Resilience: (1) The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. This is something I learned experientially, a trait I acquired because of my environment and the problems I’ve dealt with. Younger me, throughout elementary, middle, and the beginning of high school, made friends that were as mean as they were shallow. My interests were heavily influenced by other people, leaving no time for self-improvement. I was bullied, and my lack of self-worth and need for inclusion made me an easy target—verbal and physical fights were daily occurrences during my childhood. I let other people, people just as immature and insecure as myself, assign a low value to me, inviting negative thoughts that pervaded my mind like a virus. Furthermore, from ages 6 to 13 I was being molested - in silence. I had issue after issue, but over time I’ve been able to recover, heal, adapt and overcome. For some years now I have been focused on fixing what I could about my situation and moving forward from my past by building my self-esteem, making better friend choices, and seeking healthy coping mechanisms for my early childhood trauma. Now, I’m on track to achieving my goals of getting two degrees, but I want to utilize what I’ve learned in university to benefit more people than just myself. I am far from the only person who has had to deal with trauma, or had to worry about fitting in almost purely based on their race, who has had to lead the way into college to break generational disadvantages; Many kids have had similar obstacles in their life. And so, I want to provide the same opportunities to other Black kids who were like me. Those who want better for themselves, and are persevering in reaching their goals. Resilience: (2) The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity. This is what I want to instill in kids: to help nurture strength and a sense of self-worth that can be tried, tested, but never broken. Currently, some of my fellow students and I have formed a group named the Black Brilliance Initiative.The purpose of this organization is to provide mentoring and tutoring for underprivileged youth in our city of New Orleans. We want to impact and positively change the communities we will interact with. My friends and colleagues, not unlike myself, would not have even made it to college if we didn’t people in our lives who cared for us, who helped us make our dreams a reality. We’d like to provide that for others too. With dual degrees in Marketing and Economics, and a minor in Spanish, my goal is to continue to aid those to whom little thought and/or aid is given. I plan to focus my energy on entrepreneurial efforts with an emphasized focus on uplifting the communities with the most need, leaving a lasting and self-propagating impact on them.

Growing up, I was on my own. That's what it meant to me being first-born. In school, I had to deal with things on my own. I didn’t have an older sibling who showed me how things were done, so I had to figure it out. And I’m glad it was this way. While psychologists might dispute the impact of nature and nurture in the shaping of persons, I know that if my circumstances were different, the person I’d be today would be indistinguishable from the one writing this essay. From my perspective, being firstborn and now being a first-generation scholar has been an opportunity to grow in leadership and responsibility. I did not always view it this way. As a child, I wished to be the younger sibling, so that I could have someone close in age to look up to and to set examples for me. The pursuit of that wish only lead me astray. My interests were heavily influenced by other people, and so I strove so much for the approval of kids I gave the misnomer of a friend to. I was bullied as a kid. My lack of self-worth and need for inclusion made me an easy target—verbal and/or physical fights were daily occurrences during my childhood. I let other people, people just as immature and insecure as myself, assign a low value to me, inviting negative thoughts that pervaded my mind like a virus. Eventually, I overcame these hardships; I reflected much and realized that worth is something nobody can give or take from you. This came over many years, as I was imparted wisdom and as I accumulated experience. While I changed and grew, my perspective on being the first was flipped. I realized it is a gift. I’m able to provide my younger siblings with the big brother I always wanted. I can give them friendship and guidance and care so that they don’t seek this validation from the wrong places, as did I. I am a trailblazer for those who come after me; That is what it means for me to be the first-born. I have two younger siblings, both of whom look up to me. The things I do, the way I act, they see. I’m the closest role model they know. I am laying foundations for success; That's what being a first-generation student means to me. I am in college, and I will graduate from my institution. I’m breaking generational patterns. And while my parents can try to teach and tell us kids how to succeed—how not to make their same mistakes—being first-generation allows me to be tangible proof that they aren’t just preaching. It allows me to show my siblings what hard work can do for them. I would never give these opportunities up.

‘Self-Esteem’: (noun) the regard in which someone holds their own self, and the respect they have as a human being (Miriam-Webster Dictionary). Theoretically, easily understood, but as society shows us, hard to implement. Truly, I did not fully understand the term “self-esteem” when it came to embodying it, until late adolescence. My personal bout with mental health has extended throughout my pre-adolescence and well into high school. My struggle is now evident to me: I can see it in the way I lived and how I interacted with those around me. The friends I made were just as shallow as my interest in them; me only seeking them out for their popularity. My interests were heavily influenced by other people, leaving no time for self-improvement. I was bullied as a kid. My lack of self-worth and need for inclusion made me an easy target—verbal and physical fights were daily occurrences during my childhood. At the same time, my experience at home matched its turbulence. I was in third grade when I moved into the neighborhood I now reside in, and I was eight. As previously explained, I lacked friends, so I was desperate for more. The kid that stayed across the street from me was my first new acquaintance in the neighborhood, and he preyed on my naivety. He was about four years older than me, and he would soon show himself to be a sexual predator. This experience was especially influential in the mental pain I experienced. I wanted him to be a friend, and he was a good actor; He made me laugh, and we even played basketball and video games together. But he took these opportunities to also molest me, and this happened for years until I finally outed him in seventh grade. Being molested compounded with me being bullied and fighting at school. For a while, my mental state consisted of ever-present, unrecognized unhappiness that, as I hit puberty, culminated into depression. I let other people—broken, fallible people—assign a low value to me, inviting negative thoughts that pervaded my mind like a virus. When one lacks self-esteem, they truly lack love for themselves. When left unattended, this naturally turns to self-loathing. Finding my self-esteem was like the allegory of Plato’s Cave: I found light in a place I had not recognized as dark, learning that my value was to be rightfully decided by - myself. I remember a maxim once told to me: “self-esteem begins with ‘self’ because it wholly depends on you.” It was my sophomore year in high school when this revelation occurred. For the first time, I was truly focused on my own future rather than allowing myself to be ordered by the trends that dominate group thought. I did this by changing the things I said to myself about myself. My inner voice was destructive. The broken record playing the loop of negativity that had permeated my being was replaced with positive affirmations and assertions. By the start of my junior year, I had fully implemented the logic of self-esteem being an action word. Similar to ‘love’ and ‘forgiveness’, self-esteem is only shown in its constant application. It requires effort, patience (with yourself), time, and perseverance. Over time, with unfailing determination, my self-esteem grew. With self-esteem came maturity and progressively I fought back depression. I made more intelligent friend choices and felt the sting of others unfounded judgments no more. I was no longer bound by self-hate. In fact, quite the opposite. I loved me: Who I was, am, and my potential to be. I freed myself from the bondage of self-loathing. I realized that one cannot effectively mold themselves to the world and have true inner joy in the same instance. When I embraced this worth in myself, it led to self-love, and with it came an inner strength no longer clouded by self-doubt. My growth into a healthier mental state has lead me to be more productive in all areas of my life. Confidence in one’s abilities will open doors to new opportunities otherwise unseen. Embodying the concept of self-esteem as a verb is what has made me the person I am today, one who is stronger than he once was. One who has things to do, goals to achieve, and places to see.