financial constraints, ensuring that my energy is devoted to learning, serving, and eventually teaching.

Growing up within a rich Islamic tradition, I have always been inspired by the Quranic command to pursue ilm, or knowledge, understanding its transformative power both spiritually and socially. This fundamental principle of my faith has been the cornerstone of my educational journey, guiding me towards a career that embodies the ethos of service and compassion: nursing. My interest in healthcare is deeply personal and profoundly shaped by my Palestinian heritage. It is a narrative punctuated with both loss and resilience—marked by the martyrdom of my uncle in Gaza and the tragic death of my grandfather due to medical malpractice. These personal tragedies have strengthened my resolve to pursue a profession where saving a life is equated with saving all of humanity, a precept profoundly ingrained in Islamic teaching. As I navigate my academic path, the landscape of my ambitions is both vast and vividly clear. I envision a future where my professional endeavors as a nurse not only alleviate individual suffering but also address systemic healthcare inequities, particularly in war-torn regions like Gaza and Syria. The ongoing conflict and humanitarian crises in these areas call for urgent medical attention and compassionate healthcare, which I plan to provide. By focusing on communities that are systematically underserved, I hope to embody the Islamic ethos of service, extending the reach of my knowledge and skills where they are most needed. My ambitions extend beyond clinical practice; I am equally passionate about education. I aspire to be a nursing educator, a goal inspired by the noticeable absence of Muslim instructors in my own academic journey. Representation matters, and having a Muslim nursing instructor could have served as a profound source of encouragement and a reminder of my values, especially during challenging times in my studies. By stepping into this role, I aim to bridge this gap, offering guidance and inspiration to future generations of Muslim students who seek to navigate their educational paths with faith and purpose. To pay it forward, I plan to engage actively in mentorship programs, especially those aimed at empowering young Muslims interested in healthcare professions. I envision creating workshops and seminars that not only provide academic support but also address the unique challenges faced by Muslim healthcare professionals, fostering a supportive community where faith and career intersect harmoniously. In conclusion, my educational journey is intrinsically linked to my identity as a Palestinian Muslim. It is a testament to the power of resilience and the relentless pursuit of knowledge (ilm) championed by my faith. Through my career in nursing and as an educator, I intend to extend this legacy of knowledge and compassion, paving the way for future generations to make meaningful impacts in healthcare, guided by the profound teachings of Islam. As I look to the future, I am hopeful for a peaceful resolution in Palestine and remain committed to using my skills to heal and teach, honoring the memory of those I have lost and the community I aim to serve.

In the future, I want to work as a nurse, but not as a traditional caregiver; I want to be that nurse who can provide medical care to her patients, yet at the same time protect those patients whose voices have not been heard or understood. This vision was developed from my life experiences being victimized by medical neglect as a young Middle Eastern woman. Often, I was told that I was okay, or I was being dramatic about how bad the experience was. These experiences influenced me in making sure that my future patients would not face the same discouraging experience to be ignored or disregarded. As a child, I had undiagnosed migraines. The migraine attacks were not just headaches but debilitating episodes with nausea, vomiting, and pain. There were times when the pain would be so sharp that my vision would go for a second. Despite these severe symptoms, I often felt as if I had a low tolerance for pain or was being dramatic. Disregard frustrated and isolated me when, in fact, it was there and overwhelming. These experiences have really made me reflect on how important it is for health care providers to listen to and take seriously their patients' concerns. How I would have wished to have a nurse or any health care provider who would advocate for me, one who would make sure that my symptoms were clearly communicated and my needs were met. This is the nurse I wish to be: one who can listen, understand, and consequently advocate for her patients. I am a rising sophomore at Rutgers University, majoring in nursing. All the academic work so far has only heightened my interest in patient advocacy. I learned how valuable empathy is in nursing and just how important it is to understand the different backgrounds and life experiences that shape each patient. Middle Eastern heritage and personal experiences are certainly an added skill in relating and advocating for a variety of patients. Someday, I envision myself practicing in the healthcare field to make positive impacts on the lives of young girls who feel exactly as I did, and still do today: their voices are not being heard. I want for them to never have to say, "Is something wrong with me?" or "Is it all in my head?". I want to be that nurse who will listen to their concerns, who will validate their experiences, and tirelessly work with them in finding solutions to their health concerns. My vision also covers the promotion of cultural competence in health care. Health providers should be aware of and respect the cultural backgrounds of the patients. This can make the gap between the patients and the providers much smaller; hence, there will be improved health outcomes. In my opinion, women in the Middle East have been victims of misunderstanding because of cultural differences that led to misconceptions, miscommunications, and failure to render appropriate care. Experiences which I have lived through will hopefully challenge others working in the health field to be sensitive and show respect toward the cultures of others. I am also interested in opportunities that may enable me to advocate for policy changes necessary for increased health care access and equity for these marginalized communities. I firmly believe it is through these systemic changes that the care due to each of our patients will be afforded. In this regard, I would be grateful for a health care setting where each patient will be treated as special and important. Complementing my advocacy, I want to remain informed, educated, and competent as a practicing nurse with a continuous update on the latest knowledge in medical practice and best practices concerning patient care. Continuous learning is about the best that one can give to his or her patients. Informed and adapting to new challenges helps me ensure that at all times, high-quality care is guaranteed to my patients. My ultimate nursing vision is to provide my patients with safety and support. I would like to be that nurse: one who will be able to provide the best medical care possible, a listening ear, and a warm heart. I want them to feel they are never alone and that their concerns are valid and important. Personal experiences that have shaped me into the nursing professional I am today give me a sense of direction in my self-concept as a nurse: to be an advocate, a caregiver, and a support system for those patients in their most vulnerable state. As I seek a career in nursing, my hope is that this vision becomes a reality in bringing a difference into this world of healthcare.

I chose to pursue advanced studies in nursing within the STEAM field because I believe that being there for the patient every step of the way and ensuring their comfort is just as, if not more, important than medical treatment. I also plan to work abroad in countries that need medical attention due to a deeply personal journey that underscored the significance of patient-centered care. Witnessing my great uncle's arduous battle with cancer was a profound experience that shook me to my core. He didn't just fight the disease; he fought against a system that made him feel unwelcome and unsafe, forcing him to risk everything to seek treatment outside the confines of a concentration camp. He didn't have his family with him, he was in an unknown area and he didn't feel welcomed. Working with people means putting their comfort above all else and having a welcoming demeanor. His struggles highlighted the harsh reality that comfort and compassion are as vital as medical intervention, especially in environments where patients feel marginalized and overlooked. My battles with undiagnosed migraines further solidified my commitment to nursing. Despite enduring excruciating pain and debilitating symptoms, I was met with skepticism and dismissal from healthcare professionals. The journey to a diagnosis was fraught with obstacles; it took a visit to my homeland to receive validation from a doctor, only for that diagnosis to be disregarded upon my return to America. This meant my family had to put aside a great deal of money for me to go to a neurologist and get tests done every other week for my entire fourth-grade career. Despite the neurologists saying I have stress-induced and chronic migraines my doctors refused to prescribe me anything because I was young and this is just something I will have to deal with. This only made me feel invalidated and that these headaches and nausea that left me so weak I had to be in bed for days was normal and I was too weak to handle it. It wasn't until my junior year of high school when my gym teacher told me that it wasn't normal and that I did need to seek professional help for it that I realized that I was being medically gaslighted. I was constantly invalidated and dismissed when I would come to them with my ails and that only made me feel as though it was in my head. These experiences ignited a fire within me, fueling my passion for nursing and underscoring the profound impact of compassionate healthcare. I am drawn to the role of a nurse not only to administer treatment but also to advocate fiercely for my patients and provide unwavering support through their darkest moments. My heart resonates deeply with the idea of serving pediatric patients, ensuring that every child receives the care, validation, and support they deserve. Receiving this scholarship would mean more to me than words can express. It would not only alleviate the financial burden of pursuing advanced studies but also serve as a validation of my journey and my unwavering commitment to making a difference in the lives of others. With this scholarship, I am determined to honor the struggles of my great uncle and my own experiences by becoming the compassionate and impactful healthcare provider that I know I can be, dedicated to bringing comfort, healing, and hope to those in need.

Growing up in a diverse community where people shared my appearance and beliefs, I felt shielded from the harsh realities of the world. However, in first grade, an exam qualified me for a gifted program that my current school didn't offer. This led me to transfer to a school on the other side of the city for second grade. At first, I underestimated the impact of this move. My upbringing had taught me to embrace our differences, but I quickly learned that not everyone shared this mindset. Upon joining the new school, I faced ridicule for my Muslim identity, especially after it became known that I was Palestinian. For the next four years, I found myself in constant conflict with said classmate who vehemently denied the legitimacy of my heritage and nationality, often resorting to hurtful stereotypes and accusations. Despite my efforts to maintain composure and engage in constructive dialogue, a particularly painful moment arose when he labeled all Muslims as terrorists. While I managed to stay calm in all our arguments this one hurt the most as my religion is the way I live my life and it teaches kindness and forgiveness- not terrorism. In response, I said, "How would you feel if I said all Jews were terrorists?" This single sentence triggered a series of consequences that tarnished my reputation, I was once again in the principal's office and the other two students used that time to fill in the class on their version of the story. Although my true friends understood my intentions and beliefs, I faced isolation and ostracization from my other classmates who succumbed to those rumors. During this period of isolation, I grappled with feelings of anger and injustice. Why was I the only one facing consequences when my classmate had spent years tormenting me with baseless accusations? With maturity and unfortunately more experience with these instances, I've come to realize that I could have chosen my words more carefully. While I was unfairly provoked and attacked, responding with grace and education rather than retaliation would have been more productive. While I was unfairly provoked and attacked, I now realize the importance of responding with grace and education rather than retaliation. Instead of challenging him in a confrontational manner, I could have utilized that moment to enlighten him about the true teachings of Islam and foster understanding. My advice to anyone facing similar challenges is to remain composed and view it as an opportunity for education. Hatred is often ingrained from a young age and requires exposure to different perspectives to unlearn. While it may be tempting to retaliate in the face of injustice, responding with patience and empathy can yield more fruitful outcomes. However, it's important to recognize that educating someone is not always possible or your responsibility. If attempts at dialogue prove fruitless, focus on avoiding conflict and seek support from trusted individuals to navigate adversity with resilience and integrity.

From my earliest memories, my father instilled in me the profound identity of being Muslim above all else, emphasizing that my faith transcends any other aspect of my existence, even my Palestinian heritage. My mother, hailing from Arraba, Jenin, fervently encouraged my siblings and me to embrace our roots, particularly in light of the injustices suffered by the men in her family, who were unjustly imprisoned by the IDF for daring to voice their opposition against the ethnic cleansing of our homeland. While my father's belief in the unity of Muslims regardless of race held merit, he failed to fully grasp the significance of being a Palestinian Muslim. Recalling my recent visit to al-Quds, I vividly recall the challenges I faced, but more importantly, the unwavering unity I witnessed among my fellow travelers. Navigating through a dilapidated fence and traversing an arduous, rugged path at the early hour of 4 a.m., exhaustion and determination filled the air. Yet, amidst the fatigue, a remarkable sense of camaraderie prevailed. People selflessly took turns leading the way, ensuring everyone's safety through each obstacle. This collective spirit embodied the essence of Islamic brotherhood. In the face of rejection at the gates, they would find alternate entrances and ensure everyone gained access. When encountering someone lacking water or sustenance for the journey, they willingly shared their own provisions. It is my belief that this epitomizes the Palestinian Muslim identity—a steadfastness and kindness toward our brothers and sisters, particularly when the world seems to conspire against them. It symbolized an unbreakable bond, a pledge of unity, and an unwavering commitment to one another. In Islam, along with kindness, the pursuit of knowledge holds immense significance. It teaches us to utilize the gifts bestowed upon us by Allah and to engage in critical thinking. Motivated by personal experiences of ageism, sexism, and racism within the medical field, witnessing the struggles of my uncle, who battled cancer while imprisoned in Gaza, and the loss of my grandfather due to doctors neglecting his present afflictions, I have resolved to dedicate myself to the noble path of nursing. My ambition is to serve as a pediatric nurse, imparting empathy and understanding to children who often find their voices silenced when expressing pain deemed as exaggerated. By addressing the ageist and sociocultural constraints that contribute to health disparities, I aim to embody the principles of equality and equity advocated by Islam, ensuring that each individual receives the care they deserve. Presently, I actively engage in volunteering efforts within both medical and Islamic communities. At a rehabilitation and nursing home center, I not only gain invaluable experience but also contribute to the well-being of the broader community. Additionally, as a member of my school's Muslim Student Association (MSA), I actively participate in organizing events such as Ramadan iftars, and I intend to remain dedicated to this cause. During Ramadan, I volunteered to care for children during the first eight Rakat of Taraweeh, allowing parents to focus on their prayers. Furthermore, I volunteered as a teacher's assistant during summer school at the local masjid. Sunday school played a pivotal role in my upbringing, nurturing my understanding of Islam. As Islam emphasizes the importance of seeking knowledge, it also underscores the significance of imparting knowledge. Thus, I am grateful for the opportunity to give back to the community that has played an integral role in shaping my identity.

From my earliest memories, my father instilled in me the profound identity of being Muslim above all else, emphasizing that my faith transcends any other aspect of my existence, even my Palestinian heritage. My mother, hailing from Arraba, Jenin, fervently encouraged my siblings and me to embrace our roots, particularly in light of the injustices suffered by the men in her family, who were unjustly imprisoned by the IDF for daring to voice their opposition against the ethnic cleansing of our homeland. While my father's belief in the unity of Muslims regardless of race held merit, he failed to fully grasp the significance of being a Palestinian Muslim. Recalling my recent visit to al-Quds, I vividly recall the challenges I faced, but more importantly, the unwavering unity I witnessed among my fellow travelers. Navigating through a dilapidated fence and traversing an arduous, rugged path at the early hour of 4 a.m., exhaustion and determination filled the air. Yet, amidst the fatigue, a remarkable sense of camaraderie prevailed. People selflessly took turns leading the way, ensuring everyone's safety through each obstacle. This collective spirit embodied the essence of Islamic brotherhood. In the face of rejection at the gates, they would find alternate entrances and ensure everyone gained access. When encountering someone lacking water or sustenance for the journey, they willingly shared their own provisions. It is my belief that this epitomizes the Palestinian Muslim identity—a steadfastness and kindness toward our brothers and sisters, particularly when the world seems to conspire against them. It symbolized an unbreakable bond, a pledge of unity, and an unwavering commitment to one another. In Islam, along with kindness, the pursuit of knowledge holds immense significance. It teaches us to utilize the gifts bestowed upon us by Allah and to engage in critical thinking. Motivated by personal experiences of ageism, sexism, and racism within the medical field, witnessing the struggles of my uncle, who battled cancer while imprisoned in Gaza, and the loss of my grandfather due to doctors neglecting his present afflictions, I have resolved to dedicate myself to the noble path of nursing. My ambition is to serve as a pediatric nurse, imparting empathy and understanding to children who often find their voices silenced when expressing pain deemed as exaggerated. By addressing the ageist and sociocultural constraints that contribute to health disparities, I aim to embody the principles of equality and equity advocated by Islam, ensuring that each individual receives the care they deserve. Presently, I actively engage in volunteering efforts within both medical and Islamic communities. At a rehabilitation and nursing home center, I not only gain invaluable experience but also contribute to the well-being of the broader community. Additionally, as a member of my school's Muslim Student Association (MSA), I actively participate in organizing events such as Ramadan iftars, and I intend to remain dedicated to this cause. During Ramadan, I volunteered to care for children during the first eight Rakat of Taraweeh, allowing parents to focus on their prayers. Furthermore, I volunteered as a teacher's assistant during summer school at the local masjid. Sunday school played a pivotal role in my upbringing, nurturing my understanding of Islam. As Islam emphasizes the importance of seeking knowledge, it also underscores the significance of imparting knowledge. Thus, I am grateful for the opportunity to give back to the community that has played an integral role in shaping my identity.

Growing up, my father always told me I’m Muslim before I’m anything else; I’m Muslim before I’m Palestinian. My mother, who was born and raised in Arraba, Jenin, urged my siblings and me to be proud of our heritage, especially since the IDF imprisoned most of the men in her family for speaking up against the ethnic cleansing of their country. My dad didn’t believe in separating Muslims by race, and while he was right, he failed to consider what being Palestinian, particularly a Palestinian Muslim, means. I remember the difficulties I faced when I visited al Quds last summer, but also the unity I experienced. Our group had to crawl through a broken fence and walk along a long, rocky road. Even though it was four in the morning and everyone was tired and focused on getting by, they looked out for each other. People took turns being in the front because at every obstacle, some people would stay behind to get everyone through safely. Being Muslim means helping and caring for others, wanting for them the things you want for yourself. Through tough times, the group embodied the Islamic brotherhood. When turned away at the gates, they’d help each other find another gate and ensure they entered. When they saw someone who didn’t have enough water or food to keep them energized during the journey, they would share their own. I’d like to think that this was the definition of Palestinian Muslims, staying strong and showing kindness to our brothers and sisters, especially when the world seems against them. It was a pact of unity, reassurance that we were always there for each other. Along with kindness, seeking knowledge is vital in Islam, as it teaches us to use what Allah has given us and think thoroughly. Hence why I intend to continue my education and pursue a nursing career. Having my ageist, sexist and racist experiences with doctors, seeing my uncle who got cancer while imprisoned in Gaza struggle to find proper treatment, and losing my grandfather because the doctors focused on a past issue rather than what was harming him, I have made it my goal to work and better the medical field. I aspire to work as a pediatric nurse and show children the empathy and understanding that they deserve as many times as they are silenced because their complaints of pain are deemed as dramatic. I want to minimize the ageism and sociocultural constraints that contribute to the disparities in health outcomes, as Islam teaches equality and equity, making sure everyone is given what they need. Currently, I am volunteering in medical areas and Islamic areas. I volunteer at a rehab and nursing home center where I not only gain experience but also get to give back to the general community. I am also on the board of my school’s MSA (Muslim Student Association), where I helped organize events like an iftar during Ramadan and intend to continue to actively partake in MSA. I also volunteered during Ramadan to babysit during the first eight Rakat of Taraweeh so that parents could focus on prayer. With that same masjid, I volunteered as a teacher’s assistant during summer school. Sunday school was a huge part of my childhood that taught me so much about Islam. Just as seeking knowledge is important in Islam, so is giving knowledge, and I was so grateful for the opportunity to give back to the community that raised me.

During the 2021-2022 school year I was a freshmen mentor, meaning that one of my classes consisted of me, and my co-mentor, guiding the freshmen through their first year of high school. While this class did have a teacher, for obvious safety and legal reasons, she was mainly hands-off as this was our, the upperclassmen, opportunity to connect and help the new students of the school. I spent nights putting together presentations, specifically focusing on what I wish I knew as a freshman now that I was starting my college applications and building my résumé for college. While I did want to guide them through their academic life I also wanted to provide a safe space for them. I will never forget the look on one student’s face as I was going through the college presentation and how I saw his worry melt away when he saw the slide that offered alternatives to college which I added even though the mentor advisor told us to focus on college. I made sure to emphasize that college isn’t the only way to be successful in life, that going to trade school or training for fame doesn’t put anyone behind in life. Afterwards the kid came up to me and thanked me for including that. He shared that he told his parents that he didn’t want to attend college and they put him down for it. It broke my heart, knowing the burden of disappointing your parents had on mental health all too well. I told him that life isn’t about pleasing your parents and they’re still going to be proud of him no matter what. He told me how he already started working towards his dream career and seeing him so excited and passionate made me excited and proud.

I woke up to the sound of my mother’s sobs, I jolted up and sprinted to her room. The news came with little shock, my grandfather had been in the hospital for a week now and hasn’t woken up since the accident but seeing my mother grieving broke me. I tried my best to make her feel better, I stayed close to her, let her cry on me, and comforted her to the best of my abilities. “He was in a lot of pain, whether he was awake or not, and now he is relieved from it. Be patient and grateful” I told her as I brushed my fingers through her hair. This of course made more sense in the light of our religion, Islam, which views death as something more beautiful than the western world portrays. As soon as her friends came to give their condolences I went downstairs to cook as she hasn’t eaten all day and clean a bit to not only ensure she’ll be less stressed if she came downstairs, she’s a bit of a clean freak, but also calm myself down. It dawned on me after I left her, I had just lost my grandfather. A tight knot started in my throat and dropped to my stomach. I said a silent duaa, or prayer, for my grandfather and I tried to look at it in a different light. My grandpa had been sick and this accident only worsened his health, there was no way he could have lived a peaceful life and knowing how independent and free spirited he was, he wouldn’t have enjoyed life as much. I learned that in grieving there is gratitude and in darkness there is light. I sincerely miss him but it eases me that he is no longer suffering.