“Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. Though, the realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. I am a mixed race girl, black dad and hispanic mom. I had the typical experience of not really feeling like I fit in with either group at school. Ultimately I leaned more towards the hispanic side which shielded me from the experience other black girls my age were going through. I was not aware of colorism, texturism and even something as simple as hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were being told they’re too dark which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. I only realized this during quarantine. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos hair would. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. I was actually never able to find someone with my exact hair. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self-care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community and to my younger self.

“Don’t go out in the sun so much or you’ll get dark like your sister”. That is what my mom told me after she came home from work early and I had come back from riding my bike. She worked all the time, everyday, all day and my dad is unemployed so imagine that. I waited all day for her to come home only for her to criticize my appearance. After that moment I stopped riding my bike during the day and just waited for the sun to go down so I wouldn’t tan. I didn’t want to give her a reason to think I was ugly so I just listened. Despite my ignorance at the time, there is and always has been this stigma against darker skin even when it was in patches and spots. I have always had darker elbows and knees and though my mom did not show a dislike of this she would emphasize constantly that I need to scrub harder there. If I had some sort of discoloration on my face she'd make sure to point it out. She even went as far as having me use Concha Narca, a skin-lightening mask, to remove my dark spots. I think back on it and I realize that this was a horrible thing she had put in my head. Not that my dad was any better. He’d tell me “Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re pretty, mixed and have long hair.” He said this many times to me while I was growing up and he says this to me as I’m still growing up. Each time he said it I felt an immediate sense of dread wash over me. I can’t be too dark or I’ll be “ugly” but I can’t be too pretty because then other black girls will hate me? I decided that it was easier to be hated by other people rather than my own mom. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold being pretty to her. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. I was already light so I was not affected by the colorism other black girls experienced so in that way I was already “prettier”. I did not know this at the time because I was unable to fit in with either of my ethnic groups. Ultimately I leaned more to the Hispanic side which shielded me from what other black girls were experiencing. Though I was so hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change and did not want to go to extreme measures to change. I am fortunate to not have not felt the need to go to extremes such as bleaching in order to escape the colorism faced daily and just to feel better about my appearance. Though it may seem like a small step, having more representation in things like skin care goes a long way. This is why I took such an interest in skin care and want to be a cosmetic chemist and formulate my own products. Doing skin care gave me an escape from what my mom would tell me. I want to help others find an escape from reality by providing help with self-care by formulating these kinds of products and marketing self-love. I would not be the person I am today had I not focused on myself and taken back power in this situation. Because of this experience I am more confident in myself and I am determined to make other girls in similar situations feel the same. The knowledge that a career like this exists gives me a sense of purpose. It gave me an outlet to apologize to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self.

“Don’t go out in the sun so much or you’ll get dark like your sister”. That is what my mom told me after she came home from work early and I had come back from riding my bike. She worked all the time, everyday, all day and my dad is unemployed so imagine that. I waited all day for her to come home only for her to criticize my appearance. After that moment I stopped riding my bike during the day and just waited for the sun to go down so I wouldn’t tan. I didn’t want to give her a reason to think I was ugly so I just listened. Despite my ignorance at the time, there is and always has been this stigma against darker skin even when it was in patches and spots. I have always had darker elbows and knees and though my mom did not show a dislike of this she would emphasize constantly that I need to scrub harder there. If I had some sort of discoloration on my face she'd make sure to point it out. She even went as far as having me use Concha Narca, a skin-lightening mask, to remove my dark spots. I think back on it and I realize that this was a horrible thing she had put in my head. Not that my dad was any better. He’d tell me “Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re pretty, mixed and have long hair.” He said this many times to me while I was growing up and he says this to me as I’m still growing up. Each time he said it I felt an immediate sense of dread wash over me. I can’t be too dark or I’ll be “ugly” but I can’t be too pretty because then other black girls will hate me? I decided that it was easier to be hated by other people rather than my own mom. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold being pretty to her. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. I was already light so I was not affected by the colorism other black girls experienced so in that way I was already “prettier”. I did not know this at the time because I was unable to fit in with either of my ethnic groups. Ultimately I leaned more to the Hispanic side which shielded me from what other black girls were experiencing. Though I was so hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change and did not want to go to extreme measures to change. I am fortunate to not have not felt the need to go to extremes such as bleaching in order to escape the colorism faced daily and just to feel better about my appearance. Though it may seem like a small step, having more representation in things like skin care goes a long way. This is why I took such an interest in skin care and want to be a cosmetic chemist and formulate my own products. Doing skin care gave me an escape from what my mom would tell me. I want to help others find an escape from reality by providing help with self-care by formulating these kinds of products and marketing self-love. I would not be the person I am today had I not focused on myself and taken back power in this situation. Because of this experience I am more confident in myself and I am determined to make other girls in similar situations feel the same. The knowledge that a career like this exists gives me a sense of purpose. It gave me an outlet to apologize to my community and to my younger self.

“Don’t go out in the sun as much or you’re going to get dark like your sister”. That is what my mom told me after she came home from work early and I had just come back from riding my bike. She worked all the time, everyday, all day and my dad is unemployed so imagine that. I waited all day for her to come home only for her to criticize my appearance. She’s very pale so compared to her I was already dark I never saw this as a big deal. I mean you would think she’d expect this considering I’m half black and I’m a kid, I just wanted to play outside. After that moment I stopped riding my bike during the day and just waited for the sun to go down so I wouldn’t tan as much. I didn’t want to give her a reason to think I was ugly so I just listened. Despite my ignorance at the time, there is and always has been this stigma against darker skin even when it was in patches and spots. I have always had darker elbows and knees and though my mom did not show a dislike of this she would emphasize constantly that I need to scrub harder there. If I had some sort of discoloration on my face she'd make sure to point it out. She even went as far as having me use Concha Narca which is a skin lightening mask of sorts in order to get rid of those dark spots. I did not think much of it at the time.I am not mad at her for that but now I understand that things like darker elbows and knees are not a big deal. I am fortunate to not have taken that to heart because there are many black women who have resorted to bleaching their skin in order to escape the colorism they’d face daily and just to feel better about themselves. Though it may seem like a small step, having more representation in things like skin care goes a long way. This is why I took such an interest in skin care and want to be a cosmetic chemist and formulate my own products. Doing skin care gave me an escape from what my mom would tell me. I want to help others find an escape from reality by providing help with self-care by formulating these kinds of products. I would not be the person I am today had I not taken this step in focusing on myself and taking back power in this situation. Because of this experience I am more confident in myself and am constantly improving.

I never really was someone who played video games by myself. The levels would be too hard, I would get bored easily, the zombies in Ocarina of time before you get to the main town scared me. Things like that kept me from wanting to play by myself. But, I loved watching my brother play video games. I thought he was so cool for being able to beat the really hard levels or not be cared of whatever was happening in the game. Since I am so much younger than my brother there were very few games he would let me play with him but, I remember one game we played together, beat all the levels and got 5 stars on the file. Though the Wii U was not popular among people, I loved playing super Mario 3D world with my brother on it. My memorable moment with my brother was when we unlocked world star. We also had unlocked Rosalina during this run which was one of my favorite characters so this made this more even memorable for me. At the time I did not know that there were more worlds beyond the original 8 we had played through. This gave me a great sense of achievement knowing we were able to unlock a special world together and I didn't feel like I was holding him back when we played together. I also loved that it gave me more chances to play with him now knowing that there were more worlds we could play through together. I have so many fond moments with playing with my brother and I feel as though Nintendo games specifically were able to being us closer together throughout the years.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.

Other black girls are going to hate you because you’re mixed, have long hair and are pretty.” My dad said many times throughout the years that I can not even pinpoint a specific moment. I just know how I felt each time he said it. I have always been told I was pretty so there was no need for me to be insecure about anything. However, this led me to constantly trying to uphold this image. At first it was stressful but I learned to love this process of making sure I am also my best self. I am now aware that others do not feel the same when it comes to their image and experiencing this shock allowed me to analyze the privilege I may have. This realization that people do not like how they look or they don’t take the time to feel like their best self led me to be infatuated with the topic of cosmetic products and I want to become a cosmetic chemist with the goal of having my own skincare and haircare brand. It is so easy to get caught up in covering your insecurities but I plan to help people solve them rather than mask it under makeup and relaxers. My dad is Black and my mom is Hispanic. I was oblivious to colorism, texturism and the hardships of hyperpigmentation black women tend to experience. I was always told I had “good hair” while other black girls were getting relaxers put in to make their 4c hair straight, permanently. I was moving through life peacefully while other black girls were told they’re “too dark” which made them ugly. At first my dad telling me this scared me because I didn’t want anyone to hate me just because of who I am and what I looked like but now I realized that this was the battle a lot of other black girls were going through daily. Though I was so desperate and hurt I now know that any anger towards me when I was younger from these girls was not a form of bullying but just anger from what they constantly get told at home about their appearance that they can not change. Quarantine gave me a lot of free time so I decided to work on my hair and watch hair care videos. I quickly realized that my hair would not turn out the same way the girls in the videos did. This had to do with hair type and this was my first experience as to how the natural hair community was at the time. The only girls who would get a lot of views and show up on Youtube were light skin or mixed and had loose curl patterns. My hair was thicker, bigger and my curls were tighter which is why what they were doing to their hair was not working on mine. This shows that even in a community that was meant to be inclusive lacked diversity. This would be a common thing in this genre of self care. Between makeup, skin care, and hair care they all lacked in being fully inclusive. Many brands do not want to take the steps necessary to include everyone, especially people who have darker skin. This is why I want to go into this career. As an apology to my community who I constantly rejected and neglected and as an apology to my younger self. I want to provide a space and the materials necessary to let everyone feel good about themselves and not let the effects of colorism get to them.