My brother is two years older than I am, and he has severe autism. He's low functioning, non-verbal, and when I was young, he had frequent aggressive behaviors. My mom told me he was like a superhero who didn't know how to use his powers yet. He didn't know how to regulate his emotions. He'd get too upset, or even too happy, and hit someone. That's a lot for a child to wrap their head around. So, I'd lock myself in my room when my brother got upset. I wouldn't use certain electronics or toys around my brother. I held pillows over my ears to drown out the noise. I thought, "He can't control it. I love him. This is just how it is." I saw a therapist freshman year of high school, then quit because I didn't feel like it was worth skipping school for. My relationship with my parents crumbled. I got suicidal. I self-harmed. I was sent to a psych ward, finally got an MDD diagnosis, and was put on antidepressants. I went back to therapy and worked hard to get out of state for college. I was sent to another ward and received a generalized anxiety diagnosis. I pushed through to college. I thought leaving would solve all my problems. But, of course, it didn't. I struggled through my classes. I had no true direction. I lost all connections from home besides my family and my boyfriend. He became my rock, even if he was five and a half hours away. I made some new friends, then lost some too. I made it through the first year, but failed to get a summer internship. I started to get pain in my lower back, which over the next year, would spread all over my body and make it nearly impossible to attend all my classes. I couldn't get anywhere with doctors while drowning in my classes. I got severely depressed. I had to withdraw from the majority of my classes at the end of my junior year. Then, I came home feeling like I failed. I spiraled. Then, I started working on myself again. I still don't have a good relationship with my parents. I barely talk to my father, and my mother frustrates me to tears every day. But, they're paying my medical bills and the rent to keep my college apartment. I feel trapped, but I'm somehow getting up every morning and accomplishing something every day. I'm making progress, and my body is starting to heal. I've gotten more diagnoses (ADHD and PTSD), and I'm taking new medication to help. I still have my boyfriend, who has been nothing but supportive and loving these past five years, and I still have my close friends. Sometimes, I still have to fight to get up in the morning and "do today". But I have support from people who make me feel loved and seen. I know that my illnesses will beat me down again and again, but I also know that the progress that I have made in just this summer has proved that I can beat them back down in return. I have a life, a future, and a family in my sights, and I am going to get there. All that I've dealt with has made me realize just how important my future is and how much I love the people close to me. I know that eventually, this will all just be a moment, and I need to keep reminding myself that it's not worth throwing my whole life away over a moment.