The sky was impossibly blue the last time I saw Amber—one of those rare Texas afternoons in early spring where the air hums softly with sunlight, and a breeze lingers in the air. We were sitting on the cracked stone steps outside of school during lunch, surrounded by the familiar buzz of students rushing to fifth period, notebooks scattered between us. I was helping her prep for her Lincoln-Douglas rebuttal speech on GMOs, though our session had—as it often did—drifted far from the prompt into a tangle of laughter and half-serious philosophizing. She had just argued that GMOs might solve world hunger, and I quipped that they’d probably also make us grow glow-in-the-dark corn-textured hair! She had dyed her hair a soft cinnamon brown with sunlit undertones, and I remember how it caught the light like it was meant to be noticed. I told her I loved the change and she smiled, not the kind you offer out of politeness, but the one that reaches the eyes and lingers. I remember thinking that my best friend seemed lighter than usual, more present.
Two days later, she was gone.
The news came on a Tuesday morning, sterile and sudden, carried into my world through the lips of an assistant principal with a voice too calm for what he was saying. “Amber took her life,” he told me, and everything inside me recoiled as if language had failed, as if those words could not belong in the same sentence. My first instinct was denial. I had just seen her. I had just told her she looked radiant. How could my best friend so alive, so brilliant, so quick with her wit and passionate with her arguments, have been carrying such immense weight?
What they don’t tell you about grief at sixteen is how quietly it moves into your life. It doesn’t wail or scream; it lingers in the gaps—between classes, within the chorus of our favorite songs, in the ache of an empty seat beside you during every debate tournament. It’s in the absence of her laughter, her missing hand-written letters for every special occasion, in the way I found myself looking for her in every crowd after my accomplishments. I grieved not only her passing, but also for the silence she drowned in; the fact that she wore it so invisibly that even I, one of her closest friends, never saw it. That pain haunted me: I had missed the signs. I, who prided myself on empathy, missed the most important cry for help.
But in that cavern of sorrow, I found a whisper, faint but persistent: do something. Do something with this pain. Let it be a seed, not a grave.
In the months that followed, I carried Amber’s memory not as a wound, but as a responsibility. I began to speak—first softly, then with growing strength—about the importance of mental health in youth spaces, about how easy it is to overlook the pain of those who appear “put together,” and about how dangerous silence can be.
As Vice Chair of the Texas High School Democrats, I brought this conviction into policy. I testified in support of Senate Bill 26, which would allocate grants to nonprofit and healthcare providers offering mental health services—especially for children and families. It is a rare and beautiful thing when policy touches people’s lives where they actually live, when it reaches into classrooms and bedrooms and hearts. I wanted to help build that bridge. But policy, I learned, is only part of the battle. Healing begins not in courtrooms, but in classrooms. That’s why I joined my school’s Hope Squad, a peer-led initiative aimed at destigmatizing mental health struggles and creating a culture of connection.
Sometimes, I wonder if Amber would have joined; I think she would’ve brought cupcakes to every meetings. I think she would’ve asked the hardest questions. I think she would’ve made us all laugh until our stomachs hurt. And I think she would’ve saved someone.
In her absence, I try to.
Amber changed the way I see the world. I no longer pursue public policy and law in the abstract; I pursue them with names and faces in mind—with a fierce hope that systemic change is possible, and that it can begin with one conversation, one bill, one brave moment of vulnerability. I try, always, to see people clearly, looking beyond practiced smiles and asking the second question. Mental health is a central cause to me, the invisible thread often running through every crisis we face: homelessness, incarceration, gun violence, poverty. We cannot legislate change without healing the human soul.
And I am here to fight for that soul. Amber’s. My own. Yours.
There are days when I still feel the ache of her absence in sudden ways—Viva La Vida (our debate hype song) playing on the radio, the smell of cherry lip balm. Each morning, I walk past her memorial plaque by the main office—its brass lettering catching the sun just as her freshly dyed hair did—and I can almost hear her teasing voice from above, scolding me for being late again, coffee in hand! And yet, I know she is present in the work I do, in the compassion I carry, in every conversation where I honor her memory.
Soon, I will graduate. I will walk across a stage that feels both triumphant and haunted. Before the ceremony, my friends and I will visit her resting place. We will bring flowers, and I will bring balloons—lavender and gold, her favorite colors. We will tell her stories of our lives, play her favorite songs.
As the sun leans into the horizon, I will whisper: I am living for you now.
And then I will release the balloons skyward, watching them rise—weightless.
Like grief. Like love.
Like promises kept.
I will feel her light shining on me, and I will spend my life walking toward that light, carrying others with me.