I have Reactive Attachment Disorder. In a summary, as an infant, my mind recognized that it’d be safer not attaching to my parents, due to the neglect I was receiving. If one can imagine the circumstances in order for a child to break the most essential and instinctual bond needed for life, one can also assume the lack of support I had as a child. Most days growing up, the only words my parents and I exchanged were: “Do the dishes.” “Okay.” It also wasn’t unheard of for us to not even look at each other for days. Conversations not revolving around dishes usually ended with me crying or walking away with another negative emotion. I was never beaten, but I was also never loved, and I was definitely never supported. Some of the most memorable of those conversations were about my future aspirations. I had several ideas for what I wanted to do, with the common theme being little education required. I’m certain this was because the few times I was asked, no matter what I responded, they would laugh in my face then give various reasons for why I’d never be able to achieve it. So, I didn’t set big goals for myself nor did I let myself have hope for anything greater. I graduated a year early from high school then spent several years in entry-level jobs. In my mind back then, how could I do anything if the people who controlled my life wouldn’t throw me a word of encouragement, let alone a dime? I began challenging those ideas as I grew older. It’s taken years of fighting with everything I was raised on to realize that what my parents think has absolutely no correlation with me as a person, and it especially doesn’t dictate what I’m capable of achieving. I became a pharmacy technician when I started realizing that. This was a great first step for me, even if I didn’t recognize at first I was still setting myself to the expectation I wouldn’t be able to get an education. Pharmacy technicians need training to pass a certification exam, no schooling. I’ve always been enamored with astronomy. At first, it might’ve been a way for me to escape my life and leave the entire planet. However, the more I learned about it, the more an actual passion and fascination grew. What’s a more universal love humans share other than the stars? All cultures throughout history have shared the night sky and the same awe, wonder, and love for it. This reflects in phrases we use. When you fall in love with someone, you see the stars in their eyes. In Japanese, a subtle way to say “I love you” is “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” When you love something, you have stars in your own eyes. We buy stars for our loved ones and go stargazing on dates. We tell them we’d give them the moon, as well as that we love them to the moon and back. What else is greater to give to the world than knowledge of the stars that we have spent thousands of years gazing upon? What else will be as relevant for millennia to come? Astronomers need doctorates, so I never considered becoming one until recently. By now I’ve stomped out every thought of failure forced on me. I have a passion and giving up isn’t an option. The cost nor duration of a doctorate isn’t holding me back. I’m determined to do something great for both myself and the world because the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?

My fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Robinson, completely changed the course of my life. My depression started in elementary school. The unsupportive household I’ve lived in my entire life impacted me much more as a child. I didn’t know better than the horrible things I was told by my parents. When you’re ten or below, your parents are the end-all, be-all dictators of how you view the world. Children’s minds are unable to realize when their parents are wrong. When children get the message their needs, including being loved, are undeserved, it’s translated in their minds to something being wrong with their needs because they’re bad children. I wasn’t aware I carried anything remotely that heavy until Mrs. Robinson privately pulled me aside one day. She told me she was worried for me since she could see in my eyes that something was wrong. To encourage me to confide in her, she gave me a small notebook she had bought specifically for me. The system we agreed upon was I’d write something at home or recess and put it on her desk. She’d write her response and return it to me along with my graded schoolwork. Besides the notebook, we worked out a deal where I was allowed to bring my hermit crabs to school for a day after every month all of my work was turned in. Those gestures touched me more than words can convey. Teachers had pulled me aside before to talk about slipping grades but those conversations had accusatory undertones. It wasn’t laziness that inhibited my abilities, it was a soul-crushing despair that encompassed every part of my life. Every time I was punished it further enforced to me that what I was going through was my fault. Unlike others, Mrs. Robinson encouraged me and celebrated my achievements. It’s taken a matured set of eyes to look back and fully understand what she did and why. Mrs. Robinson had picked up on me going through emotional abuse. The notebook was her hope that I’d write a confession so she could take action. Unfortunately, the opportunity slipped through my fingers. That doesn’t mean her kindness was lost on me. My grades didn’t slip the rest of school after she stepped in. Nearly straight A’s & B’s from sixth grade to high school, with only a single D. My mood and self-confidence rose, since she was the first person to challenge the ideas from my abuse being put in my hand. Mrs. Robinson was the first person who showed me I mattered. I don’t know where I’d be without her, but from the depths of my heart, I couldn’t be more thankful for everything she’s done.

I have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Most people I’ve told haven’t heard of the name before, a few of those including even therapists. In a summary, as an infant, my mind recognized that it’d be safer not attaching to my parents, due to the neglect I was receiving. This has a huge impact on how the person develops. If one can imagine the circumstances in order for a child to break the most essential and instinctual bond needed for life, one can also assume the lack of support I had as a child. Most days growing up, the only words my parents and I exchanged were: “Do the dishes.” “Okay.” It also wasn’t unheard of for us to not even look at each other for days. Conversations not revolving around dishes usually ended with me crying or walking away with another negative emotion. I was never beaten, but I was also never loved, and I was definitely never supported. Some of the most memorable of those conversations were about my future aspirations. I had several ideas for what I wanted to do, with the common theme being little education required. I’m certain this was because the few times I was asked, no matter what I responded, they would laugh in my face then give various reasons for why I’d never be able to achieve it. So, I didn’t set big goals for myself nor did I let myself have hope for anything greater. I graduated a year early from high school then spent several years in entry-level jobs. In my mind back then, how could I do anything if the people who controlled my life wouldn’t throw me a word of encouragement, let alone a dime? I began challenging those ideas as I grew older. It’s taken years of fighting with everything I was raised on to realize that what my parents think has absolutely no correlation with me as a person, and it especially doesn’t dictate what I’m capable of achieving. I became a pharmacy technician when I started realizing that. This was a great first step for me, even if I didn’t recognize at first I was still setting myself to the expectation I wouldn’t be able to get an education. Pharmacy technicians need training to pass a certification exam, no schooling. I’ve always been enamored with astronomy. At first, it might’ve been a way for me to escape my life and leave the entire planet. However, the more I learned about it, the more an actual passion and fascination grew. What’s a more universal love humans share other than the stars? All cultures throughout history have shared the night sky and the same awe, wonder, and love for it. This reflects in phrases we use. When you fall in love with someone, you see the stars in their eyes. In Japanese, a subtle way to say “I love you” is “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” When you love something, you have stars in your own eyes. We buy stars for our loved ones and go stargazing on dates. We tell them we’d give them the moon, as well as that we love them to the moon and back. What else is greater to give to the world than knowledge of the stars that we have spent thousands of years gazing upon? What else will be as relevant for millennia to come? Astronomers need doctorates, so I never considered becoming one until recently. By now I’ve stomped out every thought of failure forced on me. I have a passion and giving up isn’t an option. The cost nor duration of a doctorate isn’t holding me back. I’m determined to do something great for both myself and the world, because, the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?

I’ve always been enamored with astronomy. The more I’ve learned about it, the more a passion and fascination has grown. What’s a more universal love humans share other than the stars? Since humanity began, the night sky has unified us world-wide. All cultures throughout history have shared the night sky and the same awe, wonder, and love for it. This reflects in phrases we use. When you fall in love with someone, you see the stars in their eyes. In Japanese, a subtle way to say “I love you” is “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” When you love something, you have stars in your own eyes. We buy stars for our loved ones and go stargazing on dates. We tell them we’d give them the moon, as well as that we love them to the moon and back. What else is greater to give to the world than knowledge of the stars that we all have spent thousands of years gazing upon? What else will be as relevant for millennia to come? The history of astronomy can be traced back 3,500 years in Mesopotamia. Following the Mesopotamians came famous historical Greek, Chinese, and Indian astronomers. All the way up until now we’ve never stopped attempting to map and understand the stars. Astronomers need doctorates, so I never considered becoming one until recently. By now I’ve stomped out every thought of failure forced on me. I have a passion and giving up isn’t an option. The cost nor duration of a doctorate isn’t holding me back. I’m determined to give something great to both myself and the world, because, the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?