Summer Child in Winter By the fall of 2023, my life was unraveling. My small business of nine years was coming to an end, and I was too exhausted to keep fighting to save it. I had been drowning myself with expensive wine for at least a year, following the year of cheap wine before it. My depression had never been worse, my outbursts uncontrollable, my anxiety spiking into new and unfamiliar territory. Some days, my suicidal thoughts felt like the only thing that seemed real, the only anchor in a world that no longer made sense. Driving had become dangerous—I was often swallowed into dissociation, vanishing without warning and arriving with no memory of the trip, shaken by the fear of realizing whole miles had gone missing and what could have happened in those blank spaces. That was the point when I knew I couldn’t keep treading water. I delayed for a few more months, afraid of what real help might ask of me, until January 8, 2024, when I walked through the doors of a residential treatment center. I can point to that date on a calendar without hesitation—it was the day the current of my life began to change. The place I found didn’t just soothe symptoms; it reached into the marrow of me, to the fractures I’d carried since before I had the words to name them. The work went deep, loosening survival mechanisms that had once kept me afloat but had long since turned into anchors, dragging me under. It was in a barn in Round Top, Texas, that I first met Tyler Ward and was introduced to “carpet work,” a form of psychodrama that would change everything for me. At first, it sounded absurd—something out of a late 70’s couples retreat, overly theatrical and strange. But I was a sweet summer child, and it was the middle of winter. I didn’t yet understand the power of stepping into a living scene from your own history, or of taking on a role in someone else’s story to see the world through their eyes. Weeks later, I experienced my first Pilgrimage, complete with a Lakota ceremonial sweat lodge. By then, I had been on the carpet in three ways—witness, participant, and bearer of my own work. As a witness, it felt almost sacred, like seeing someone open a locked door inside themselves. Watching their trauma unfold and transform in that space was humbling, and I was in awe of Tyler and my cohort. As a participant, I played roles for others: the dead mother of a meth addict, the younger self of an undercover cop, one of many protectors standing behind a girl who needed strength facing an abuser. Each role shifted something in me. I felt the raw grief, the buried rage, the quiet resilience of people fighting their way toward healing. Each time I stepped off the carpet, I carried part of their courage with me. Then came my own work—focused on abandonment and rejection. Standing on my carpet, I watched seventeen people gather without me, the most cutting among them taking the lead in shutting me out. My vision blurred and a rush of emotion shook me to my core. In an instant, I was back on the beige Berber carpet outside my sister’s bedroom, locked out, hearing laughter from the other side. I was small again, powerless, pressing my hands against a door that wouldn’t open. I still struggle to find perfect words for what happened after—I can only find fragments: visceral, emptying, freeing. When it ended, I was drenched in sweat, handed a key, and told words that still live in my bones: “Get the f*** off my carpet.” When I returned home after fifty one days at The Prairie, my purpose was clear. I knew I wanted to help others experience what I had experienced. I decided to return to school—not just to finish my degree, but to prepare myself for the work I was meant to do. My beliefs had shifted. I no longer saw healing as something a person could—or should—do entirely alone. I had seen how one person’s breakthrough could ripple outward, opening space for others to find their own turning point. Recovery, I realized, thrives in community. My relationships changed, too. I began listening differently—not just to what was said, but to pauses, hesitations, the weight in someone’s voice. I learned to value honesty over performance, connection over appearance. Some relationships didn’t survive my changes; others deepened in ways I hadn’t thought possible. I learned who would stand beside me in my hardest moments, and how to be that person for someone else. And my career aspirations took on a focused, steady shape. I am now pursuing my Bachelor’s in Social Work at the University of Houston-Downtown, with plans to earn my MSW and specialize in psychodrama. I want to work in residential treatment, especially with people facing substance use and co-occurring disorders, in group settings where the collective energy accelerates healing. I wasn’t one of the polished, put-together ones—I was a storm in plain sight. But I’ve learned that chaos can hide just as much as composure. In my work, I want to remember that the people who seem the most unreachable—whether hidden behind a flawless mask or tangled in visible wreckage—still need someone to meet them where they are and believe they can come back from it. I’ve been told to be cautious with self-disclosure, but my story is inseparable from my purpose. The deliverance from chaos—the way others stood with me when I was at my lowest—is what brought me here. I don’t just believe in the possibility of change; I am living proof of it. When I imagine my future, I see myself in a room, holding space for people who believe they are too far gone, watching them realize that healing is possible. I see the carpet beneath us as a place where stories can be told without fear, where pain can be witnessed without judgment. I see myself using the same tools that helped me rebuild my own life, guiding others toward moments they didn’t think were possible. This is my path. I’m ready—not because I’ve been perfect, but because I’ve been through the darkest places and know the way forward. One person, one group, one breakthrough at a time, I will be a fisher of people—not to keep them, but to pull them from deep waters and set them on their own shore.

I didn’t set out to work in mental health. When I first started college in 1999, I was chasing the same vague idea of “success” that many young people have. But over the years—through dropping out twice, shifting careers, and finally running my own business for a decade—life kept pulling me toward one truth: the moments that mattered most were the ones when I could connect with someone who was struggling and help them feel less alone. That truth became impossible to ignore in 2024, when I entered residential treatment. I had been carrying decades of emotional exhaustion, misinterpretation, and self-doubt, and I finally stepped into a space where I didn’t have to explain myself perfectly to be understood. In that setting, I saw what real support looks like: compassionate listening, creative expression, and a willingness to meet people exactly where they are. I experienced art therapy that thawed parts of me I didn’t know had gone numb, and psychodrama groups that helped me see myself and others in a new light. Group therapy in particular felt transformative. In those rooms, strangers reflected each other’s stories, carried each other’s burdens, and celebrated each other’s small victories. The dynamic was almost alchemical—one person’s breakthrough could ignite hope in the rest of the group. It was proof that healing doesn’t happen in isolation, and that community can be one of the most powerful tools in recovery. That experience is why I am now completing my Bachelor’s in Social Work, with plans to earn my MSW and specialize in psychodrama. My goal is to work in a residential treatment center, leading groups for people living with mental illness or in recovery from addiction. I want to create spaces where individuals can find safety, dignity, and connection—spaces that allow them to be fully themselves without fear of judgment or misunderstanding. I also want to address a need I know firsthand: supporting people whose struggles have masked their strengths. Too often, individuals who are intelligent, high-achieving, or outwardly “together” are overlooked, their mental health concerns dismissed because they don’t fit the stereotype of someone in crisis. I was told for years I was “too smart to be struggling,” a comment that invalidated my reality and delayed my access to help. In my work, I will listen closely for what isn’t being said, so no one leaves feeling unseen. Supporting students affected by mental illness or addiction means offering more than treatment plans—it means offering understanding, patience, and a safe space. I will encourage them to see recovery not as a return to who they were before, but as the creation of a life worth living now. I will help them use their strengths—creativity, resilience, resourcefulness—to build new ways of coping and connecting. And I will remind them, through my presence and my story, that their struggles don’t erase their worth. The mental health field needs practitioners who can blend evidence-based practice with lived empathy. My journey has given me both the tools and the heart for this work. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong anywhere, and I know how life-changing it is when someone says, “You belong here.” That is the difference I want to make—one person, one group, one breakthrough at a time.

I was never very good at reading people. I thought I was, but I always ended up saying the wrong thing, misjudging moments, misunderstanding cues. My life didn’t look polished from the outside—it looked chaotic and performative, a patchwork of jobs, half-finished degrees, and relationships that burned bright and fast. I became skilled at projecting an image of control, but underneath, I was scrambling to keep my footing. Misinterpretation followed me everywhere. What I meant as humor was taken as cold sarcasm. What I meant as love came out too sharp, leaving the other person hurt. The real me stayed tucked away, just in case she was met with another round of verbal sparring disguised as conversation. I learned to mask, to watch myself from the outside, editing my words before they left my mouth. No amount of self-monitoring made me feel understood. School was complicated. I was curious and quick to learn, but I never quite fit the mold. I thrived in subjects that captured my interest and stumbled in the ones that didn’t. When life got overwhelming, I dropped out—twice. I bounced between careers, eventually building a successful small business in the spa and wellness industry. For ten years, I poured myself into it—until the financial aftershocks of the pandemic forced me to close. Losing that business felt like losing a piece of my identity, but it also opened the door for something else. In early 2024, I entered residential treatment. It was a turning point—not just in my mental health, but in how I understood people, myself included. For the first time, I experienced therapeutic spaces that didn’t demand I explain myself perfectly to be seen. In one cold, bare art shed, I learned that creating—shapes, colors, textures—could express what words never captured. In psychodrama groups, I saw how stepping into another role or scene could crack open a truth we’d been circling for years. The group therapy dynamic in that setting felt almost magical. There was an alchemy in the way strangers could mirror each other’s stories, carry each other’s burdens, and make connections that bypassed usual social pitfalls. I want to be part of that magic again—this time as a therapist. I hope to work in a residential treatment center, leading groups where people can see themselves reflected in one another and find safety in shared understanding. Those experiences didn’t just help me heal; they reshaped my sense of purpose. I realized I wanted to do for others what those spaces had done for me: offer understanding where there had been misinterpretation, connection where there had been isolation. Now, I’m completing my Bachelor’s in Social Work—though I didn’t set out to get my BSW when I first started college back in 1999. The road here has been anything but straight, but each detour has shaped how I see this work. My plan is to earn my MSW and specialize in art therapy and psychodrama, with a focus on group therapy in residential treatment settings. I know firsthand the magic of the group dynamic—the way one person’s breakthrough can spark another’s, how shared stories can turn strangers into allies. I want to create spaces where people who have been told they’re “too much” or “too sensitive” or “too smart to be struggling” can find understanding and connection. The life I’m building now is still a patchwork, but it’s made with intention. Each piece—my mistakes, my pivots, my resilience—has shaped the therapist I aim to become. Where I once felt defined by being misunderstood, I now see my greatest strength in learning to understand.

For as long as I can remember, I lived in survival mode. I didn’t have the words for it then, but I felt broken in ways I couldn’t explain. Every relationship, every goal, every day was filtered through the lens of anxiety, depression, and emotional instability. I wasn’t diagnosed with borderline personality disorder until I was 42—but the signs were always there. I thought it was my fault. Always too much, but never enough. I was highly emotional and explosively reactive, yet deeply sensitive and terrified of abandonment. I could love intensely and still sabotage everything. My self-worth rose and fell with how others saw me—or how I imagined they did. I didn’t understand my patterns; I only knew I was exhausted from living inside them. And nobody knew what to do with me. As a teenager and young adult, I carried a constant sense of shame, anger, and disconnection. I didn’t know how to manage my feelings or trust my perceptions. I pushed people away, then panicked when they left. I dropped out of college and struggled to hold jobs. I knew something was wrong, but every time I sought help, I was told I was “too smart to be struggling this much.” No one looked deeper. That statement—“too smart to be struggling this much”—stuck with me. I now recognize it as a harmful misconception gifted children and adults often face. High intellect can mask profound social-emotional struggles, leading to missed diagnoses and unmet needs. For me, it meant being chronically misunderstood, even by the person closest to me—my sister. She misread my intentions, my actions, and my silences. What I saw as self-protection, she saw as selfishness, cruelty, or malice. She didn’t think I was hurting; she thought I was a horrible person. Every misunderstanding chipped away at my sense of self until I began to believe her version of me. That distortion deepened my shame and isolation and hardened my belief no one would ever truly understand me. Like many gifted children, I learned to mask—to perform “normal”—even while I was overwhelmed and hollow inside. I measured every word and action, trying to avoid misinterpretations, but no amount of calculation made me feel safe from judgment. My intelligence was used as proof I didn’t need help, when in reality it should have been the clearest signal to look closer. This is why, in my future work, I want to be the person who listens closely enough to see the truth beneath the surface—so no child has to carry the weight of being seen as something they are not. When I entered treatment at 42, everything shifted. A therapist saw through the layers and helped me name what I’d been carrying for decades. Getting diagnosed with borderline personality disorder was both devastating and liberating. It gave me context—and a path forward. Therapy taught me emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and how to build real connections. I learned how my brain had adapted to protect me in unsafe environments. I began to soften. I began to forgive myself. That journey gave me a deep understanding of what it feels like to be misunderstood, mislabeled, and unsupported. I know what it means to be defined by your intellect while your emotional needs go unseen. This is why my career goal is to become a therapist using specialized modalities to help gifted adults and children—meeting both their intellectual and social-emotional needs. Gifted children often show asynchronous development—advanced intellect paired with social or emotional challenges. They may feel out of step with peers, struggle with perfectionism, or wrestle with emotional intensity. Many hide their struggles to meet expectations, just as I once did. Without support, these patterns can lead to anxiety, depression, identity confusion, or destructive coping. In my future practice, I will integrate evidence-based approaches with creative modalities like art therapy and psychodrama. These methods give gifted children and adults ways to process complex thoughts and emotions beyond words, tapping into their creativity and curiosity while strengthening emotional regulation and resilience. My goal is to design interventions that recognize their intellectual needs while helping them develop self-understanding, coping skills, and confidence. My lived experience gives me an empathy that cannot be taught in a textbook. I know the harm of being misunderstood. I know how it feels to have strengths used as reasons to ignore struggles. And I know that with the right support, gifted children can turn their emotional intensity into a strength rather than a liability. The tools that once helped me find stability and purpose can be adapted for gifted children, helping them navigate the unique challenges of their minds and hearts. If I can help them find that balance earlier than I did, I will have honored both my own journey and theirs.

At 43, I’m not just going back to school—I’m starting over. For two decades, I worked in the spa industry, eventually building and running my own business, Rebecca Barton Beauty, for ten years. It was more than just a job—it was my livelihood, my identity, and the way I supported my family through some of the hardest years of my life. I poured everything I had into that business. But after nearly three years of trying to recover from the economic fallout of COVID-19, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to close its doors in December 2024. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. Now, I’m enrolled full-time in the social work program at the University of Houston-Downtown, and I plan to continue on to earn my MSW from the University of Houston. I’m not currently working, because I want to give everything I can to my education and fieldwork. But that choice has come with real challenges—especially as a parent. Transportation is unreliable, financial pressures are constant, and I often have to make difficult trade-offs to stay on track. This scholarship would directly support my ability to continue school full-time, cover essential costs like transportation, books, and childcare, and help me stay focused on building the life I’ve worked so hard to begin again. I’m deeply committed to this path, and your support would make a meaningful difference in my ability to keep going. Since returning to school, I’ve maintained a 4.0 GPA while parenting, volunteering and managing life with limited resources. I’m not the same person I was when I first attempted college. I’m focused, resilient, and finally equipped with the insight and support I needed all along. Learning has never come easily to me, especially in areas like math and numbers. Throughout my life, I struggled in school and often assumed I just wasn’t cut out for academic success. It wasn’t until I began addressing underlying mental health challenges—ADHD, complex PTSD, and borderline personality disorder—that I started to understand how much I’d been carrying. Therapy gave me tools I’d never had before: clarity, self-compassion, and a renewed sense of direction. Now, I want to help others access that same kind of healing. I hope to become a therapist who works with mood and personality disorders, with a focus on approaches that go beyond traditional talk therapy. I’m especially drawn to psychodrama and expressive therapies that engage the body, imagination, and emotions—modalities that can speak to what words sometimes can’t. Scholarships are a critical part of making this new chapter sustainable. Your support allows me to stay committed to school and fieldwork, despite the financial uncertainty that came with starting over. Thank you for considering my application. This isn’t just a degree—it’s a second chance to build a life with purpose, and to help others do the same.

It was January 2024, 11 degrees outside, and I—a girl from Southeast Texas without a proper coat—shivered in thin layers, grateful for even a slight break from the wind as I stepped into a small art shed in Round Top, Texas. I was in residential treatment for long-ignored mental illness, far from home in an unfamiliar cold. The shed was stark and bare—a repurposed room with broken pastels, half-dried paints, and scraps of paper that littered the floor. An unfinished door led outside, its raw edges letting in slivers of light, a detail I always found strangely metaphorical. Stepping inside, I felt a small shift—like maybe I could breathe there. There was no credentialed art therapist waiting for us, only Kacie, a psych nurse with paint on her sleeves. She didn’t make speeches or ask us to unpack our feelings; she just set out the supplies and told us to make something. At first, I wasn’t sure where to start. I hadn’t drawn in years, and my hands felt stiff, clumsy. But as I put pencil to paper, a quiet part of me woke up. I remembered the way it used to feel—getting lost in lines and shapes, letting colors speak where words failed. Over the next 51 days, that shed became my refuge. I learned to make something from almost nothing—turning scraps into images, turning emotions into form. Anger showed up in hardened charcoal lines, grief in heavy shadows, and moments of hope in light washes of color. It was the first place in a long time that felt like it might keep me. That experience stayed with me after I left treatment, shaping the way I saw healing. I realized that art could open doors that talk alone could not, and that the creative process could make space for truths too tangled for words. It’s what led me to pursue a future in art therapy and psychodrama—two practices that gave to me when I had nothing to give and will someday let me be that person for someone else. I remember how sharply the cold bit at my fingers and nose as I began to work, the stiffness making even simple lines feel heavy. But as the hours passed, the act of creating brought a warmth that crept from my chest to my hands, thawing something I hadn’t realized had frozen inside me. By the time I left weeks later, that warmth had settled into a steady certainty: that creating—no matter how imperfectly—could be as vital to healing as any medication or therapy session. I carry that knowledge with me now, not as a distant memory, but as a guide for the work I hope to do. My own healing was shaped by people who knew how to hold space—people who understood that safety and trust can grow from the simplest acts. In art therapy and psychodrama, I see the chance to offer that same space to others, to meet them where they are, and to let their own process unfold without judgment. Just as someone once made room for my hands to thaw and my voice to emerge, I want to be the person who helps someone else find that first flicker of warmth, and to know it can grow.

At 43 years old, I am finally stepping into the life I always hoped was possible. Returning to school to finish my bachelor’s degree in social work is not just an academic decision—it’s the culmination of decades of personal struggle, growth, and resilience. My path here has not been linear, but every detour has deepened my commitment to becoming a therapist who specializes in mood disorders and Cluster B personality disorders, with a special focus on psychodrama as a healing tool. I first started college in 1999, full of hope but unknowingly carrying burdens that made academic success feel just out of reach. At the time, I didn’t know I had learning disabilities—specifically dyscalculia and ADHD. Without diagnoses, I internalized my struggles as personal failures. I saw classmates grasping concepts I couldn’t, and I assumed I just wasn’t cut out for college. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I finally received the correct diagnoses. The sense of clarity and relief was profound. Suddenly, my past made sense—not as a timeline of failures, but as a reflection of unmet needs. Alongside these academic challenges, I’ve also battled serious mental health issues. For most of my adult life, I lived with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, depression, and anxiety. These conditions affected nearly every area of my life, including my ability to focus, follow through, and believe in my own potential. It wasn’t until I entered treatment at the age of 42 that I began to truly heal. Therapy—especially the blend of structure and emotional depth it offered—changed the way I see myself. It taught me how to navigate the chaos that had shaped so much of my past. For the first time, I understood that my mind wasn’t broken. It was trying to survive. That experience not only changed my life—it gave me my purpose. I want to become the kind of therapist who can offer that same clarity and support to others. I am particularly drawn to working with individuals who have mood and personality disorders, because I understand how isolating and misunderstood these diagnoses can be. I want to help people move beyond survival—to rediscover the parts of themselves that illness may have buried. I am especially interested in psychodrama as a therapeutic modality. The creative, embodied, and expressive nature of psychodrama resonates deeply with me, and I believe it offers a path to healing that words alone often cannot reach. Today, I am on track to complete my bachelor’s degree in social work within the next year and a half. I am proud of every step I’ve taken to get here. I no longer see my age or history as a disadvantage—instead, I bring a level of lived experience, insight, and empathy that can’t be taught in a classroom. My journey has made me a better student, a more thoughtful peer, and, I believe, a future therapist who will be able to meet clients where they are with patience and compassion. Financially, returning to school has required significant sacrifices. I’m a parent to an incredible 9-year-old boy—he’s in fourth grade, loves Scouts, and brings so much light and motivation into my life. Balancing school and parenting isn’t always easy, but I’m doing everything I can to make this dream a reality—not just for me, but for him too. Scholarships are essential not just to ease the financial burden, but to allow me to fully focus on my education and fieldwork. Every dollar of support brings me closer to becoming a therapist who can help others transform their pain into progress. I’m not the student I was at 18. I’m more focused, more grounded, and finally equipped—with the tools, diagnoses, treatment, and insight I needed all along. I carry both lived experience and academic purpose into this next chapter. My goal is to apply everything I’ve gained—insight, education, and experience—to help others find the stability and healing I’ve been so fortunate to discover myself. Thank you for considering my application. Your support would not only ease the financial burden of my education—it would help me continue on the path to becoming a therapist who serves with compassion, integrity, and a deep commitment to healing and equity. This opportunity means more than funding; it’s an investment in the kind of care I hope to provide to those who need it most.