"You don't have to be good at something to enjoy something." This is something that I have been repeating to myself a lot recently. I feel like so much of the world places value on being successful at what you're doing. People are always trying to turn hobbies into side hustles. There is always a push to practice more, do more, work harder to get better at the thing you are doing. And there is nothing wrong with that, but I think that puts a lot of pressure on people. And, if anyone else is like me, sometimes the pressure makes me not want to try new things. But, I can still enjoy something even if I am not good at it. I am learning how to roller skate, and I fall a LOT. But that doesn't stop me from having fun. I like to crochet, but I can only make scarves and not hats. I learned how to paint and my trees are blocky, but I am still proud of what I made. People need to realize that they can still ENJOY things without needing to be great at them! People need the little things to give them joy without the pressure of needing to be better than anyone else.

I would like to discuss the short story "The Red Convertible" by Louise Erdrich. It is an excerpt from her book "Love Medicine". It is a story of two brothers living on a Native American reservation in North Dakota during the 50s. Louise Erdrich used the car to symbolize the brothers' relationship with each other and how it changed after the oldest brother returned from the Vietnam War. The story portrayed PTSD and mental health in a way that showed what both the oldest brother and the rest of the family were experiencing. I distinctly remember reading the story on my couch one Monday night, reading how the brothers started fighting in the dirt by the river and then ending in a laugh, reading how the younger brother felt like things were finally returning to normal between them. And then I remember crying so hard when the older brother killed himself by jumping into the river. I felt the pain of the younger brother as he searched the river for hours until the sun went down. I felt the way he gave up when he pushed the car into the river. The way the story was written was so beautiful and so touching. It sat heavily in my mind for days. I had to put the book down for a while before I was able to continue reading because it felt like I lost a family member of my own. Louise Erdrich is a phenomenal author and her books will forever hold a place on my bookshelf and I recommend her every moment that I can.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression since being in high school, which was some time ago for me. I was raised in a restrictive christian fundamentalist religion. When I would express my symptoms, I was told that I needed to pray more and meditate on the scriptures. Now, this could work for some and I am not speaking negatively against religion helping people. However, it wasn't the correct response to help me. I always felt like I wasn't doing enough, so I tried more things. I got more involved in my church. I put off college to engage in full time ministry. I studied and traveled to areas that needed more evangelizing. But I still felt my depression symptoms. By the time I was 23, I had to work full time to help my family pay for our rent and bills. My depression got worse because I felt like I wasn't doing enough for god and for my congregation. A couple years later, I unfortunately got excommunicated from my congregation, cut off from my family, and I ended up in a relationship in Boston that turned violent and abusive. The abusive relationship really took a lot out of me. My depression got to the point where it was hard for me to do normal tasks like brushing my teeth or eating healthy. I felt so lost without my family being there to support me, and things at home were getting worse. One rainy day in March, I felt that I couldn't continue any more and I took a handful of pills in an effort to take my own life. Once I started to feel sick, however, I panicked. I called 911 and I was treated and thankfully was ok. I was able to start making an escape plan for myself and by July of that year, I left my abuser and was able to move back to PA. My depression was still very heavy. I still did not have my family to support me and I was in a job that I hated. My only motivation to go to work every day was to make money to feed and take care of my cats. There was a span of weeks where I couldn't get myself to wash my hair. By the time I finally did, it took me an hour to detangle it and I cried the whole time. It took me months to be able to get out of that low point, and when I finally did, my ex broke into my apartment and threatened my safety. That moment was so traumatic for me, but it was the moment that I decided to turn my life around 180 degrees. I moved in with a roommate so I could have support in the house. I quit my job that I hated and got a job working in a retirement home. I signed up for martial arts to learn self defense. And I signed up for school. I decided in that moment that I had to work for myself. And everything that I did/went through is what made me into the person that I am today. Working at the retirement home is what fired up my passion to go to school for neuroscience. Martial arts gave me a new family and support system. I still deal with bouts of depression, but I have the tools to help myself get out of my down swings, and appreciate what I have in my upswings. And I want to help others learn the same.

Sometimes I describe my life like training for an Olympic hurdle race. The first time you try hurdles, you may trip and fall over them. This explains my early adulthood. I went into the full time work right after high school instead of applying to schools to help my family pay for our bills, the first hurdle that I tripped over. After moving out of my parents house, I started a relationship with someone I thought loved me, but unfortunately the relationship got dangerous and I had to flee for my safety. That was my second hurdle. I was so down on myself and thought I wasn't able to move forward when my third hurdle hit, my car died and left me without transportation. And just when it couldn't get any worse, I was excommunicated from my family's religion and cut off from all of my family and friends. Training for an Olympic race isn't easy. You have to learn how to pick yourself back up again and figure out how to hit your stride. There I was, on the ground after tripping over my fourth hurdle. I didn't want to get back up but I knew I had to finish the race. A few months after I lost my family, I enrolled in college. It was just part time, 1 or 2 classes a semester. I didn't have any idea of what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to help people. I got a job working in a long term care facility and I realized I wanted to work with people who have dementia and neurodegenerative diseases. My stride started to come in. I slowly went from 1 class a semester to 2. Then I went up to 3 classes while still maintaining my full time job. I was able to keep my GPA above a 3.8. And then, this last semester, I really "turned it up to 11". I attempted my first full time semester (4 class load), I worked my full time job and got a promotion, I volunteered for Big Brother Big Sister, I ended up picking up a part time job at my martial arts studio teaching children's classes a few times a week, AND I started training for my first martial arts competition. As my semester is coming to an end, I am proud to say that even though I had so much on my plate, I should be finishing my semester with a close to, if not a full 4.0 GPA. I am accepted into an accredited 4 year school with a behavioral neuroscience major working with a professor who is running research with neurodegenerative disease treatments. I am so proud of the work I have done so far. I know I have much farther to go, and this scholarship will help me achieve my goals and give back to my community in a big way. I have hit my stride. This scholarship would make a huge impact in my life in being able to afford my education. Being in school has been a lifelong dream of mine. This scholarship would cover the remainder of my tuition without putting any extra stress in my life and help me pay for my books and science labs!

Most people when asked the question "What makes you happy" would probably say walks in nature, playing music, being creative, or spending time with their family. What makes ME happy is a little unconventional. My happy place is my martial arts dojo and the thing that makes me the most happy is doing kickboxing and jiujitsu. Fighting is my favorite thing to do! Getting on the mat turns on my focus. For my 45 minute class, I am focusing on me and only me. I'm working on my physical conditioning, which makes for a great workout. But I am also working on my mental strength. Going against an opponent is almost like a chess game. I'm learning the other person, I'm figuring out their strategy and responding appropriately. I love being able to go against people who are taller than me or a higher rank than me. I learn so much from them and it feels good to be able to meet them at their level. Martial Arts saved my life a few years ago. I owe my Sensei and my instructors so much and they have played a huge part in developing me into who I am today. I know it is unconventional, but getting punched and kicked is what makes me happy.

Sometimes I describe my life like training for an Olympic hurdle race. The first time you try hurdles, you may trip and fall over them. This explains my early adulthood. I went into the full time work right after high school instead of applying to schools to help my family pay for our bills, the first hurdle that I tripped over. After moving out of my parents house, I started a relationship with someone I thought loved me, but unfortunately the relationship got dangerous and I had to flee for my safety. That was my second hurdle. I was so down on myself and thought I wasn't able to move forward when my third hurdle hit, my car died and left me without transportation. And just when it couldn't get any worse, I was excommunicated from my family's religion and cut off from all of my family and friends. Training for an Olympic race isn't easy. You have to learn how to pick yourself back up again and figure out how to hit your stride. There I was, on the ground after tripping over my fourth hurdle. I didn't want to get back up but I knew I had to finish the race. A few months after I lost my family, I enrolled in college. It was just part time, 1 or 2 classes a semester. I didn't have any idea of what I wanted to do, I just knew I wanted to help people. I got a job working in a long term care facility and I realized I wanted to work with people who have dementia and neurodegenerative diseases. My stride started to come in. I slowly went from 1 class a semester to 2. Then I went up to 3 classes while still maintaining my full time job. I was able to keep my GPA above a 3.8. And then, this last semester, I really "turned it up to 11". I attempted my first full time semester (4 class load), I worked my full time job and got a promotion, I volunteered for Big Brother Big Sister, I ended up picking up a part time job at my martial arts studio teaching children's classes a few times a week, AND I started training for my first martial arts competition. As my semester is coming to an end, I am proud to say that even though I had so much on my plate, I should be finishing my semester with a close to, if not a full 4.0 GPA. I am accepted into an accredited 4 year school with a behavioral neuroscience major working with a professor who is running research with neurodegenerative disease treatments. I am so proud of the work I have done so far. I know I have much farther to go, and this scholarship will help me achieve my goals and give back to my community in a big way. I have hit my stride.