Last year, my anxiety was starting to weigh me down. I’ve lived with an anxiety disorder from a young age, so I knew to expect ups and downs in my life, but last year it seemed everything was starting to go downhill. I felt I didn’t have any friends, and that I couldn’t showcase my talents even though I wanted to. Writing has always been my passion, but I never felt like my work was good enough to be seen by other people.
I remember I was at a meeting for my school’s Thespian Society, a group I hadn’t felt I fit in with when the district-level competition was announced. I had heard about it the year before, but I didn’t think I was ready for it then. It was like a voice deep in my conscious said “why don’t you give it a try? What’s the worst that could happen?” I knew that the voice wasn’t my anxiety, but that was as far as I could identify it. I now know it was the first words of my newfound friend, optimism.
I hesitantly put my name on the list of people interested and got to work figuring out what I could present at the competition. Immediately, it stuck out to me- playwriting. I had written scripts before, but never for the stage. Thankfully, I had a lot of practice on stage as an actor, so I could picture it all pretty well. My idea seemed so random, but my optimism spoke up again- “give it a try.” I got to work, and within a few weeks, I had 25 pages of a script completed.
When the day of our district festival came around, my judging slot was the last for my troupe, and it couldn’t come fast enough. Optimism told me to wait it out, and not listen to the anxiety knocking down my door.
Finally, 5:00 rolled around, and my troupe-mates and I were in a classroom waiting for my adjudication. The judges called me to the front of the room and asked a few questions. I couldn’t believe how excited they were to see me- one of them said she had been waiting to talk to me about my play all day. The other thing that finally gave me the affirmation I had been looking for was that they understood the story for what it was. I knew my interview went well, but I still hadn’t the faintest idea of what was to come next.
An hour later, our troupe director gathered us at the tent to hear our scores. He started with the lowest of the day, working his way to the highest. As we reached the “good” and “excellent” score sections, I was wondering when my name would jump out. My name was the last on the list, my play scoring a 29.5 out of 30 points, or “superior.” Later, we also found out I won the Critic’s Choice Award. Optimism spoke once more, just to say an “I told you so.”
If I had let my anxiety weigh me down and shut out the optimism that was trying to shine through to me, I wouldn’t have had a breakthrough in winning that award. I didn’t realize that recognition was a goal of mine, but it was optimism that helped me reach it. It isn’t always easy to be optimistic, but I know now that it’s the right way to go.