My grandmother graduated college in the early 1940s and became a rural school teacher, but as wonderful a story as that is, what matters most to me is that she was my first teacher. She taught me to speak, to read, to play the piano, to write and to sing. She taught me how to care for animals, to cook, to harvest, and to serve my community. She encouraged me to pursue my passions, to find what would make me happy, to give the best of myself. So, I tried to do what she asked. I pursued college a couple times and dropped out. Then I worked for a while until I got bored. I returned to college and completed cosmetology and esthetics programs and earned my licenses, eager to make a name for myself. And then, everything changed. My grandmother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I put everything on hold to learn one more thing…to care for someone who was dying. I immediately changed career paths and became a caregiver. I learned how to bathe someone else, to care for their wounds, how to manage a household. I learned anything I could about her condition, her medications, her dietary requirements, and ultimately her wishes because the inevitable was coming, and I wanted the same happiness for her that she wanted for me. The only thing she ever asked of me was that one day I take care of myself and love myself the way she did me. It’s been the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn, but I find that I am learning how to do that a little more every day. I started at Ozarks Technical Community College in Fall 2019 and began the pursuit of two Associates degrees in health information technology and biological clinical science. I plan on continuing my education and earning a Bachelors and Masters degree as well, because ultimately, I want to teach. I want to share the knowledge I have accumulated but also the love of knowledge my grandmother instilled in me. I want to be the person I wish I had when my world was crashing down around me and I didn’t know what to do. I want to be the instructor I wish I had who would be understanding and compassionate when I was sitting in the hospital with her and missed a deadline. I want to be the mentor who can take a student under their wing and teach them to fly. I don’t know if I will ever love myself the way she did me, but I know I like myself a little more each day, especially on the days I can share my knowledge with someone else. Because the most important thing I learned was true happiness comes from a giving heart.

I grew up poor in a rural farming community raised by my grandmother. She took care of me, and when I became a teenager, I took care of her and my younger three siblings. My mother was absent more than she was present, and my step-father was a horrible alcoholic, among other things. We didn’t have anything the world would give value to, but we had each other. My grandmother worked hard to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, and taught me how to love. I spent the majority of my young adult life taking care of someone else, making sure their needs were met before my own. I nurtured and cared for the small children and the elderly in my life as I jumped from job to job – never satisfied with what I was doing, but thankful to be able to go one more day. I even returned to school to become a cosmetologist and esthetician. However, everything changed when my grandmother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. I changed careers again, leaving behind dreams of more for myself, and learned to be a caregiver so she could spend her last days at home rather than in a nursing home. Those were the hardest years of my life - watching the woman who gave with a gracious heart be reduced to asking for help and receiving none in return. I scrounged every penny, skipped meals and personal appointments, balanced a full-time work schedule and caring for her almost 24-7. I was there for her last moments, prepared her for burial and then tried to move on. I was lost and alone for the first time in my life. I began the self-exploration that I never experienced before, being ostracized from my family when I came out as bisexual and non-binary. I was raped, homeless, without a job or a car, completely helpless - until someone gave me a chance to start fresh. I came to Ozarks Technical Community College in the fall of 2019 and decided to put all the knowledge to use. I am working towards two associate’s degrees in health information technology and biological clinical science. I have seen the struggles the poor, elderly and diverse communities face. I have even battled them myself as I struggle to overcome mental and physical health obstacles. But I am resilient, much the same way as the woman who raised me. My time life has given me a unique perspective. I have seen many people who struggled in having adequate care, medications, food and shelter, and I learned I never want to be a bystander again. I want to take action and use the knowledge and the potential within me to help others. I want to make the world a better place for all of those I come in contact with. And if nothing else, I want to be the person who says they tried their best and gave with all they had.