There was a time in my life when I did not understand the gravity of what Taylor Swift was writing. When albums like 1989 were released I was too young and oblivious to truly grasp and relate to her music. Though it may sound like a cliche my favorite song on her 1989 album is Bad Blood. When analyzing the lyrics there are clear connections to Taylor Swift having a complicated and competitive relationship with someone perhaps within the industry. When I listen to the song though, I connect with it differently. The only "Bad Blood" I have is with myself. I’ve always been a quiet and reserved person, always insecure physically and emotionally. In shorter terms, I have always felt like I was never good enough. In my life, I have always felt overlooked, judged, unathletic, not pretty, too fat, and would never be able to reach greatness like how the people around me have. Any problem or sadness that I felt, I kept to myself. I have always shied away and tried to avoid problems, but no matter how I did that I still felt like there was a war that I call my life around me, and I couldn't understand why. When going down a Taylor Swift rabbit hole, I came across this song and realized that my biggest enemy has always been myself. This insecurity has impacted every single aspect of my life like, "scars on my back from your knife". But Life T Swift said, "Band-aids don't fix bullet holes", and now especially I've learned to prioritize myself. My insecurity has been shaped by experiences that I have been through in the past, but I do not want to spend the rest of my life living "with ghosts". The ghosts are all the times I have had to battle with myself to be happy or content with the life I have. All my flaws and fears have convinced me to limit myself to doing extraordinary things, but I won't allow it anymore. I choose to embrace my flaws and use those limitations in the future. I've always wondered why I couldn't see myself the way others viewed me, and I come to find out that I need to view myself in a more positive life first, and the only exception I need is from myself. All in all, how does my experience relate to Bad Blood? The lyrics describe my inner battle while the beat and tempo of the music represent myself coming to terms with this insecurity and trying to mend the ties in a happier and lighter opinion. Since coming to this realization I have been able to connect with Taylors' music and it has impacted me in ways I never thought it would. It has helped me discover parts of myself that I needed to work on and has become a sene of therapy when I do need it.

Back in 2017, I had the best year of my life - I was going to be an older sister to 2 new babies. I never experienced true love until I met my younger sister and brother. I imagined taking them to the park, school and extracurricular activities. About a year later my life took a 360, my brother was diagnosed with SMA. First off, what is SMA? Spinal Muscular Atrophy is an extremely rare genetic disorder that starts in the central nervous system and affects all muscles in the body. 6,000 to 10,000 children in the United States are born with SMA-an autosomal recessive genetic disease. Out of the “positive” benchmark, each child had a 1 in 4 chance of having the disease; in shorter terms, a 25% chance. He lost all strength in his body; he wasn't able to hold himself up. How could the universe or whatever supreme power there is put this upon an innocent child? So how did a small 25% statistic affect 100% of my life? The numbers don’t seem to add up. I’ve always been a quiet and reserved person. Always insecure physically and emotionally, yet I'm privileged enough to walk. My little brother does not yet comprehend the nature of his disability, and being the stubborn little boy he is, cries when he cannot get up from his wheelchair to kick a soccer ball, throw a basketball, or catch a football. How dare I be insecure of my perfectly able body when my little brother will never be able to experience the feeling of the sand on his feet when he's running on the beach or the feeling of the concrete on the ground when he's chasing the ice cream truck. All my flaws and fears have convinced me to limit myself in doing extraordinary things, but I won't allow it anymore. I choose to embrace my flaws and use those limitations in the future. I've always wondered why I couldn't see myself the way others viewed me. My little brother, Tristen taught me where real beauty and strength comes from. It's not just how people see you on the outside that matters in life, but what you do with what you were gifted on the inside. His passion, stubbornness, and courage to fight something so difficult inspires me in ways I can't even comprehend. He inspires me to better myself, and better others around me. A woman in science is the person who diagnosed and is beginning to change Tristen's life. Because of her, my brother is able to move his feet, arms, and keep his body up. Just like how his doctor is changing his life, I want to be able to change another person's life as well. A woman in STEM is a stimulating adventure, and just because there are adversities in it doesn't mean I can't overcome it. The joy I have from watching other people strive to succeed truly excites me, and I want to begin on my journey as well. This passion began at home. I took something that I thought would negatively impact me, yet I see the beauty in it. Watching someone you love suffer truly sucks, SMA sucks, being insecure sucks, and somehow I've managed to allow those things to inspire me. So, how did that 25% statistic change 100% of my life? Well, it made me want to be a better person for my little sister who looks up to me, for my parents who think so greatly of me, for Tristen, and to prove all the insecure feelings about myself wrong.

“The only way to fail is to quit” is the quote from that I have heard over 1000 times from my 10 years of doing karate. He discipline and determination I’ve learned from my experience in the martial arts lives on and shows itself in my academic success. I always say that my education is my life and it is something I have always been determined and prideful to commit to. But the only place that has taught me the true discipline of succeeding was barefoot on a mat. I never understood when I was younger why we had to memorize certain quotes, why we had to clean up our gym, why we did certain tasks that were outside of what is known as karate. Once I was promoted to black belt I realized that karate is not just self defense abs combat but discipline and hard work. There have been times where I failed when it came to academics but the lessons that I learned from martial helps healed me realized that the only way I would fail is if it quit, and with this lesson I have been able to succeed in tasks because I didn’t quit. Though it may sound cliche, the most important lesson I’ve learned was to try and if I truly do the real success was in my effort not the prize.

Back in 2017, I had the best year of my life - I was going to be an older sister to 2 new babies. I never experienced true love until I met my younger sister and brother. I imagined taking them to the park, school and extracurricular activities. About a year later my life took a 360, my brother was diagnosed with SMA. First off, what is SMA? Spinal Muscular Atrophy is an extremely rare genetic disorder that starts in the central nervous system and affects all muscles in the body. 6,000 to 10,000 children in the United States are born with SMA-an autosomal recessive genetic disease. Out of the “positive” benchmark, each child had a 1 in 4 chance of having the disease; in shorter terms, a 25% chance. He lost all strength in his body; he wasn't able to hold himself up. How could the universe or whatever supreme power there is put this upon an innocent child? So how did a small 25% statistic affect 100% of my life? The numbers don’t seem to add up. I’ve always been a quiet and reserved person. Always insecure physically and emotionally, yet I'm privileged enough to walk. My little brother does not yet comprehend the nature of his disability, and being the stubborn little boy he is, cries when he cannot get up from his wheelchair to kick a soccer ball, throw a basketball, or catch a football. How dare I be insecure of my perfectly able body when my little brother will never be able to experience the feeling of the sand on his feet when he's running on the beach or the feeling of the concrete on the ground when he's chasing the ice cream truck. All my flaws and fears have convinced me to limit myself in doing extraordinary things, but I won't allow it anymore. I choose to embrace my flaws and use those limitations in the future. I've always wondered why I couldn't see myself the way others viewed me. My little brother, Tristen taught me where real beauty and strength comes from. It's not just how people see you on the outside that matters in life, but what you do with what you were gifted on the inside. His passion, stubbornness, and courage to fight something so difficult inspires me in ways I can't even comprehend. He inspires me to better myself, and better others around me. A woman in science is the person who diagnosed and is beginning to change Tristen's life. Because of her, my brother is able to move his feet, arms, and keep his body up. Just like how his doctor is changing his life, I want to be able to change another person's life as well. A woman in STEM is a stimulating adventure, and just because there are adversities in it doesn't mean I can't overcome it. The joy I have from watching other people strive to succeed truly excites me, and I want to begin on my journey as well. This passion began at home. I took something that I thought would negatively impact me, yet I see the beauty in it. Watching someone you love suffer truly sucks, SMA sucks, being insecure sucks, and somehow I've managed to allow those things to inspire me. So, how did that 25% statistic change 100% of my life? Well, it made me want to be a better person for my little sister who looks up to me, for my parents who think so greatly of me, for Tristen, and to prove all the insecure feelings about myself wrong.