I fall in an awkward space as a recent high school graduate. My family isn’t poor, but we also don’t come from means. My mother is a single parent and she has taken in a foster child, my sister Trinadee. Ironically enough, she fostered Trinadee’s mom also. She has a big heart like that. On paper, we appear to be lower middle class, but my mother’s big heart and mismatched pocketbook would tell a different story. I have only qualified for student loans, and while that means that all my mom’s hard work as a young single mother has paid off, it also means she doesn’t have anything extra. She’s sacrificed every step of the way to get me here. I’ve applied for scholarships in hopes of offsetting some of the burden she carries. Thank you for your wisdom and willingness to share it. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Suicide and any dialogue around mental health is marginalized and stigmatized in my culture much more than mainstream cultures. When I shared with my mom that I was feeling depressed, her retort was dismissive and silencing. I know she wasn’t being intentionally hurtful, yet I also understand that she has not grown up in a world where she ever has the luxury of prioritizing her own mental health. She’s always had to “stuff it”, as it relates to her feelings. It’s created deep issues with trust, empathy, and a willingness to be vulnerable. I understand that parents are always trying to leave a legacy for their children and work towards us inheriting a world that is better than the one they received. This scholarship affords me the opportunity to pay it back and pay it forward for the incalculable number of people, men and women who have ever felt that sting of being ostracized when they acknowledged that they needed help. As cliche as it sounds, no one should be relegated to suffering in silence. They deserve wholeness, support, and love. So many people have been isolated during the pandemic and mental health support was already in short supply. If we’re truly trying to rebuild stronger and create these “new normals” that are constantly referenced in the media, we have to be serious about funding mental entities and we have to destigmatize the very relevant and necessary conversations that need to happen around mental health. In my own community and within my family, I’ve seen how silencing impact of the stigma attached to mental health manifest in other areas of our lives. Be it obesity, diabetes, reheat disease, or poverty, those who aren’t afforded the opportunity to live whole and mentally liberated suffer shorter and more stressful lives due to a lack of support or cognitive therapy. Their unhealthy mental state is killing them. It’ a time to reclaim our health and change the narrative about mental health.

Cutting was what I believed would help me literally and figuratively cut away the bottomless pit of pain I felt in my life through much of my adolescents. Through cognitive therapy, countless love and support from family and friends, and a devoted group of men who poured into me at church through mentorship, support and prayer, I've realized that my value doesn't come from the extrinsic pressures that are placed up on me as a young man, rather, they are derived from my sense of self, my passion, and my commitment to serve others. I've had the privilege of serving as a volunteer in my community on several occasions over the past few years. I've see the impact of adverse poverty first hand, and it's provided me a greater sense of appreciation, empathy, and love towards those who may not have been afforded some of the opportunities my mother has afforded me. She has modeled sacrifice, unrelenting commitment to bettering herself and her family, and a drive that is unparalleled by anyone I've encountered thus far. She doesn't believe in the word, no. She simply finds a way, or makes one. She has imparted that same spirit of fortitude and tenacity in me. There have been countless times where I've wanted to give up. I wanted to "cut away" the pain I felt from multiple experiences with rejection, the constant grappling with issues of identify, and societal pressures that come with being young, black, and gifted. I've decided to dream bigger than my circumstances and the personal limits I've placed upon myself. I've learned that I can cut away the pain, by replacing it with passion and drive. I can do away with the negative thoughts that plague me by replacing them with positive thinking and actions that positively impact others. It's remarkable how much better you feel when you build your life around service of others and development of self. I'm doing just that. I'm pursuing my formal education in music, and sharing that love of music with others through teaching children's church; serving as a youth leader and singer for kids in 6-12th grade. I've seen first hand the joy that music brings and how it connects all of us through a common language. I'm dreaming outside the box and stepping into an educational path and career that may not be the most glamorous or profitable, but one that brings me joy each and everyday.