My favorite Billie Eilish songs are When I Was Older, Bury A Friend, and I Think Therefore I Am. When I Was Older brings to mind both thoughts and feelings from when I was younger and some feelings I have towards what kind of person I will be a few decades from now. Bury A Friend makes me think a lot about my childhood and teen years. I had severe insomnia and poor access to education because of my extremely controlling family that was desperately trying to become a cult... even though nobody among them has the charisma to win over anyone with the ability and willpower to leave. My dreams were truly a nightmare and escape rolled into one, and the monsters slowly became a less terrifying sight than my reality. One day, I didn't want an ending anymore. I walked out of my parents' home into a new life, and the dreams ended. I Think Therefore I Am is one that I admit I like more for the sound, but it fits so well every time a person who was never there for me tries to use my name for attention, or to provide some filler noise for their empty conversations. Overall, it's great music to incorporate into a study playlist.

I'm Rachael Holloway, and my motto is "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it." I have many things I am interested in. If I had unlimited time and money, I would be a nurse, a doctor, a farmer, an artist, a musician, a therapist, and a teacher, all at the same time. Care and creativity defined my passions more than anything else. Unfortunately, I don't gave unlimited time and money, which meant I had to pick something. I liked teaching, but I struggles with large groups, so teaching was out of the picture. I liked the idea of nursing, but I had trouble hearing medical equipment, so I had to redirect again. I loved art and growing things, but it is difficult to pay the bills while maintaining creative control, so I again redirected. After a few years of working retail, I realized I liked listening to people and helping them find solutions. This eventually evolved into seeking a degree in Psychology... which I will be paying for with loans, scholarships, and money from working retail. Once I figure out my way to graduation, I will be a psychiatrist or therapist. Thank you for considering me today.

One of my favorite book paragraphs, as well as one I have thought about significantly over the years, is one of Gandalf's speeches in The Fellowship of The Ring by J.R.R. Tolkein. It is an odd little speech that calls for nonviolent solutions, and highlights Tolkein's mental state during the World War 1 era. "Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be to eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." This first entry in the Lord of the Rings series contains many wonderful speeches and ideas alongside an excellent story and cohesive plot, but this one continues to stand out to me eight years after I first read the series. I struggled to understand this speech for a while. I associated pacifism with being a pushover when I was a teenager, partially because of my terrible family dynamic. I also wasn't particularly fond of Smeagol/Gollum as a character, and was more invested in seeing that character die than in seeing him get a redemption arc. As I read the books, and as I read more about history, it became easier for me to understand where Tolkein was coming from. It became easier still when I learned more of Tolkein's life, including learning how he responded when contacted by Nazis. The surroundings of the speech were Gandalf telling Frodo that his Uncle Bilbo had a chance to kill Gollum when he took the One Ring, but didn't. I shared Frodo's initial belief that it would have been better to just kill Gollum early in the plot, rather than leaving him alive to screw over more people later. While it could be said that Gollum does some good before ultimately destroying himself near the end of the third book, I couldn't help but wonder if it truly would have been impossible to get to, at least, a similar ending without him. Even after reminiscing on the entire plot, I only reluctantly accepted that Gollum was necessary to the plot. But it did make me think about what Tolkein had been trying to say, and about how he formed his beliefs. Both World Wars involved catastrophic numbers of mailings and killings. Maybe some of the people who died deserved it. That was not the majority. The war started with the murder of an entire family. They did not all deserve to die. By the time The Fellowship of The Ring was finished, the Russian Royal family had also been murdered. They did not all deserve to die, either. To claim that even most of the people who were killed in the two World Wars deserved death would be an insult to them. Tolkein lived through such bloody and violent times that it would be peculiar if he still believed killing was the best way to solve most problems. Tolkein died before the Vietnam War ended. He lived through violence, and he died knowing that the world still continued to engage in needless war. I read many other books after I read The Lord of the Rings. I read The Hobbit. I read history. I read science. I looked up all the information I could easily find on Tolkein, and I read some of his contemporaries' work as well, trying to get a better sense of the man and his work. It has been eight years since I read that speech for the first time. I've been harshly judged by many people. I learned what it meant to have people believe my life did not matter. I even heard people say the world would be better without me in it. Just as Tolkein did back in his day, I am watching people around me call for violence against minorities with no regard for the lives they are damaging. It was with this in mind that I came back to this speech again. Gandalf was right.

I was never a Disney kid. I preferred spending my time watching National Geographic and reading. But I have always enjoyed music. I frequently check out new music artists, which meant I found Sabrina Carpenter's "Espresso" between listening to Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, Taylor Swift, and old Lady Gaga songs. For those who miss old Lady Gaga and like Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter is a perfect addition to the mix. It is honestly refreshing to see a former Disney kid doing well. I look forward to seeing what direction her career goes. My favorite songs from her right now are "Espresso" and "Almost Love". There needs to be more music from women who are proud of their careers and don't want to throw everything away for a man. I have difficulty putting into words precisely how her music affects me, but I do know it makes me happy. She brings a light, airy, contagious energy to every song and every music video. It makes me want to sing and dance when I hear it. She has become a part of my soundtrack. I feel just a bit brighter with Sabrina Carpenter in my routine. Tomorrow, I will wake up to "Espresso" again. Thank you, Sabrina Carpenter, for adding an extra bounce to everyone's day.

Hello, my name is Rachael "Ray" Holloway, and I wasn't a pop fan growing up. I strongly preferred rock and metal. Evanescence, Three Days Grace, Nightwish, and Within Temptation were far more my style than Ariana Grande or Justin Bieber. I couldn't empathize with pining over big, traditionally masculine men. I didn't want a boy to scoop me up in his arms. I was a repressed, feminine attracted teen, for whom pop radio offered little. Alternative music didn't offer much for my Sapphic side, but it did offer the opportunity to scream when I felt rejected and lonely. This meant I was surprised to hear music about lesbian love on YouTube. Finally, at 26 years old, I was hearing music from someone who understood the feeling of wanting something special with another girl. I listened to every track I could find. I listened to The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess on repeat. I felt what I felt the first time I heard Lady Gaga, but even better. I felt seen. If I could say something to Chappell Roan, I would tell her to keep doing what she's doing. I'm proud of her for being open about her mental health, her full, chaotic truth, and her queerness. Chappell Roan, your work speaks to me. It speaks to other young queers. It speaks to other young people who struggle with their mental health. As another person who faced a lot of rejection, I'm happy you didn't give up when Atlantic dropped you for making songs that were true to you, but didn't make them enough profit. I'm sure you'll have plenty of people telling you that you've inspired them to keep trying, but it's true. As another queer person who grew up in a conservative family, it's true. Keep using drag inspired looks as long as it makes you happy, especially in the states where it's banned. Keep singing songs thar are true to you. Keep standing up for those who desperately need someone to stand with them, especially the transgender community. Finally, please keep taking care of your mental health. You're going to get more fans, you're going to deal with people who are less kind, and you're going to face pressure to perform beyond what you can handle. I want to tell you that you are good enough to put your needs first. I'll wait for each new song. And if you ever come to Anchorage, Alaska, I'll be at your show.

Greetings. My name is Rachael Holloway, and I am a Psychology student in Anchorage, Alaska. Thank you for supporting my pursuit of science. Pinpointing exactly when I developed interest in science is difficult. My earliest memories consist of taking things apart to see how they worked, then trying to put them together again. What is easier to remember is the day I sat, watching National Geographic online, and thinking about how wonderful it could be to just learn more science forever. I had learned to read by 5. I had no friends, no outside of homeschool activities, and no real ability to even connect with neighbors. My family's paranoia at what would happen if I stepped outside limited my ability to learn in the real world. This led me to dive into books and scientific websites. Reading brought me more fulfillment than parenting my ever growing number of brothers and sisters. At 7 years old, I began considering the possibility of becoming something more interesting than a stay at home mother. In a better world, I might have had parents who celebrated my scientific curiosity. Parents who supported my education would have been thrilled to support my dreams of making a career of learning more about the world. If their priorities and values had been based on the present or future, they would have put me in school. I might have been able to get a scholarship right out of high school. Unfortunately, my parents' priorities remained trapped in a bygone century. They put all their energy into trying to shame me into giving up on my dreams and having kids. I refused to give up, even though most people would have. I left them as soon as it was feasible to. It took me time to get to know myself. For years, I hadn't gotten the chance to meet the person I was under all the layers of unrealistic, unforgiving expectations my parents had subjected me to. Underneath all the negative messages and poor treatment I survived was the same girl who enjoyed reading and learning. I enjoyed talking to people and listening to what they had to say just as much as I always had. I enjoyed learning how people think, especially when I learned to understand them and helped them feel better. I became fascinated with Psychology. Learning how human brains work never ceases to be fascinating. My goal is to become a therapist or psychiatrist. My family will not celebrate my graduation, but their outdated values can not stop me from chasing my goal. Thank you for helping me achieve my degree today.

This scholarship will give me what I need for my first semester of college. After years of waiting for the right time to go to school, I am finally ready to pursue my education. I've always been interested in science and care professions. I don't have the fast running ability needed for the medical or teaching fields, but I do enjoy listening to people one on one and giving helpful advice. This inspired me to look into Psychology, with a dream of becoming a therapist for fellow LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent people in my community. I have a lot of determination, but not a lot of money. Motivation and dreams alone don't pay for classes, but your help will. Your support in achieving my Psychology degree is greatly appreciated. I'm excited to become a therapist for my community. I'll finally be able to give back to the city that accepted me when my family didn't. I survived the family that chose to be the source of almost all of my adversity for the past 26 years. While some parents will do anything to help their children succeed, mine made it clear that my success was always secondary to their own. Their attitude towards my education is the most egregious way they displayed their selfishness. My parents could have supported my education, but they chose not to. At the age of 18, they finally told me they wouldn't even give me rides to school. My dream of pursuing my education with my parents at my side was crushed. The rest of the family was no kinder. As soon as I thought I was ready to get into classes, they, too, left me with no support. That winter, I found myself alone again. I had the clothes on my back and the contents of a backpack. Feeling lost and low on options, I prayed that someone would give me the chance my family didn't. A stranger who gave me a ride to Covenant House Alaska saved my life.The two years I spent in the system gave me the life skills my parents had 18 years to teach me, but didn't. Some people would have become calloused or given up. Instead, I applied for jobs and tried workshops and classes. I found employment and an apartment. Now, after many years, I am finally going to school. Many people would have given up a long time ago. A few times, I reflected on just how easy it would be. Life refused to give me an easy path, yet I remain determined to see just how far I can go.

I am a genderfluid Psychology student living in Alaska. I was set to graduate high school at 16, but unfortunately, not every parent wants their queer child to win. A less ambitious person might have given up after a few years. Instead, after 10 years, I am starting college in spite of their efforts. I first felt the suffocation of gender roles early on. I do not care for sipping tea, maintaining spotless dresses and shoes, and being "ladylike". I was punished anyway. I learned that while I felt no connection to cooking for a bunch of children who would just demand chicken nuggets anyway, changing one diaper after another, and doing other menial "feminine" tasks at home, adults around me not only insisted that I sacrifice my education to do them, but also punished me severely if I dared to say "No." I was even told that being forced to do those tasks while my brother got to play was "free job training". I was told that, eventually, I'd learn to like it. At least, I would get used to it, and these gender roles would come naturally. It just didn't happen. I still hated being expected to show up every time a baby or toddler that wasn't mine was crying. I hated those oppressive, impractical dresses. I grew to hate the very sight of those stuffy, heavy garments. I would later come to hate the ill-fitted bras I was forced to wear far earlier than I needed them just as intensely. I didn't want a husband. I didn't want to throw away my education in exchange for a litter of babies. The gender roles that I was told were supposed to come naturally just never meshed with anything that made me happy. Even when I reached puberty, I just didn't see the appeal in chasing boys or getting married. I finally graduated high school in spite of my parents' best efforts when I was 18. I found myself feeling lost. Whether I chose college or went straight into a career, I would be going against my parents wishes. For the next 6 years, they delayed, sabotaged, and otherwise interfered with my attempts to pursue my career, save money, or get an education. They told my younger sisters that I was sinning and going against God's wishes by refusing gender roles. During a few very hard times, I actually considered whether trying to live life on my own was worth it. I watched as many of my peers struggled like I did. Some, like me, found therapy. Others self-medicated with drugs. In my city, drug addiction is to this decade what the AIDS epidemic was to the world just a few decades ago. The bootstraps myth lead to many youth, including in the LGBTQ+ community, choosing drugs when they just needed a hug or an ear to listen. When drugs are more affordable and accessible than therapy, people choose drugs. I want to be the reason therapy becomes more accessible in my community. I want to specialize in working with the neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ communities, partially because there is so much unmet need, and partially because I will always feel a special bond with them. Thank you for considering supporting me. Your help will give me what I need to finish my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology.

My name is Rachael Holloway. I go by Ray. I'm a young adult without family support living in Anchorage, and here's how I've stayed afloat without them. I had to learn early on that they would never support me or my education. It would have been easy to give up and cry. But I didn't. Instead, I formed a plan to leave in search of better opportunities and resources. I found them in Anchorage. I knew life doesn't just hand out success. I worked. I applied for jobs even though most people rejected me. I learned to recognize when a job was at a dead end and move on. I even learned, slowly but surely, to recognize when a place doesn't offer good networking opportunities, and that it is both my choice and my responsibility to find better social venues. Turns out, family isn't the only obstacle to education. There's financial aid delays. There's the increasing cost of rent while my wages just don't rise to match. Worst of all, until I turned 26, I couldn't find a school where people didn't ask to see my parents' income. Even if I'd escaped the unsupportive family, schools wouldn't take my money. I knew going back to my parents still wasn't an option. They could and would prevent me from maintaining any income and demand that I be a house laborer until I married someone who they liked. I chose to work and get in therapy instead. Therapy proved to be both more cost effective and more beneficial to my health than the many substances my peers self-medicated with. I made no net financial gain, but I kept my mental faculties intact. This meant I was able to maintain my dream of going to school. I want to learn Psychology. My dream is to be a social worker and eventually become a therapist. I hope to help others get to know themselves. At the end of the day, I am the one most responsible for my own success. I will put every second and every dollar into reaching my goal. I don't have any recent volunteering service or internships, just a few years of working retail and genuinely trying to help customers. I enjoy connecting with people. I can't promise that I'm going to change the world. I can't even promise that I'm going to change Anchorage. But I can promise that I will use every single penny I get towards getting my degree. Whether I succeed today or not, I will look in the mirror knowing that I die my best. Thank you for your consideration.

I'm a queer, neurodivergent students living in Anchorage, Alaska. Homophobia, for some people, is just a thing they read about. For me, it's a daily experience. Older people constantly talk behind my back when they think I won't hear. I quietly don't get picked for pay raises or promotions, even when I'm perfectly qualified for a role. I've even been thrown out of places that previously welcomed me with open arms, just because someone found out I was queer. I've heard every excuse. "You don't fit in" is something I've heard so many times I've lost count. "My conservative relatives are coming over" is another. Even "It's just not what God wants" and "You're going to turn my kids gay" continue to be excuses I hear for why someone refuses to support me. My own family became my first bullies, my first abusers, and my first unyielding critics. I could not possibly be good enough for them. I wasn't the offspring they ordered. This began my struggle with anxiety and depression. I needed years in a Youth Shelter. I watched as other youth, even other queer youth, succumbed to addiction because the trauma from familial abuse and abandonment was so severe. I still feel some survivor's guilt to this day. I wasted time trying to be good enough for that family again before recognizing that I was just hurting my own future trying to earn the love of people who never saw me as human. I'm 26 now. My family is bitter. All my siblings are either leaving, too, or becoming just as bitter and closed-minded as their parents. As for my queer friends, almost all of them are now dead or hopelessly strung out on drugs. It was just today that one of my sisters, one who I had gone out of my way for, delayed going to college for, and expended a large amount of resources and energy on admitted that she didn't support queerness. With that in mind, I can easily admit my mental health struggles. I'm still trying to connect with my peers or elders. Forming any community proves an uphill battle, but I'm not giving up yet. I am working with a therapist on my self esteem and on my relationship with my partner. This helped me build the confidence I need to get out more. Your support will help me get my degree in Psychology, which will enable me to give back to Anchorage. Thank you for considering me.

My name is Rachael Holloway. I also go by Ray. I wasn't born depressed. I was a happy baby who had no idea what was coming to me. My parents were two unhappy people who had me to save their marriage, and punished me severely for failing to do so. After 18 years of being told I was worthless and would die on a street corner, I left to live with relatives. I was a deeply depressed young adult. My favorite song was "Imaginary" by Evanescence. The lyrics "I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me" resonated with my soul. I truly believed everyone would eventually leave me and nobody would ever love me for who I was. Once they saw who I was, I'd be left alone to draw flowers and abstract art in the corner. I was kicked out by the very relatives eho initially welcomed me and had to hitchhike to a Youth shelter. I lost everything. My cat, my connection to my siblings, my connection to family in general... it was gone. My depression made me too much of a burden, and I was alone once again. I would have died had that kind driver not picked me up and taken me to a shelter. That first day was like being in limbo. Many of the youths came in with drug addictions or started one in the shelter. I told myself that if all I had was my mind, I'd might as well savor whatever time I has left with it, so I chose to stay clean despite the loneliness that brought. I chose to grind my way through the feelings. It felt like hell. The PTSD nightmares ran on loop. The depression, my parents' words recorded in my mind, played on repeat and ate at my soul. Sometimes, it was so tempting to just take one hit of whatever the other youths were on in hopes that it really did give me any boost of serotonin, but I didn't. I watched many youths try one substance after another until they died or became hopelessly addicted. I learned the meaning of compassion fatigue. So many youths came in wanting to forget or escape their unhappiness, even as their escape actively made their lives worse. Therapy eventually helped with my depression, and I'm slowly building a new and more stable friend group. Of the friends and acquaintances I had before, the ones who were able to stay sober are slowly starting to do better with their lives. Of the ones who ever started using substances, I'm happy for the ones who got clean, as few and far between as they are. I hope, that as I train to become a therapist myself, I can be the listening ear for someone who is struggling to feel happiness without a chemical. Life remains hard, and high living costs combined with low wages remain an obstacle, but I won't give up, and if I'm lucky I'll inspire someone else to keep trying, too. Thank you for considering supporting me today.

I've always been fascinated by art, history, and science. It's a beautiful expression of what it means to be human. I drew, sketched, made abstract art and models, even despite my parents best attempts to discourage me and destroy everything I made. They believed my value was in my ability to make them grandchildren, and only in my ability to make them grandchildren. A daughter who wanted silly things like a career or to express myself was simply unacceptable. This ultimately led to me finding myself in a Youth Shelter at 18 years old. Ironically, when I became homeless, I finally learned the meaning of feeling at home. I had more safety and security than I'd ever had with my selfish parents who only cared about their own dreams and desires being met. I painted what I believed would be my last art piece. It would instead become the first of many I made after leaving my self-centered, toxic family. I took every opportunity to learn and create. I crafted planters from everything I could, planted a garden, painted many canvases with abstract geometric art, wrote short stories, crafted three dimensional models, and sang as much as I could. I did a CNA class, recertified myself in CPR multiple times, and planted flowers everywhere I lived. When I failed, I tried something else instead of giving up. I tried to save for many things, but with the cost of living constantly increasing, that proved to be impossible, so I instead chose to try going to college now, as time won't wait for me any longer. I have no familial support as a 26 year old, any more than I did at 18. But if I were to give up today, it would be far too anticlimactic. I had a choice when I chose to go into psychology - did I want to pick a psychology degree in science or art? I liked both. So I chose bachelor's in art, and found myself overwhelmed by all the options... and, unfortunately, by the costs. I have to pay all my own bills. Your support is what will help me graduate within the decade. I appreciate your consideration. This will help me continue making my art while I learn. I'll be able to put more time into self expression instead of putting every second into working and fighting off student loans. Thank you for supporting me today.

I'm Rachael "Ray" Holloway, and here's how I will make a difference with my psychology degree. I grew up in a family that believed the myth that everyone just needs to pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Everybody doesn't have the figurative bootstraps to pull on, and no amount of bootstraps will substitute for a helping hand, a listening ear, or the love and support of a community. My bootstraps didn't save me from depression. I pulled myself up with the help of community support and resources. Finally having people who listened and gave me pointers helped me infinitely more than any "bootstraps" speech ever did. I'm nobody's savior. I don't believe I'm here to save the hopeless masses. I'm here to listen and give pointers to people who are ready to help themselves, and with my education, I'll be able to give better pointers. I know how it feels to sometimes have only one person who was kind to me all day. I believe that I should always behave as though I might be the only listening ear someone has. That's why I'm already giving every interaction my all as I work retail and take these first steps towards getting my degree. I especially feel a connection to fellow neurodivergent people, queer people, and homeless youth, because of my history in the Covenant House. Few other demographics are told to grit and bear it as often as we are. We're also told to change ourselves and act differently for the comfort of neurotypical people. I want to be a voice reminding people that it's okay to choose their peace and to prioritize their own needs. Of course, anybody can say they want to do their best. I actively take every opportunity I can. I grew vegetables when I lived in the Covenant House system, I spent as much time as I could talking to the residents when I did a clinical trial for a CNA training program at the Anchorage Pioneer's Home in 2017, and I have done my best at my retail jobs despite knowing I'd never get picked for raises or promotions. I want to work in Anchorage, as it is the first place where I've found community. I unfortunately am having difficulty finding resources here as a 26 year old, but with your help, staying here and reaching my academic goals will become possible. Thank you for considering me for this scholarship.

My parents hurt their children trying to keep their marriage together until they finally chose divorce, and then they hurt their children more fighting over them. And I still exist, trying to figure out my education in spite of their sabotage. I chose to leave, then I tried to pick a parent who was willing to actually prioritize my needs. I unfortunately learned through years of spent effort that I was just another object thrown in their fights, and that neither was ready to accept that parenting isn't demanding services or payment from a child. I watched my peers receive support and celebration for their academic endeavors. I was "homeschooled" until I left home, which was a nice way to say I was left to raise 8 younger siblings and corporally punished if I ever prioritized my education over child-rearing or tried to assert boundaries. When I did succeed despite my parents efforts, I was called "stuck up" and "arrogant" and told to get back to the kitchen or to changing diapers. I was to be labor and a source of grandchildren. Nothing else I did mattered. School is about more than education. It's also about making friends, networking, and making the right connections. I would have gotten those opportunities at any actual school, but homeschooling distinctly deprived me of them. That meant that when I got tired of being hit and went to a Youth shelter, I had nobody to call for resources or support. My willpower to focus on academics suffered because of my loneliness and lack of a support system. I wasted time trying to network with people whose goals were wildly different or nonexistent. I even wasted time trying to reconnect with my parents in hopes that they would finally support me, only to learn that they wanted me to support *them* once again. It is only at 26 years old that I have chosen to go to college and learn psychology with or without support. I want to teach people that their dreams do matter, and so do their accomplishments. There's more to life than parental approval, having kids, or being in a relationship. I won't be giving back to my parents, who never prioritized me, but I will give back to my community. It was the Youth Shelter that supported me, gave me a safe home, and allowed me to be me, and for that I will always be grateful. Thank you for considering supporting me today.

My name is Rachael Holloway. I also go by Ray. I wasn't born depressed. I was a happy baby who had no idea what was coming to me. My parents were two unhappy people who had me to save their marriage, and punished me severely for failing to do so. After 18 years of being told I was worthless and would die on a street corner, I left to live with relatives. I was a deeply depressed young adult. My favorite song was "Imaginary" by Evanescence. The lyrics "I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me" resonated with my soul. I truly believed everyone would eventually leave me and nobody would ever love me for who I was. Once they saw who I was, I'd be left alone to draw flowers and abstract art in the corner. I was kicked out by the very relatives eho initially welcomed me and had to hitchhike to a Youth shelter. I lost everything. My cat, my connection to my siblings, my connection to family in general... it was gone. My depression made me too much of a burden, and I was alone once again. I would have died had that kind driver not picked me up and taken me to a shelter. That first day was like being in limbo. Many of the youths came in with drug addictions or started one in the shelter. I told myself that if all I had was my mind, I'd might as well savor whatever time I has left with it, so I chose to stay clean despite the loneliness that brought. I chose to grind my way through the feelings. It felt like hell. The PTSD nightmares ran on loop. The depression, my parents' words recorded in my mind, played on repeat and ate at my soul. Sometimes, it was so tempting to just take one hit of whatever the other youths were on in hopes that it really did give me any boost of serotonin, but I didn't. I watched many youths try one substance after another until they died or became hopelessly addicted. I learned the meaning of compassion fatigue. So many youths came in wanting to forget or escape their unhappiness, even as their escape actively made their lives worse. Therapy eventually helped with my depression, and I'm slowly building a new and more stable friend group. Of the friends and acquaintances I had before, the ones who were able to stay sober are slowly starting to do better with their lives. Of the ones who ever started using substances, I'm happy for the ones who got clean, as few and far between as they are. I hope, that as I train to become a therapist myself, I can be the listening ear for someone who is struggling to feel happiness without a chemical. Life remains hard, and high living costs combined with low wages remain an obstacle, but I won't give up, and if I'm lucky I'll inspire someone else to keep trying, too. Thank you for considering supporting me today.

I'm Rachael Holloway. I go by Ray. I'm a neurodivergent adult in Anchorage, Alaska. I am Autistic with ADHD. I excelled in Reading and Writing, but was constantly criticized and mocked for my inability to succeed athletically or get the highest score in Math. Between that and being mocked for my low social skills, I learned something. I was different, and the world doesn't like different. I was viciously mocked and bullied for not enjoying physical activity or being good at it. My own special interests, like art and reading, were constantly devalued and even destroyed in front of me. No matter how well I did, I was different, so nothing I made or worked on mattered. I was mocked and punished when I stood up for myself or other different people. I was expected to either conform or accept a lower place and worse treatment. But I didn't. Instead, I left my family and my town to find somewhere I'd be valued as the neurodivergent, different person I was, not punished and mocked for not being "normal". I found better luck in a Youth shelter and in a retail career. I learned that it's okay to need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I learned to love myself as I am. I learned that there's so many ways to bring joy to the world that just allowed me to be myself, and that I don't need to chase someone else's idea of "normal". As I learned to love myself more, I learned other neurodivergent people become comfortable opening up to me and sharing their feelings. I felt flattered and overwhelmed. I loved being able to help and offer advice where I could, but I also knew I wasn't a qualified therapist. Now, I'm starting my journey to becoming a qualified therapist. I want to become a better listener. I want to tell other people, especially other neurodivergent youth, that they are valuable just the way they are. I want to be the person who listens, provides advice, and helps people become happier, more confident versions of themselves. I still don't have parental support, which puts me in a hard place financially, but I refuse to give up just because my parents don't believe I deserve a chance to succeed. I will continue until I reach my eventual goal, no matter how long it takes. Thank you for considering supporting my education today.

I'm Rachael Holloway. I go by Ray. I'm a neurodivergent adult in Anchorage, Alaska. I am Autistic with ADHD. I excelled in Reading and Writing, but was constantly criticized and mocked for my inability to succeed athletically or get the highest score in Math. Between that and being mocked for my low social skills, I learned something. I was different, and the world doesn't like different. I was viciously mocked and bullied for not enjoying physical activity or being good at it. My own special interests, like art and reading, were constantly devalued and even destroyed in front of me. No matter how well I did, I was different, so nothing I made or worked on mattered. I was mocked and punished when I stood up for myself or other different people. I was expected to either conform or accept a lower place and worse treatment. But I didn't. Instead, I left my family and my town to find somewhere I'd be valued as the neurodivergent, different person I was, not punished and mocked for not being "normal". I found better luck in a Youth shelter and in a retail career. I learned that it's okay to need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I learned to love myself as I am. I learned that there's so many ways to bring joy to the world that just allowed me to be myself, and that I don't need to chase someone else's idea of "normal". As I learned to love myself more, I learned other neurodivergent people become comfortable opening up to me and sharing their feelings. I felt flattered and overwhelmed. I loved being able to help and offer advice where I could, but I also knew I wasn't a qualified therapist. I learned I enjoy listening to others as much as they enjoyed talking to me. I tried other career and training paths before deciding that I wanted to commit to becoming a therapist. Ideally, I want to specialize in working with neurodivergent youth. With all the voices they hear telling them they have to be "normal" or behave more like a neurotypical child, they deserve a voice to tell them they're just fine the way they are. I want to be the person who encourages the kid with artistic interests to keep painting. I want to encourage the child who just wants to construct models to keep building their models. I want to tell the kids who enjoy doing research and constantly want to share their findings that it's okay to pursue their interests. Most importantly, I want to be the person who listens to children who may not have anyone else who supports them for who they are. Thank you very much for considering supporting me today.

My name is Rachael Holloway. I go by Ray. I'm a young adult without family support living in Anchorage. My family does not support me or my education. There have been times when I've considered leaving state in search of greener pastures and better resources. But I wouldn't find the nature, open forests, and relatively quiet city environment just anywhere, so I chose to stay in Alaska. Turns out, family isn't the only obstacle to education. There's financial aid delays. There's the increasing cost of rent while my wages just don't rise to match. There's the difficulty in finding anyone to split rent with who is clean and sober and won't have a pre-cooked excuse not to pay their share every month. And as if the default challenges I faced weren't bad enough, my partner suffered a life altering injury, all but ensuring that 100% of the money I earned working retail 7 days a week would instantly disappear to bills. I don't get the option of just living with my parents, because they don't support me. I can't "just get a better job", because I can't get an education if I can't afford to not work 7 days a week. I can't shop less, because I'm already buying only the necessities. I mend my clothes until they lose all structural integrity. I try to use every bit of food I buy. I'm already optimizing everything I can. But I still want to go to school. I still want to take up Psychology, and I still want to learn to be a therapist, even if I never get financial aid and must grind away, one class at a time, until I'm 40 years old. I was raised to be a quitter, but I don't choose to be one. And yes, I know every single other student applying for financial aid wants to change the world as much as I do. Maybe they've even had the free time and spare money to do better volunteering service, or to take up internships. I don't have any recent volunteering service or internships, just a few years of working retail and genuinely trying to help even the world's least appreciative customers. I can't promise that I'm going to change the world. I can't even promise that I'm going to change Anchorage. But I can promise that I will use every single penny I get towards getting my degree. Thank you for your consideration.