Pursuing an Education “Due to poor academic performance… you are being academically dismissed… if you wish to appeal this decision…” I remember reading the letter repeatedly until I was finally able to grasp just what the letter, I received was telling me. “I’m getting kicked out of college?” I asked to myself in utter disbelief. I knew I was doing horrible the entire year, but for some reason couldn’t accept that it was really happening. A million questions began to race through my mind. “Is there any way out of this?” “How do I tell my family?” “Who can I blame?” “Is it too late?” At nineteen years old I told myself that it was the beginning of the end of my life. I immediately started to regret attending college and started ridiculing myself for ever believing that I could go far. I just became a statistic. The year following was filled with feelings of self-loathing, regret, and helplessness. Working dead end jobs but feeling like my life had become stagnant made me miserable. I noticed that those around me were better than me, smarter than me, and were on the right path to become more successful than me. With this realization came envy. What could I do to close the gap between myself and those in the same demographic group? The journey after getting academically dismissed was filled with errors, and though I did let these errors deter me from my goal, becoming a better version of myself, I did not let these errors stop me. During this journey my mind proved to be poisonous time and time again. I was the biggest obstacle to myself. With my mind evolving from the event that took place also came feelings of longing to escape, helplessness, and self-loathing. I started to realize that getting kicked out college was a big deal, and wasn’t an ideal situation to be stuck in. It’d be virtually impossible to get back into any college, so what now? I began to descend the stairway into what felt like an everlasting bout of depression. I stayed home every day, slept in late and didn’t hang out with any of my friends. I showered maybe once or twice a week. This behavior continued several months. When would I stop feeling sorry for myself and forgive myself for the mistake I made? My eldest sister realized that something wasn’t right and asked me to accompany her somewhere. We began talking and she asked me how I felt. Five minutes passed before I had an answer. “I feel like I’m just existing.” Tears began to fall freely down my cheeks as she pulled me in a warm embrace. She tried to convince me that if I continued to do nothing with my life, I would never encounter the feeling of self-fulfillment. I reflected on this heavily, and I would learn to make the most of the situation I was in even if it was rock bottom. So, without really knowing where to begin, I searched for options that could help me reform my current self. I tried trade school where I was also introduced to the ASVAB test and ended up scoring a 77. I completed trade school and gained some useful skills that could have landed me a nice office job. Why did I still feel incomplete and lacking? I begrudgingly moved on with life, feeling that my life plateaued. I thought back to my 77 ASVAB score, and joined the military thinking it would make me feel accomplished. And it did. The United States Marine Corps reformed me completely. I served on active duty for a total of four years as a 0621 (Radio Operator). During this time, I’ve built everlasting friendships, and became someone I could be proud of again. I learned to appreciate who I was again. I became a resilient person and learned how to grow from my mistakes. I didn’t realize how much I changed until this year. Until I began to attempt earning a degree (in Dental Hygiene). Again. I have had a metamorphosis that allowed me to reform the person that I was, and it was undoubtedly thanks to joining the military. I have matured and have also attacked my ignorance and realized that I would have to work towards the person that I want to become. Moving forward today, I still work hard towards making myself better than who I was yesterday. I will continue to persevere through my obstacles of self-doubt and insecurity. I have learned that there are consequences to pursuing an education. Some will be good, and some will be bad, so to speak. My mind wasn’t always as resilient as it is now, but I’ve learned to grow from my mistakes and I learned to let my mistakes make me better, not overwhelm me.