Have you ever felt like you were watching your life happen instead of actually living it? Like your head is in a completely different place? Personally I struggle with anxiety, which led me to feeling extremely dissociated and far out from reality. As if I really were watching a movie of my life play out in front of me, unable to really feel present. This doesn’t feel real or why don't I feel normal are just two examples of thoughts that would go through my mind at the time. These intrusive thoughts were constant and made my anxiety worse. No matter how much I tried to push them away they somehow always found their way back. For some reason the one thing that tends to give me the most anxiety is my health. Since I had been feeling dissociated, my mind started to wonder and think, Maybe I have some underlying health issues. Whenever I think negative thoughts about my health it progressively gets worse and worse, especially if I look into what could be wrong. The more I spiral into these thoughts, the more physical symptoms I seem to feel, making it harder to convince myself there's actually nothing wrong. Even minor feelings, such as a stomach cramp, caused me to overthink and start worrying. It felt like one big messed up loop that I couldn't shake, one worry leading to me thinking about the worst case scenario. After visiting my therapist to get some idea of what's going on and how to control it, what most resonated with me was how he said, “Dissociation stems from anxiety, it's basically your brain's way of protecting you from high stress or a lot of anxiety”. Once it sunk in that it was just anxiety making me feel this way and not something worse, I finally had hope that I could ground myself and feel normal again. From that point on, instead of spiraling everytime the feeling came over me, I told myself it was just my head helping me out with anxiety. Doing so made me feel as if I were more in control as I once had been. After learning what was behind the feeling and getting back in the driver's seat of my mind, I started finding ways to battle the dissociation. One thing that helped me the most was thinking positive thoughts to combat the bad ones. Something as simple as thinking to myself “It's just a defense mechanism, you’re safe” helped reel me back in when I felt myself getting distant. It was a relief to know I wasn't losing my mind, even though at times it felt that way. From that point on, Instead of panicking, I reassured myself that I’m in control and whatever is going on in my head is merely just thoughts. This shift in my mindset gave me back the feeling of control that the anxiety and dissociation took from me. Beyond self-reassurance and positive thinking, I also found doing physical activities was very important in managing my anxiety. Going to the gym started to be more than just lifting weights, it was now also a big part of how I deal with built up tension. Spending time with friends and family helped me distract my mind from all wondering thoughts and be more in the moment. Even things like smelling a bond fire and getting mesmerised by the fire burning, or drinking hot chamomile tea became ways to bring myself back from the loop I was stuck in. Through this experience, I’ve learned that while those feelings of dissociation probably may never fully go away, they no longer can control me. By recognising it's a defense mechanism and not a threat, I’ve gained the power to ground myself in the present moment and stop getting so overwhelmed and snowballing. Whether it’s through the gym, time with loved ones, or just thinking positively, now I have ways to reign myself in when I start to drift. Instead of fearing when those moments come, I now know I’m stronger and can keep myself from going overboard using tools I learned over the times it got bad. Nowadays, I keep myself busy by working almost full time, doing online college courses, and working out. I’ve always had a very strong drive to prove to myself that I can accomplish great things. I hope to one day look back on my younger years and appreciate the challenges I had to go through that made me who I am today. I truly wouldn’t change a thing.