Undoubtedly I am most excited about the sense of freedom I will gain whenever I get to college. This is not to imply that I am ready to run away from my parent's love and my comfortable life as their child, because I love them and respect their rules. I know they just want to keep me safe, and I hope they still desire that even after I turn eighteen, but it will be nice to make up my own rules for a change. Although my father constantly hints that he would love to see me become a lawyer, I am blessed with parents that will be supportive of my ambitions, even if they are not from their imagination. I want to major in English (emphasis on writing) and I plan to publish my works in some fashion in the future. I’m excited to get to become my own person and craft my world as I want to see it, instead of living in my parent's mold. When asked how to maintain a healthy mind, body, and soul, I have to question if that is something that I have done. My life is busy and my well-being can surely fall by the wayside for more than unreasonable periods. I try to eat healthily, but my job at the fast-food pizza joint, Geno’s, makes it hard to stay away from my favorite greasy food. And I try to go to the gym, but my packed schedule—paired with a spinal disc injury—makes it hard to maintain a consistent workout schedule. I go to church on Sunday mornings, but my job schedule and school work make it hard for much more than that, which burdens my soul and spirit. I know what to do to make myself healthier, but it feels like life gets in the way. Omitting junk food and eating healthier foods makes me feel better. I think clearer when my brain isn’t fogged up with sugar and grease. Exhaustion (that very well could be decreased by a healthy diet) prohibits my efforts of cleaning up my body. Waking up to work out in the morning marks a significant improvement in my day. My mind feels clearer and my body more alive. But I always want to talk myself out of it. Basically talking myself out of a good day. Reading is my passion and one of my only hobbies. However, instead of treating my mind with mentally stimulating content, such as the bible, influential biographies, philosophical insight, or academic texts, I refuse to venture outside of fiction, particularly radical fantasy and fluffy romance novels. It would undoubtedly strengthen my mind if the next time I wanted to pick up a teenage romantic drama I put it back on the shelf and spent time studying my bible. And my soul would be better for it also. Really, I cannot say that I am worthy of this question since I feel that I have an answer, but I have not consistently put it into practice. I know the ways one can have a healthy mind, body, and soul, and I can attest to the benefits of my aforementioned methods because of firsthand experience, but I would be a fraud if I boasted my success in maintaining these practices. However I never really give up, I know the way to happiness is accomplished through the health of one's mind, body, and soul, not other people, drugs, or alcohol. There are sure ways to accomplish this health, stimulating the mind with information, eating well, and the grace of God.

Living with obsessive-compulsive disorder and struggling with bouts of depression has made life more difficult than I feel it should be. But that goes without saying. I spend a lot of my time feeling pathetic because all I want is to live a "normal life." To be like other kids my age. OCD makes it hard to be happy, which is why it is often paired with depression. I like to call it Discontentedness Disorder because that is how it affects me. My brain takes little things and picks them apart, trying to find the "wrong" and "fix" it. I grasp onto small details until they make me angry because of how imperfect they are. It's exhausting. And honestly, I am angry most of the time. The lack of control that I have over other people ruins my relationships. Which makes me angry. I can't see beauty in faults--and unfortunately, the subject that finds itself most closely scrutinized under the metaphorical microscope is myself. I never feel worthy of kindness from other people. Why would someone as flawed as I merit any love? And that makes me angry, because WHY can't I be deserving of love? Obsessing about my flaws destroys my self-esteem, leaving my mental health in the gutter. It affects my relationships when I sink into depressive episodes, pushing everyone away subconsciously. What I've learned from my hardships has shaped my understanding of other people and the world. My outward appearance and actions do not scream "depressed" and I try to suppress my obsessions and compulsions so other people do not see. I think that many people view me as perfect, and having everything figured out. And this isn't just a thought, it's what people have said to my face. Other kids my age look at my obsessions and see my drive to achieve my goals. But those obsessions control my life. My mind fixates on these random goals and plagues my brain with crippling anxiety until I squash them (by conquering them). They look at my compulsions (my incapacitating fear of losing control) as an admirable quality called "Leadership." But it's unhealthy and debilitating. All of this is to say, I see how others view me compared to how I really am, and I see that their outward appearance might not reflect what they are dealing with inside. I feel like I have become more forgiving of others' bad days because I know how I struggle with emotions bubbling out uncontrollably. Before I jump to any conclusions about other people, I remember the inward struggles that I have. How all I want is for someone to be patient and understanding toward me. All I want is comfort whenever I am fighting my compulsive anger. It feels so uncontrollable, but all I do is try to control it. Whenever I encounter other people, I remember how exhausted I am dealing with my mental zig-zagging every day, how it feels like my head is enshrouded in a dark cloud 24/7 and I lie awake for hours at night dealing with racing thoughts. You never know what someone else is dealing with in their head or in their life. Period. So treat them with kindness, because nobody is hurt by kindness, but almost everyone is better for it. As for my career aspirations, dealing with my internal turmoil has led me to a desire to work in advocacy. I want to write. To tell my story, along with others. Whether it be a fictional work, an article in a newspaper, a speech (that I give publicly or hand off to someone else for the same purpose), or a combination of all three, I will do something to bring awareness of the inner workings of a mind that is not “normal.”

Living with obsessive-compulsive disorder and struggling with bouts of depression has made life more difficult than I feel it should be. But that goes without saying. Sometimes all I want is to live a "normal life." To be like other kids my age. OCD makes it hard to be happy, which is why it is often paired with depression. I like to call it Discontentedness Disorder because that is how it affects me. My brain takes little things and picks them apart, trying to find the "wrong" and "fix" it. I grasp onto small details until they make me angry because of how imperfect they are. It's exhausting. And honestly, I am angry most of the time. The lack of control that I have over other people ruins my relationships. Which makes me angry. I can't see beauty in faults--and unfortunately, the subject that finds itself most closely scrutinized under the metaphorical microscope is myself. I never feel worthy of kindness from other people. Why would someone as flawed as I merit any love? And that makes me angry, because WHY can't I be deserving of love? Obsessing about my flaws destroys my self-esteem, leaving my mental health in the gutter. It affects my relationships when I sink into depressive episodes, pushing everyone away subconsciously. What I've learned from my hardships has shaped my understanding of other people and the world. My outward appearance and actions do not really scream "depressed" and I try to suppress my obsessions and compulsions so other people do not see. I think that many people view me as perfect, and having everything figured out. And this isn't just a thought, it's what people have said to my face. Other kids my age look at my obsessions and see my drive to achieve my goals. But those obsessions control my life. My mind fixates on these random goals and plagues my brain with crippling anxiety until I squash them (by conquering them). They look at my compulsions (my incapacitating fear of losing control) as an admirable quality called "Leadership." But it's unhealthy and debilitating. All of this is to say, I see how others view me compared to how I really am, and I see that their outward appearance might not reflect what they are dealing with inside. I feel like I have become more forgiving of others' bad days because I know how I struggle with emotions bubbling out uncontrollably. Before I jump to any conclusions about other people, I remember the inward struggles that I have. How all I want is for someone to be patient and understanding toward me. All I want is comfort whenever I am fighting my compulsive anger. It feels so uncontrollable, but all I do is try to control it. Whenever I encounter other people, I remember how exhausted I am dealing with my mental zig-zagging every day, how it feels like my head is enshrouded in a dark cloud 24/7 and I lie awake for hours at night dealing with racing thoughts. You never know what someone else is dealing with in their head or in their life. Period. So treat them with kindness, because nobody is hurt by kindness, but almost everyone is better for it.

Most obviously, I have learned that applying for scholarships is not as easy as advertisements try to make it look, and it is possible not to win any of the scholarships you have applied for. Which is my case. Like most students in my position, they are trying to line up funds to pay for their college education. As much as I want to continue my education after high school, I am not keen on starting with a load of debt. I am always really nervous that my life experience is not enough when I am applying for scholarships. When I am writing out essays and responding to prompts, I get worried that I am too boring, or not good enough. Being middle-class, I am not necessarily poor, and I am a Christian Caucasian, so I do not qualify for a lot of private scholarships, so the ones I do qualify for are very broad, so I really have to stand out with my application. I try my best to do things, but because of living in a small, rural town, I don't have all of the fancy experiences that students from larger schools have. My school only has a few major clubs and only the very basic AP classes. There's even more of a disadvantage at my school specifically compared to the equally as small schools in my area because my school is completely dedicated to athletics. If you are not in Football specifically, the school does not care about you. Academics are not really important. Bless the heart of our Guidance Counselor, she is stretched way too thin, she is in charge of everything and I can tell she's burnt out. I wish I could feel bad for her, but most of the time I'm just irritated that I never get any guidance. I need someone to help me apply for college and scholarships, but she's so busy with everything she's in charge of that she has absolutely no time to help students succeed. I am trying my best to apply for as many scholarships as I can, even though I haven't won any yet. I am trying to remember to be optimistic and consistent. I am not defined by rejections, and if I need to take out loans, they are there for a reason. Figuring things out by myself will only make me stronger and smarter. Success will not be an option for me, scholarships are hard to get, but I'm applying for a lot. Statistics are on my side.

Healthy eating has always been something my mother has preached about. From her, I learned the importance of taking care of your body and eating good foods. I have struggled a lot with binge eating in the past, and it is still something I deal with. So I need to be able to eat things that I crave, but with limits. To help with this I use the Weight Watchers system, which helps me remember to eat vegetables and drink water. I can notice a huge difference in my physical and mental health when I am practicing healthy eating habits. I believe the three "branches" of health (mental, physical, and nutritional) are like a three-way balance. I am not a health professional nor have I studied anything to help me prove my theory, so this is all from personal experience. I will also point out that my analogies might not be completely ironed out. Anyways, the branches of health are a three-way balance. If you are focusing on one, the others tend to be easier to manage. There is a marked contrast in my mental and physical health comparing the times I am eating healthy and the times when I am not. A healthy diet has proved to enhance my brain functions, making it easier to pay attention and my overall mood drastically improves. From someone who fights a battle with depression, typically the fasted way for me to climb out of it is by finding a way to clean up my diet and get moving at the gym. I find it a lot easier to go to the gym whenever I am also eating healthy. "Bad" foods make me feel sluggish and tired, which makes it easy to pass up a morning run and stretching. One thing I have noticed about my negative feelings is that they do not want you to get rid of them. Laziness does not want you to be productive, and they call on that inner voice to try and convince you that productivity is for the birds. This is why I fight those feelings with everything left inside of me. Not to say that I never let myself fall culprit to the hands of depression because I do. Often. But taking care of my physical and nutritional health, by eating healthy and getting exercise, is very important to me so I can attempt to prevent those periods where I struggle with mental health.

Healthy eating has always been something my mother has preached about. From her I learned the importance of taking care of your body and eating good foods. I have struggled a lot with binge eating in the past, and it is still something I deal with. So it is important for me to be able to eat things that I crave, but with limits. To help with this I use the Weight Watchers system, which helps me remember to eat vegetables and drink water. I can notice a huge difference in my physical and mental health when I am practicing healthy eating habits. I believe the three "branches" of health (mental, physical, and nutritional) are like a three-way balance. I am not a health professional nor have I studied anything to help me prove my theory, so this is all from personal experience. I will also point out that my analogies might not be completely ironed out. Anyways, the branches of health are a three-way balance. If you are focusing on one, the others tend to be easier to manage. There is a marked contrast in my mental and physical health comparing the times I am eating healthy and the times when I am not. A healthy diet has proved to enhance my brain functions, making it easier to pay attention and my overall mood drastically improves. From someone who fights a battle with depression, typically the fasted way for me to climb out of it is by finding a way to clean up my diet and get moving at the gym. I find it a lot easier to go to the gym whenever I am also eating healthy. "Bad" foods make me feel sluggish and tired, which make it really easy to pass up a morning run and stretching. One thing I have noticed about my negative feelings is that they do not want you to get rid of them. Laziness does not want you to be productive, and they call on that inner voice to try and convince you that productivity is for the birds. This is why I fight those feelings with everything left inside of me. Not to say that I never let myself fall culprit to the hands of depression, because I do. Often. But taking care of my physical and nutritional health, by eating healthy and getting exercise, is very important to me so I can attempt to prevent those periods where I struggle with mental health.

English has not always been my favorite subject in school, but I have always loved reading and writing. To be completely honest, sometimes they are my only hobbies. I am always either reading or working on my novel that I plan to publish one day. My senior year started last week, and one of my classes is Advanced Placement English Literature. Last year I took Advanced Placement English Language and Composition, which I loved with all of my heart. I even made a four on the AP test at the end of last semester, earning two college English credits. AP LANG made me feel like I could stay, just soaking up information, so naturally, I am absolutely ecstatic to start AP LIT. I love writing essays. Honestly, this whole scholarship search thing has been pretty fun. Even though I have not won a scholarship yet, answering the prompts is fun for me. Although I have not gotten very far into the school year, I have such high hopes for the class. Analyzing rhetorical choices, arguments, and research papers thrill me. Of course, this makes me an exceptionally unpopular student in the class. Because my opinions on writing essays differ so much from theirs. Additionally, I usually enjoy the books or passages we read in class. Do not get me wrong, I am an absolute sucker for a recently released romance novel, but there is something about aged writing that is music to my ears. Maybe it's because I aspire to be a published author, but picking apart a passage and trying to unveil the meaning behind their choices. Writers hide a lot of meaning between the lines, like a scavenger hunt. Particularly in fiction, one might think that they see everything, but in the end, things will begin to tie together. Details one casually disregards at their first appearance end up being hints. I never shame anyone for reading a book more than once, because there is always more to the story than what you pick up on the first time around. Or even the second time around. English composition and literature fascinate me. Reading and analyzing literature is like peeling an onion one layer at a time. Every layer reveals more and more depth, like a portal straight into the mind of the author. You can find out a lot about their personality in the way they write. Whatever I do with my life, which I plan to be English-related, one day I want someone to read what I have written or spoken, and analyze it. Literature and composition are an art, one that I love to dissect just like some study the artists and the techniques they use for paintings or photographs.

Throughout my time in high school, I have struggled with my mental, physical, and nutritional health. Yes, all three. It has been a rollercoaster of both actual and emotional pain. I did well for a short bit my sophomore year when I was playing basketball but after a few months of hardcore workouts, I was constantly in pain, to the point where I could hardly even walk. After consulting an orthopedic doctor, I found out I had a herniated disc in my lower back. I had to do months of physical therapy and chiropractor appointments, and I started to spiral. I quit eating healthy, working out, and spending time with people, which caused my mental, physical, and nutritional health to plummet. My junior year was pretty miserable. All of my health problems, paired with the extra academic stress made it hard. Just recently I have taken the initiative to get my life in "order." I have gone back on a diet, trying to cut out as much of my unhealthy binge-eating habits, and even working out almost every day. I have been seeing a therapist for my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for over a year and a half, and she commented this last week that I seem to be doing a lot better. And I believe her. I believe that there are things that you can do to better your mental health, but taking care of your physical and nutritional health does wonders. Exercise releases endorphins, which reduce stress, and stress causes a lot of mental health problems. Whenever I take care of my body, I'm happier. Since I am still in high school, it makes it hard to juggle taking care of myself. Homework, friendships, and work take up my daily schedule. Working out is not my favorite thing in the world, so anytime something comes up, my first instinct is to give it up. To combat this, I make my workout flexible. I can either do it in the morning, or evening, but it has to be one or the other. But I get to choose. As for my nutrition, I use the Weight Watchers diet, so I can still eat the things that I want, just with limits. This is especially helpful to me since I struggle with binge eating. If I have to count out my chips, it helps me from eating a whole bag, or if I have a big lunch, it's a good idea to go light for dinner. What I am still working on is my water intake. For some reason, it is hard for me to get enough water. There's just something about the taste that off puts me. However, recently I have been making a conscious effort to increase my daily water. Finally, regarding my mental health, it is really hard for me to maintain friendships. I tend to self-sabotage, and my naturally introverted proneness compels me to cut perfectly good people off. So, how to combat this is by making an effort every day to talk to people and get involved at school. Depression makes me feel like I am not worthy of friendships or worthy of being a participant in a certain activity. But I will not let my depression control me, because I am worthy of friendships and getting the most out of my senior year. For me, maintaining my health all fall back on my struggles with depression and anxiety and conquering my inner demons. Everything falls back on my self-deprecating feelings, which I combat by taking care of my physical health.

Whenever I saw this scholarship I was excited, because books are my life. I have loved reading since I was very young. My mom tells this story that whenever I was around three and a half, she woke up one night to me screaming. She ran into my room to see what was wrong and found me frantically taking all the books off my shelf and stacking them on my toddler bed. My mom then asked what I was doing, and I told her that someone was trying to steal my books in my dream. To this day I have an extensive home library (because I'm a frequent customer at Books-a-million, BookOutlet, and ThriftBooks) and spend a lot of my free time either reading books or writing my own. There is no question that I am crazy about reading, but what stopped me in my tracks was the prompt. I read books every day, going through roughly two to three per week. Needless to say, I've read a lot of books, and I am not embarrassed to say that I have become emotionally attached to some. Since I have read so many books over a long period, it took me a minute of thinking before I could come up with a solid answer to "What is the book that has transformed your life?" However, after some contemplation, I have narrowed it down to "Lock and Key" by Sarah Dessen. My local library did not have a large selection of young adult fiction books, but they did have all of Sarah Dessen's books. When I was in elementary school, up until the beginning of sixth grade, I was in a book-loving lull. I lost my passion for reading. But since I do have a deep-seated craving for a good book, I asked the librarian in charge of Teen Club what book she would recommend for me. She picked out Lock and Key, which I immediately checked out, and finished in maybe twenty-four hours. I loved it. The next day I went back and got another Sarah Dessen book. Sarah Dessen's books sit proudly on the center of the top shelf of my bookshelf. After I finished every book she had written, I was determined to own them. This was before I found out about used books, so I bought them all new. It took me a good while because I was in junior high and had little to no money. The reason I say that Lock and Key transformed my life is that it was the beginning. It restarted my passion for reading and was the first book I added to my library, which now hosts over two hundred books. Earlier this week a freshman girl found me in the high school library and asked for a book recommendation (I have become known for my love of reading) I told her to try any Sarah Dessen book, and she chose Lock and Key. The moment she walked up to the front desk and checked out the book, I could not keep myself from smiling. The feeling was so warm and sparkly. It made me think about how far I've come since I first read that book.

Although I struggled with painful symptoms from my physical disability throughout my youth, it is nearly invisible, along with very uncommon for people my age. Dealing with a protruding or "herniated" disc in your lower back is a pain in the rear. Literally. The reality of my situation is that I live in a lot of pain. However, since the pain is normal, it's more bearable than the subtle manipulation I experience from my peers. Since my condition is invisible, it is hard for my friends and family to understand what I go through. It can be hard explaining to friends again and again that I quit playing basketball because it hurt so badly. I played basketball all through elementary even though it hurt me. I gave it up for a few years but returned my sophomore year because my dad all but forced me to. I enjoy the game of basketball. It is fun and intense in the best way, but there I was, spiraling back into this deep dark place where I could hardly even walk. It took months of limping around and wanting to die before my mother finally convinced my dad to let me go to an orthopedic doctor. After months of physical therapy and chiropractor visits, I was finally able to walk without a limp. Going through all of that made basketball the opposite of fun and the negative kind of intense. It was not worth it. As much as I loved the game and being a part of a team, I had to quit because it hurt to do day-to-day things like put on my clothes. My dad felt bad that he had pushed me for so long, but I could tell he was still disappointed. He still makes comments about it to this day. Just the other day he tried to convince me to rejoin the team "since you've been doing so much better." It can be really hard to explain to people when something physical becomes too much. I work out in the mornings, walking on a treadmill and doing light weights and stretching, so I am not "out of shape" but playing kickball can trigger pain after a few rounds. I have learned how to set boundaries with myself so I can still have fun without the agonizing consequences. The best thing I have learned throughout this experience has been to listen to my body. Nobody else can hear the silent warning signals my body sends me telling me to slow down. I would say that is the hardest part of having an "invisible" struggle. Nobody else can see it and they do not understand. My goals are basic in regards to my condition, I want to live every day positively despite my struggles. Negativity can be hard for me. Sometimes I go through patches of succumbing to pessimism, dwelling over the things I cannot change. Such as the fact that I cannot play basketball without extreme side effects. Sometimes I let myself cry about how "unfair" it is that I have this pain, but my goal is to set that aside. I want to focus on what I can control, which is all anyone can do.

To this day, I geek out around back-to-school time because spiral notebooks always go on sale at Walmart. I have always found ways to fill up empty notebooks, so my mom would by whole cardboard cases of them when they were 25 cents a piece. In these notebooks I would start short stories about princesses flying on their unicorns, ordinary girls starting their first day at a new school, or adventurers trying to make their way out of a forest. As soon as I finished a story I would move on to the next one, bringing them wherever I went. Any time I was not writing, I was either dreaming up a story idea or reading. Today, I am a high school senior, and you will hardly ever catch me without the book I'm currently reading beside my bed, a backup book in my tote bag, and a separate book in my backpack. And please do not ask about the stacks of books that have overflowed my huge bookshelf in my bedroom. My life goal is to publish a book, and become a New York Times Bestselling Author. Right now I am currently working on the first draft of a book I hope to publish. I am constantly thinking about the next sentence I will write. Last year, as a junior, I took Advance Placement English Language and Composition, earning college credit for Comp 1 and 2, and this year I am taking Advanced Placement Literature. These are the only two AP English classes my school offers, and they are my absolute favorites. Every day I spent in those classes I was content to stay there the whole day. It was actually disappointing to hear the bell signal the end of class, which is not very common for me. There is not an aspect of writing that I do not enjoy. Obviously I enjoy fiction, but I also love persuasive argument, research essays, and rhetorical analysis. The only assignment in my Advanced Chemistry class I took pleasure in was a research paper I had to do over nuclear energy. The rest of the class groaned when our teacher told us we would have to cite our sources and include a references page, but I was ecstatic. Pursuing a career in writing is not something that my parents particularly approve of. My mom is more supportive, but my dad openly voices his displeasure. He calls it irresponsible and unnecessary, but it will be something that I enjoy. I truly believe that if you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life, which is why I am going to do whatever it takes to pursue a career in writing.

Coming from a large family, I am always around kids and love it. I cannot imagine not having my family as my main support system, or being without my little best friends. Since I've had so much experience with children, it has become something I love to do. I spend a lot of my summers babysitting instead of spending time at the pool with friends. It is not just about the money, even though it is a nice perk, I have helped out less fortunate families struggling to afford childcare by volunteering my services. It is not just about the money for me because I find it so rewarding to spend time with children and see the way positive influence and attention affect them. Sometimes a child needs a little bit more positive attention that their working parents aren't able to give them. A bonus is an influence you can afford them, just by modeling good behavior, which they will come to love you for. Because of my love for children, I dedicate myself now to helping them grow up with positive role models, and I plan to continue to do so in the future. Children are the future of our country, and taking the time to focus on helping them become a better generation is only beneficial. Whatever I decide to do with my life, there will always be a concentration on advocating for the future of our country, which I strongly believe is the children. Helping them break toxic generational cycles by reminding them to show love to one another, to take responsibility for their actions, that they can only control themselves, to practice taking care of themselves and one another, and that patience is the key to building or repairing relationships. Teaching these concepts to the next generation will break the patterns that have begun to destroy our current society. Sometimes all it takes to make a difference in a child's life is to be a positive example, but a little bit of extra encouragement can do a world of good. I feel very strongly about breaking toxic cycles in families because my family means so much to me, and helping older adults or teenagers would also do American society a world of good. Anyone at any age can start breaking down negative generational patterns, and I will always advocate for people to try. However, since children are very special to me, my positive impact will hopefully be related to children.