Hello! I’m excited to be applying for this scholarship. My name is Sarah, and I’m starting a second bachelors in Jazz Studies at the University of Utah this fall. I’m so excited to be going back to school to study music! I grew up playing some classical music, but I never learned theory or Jazz. I loved music but didn’t pursue it because I believed I wasn’t talented enough, and the dream of being a musician became buried under all the stories of my inadequacies until I didn’t even know it was there anymore. I instead took a route my brain deemed more practical. I studied psychology with the intent of becoming a therapist and perhaps getting a job in academia. After many years on that path, with a master’s degree and therapy license in hand, I found myself burnt out with a myriad of mental and physical health issues. Around 6 years ago these issues started to become debilitating and made it difficult to work. I was forced to take a step back and reassess. Somewhere in that process, I felt the call to take piano lessons as an adult. I had always wanted to learn jazz and improvisation, so around a year and a half ago I started taking some lessons from a local. This is where jazz music took ahold of me and started excavating my dreams, digging through and exposing all the shame and self-criticism that had me trapped. The journey was unnerving and I was shocked to discover how desperately I wanted to play and make music, to be a conduit for the creative energy I could feel swirling around me. I started having dreams where full scores of music would come through me, and they have become progressively more vivid and consistent. I dedicated myself to practicing and learning theory, and started to thirst for more experience and education. Every time I sat down to play I would hear the old criticism and doubt, but with each taste of joy and energy that came from being a part of the music, the stories of inadequacy became less powerful. My desire for further education led me to audit a combo course at the U this past semester. Miraculously, I found that through my continued study of music, my health problems started to abate. I was feeling more energy than I had in years, and my pain was less intense. The motivation to practice and learn was sprouting from somewhere deep inside, and the hard work was somehow sustainable, even energy-giving. This was evidence for me that I needed to pursue this call more intently and with even more dedication, so I decided to apply for a second bachelors at the U and go back to school. I almost can’t believe that this journey has unfolded the way it has, it feels like the biggest gift of my life and I am determined to show up for it. Jazz has slowly been healing me from the inside out, and I’m in tears as I write this. I’m still very much a beginner. But I have a natural tenacity that has finally found a sustainable home. I am aching to devote myself to the music and the creative process. I don’t know for sure where the journey leads, but what feels most true to me is that I want to help people through music. There was a reason that psychology called to me in the first place – I wanted to give back, to help lessen suffering and create more ease for my community. That need never had a true home in psychology, I see now it wasn’t aligned with my soul’s desire. I believe music is that path for me now. My biggest dream is to be able to express the energy of life through music, through my body, and for it to move and even heal others. I hope that will look like being a performer, composer, and educator all together. The music is wanting to come through and I’m so excited to see what is to come. I believe I’m finally on my own authentic path, and I believe that from here I can truly be a beneficial force for the other special beings that are in my life and my community. Thank you for reading this and witnessing my story. I appreciate your consideration of my application!