The everyday world around me is a direct influence of all of my art. Art has always been very therapeutic for me and I’ve always found it to be a cathartic but releasing for me. This last year I wrote a book and painted a ton of paintings for, while not all of them made an appearance in the Final Cut each and every one of them has a deeper introspective meaning and importance to me. I use art to tell my traumas and life experiences indirectly. I want art to be seen as more than mere an aesthetic culture like it’s shifted to within the last 100 years. The world of art today worries me, with the advancements of A.I and as said before with art being merely for aesthetics, I want to change that to help make art for the artist again!

If I could have everyone in the world read one book it would easily hands down be Junky by William Burroughs. This book while being very raw and even grotesque at times gives a perspective not seen or usually heard on drugs and their affects on addicts. This book should be read by everyone even if you don't have a history of drug addiction personal or interpersonal. This book helped me understand the cultural diversity and the blatant bastardization of anyone using drugs. Burroughs gives a very personal account of his drug use while staying in New York, New Mexico, and Mexico City. This book also gives a raw view of how chaotic the world of Gay and Queer people can encounter in a world where their not seen as acceptable as a societal norm. Burroughs also shows his mental struggles in his life and with his friends at the time. This book challenged and helped me understand my prejudice against drug users as my father is a recovering meth addict, while it wasn't my father writing this book it still helped me understand how he could've been thinking while in an active addiction. It helped me understand how awful and destructive drugs are, and the cultural damnation that can happen to those with an addiction. While I understand that Burroughs may be seen as almost infamous now due to the tragic death of his wife it is possible to take him away from the book and I believe it's possible to admire one's art without admiration or romantic views of the artist.

I have been an artist my entire life, and I have used it to help me understand myself and my trauma. I was diagnosed 3 years ago with c-ptsd after having a 3 month mental health crisis. After that time I was recommended to see a therapist and I have never had good experiences with one so I started to write and paint less for the aesthetic but to help understand my pain. I have published a book this last summer that was a compilation of poems and art that is meaningful to me and about my trauma and my own mental illness struggle (currently working on another because poetry and paintings go so well together). I feel it’s important that people know they’re not alone on feeling depressed or like they’re working against themselves, and I believe art is the way to do so. I was kicked out after high school and my parents refuse to help me financially in any creative or educational pursuits and I use art to carry me if I need extra money, art is my love language it’s how I show appreciation. Most of my gifts to friends and family are paintings or poetry. I paint everyday, and. I write everyday. My favorite Medias being oil, watercolor, ink and acrylics. Art is and forever will be my everything. My ultimate goal with secondary education is to hopefully one day either be an art educator, art therapist or an art conservator. I have a deep infatuation with art history and personally believe that art history is human history at its most personal level. Art is how we communicate silently it’s how we unify and connect ideas and people. I’m applying for this scholarship because school is incredibly expensive and as stated before my parents are not at all willing to help. I also happen to be living in an area of Colorado where a simple 400sq ft studio is $750 a month. I am currently trying to pay for school by myself with very little fafsa aid and I have not been able to obtain a loan because my parents refuse to co-sign and being only 20 my credit score isn’t enough for a loan. I want art to be more than aesthetic, I want art to help heal people. I couldn’t imagine where I would be without art let alone if I’d still be here if I hadn’t used it to save myself from myself.

Community service to me is either through simple actions like opening a door for an older person or helping someone move. Community service is also helping educate people, whether it be through school and the process of teaching children and young adults, it can also be by raising awareness of issues and how they affect you even if it's not a direct action. In my home town, we have a large ignorance around mental health and drug awareness, people tend to lead more with opinion and heart than logical thinking. My ultimate goal with school is to get a degree in art history and possibly an associate degree in fine art, I want to help teach people through art how these stigmas we have surrounding mental health and drug abuse are very human and not something that people should feel ashamed for. I firmly believe that art is a way for people to express how they feel without saying anything, I believe that art whether it be through music, painting, poetry, etc; and is a way for people to connect deeper on an emotional level and can help one feel less alone. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD around 2 years ago and I had the hardest time adjusting after high school and trying to adjust to the emotions and thoughts in my brain and I found it very isolating. But, with that isolation, I grew a deeper appreciation for art than ever before (I have been doing art my whole life and even took AP art in high school), I started to read classic beatniks like Bukowski, and Burroughs; I started to go to Denver to see the art museum. All of that taught me that the most hurt people can make the most beautiful things and those things as cathartic as they might be for the artist a great connector of people no matter what class or ethnicity. I want to teach people to appreciate art on a more human level to take out the aesthetic value and appreciate the meaning. Art history is human history and to connect with the art with your own connections makes it that much more valuable. I want to help teach the depressed kid in class to not hate themselves to see the beauty in pain to see that they are not alone in their struggle. I want the mom who feels like she's failed her kids because she has been dealt a bad hand to see that there is more and that time and time again when she feels like she's drowning there is hope.