My all-time favorite film would have to be a Polish film titled Sala Samobójców, also known as Suicide Room in English. The reason that Sala Samobójców is my number one favorite movie is because when I saw it for the very first time in 2012 I related very heavily with the main characters Dominik and Sylwia. The film follows Dominik’s downward spiral with his mental health as well as his failing relationship with his parents. Which, at the time, was a lot like what I was going through in my life. This film put into words and video what I could not. I felt like I could relate to what Dominik was going through. Is that not what good film is all about? Making the audience feel and relate to what, mostly fictional, characters are going through? How I related to Sylwia was different because she, much like myself, used the internet as a means of escaping the issues she faced in the real world. Both Dominik and Sylwia do. Which is how they met in an online chat room called sala samobójców. I related to many of Dominik’s outer world struggles, and many of Sylwia’s inner world struggles. I was able to project myself onto both characters so much that that’s most likely why Sala Samobójców is my all-time favorite movie. When I took film classes in high school I would use Sala Samobójców whenever I could in projects. Mostly when I had to compare two films to each other and point out similar styles of cinematography. I have probably seen that film easily 20 times since my first viewing in 2012. It will most likely be my favorite film until my very last day. But who knows what the future holds? That’s the exciting part of life.

I want to create art in the form of music as well as videos to spread all across the globe. Through my creations I want to, as cliché as it might be, let people (more notable young and teenaged women) know that they are not alone in what they go through. I have always been really interested in film as well as music so that’s why I feel that those are the best two mediums to share my personal experiences with audiences. I have made films in the past addressing my personal struggles with losing friends, growing up without a present father, struggling with mental health issues such as an eating disorder. All of those topics are important experiences I had in my life that made me gain a lot of perspective. But I also know that when I was going through those challenges that I felt like the only person in the world who ever experienced that hardship, even if I know it wasn’t true. I think part of the reason I felt that way was because whenever I heard songs about struggles with parental relationships or mental health issues, it was always songs from a man’s perspective. Which is fine and completely valid, but I feel as though there needs to be more of a female perspective in the music industry in the rock and pop-punk scene. Be as that is mainly what I listened to when I was facing all of these hardships that took place in my life. I also feel as though I never really saw a lot of films made by women that depicted issues that I was going through. Hence why I decided to just make them myself. I decided to be the representation that I needed growing up. When I am writing short films I draw on my own personal experiences as well as those of women who have shared with me their struggles with similar topics to myself. I believe that part of why I felt so alone in my struggles was because I was raised in a family that does not talk about any issues be they personal, mental, emotional, anything. So growing up I never learned how to process or share my emotions. I was taught to keep that inside. So for me, music and film were really my only outlets when it comes to expressing emotions. It is the only way I know how to do so in a way that feels safe. I want young people to be able to look at the films I make and listen to the music I produce and really be able to relate to it. I want to be a safe place for people that struggle with the same things that I did but at least they will feel like someone understands them and they are not crazy. I never want someone to feel alone in their issues like I did. That’s why I think it is vital for the world to see my creations.

Covid has had a much bigger effect on my life than I ever thought it would on March 13th, 2020. On that day I truly believed it was just going to be two maybe three weeks and then things would slowly resume back to the way things were prior to the lockdown. Covid has taken so much away from not just me but everyone I know and care about. It is called a global pandemic for a reason. I am well aware that I am not the only person in the world who was affected by this crisis but at times it felt like that was the truth. The first thing Covid took from me was all of my vacations I had planned for the year. Which I can live without. Then it was concerts. 2020 was the first year in nearly a decade where I did not go to any live shows. I miss them more than anything and still have my fingers crossed that they’ll come back soon. What I did not anticipate though was Covid taking away my college graduation. Because of Covid, I didn’t get to walk across the stage and my school decided to skip the commencement ceremony for all 2020 and 2021 graduates. It really hurts knowing that I won’t get to cross that stage with all my friends. Thankfully I am doing a 2 + 2 program so hopefully, in two years I will have another opportunity unity to walk during commencement with my bachelor’s degree since I didn’t get to do so with my associate’s degree. Covid has taught me a lot about the world during this time. The number one, most disheartening, takeaway I learned from all of this was that many people, Americans at least, simply do not care about one another. The refusal to wear masks, stay inside, not see people outside of their circle. People who make those choices are part of why this pandemic seems and feels never-ending. I just want to know why they refuse to make simple choices that have such a huge effect on the world. It breaks my heart knowing some people I am close to and care about make choices such as refusing to wear masks and spreading lies about Covid and the vaccine. Covid has really made people show their true colors. As for myself, I have learned just how resilient and self-sufficient I can be and am becoming. When I had to stop going to school due to the virus I was able to make a schedule and follow it as a way to keep my head above water even though it felt like I was drowning. I learned ways to cope with my feelings in a new way I never thought of before. When the weather was warmer I would go on little day trips to hiking trails and just sit and enjoy views and not be in my house. It was a nice change for a little while. When winter came I thankfully was able to resume working so I had that to look forward to every day as a means of keeping myself busy. I am upset that Covid happened in the first place and I wish it never did, but I am proud of myself for how well I have been able to handle it so far. Hopefully, it will be over soon enough and all of these will be a memory and a weird story we can tell our grandchildren one day.

In my life I never really fit in with the “popular” crowd. I always stood out be it because of my personality, how I dress, how I prefer to do my makeup, and how I color my hair. All of these things about me piled up to me being a misfit. Since I have been like this practically my entire life, and the fact that I am the daughter of a misfit as well, I was never afraid to be myself or pursue my interests. I never placed much importance on what other people thought about me. I would never change that about my life. Due to the fact I never cared what people thought about me, it allowed me to pursue my dreams no matter what. The main dream being getting a degree in audio recording. Many times I was and still do get told that my career field is mostly men and I am going to struggle because I am a woman, not a man. People, mostly classmates, would think I was weird for wanting to be in a mostly male career field. I decided to be the change I want to see in the world. My misfit-ness has led me to where I am today. Which is not caring what people think, even my male classmates with who I’m now fighting for a career. I simply keep my head held high and do what needs to be done to achieve my dream. One day I hope for younger people to be able to look at me and be able to know that it does not matter what people say, what they think, how they feel, none of that. All that matters in life is that they try their best and do what they want to do in life. Not what others want them to do, Not what family wants them to do. What they want to do in life. And sometimes the only way to accomplish your goals in life is to be a misfit. Which there is nothing wrong with that. I also hope one day that there won’t be categories such as misfit. No two people think alike so therefore there truly is no such thing as normal. Here’s to hoping. I know that I will always be considered a misfit amongst my peers and I am content with that. I wouldn’t be who I am today otherwise.

To me, legacy means that even you have been dead for centuries people still remember your name and what you did in your life. Not all legacies are good legacies, but it would be nice to be remembered for doing good in your lifetimes centuries after your passing. There are many different kinds of valuable legacies. Some legacies people are meant to learn a lesson from. Such as, this person did something really bad, here’s what they did, don’t do that. Not all legacies are meant to be used to learn a bad lesson from, others are meant to learn good values and good ways to treat other people and strangers. Other types of legacies are valuable simply because they share stories of their ancestors and how they lived their lives. Even if there is no lesson to be learned it is nice to be able to feel like you are getting that connection to your family history. I can only hope that when I am no longer living on this earth that I will have left behind a legacy. There is no way for me to ensure that that can happen, but I can do my best to work towards my goal of never being forgotten. I want to be remembered for my music, the way I treated people, and how I am willing to help anyone no matter what. In my life, I place great importance on being able to relate to people and help them through whatever issues they may be facing in their day to day lives. I want people to be able to read my life story and take my values into their own lives. I don’t want only my family to remember me when I am no longer living, I want strangers who I never had any contact with to know about me, what I stand for, and what I’ve done in my lifetime.

The earliest I remember struggling with mental illness is at five years old when I was in kindergarten. Every day for roughly three months straight during lunch I would ask to go to the nurse, complaining of a stomachache. I would go to the nurse’s office and once I was there I was completely fine. As I got older I realized that this was the start of my long battle with anxiety. When I was a little older, around the age of eleven, I started feeling this strange sadness that I could not put into words to explain why I was feeling the way I was. I would now compare that to the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry. This I now know was depression. My biggest issue with mental illness didn't come along until I was fourteen years old. When I was fourteen I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder that destroyed and ruined my life. I still struggle with disordered eating thoughts in my life almost seven years after diagnosis. But I have learned how to manage for the most part. How I would want to use these experiences to positively impact the lives of others battling mental illness is by bringing more awareness to mental illness present in children. There is much more awareness now for mental illness than there was ten years ago, but that is it still is not enough. I can only wonder how different my life would be had an adult recognized the emotions I was struggling with at five, eleven, and fourteen years old sooner. I want to be able to push for the screening of children for mental illnesses once they hit school-aged. Yes, many children can get screened for ADHD, autism, and other learning disabilities, but most of those children getting tested and screened are boys. Girls need to be tested as well, and I believe all school-aged children should be screened for mental illnesses at least once a year. I also want parents to know the signs in their children of any issues that could be happening.

I grew up in a single-parent household. For most of my life, it has just been me and my mother. Thankfully, my mom has always pushed me to pursue my passions in life and not let anything hold me back from what I want to do with my life. My dream job is to be a music producer and help musicians push their music out to the world. I would love to be a part of the process that I know helped me when I was younger. My plan to achieve this goal includes a lot of schooling. I finished my associate’s degree in music recording technology which helped me get halfway to finishing my goal. I am currently pursuing my bachelor’s degree in audio engineering. The reason I felt the need to get a bachelor’s degree is because unfortunately, most planes of employment will not consider me without a four-year degree. In my life, I want to be able to look at my work and be proud of what I produced and put out for others to listen to and relate to. I want someone to be able to feel the same connections I feel when I listen to music. The most exciting parts of this world is every single unique individual you come across every day. Every person has their own story to tell, their own experiences, their own stories of struggles in their lives. I just wish I was able to know everything about everyone that I have ever and will ever meet. I want to give back to my community through music. I want to be able to bring people together through sound. The idea of people relating to one another through songs that I produced just means the world to me. I’d love to one day be able to offer scholarships to students interested in audio studies. That’s how I one day plan to give back to my community and others.

My parents divorced when I was six years old. From that point forward I was raised solely by my mother while my brother was raised by my father. Due to the fact that it was just me and my mother for my whole life, she and I have a very close relationship. I am lucky that she and I have a good relationship with one another. I may not have a father figure in my life but I am lucky enough to have a mother who is great at playing both roles. I wouldn’t say having a single mother affects my day-to-day life all that much anymore. When I was younger though I would be jealous of people who had amazing relationships with both parents and were lucky enough to get to wake up and both parents lived under the same roof. Also growing up I was considered poor because I only had one parent bringing in an income instead of a two-parent income household. Although thankfully my mother never let it be known to me that we were considered poor while I was younger. I never really felt like I had to go without what other kids had because my mom did her best to provide for me. Having a single mother growing up did change the way I thought about the future. I love my mother with all my heart and would not change her for the world, but because it was just me and her while I was growing up I learned that I don’t want to have kids. This is mainly due to the fact that I can’t trust a man to stay in my future children’s lives and I know how it felt to grow up without two parents and only having a relationship with my mom. In the future, I would love to work as a music producer or a foley artist. I can’t pick which one is my dream career over the other one. But thankfully the degree I am working towards can be applied to either one no matter what. I recently got my associate’s degree in music recording technology. Unfortunately, most places of employment will not even look at your resume without a bachelor’s degree. That’s why I made the choice to do a two plus two. So once I graduated from the community college I got my associate’s from I applied to a university. Thankfully, I was accepted into the audio engineering program there to finish out my bachelor’s degree. Once I have my bachelor’s degree I will have more job opportunities in my field simply due to the fact I will have a piece of paper that shows I have the knowledge that I say I do. If I were to be granted this scholarship I would be very thankful. My mother was thankfully able to pay my college tuition for the first two years of my college career. Even being a single mother she was somehow able to do that for me and I will forever be grateful to her for that. I know many students don’t have the luxury that is getting their tuition paid for by either one or both parents. However, as much as she was able to help me the first two years she won’t be able to help me with the last two. Mostly due to the fact that university is much more expensive than community college. So I am applying to many scholarships because I don’t want my mother to feel bad or any negative feelings over not being able to help me pay for college. She has done more than enough for me. I don’t want her to worry about me paying for college. So if I was granted this scholarship it would all be put towards the tuition that did not get covered by financial aid. The more I earn the less I have to worry about taking out student loans which will take more stress off of my shoulders and allow me to focus on doing my best on my studies.

I am a young woman who was raised in a single-parent household. For most of my life, it has been just me and my mother. Thankfully, she was able to help me through getting my associate's degree and I was able to leave my two-year college without any debt attached to my name. After I finished my associate's I decided I wanted to go for my bachelor's degree which is what I am currently pursuing. Unfortunately, I will not be able to have the same help from my mother as I was with my associate's, although I am very grateful for the help I did receive from her. If I got the chance to live my wildest dream, I would be either a music producer or a foley artist. I do lean more towards being a music producer though if I had to chose just one career for myself forever. My plan to make this world a better place while I pursue my dream is just by showing young girls like I once was that girls can do the same jobs men can do. Even if that career field is mostly made up of men. When I was thirteen I would listen to all of these rock, pop-punk, and alternative bands and I wanted to make music like them. I didn't necessarily want to be the one on stage but rather the person who records the music and makes it perfect for the world to listen to and relate to. Whenever I would tell people about this while growing up in middle school and high school I was constantly told that I couldn't do it because I was a girl and girls just don't do that job. So I want some young girl out there to be able to look up at me and see that she can do anything she wants to no matter what anyone tells her.

If money wasn't an issue, and neither was the pandemic, I would be traveling the world. I love traveling and seeing things many people might not get to see in their lives. I would be on planes flying all over the globe and just experiencing things with my best friend while I can. I would also be going to music festivals. I've always loved concerts as well as music so I'd want to spend time at music festivals just experiencing what life has to offer. I wanted to go to EDC this past year, but that was taken away from me because of the global situation. I also would want to be in a recording studio behind the board and learning from professions how they do things. I know how I was taught to mic instruments, but maybe they have a different technique that's better. I want to know how they'd mix songs and how it differed from how I would do it. Essentially, if money wasn't an issue I think I would mainly be traveling to music festivals and different recording studios to gain knowledge and experience.

On the list of things that are important in my life, music is very high up on the list. I listen to it every single day, as do most people. The main difference between me and most people is that when I'm listening to music, I'm not only hearing it and I'm analyzing it back and forth, and side to side. That is most likely due to the fact that I chose to go to college for music recording. I chose to do so because when I was younger I wanted an escape from everything in my life, and music was my ticket out of my mind for at least a short while. It helped me when I was feeling numb to feel something. Whether that be anger, joy, sadness, anything was better than the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry. It especially helped me when my father and his family disowned me for the fact like I liked the same sex. Music was an out from the hurt for a little while. I'm much better now than I was back then, but music still holds that special place in my heart and it always will.

The greatest inspiration in my life is knowing I can make a difference with what I want to do. My dream job is to work in music production. The main issue facing me is that music production is mainly a male-dominated field. So, what drives me is knowing I am getting the chance to be the representation I never got as a child. When I was thirteen I would listen to all of these rock, pop-punk, and alternative bands and I wanted to make music like them. I didn't necessarily want to be the one on stage but rather the person who records the music and makes it perfect for the world to listen to and relate to. Whenever I would tell people about this while growing up in middle school and high school I was constantly told that I couldn't do it because I was a girl and girls just don't do that job. One day I want to be able to do an interview or something of the sorts so a young girl like I once was can know that a woman can do any job a man can do.

A woman who has inspired me in my life would have to be my mother. She is a very strong willed woman who won't take any funny business from anyone. She raised me to be a strong, independent, and to not just sit quietly and let some man make all my choices for me in life. Especially since she raised me by herself so she had to play the roles of both parents. Especially knowing I will be going into a very male dominated work force with my degree, I am lucky that she has raised me to be the woman I am today. If I did not have her in my life I don't know how well I would be able to function being surrounded by mostly men who think they're right when it comes to audio production. I learned from her how to be strong willed and be able to hold my own.