My name is Sean, and I have struggled with mental health for the greater portion of my life. Growing up, I was always timid and nervous to be around people or in groups. I was assured by those around me that these feelings were normal, so I grew up with the mindset that “everyone goes through this.” These symptoms intensified into adulthood. I would always figure this was a normal part of growing as a social human being. Psychiatry in my family was taboo, almost as if it were viewed as a weakness. It was not until 11 years ago that I met with a psychiatrist for the first time. After some extensive meetings and therapy, it still took me a year or two to accept that I was living as an adult with depression and generalized anxiety. As time went on, my symptoms gradually began to manifest physically. I found myself constantly sweating when I was uncomfortable or around people. My face would turn red and I would begin to perspire, often times profusely. This became so severe that I often had to excuse myself to wipe my sweat and try to calm myself down. I found myself carrying around an extra t-shirt, sometimes two. I was able to somewhat predict how severe my symptoms were going to be, such as for a barbecue or a family wedding. For many years I claimed to have hyperhidrosis, a medical condition that I had researched as an excuse for my anxiety. Although I knew that I did not have the typical symptoms of the condition, it helped knowing I could give others a reasonable explanation for my appearance. During adolescence, I remember seeing multiple commercials for depression. It never registered to me that I could be suffering from the same thing. Part of this was denial and thinking that I had to in a constant unhappy state of mind or moping around daily. As time went on, I opened my mind to a greater degree by attending group therapy meetings. It was at these meetings that I realized what I was feeling wasn’t only not normal, but that countless others shared the same symptoms I did. It was such a comfort and vindicating experience hearing the perspective of others who had similar feelings like myself. Through meetings with groups and with a therapist one-on-one, I learned coping mechanisms and things that I could partake in throughout my day to help with my anxiety. After almost 11 years of being diagnosed and a literal dozen of different medication combinations, I finally feel that my mind is at ease and that I am living in a much healthier mental state than before. My entire mental health journey has given me a new perspective with it comes to people and culture. Not only is it okay to speak to someone when you’re not feeling okay; It’s now encouraged and less stigmatized within our society. I now keep this in mind when meeting new people. I keep this in mind while socializing. I keep this in mind with every day that comes. Every day is a new opportunity for someone to know that it’s “okay to not be okay” and reach out to talk to someone about their mental health.

This is my holding my niece. She has given me the drive to succeed so that I can lead by example. She is the future. She is the reason I feel motivated to prosper. She has inspired me to live a sober lifestyle. She will be taught to be compassionate, loving, kind, and accepting to everyone. She is the next generation of my family. She is my life.

An important experience in my life would be the birth of my niece, hands down. Full disclosure, this essay is going to reflect a taboo, yet pertinent subject in the world today. Before the birth of my niece, I found myself struggling with alcohol abuse for 5 years. The result of this abuse had transpired into feeling down on myself with a lack of hope for the future. I have unfortunately had to live with and endure different forms of abuse since childhood. This abuse had become a black cloud which followed me everywhere I went. I knew that my substance abuse was wrong and affecting the lives of all those in my life, yet I stayed in this vicious cycle of abuse to myself. This is the truly terrifying aspect and result of addiction. It rapidly becomes far too easy to disregard these factors and continue abusing the substances that are literally ruining your life and relationships. I was constantly hearing from my family that I desperately needed to stop in order to move forward with my life and continue my education. Going back to school and finishing my degree was something that I knew I had to do in order to better myself as a person. I needed to stop focusing on all the negative in my life and stop losing focus of what mattered the most - my education. On December 1, 2021, my beautiful niece Lara Aviana was born, and it completely changed my perspective on life. Here I was, looking at my newborn angel of a niece and thinking of the challenges she may face in life as a person, but more importantly as a Latina. I looked down upon her and saw a future of hope, happiness, and success. I wanted nothing more than for this child to have the best life possible. That being said, I realized that in order to demonstrate that I needed to demonstrate the best version of myself. I needed to be able to teach her what my parents, grandparents, tias and tios taught me. I needed to make some drastic changes to my own lifestyle in order to lead by example. I am now 7 months sober and feeling the best I have felt in years. There were periods when I felt like I would never be the person that could speak at meetings about their sobriety. I realized that I am now living in an answered prayer. The mental clarity and newfound coping mechanisms I discovered have literally been lifesaving. I am now enrolled back in school, and I am excited to continue pursuing my journey as a student. I want to personify the examples that my family instilled in me, and demonstrate this for my niece. As I stated at the beginning, I understand that this may be a taboo subject to write about for a scholarship. However, I feel like it is the best story I can tell, because it’s real. In a world where addiction has become a terrifying pandemic with millions of people struggling daily, I can now use my story as a platform to inspire others to get themselves out of the situations they are in. It is my goal to volunteer and possibly work at rehabilitation and programs so that I can share what I have learned. The saying I have heard all my life now has a very real meaning to me – “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”