I know my mental health is important because if I am not feeling emotionally and mentally healthy, it will impact how well I am able to perform in other areas of my life. I am currently a graduate student pursuing a degree in clinical mental health counseling. Specifically in this field, it is a necessity to maintain my own well-being in order to help my clients as effectively as possible. In addition to this, there are symptoms that overlap with numerous diagnoses, such as experiencing a decrease in concentration, interest in activities, and an increased need for sleep. While these could impact me professionally, it would impact me personally. There are numerous strategies I have found throughout the years that have helped me work toward an emotionally and mentally healthy lifestyle. The first major activity that I turned to was going to individual therapy for my generalized anxiety, major depression, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Therapy is something I have participated in off and on for the past four years to help me cope with these symptoms, as well as a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. Not only has this provided me with a safe environment to feel like I can express any thought, feeling, or behavior that is negatively impacting me, but I know that I will never be met with a judgmental response. When my mental health has been poor, this alone has been especially helpful to have a therapist in my life. Particularly in graduate school, I have recognized the importance of setting aside time specifically for self-care. Regularly engaging in self-care has helped me be proactive about maintaining my mental health, rather than reactive. I have found a variety of things that I rotate between for my self-care activities. Some of these include reading a book, watching Netflix, or coloring. Being able to physically move your body has numerous benefits, and I occasionally exercise as self-care. I enjoy it even more if I’m able to go outside and get fresh air and soak in vitamin D. The other way I regularly engage in self-care is by pampering myself. I do this in different ways, but usually includes taking a long shower, washing my hair very well, doing a face mask, shaving my legs, moisturizing my face and legs, or painting my nails. Having a variety of ways I prioritize self-care has been beneficial by allowing me to pick which activities I engage in for that specific day.

I am pursuing a career in therapy because of the profound impact I have seen it have on my life as well as the lives of loved ones. Since my childhood, I have always had an interest in helping others and filling their lives with enjoyment. For example, there were numerous years I would volunteer to play piano at an assisted living facility for the residents, and talk with them after each performance to get to know them better. In addition to this, I have always been the “go to” friend to talk to when someone is feeling down or needs another perspective. I’ve always enjoyed having that role with my friends, and it has been incredibly rewarding thus far. When I began my Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology, I was able to see how therapy drastically improved my sister’s life, as well as one of my friends’ lives. My sister struggled with crippling anxiety, and after a few years of therapy she is much more confident and able to manage her anxiety when it arises. One of my friends has struggled for most of her life with numerous mental health diagnoses, including anorexia nervosa. Although she is still struggling, I have seen how therapy has helped her enough to help her begin the path of recovery. Over the past three years, I have gone to therapy off and on for anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, the loss of a childhood pet, and PTSD. There were many days where I wasn’t capable of getting out of bed, and would have roommates bring me food. When I was able to get out of bed, I would frequently put on a mask and show the world that I was doing well. In reality, I was falling apart and struggling to do simple tasks. With the help of therapy, and my therapist believing in me, I was able to heal much better than I ever thought was possible. Therapy also taught me numerous coping strategies that help me today if mental health concerns begin to arise. Overall, now I am happy, proud, and confident in myself. This is a stark difference from three years ago and my quality of life is much better. I’ve been able to find the balance of helping myself while also allowing others to help support me. I find value in being able to relate to my clients and potentially use self-disclosure as a beneficial tool in the theraputic setting. Learning about symptoms and disorders in an academic setting is helpful, but there is still such a disconnect of knowing what the client is really experiencing. One of the most helpful things my therapist said to me during our two years of work together was that he also took medications to help with his mental health. Not only that, but he also experienced some of the same side effects to his medications that I was experiencing when I started taking medication. This interaction really provided me with a sense of not being alone in what I was experiencing. Especially with going into the mental health field, I originally had a viewpoint that clinicians mostly had all of their mental health under control. Although that is ideally the case, it may not be at times. I am already working with a client who is in a graduate program for counseling and hope that someday I will be able to provide her with the same sense of relief of breaking down the self standards clinicians place on themselves to be perfect. In my senior year of my undergraduate degree, I had the opportunity to have an internship with answering the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Although this was intimidating and overwhelming at first, I gained many skills such as actively listening, asking open ended questions, reflecting feelings, assessing for risk of suicide, helping clients make a safety plan, and knowing when it was appropriate to use self-disclosure. I still remember numerous conversations I had with individuals where they began the conversation feeling helpless and not physically safe, and ending the conversation with some form of hope and feeling physically safe. Not only did I learn those skills during this internship, but it allowed me to engage in self-exploration and determine what aspects of this career field interested me. I found myself enjoying working with callers who were experiencing anxiety or depression, which are some of my main clinical interests now. I also remember times where the conversations I had were challenging and would lead to me thinking about these individuals for months. To this day, I don’t know if they were able to remain safe and not cause harm to themselves in some form. I quickly had to learn and accept that I can only do so much for clients, and they are able to have autonomy. In most situations, I love this for aspect of the field. However, when I am concerned for a client’s safety but not to the point of being able to break confidentiality to provide them with additional areas of support, it is hard to accept that clients have the ability to make their own decisions. In my master’s program, I learned more about this, and how as a clinician, I should be responsible to a client, but not responsible for them. After graduating with my bachelor’s degree, I began my master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling that fall. Since then, I have worked as a Mental Health Practitioner in a crisis and IRTS unit for about a year. During this time, I have found it intrinsically motivating to help my clients with their presenting concerns, as well as learning about them as individuals. I have helped clients manage a variety of things, including but not limited to addiction, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, eating disorders, dissociative identity disorder, and psychotic disorders. Although some of these have been more challenging than others, I have found all of this work incredibly rewarding. I have learned new techniques that have helped specific clients, and seen at least some progress in nearly all of my clients. It is truly amazing to think about how I am helping their lives the way my therapist helped me. I have been in my practicum for just under two months now. I have noticed I continue to be intrinsically motivated to support my clients and provide them with a safe space to process their feelings regarding themselves or other situations. I’ve also branched out from my comfort zone of working with clients experiencing anxiety or depression. Although I feel less certain in areas such as grief and loss as well as relationship conflicts, I have continued to view it as a learning opportunity. This has helped when I begin to doubt my abilities or have the common thought of “I don’t know what I’m doing.” These thoughts can become overwhelming at times, but being able to process this in my own individual therapy and weekly supervision helps normalize this and how it is truly part of the learning process. When I graduate with my master’s degree, I plan to become an LPC/C and mainly provide individual therapy sessions. I am excited to continue with my self-exploration journey through practicum and discover which other clinical interests I have. It is my goal to find my niche and provide my services to that particular demographic. So far in practicum, I have clients who have identities that mostly qualify as “majority” identities. I would like to expand my client case load with clients who are part of minority populations. One way I plan on doing this in practicum and after licensure is to work with clients experiencing poverty or are from the LGBT+ community. I am located in St. Paul, Minnesota. Working in an area that is densely populated makes me feel confident I will be able to work with clients who have different demographics from the majority population. Despite this, I envision myself becoming licensed in numerous states. Some states that currently pique my interest include Florida, Texas, and Tennessee due to their lack of support for the LGBT+ community. As a member of this community, it frightens me to hear about many of the federal laws that are coming into place. As a mental health provider, I feel like the least I can do is be available for clients in these regions. Although it would not take away their pain and suffering, I would feel honored to be a trusted individual to support them through the discrimination they may experience. Similar to all clients I hope to work with, I aim to create an environment that is welcoming and non-judgmental. I strive to provide the best quality care that I am able to within my competence and will assist clients in the referral process if that is necessary for their course of treatment.

I will be able to prioritize my mental health and well-being while fulfilling my career aspirations as a therapist who will empower individuals who have been negatively affected by societal norms and legislation directed toward harming individuals with minority identities.

If I could have everyone read one book, I would have them read Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. It is a powerful book based on a true story that covers the depths of his son's addiction to methamphetamine. The story is told from David's perspective as Nick's father and is transparent with the fear and concern for his son's addiction, as well as his mental health concerns. Throughout the book, we see periods of time where it is unknown where Nick is, and if he is even alive. There would be times David would be waiting by the phone just to hear if a hospital would call so he would know Nick was alive. We also see Nick go to numerous treatment programs in hopes of him overcoming his addiction. There is also a full chapter that explains in depth the neurological processes that take place with addiction. It captures how complex it is, why some people are prone to it, and why addicts can't "just stop using." This piece of psychoeducation really makes the story applicable to anyone who has struggled with addiction. By the end of the story, Nick has finally overcome his addiction and has become a public speaker to raise awareness of the complexities of addiction. This is the book I would have everyone read because it would provide more people with empathy for people who are in similar situations to Nick. As a result, this population usually overlaps with people in the homeless population, which is briefly discussed throughout the book. With being able to understand the situation people have been placed in and the complexities it encompases, I envision a world with much less hostility and much more concern to make sure everyone's basic needs are met.

I am pursuing a career in therapy because of the profound impact I have seen it have on my life as well as the lives of loved ones. Since my childhood, I have always had an interest in helping others and filling their lives with enjoyment. For example, there were numerous years I would volunteer to play piano at an assisted living facility for the residents, and talk with them after each performance to get to know them better. When I began my Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology, I was able to see how therapy drastically improved my sister’s life, as well as one of my friends’ lives. My sister struggled with crippling anxiety, and after a few years of therapy she is much more confident and able to manage her anxiety when it arises. One of my friends has struggled for most of her life with numerous mental health diagnoses, including anorexia nervosa. Although she is still struggling, I have seen how therapy has helped her enough to help her begin the path of recovery. Over the past three years, I have gone to therapy off and on for anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, the loss of a childhood pet, and PTSD. There were many days where I wasn’t capable of getting out of bed, and would have roommates bring me food. With the help of therapy, and my therapist believing in me, I was able to heal much better than I ever thought was possible. Therapy also taught me numerous coping strategies that help me today if mental health concerns begin to arise. Overall, now I am happy, proud, and confident in myself. This is a stark difference from three years ago. In my senior year of my undergraduate degree, I had the opportunity to have an internship with answering the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Although this was intimidating and overwhelming at first, I gained many skills such as actively listening, asking open ended questions, reflecting feelings, assessing for risk of suicide, helping clients make a safety plan, and knowing when it was appropriate to use self-disclosure. I still remember numerous conversations I had with individuals where they began the conversation feeling helpless and not physically safe, and ending the conversation with some form of hope and feeling physically safe. After graduation, I began my master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling that fall in 2022. Since then, I have worked as a Mental Health Practitioner in a crisis and IRTS unit for about a year. During this time, I have found it intrinsically motivating to help my clients with their presenting concerns, as well as learning about them as individuals. I have helped clients manage things such as anxiety disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, eating disorders, dissociative identity disorder, and psychotic disorders. Although some of these have been more challenging than others, I have found all of this work incredibly rewarding. I have learned new techniques that have helped specific clients, and seen at least some progress in nearly all of my clients. It is truly amazing to think about how I am helping their lives the way my therapist helped me. After I graduate with my master’s degree, I may become an LPC/C. However, I may continue my education and pursue my PsyD, as I know this would allow me more opportunities to help my clients. Whichever I decide, I am beyond excited to share what I have learned and continue to make an impact on client’s lives by providing them with the sense of self and confidence that they have been looking for.

My favorite Taylor Swift song from 1989 is “Clean” because it represents my journey with severe depression and self-harm. A couple years ago, depression consumed my life. It shaped the way I did tasks each day, had interactions with other people, and habits I created. At this time, it felt like “the sky turned black like a perfect storm” (Swift, 2014, track 13). It felt like there was no way to escape the sadness, hopelessness, and lack of self-worth that I had. Most days, I would stay in bed unless I absolutely needed to go somewhere. Even though I didn’t want to actively reach out to my friends to ask for help, my silence made it feel like “I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing” (Swift, 2014, track 13). I began to self-harm as a way to cope with these feelings. I started going to therapy during this time, and my therapist was there for me unconditionally. With his help, I reached out to my doctor and started taking psychiatric medications. For a while, these started to help but I still felt like my world was ending. I continued to self-harm, even months later as I began to see improvements in my cognitions and emotions. I eventually reached a point where I had healthier coping skills that worked for me, but still turned to self-harm occasionally. This is when I started to recognize the addictive qualities of self-harm. Each time I had an urge to harm myself but didn’t, I viewed it as a win. Even as the months went on, it was still something in the back of my mind when I encountered negative emotions. It was something I craved in those moments, and “just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it” (Swift, 2014, track 13). For the past year, I feel as though I have overcome my depression. I no longer need to see a therapist for my depression, or have thought of harming myself. I am thriving in my master’s program to become a clinical mental health counselor, and begin working with my own clients this fall. I feel confident in myself and my abilities, which is something I couldn’t have said two years ago. I look forward to the opportunities that I’ll encounter and want to meet as many people in the field as possible. I can feel that emotionally, I am free. “I think I am finally clean” (Swift, 2014, track 13). References Swift, T. (2014). Clean [Song]. On 1989 [Album]. Big Machine Records.