My wife and I have been together since we were in high school. When she enlisted in the Marines, we knew we were going to be moving all over the United States. We have lived in areas where we are welcomed and treated the same as everyone else, but we have also lived in areas where it wasn't safe for us to openly be ourselves. The tension that constantly being on guard and denying your authentic self is a hard thing to describe to those who haven't experienced it first-hand. Honestly, while we were in those areas, I'm not sure I even realized how much energy I was expending on making sure we didn't behave in a way that would increase the risk of being confronted, verbally or physically. There were even times when I thought we were being appropriately cautious and it still led to a confrontation. Two stick out the most. Both occurred while we were in North Dakota. While we lived in Fargo which is a fairly progressive city - the entire rest of the state was less accepting of the LGBTQ community. As someone who identifies as queer/pansexual and switches between presenting more androgynously at some times and more traditionally "femme" at others - it can at times be easy for people to make assumptions about my sexuality. My wife and I were at a lake with one of our friends and our dog, just enjoying the sunshine. We weren't holding hands, we didn't kiss, but at some point, a family came to set up their chairs and after looking at us immediately gathered their belongings and moved away. While doing so, they were sure to loudly comment on how our presence was not welcome and we should be ashamed for "flaunting our lifestyle in a family-friendly environment." Another time, we were on our way home from the hospital. I needed to use the restroom and get my medication filled so we stopped at a pharmacy on the way. I still don't know how they even determined we were gay. My wife was simply helping me to get through the door and hobble towards the restroom. We were stopped and told we needed to leave. I'll never forget the words: "We don't serve your kind. You need to leave." I wish I could say we stood up for ourselves or the community either time. We did not. Partly because we were caught so off-guard and partly because we were worried about the dangers of escalating the situation. I'm not sure that we responded the "right" way either time but I am still glad we made a choice that kept us safe. Explaining these situations to our straight friends, they are always surprised that these attitudes still exist. I wish I could say I was. We have since moved to Colorado. We hold hands sometimes when we walk into the grocery store. My wife kisses me goodbye when she drops me off on campus. It doesn't cross my mind to worry about it anymore. There is no weight in my chest, I'm not making an effort to keep myself from reaching out and I'm not looking around to see if we're being watched. All the energy I used to spend being worried and fearful is now mine to use for myself. I've returned to school and started studying psychology. Eventually, I hope to go into law. I'd like to work to ensure that in the future, those in the wider LGBTQ+ community have the same feelings of safety and comfort that I do now.