I decided I wanted to be a marine biologist at the most random point in my life. I went to my school’s information day in my home state, where they spoke about all the majors they offer. What I’d been struggling with was what I would study. I wanted to do English, but that didn’t really feel right for me. And when the counselor told us about marine biology, something inside my brain sort of clicked. For the first time, I felt certain about what I wanted to do with my life. I have been dreaming of attending HPU since I was in high school. I got accepted last year, but couldn’t afford it. I was also seventeen at the time, so a loan wasn’t really an option, since my parents refused to help co-sign. This year was supposed to be different. I got in. I got my financial aid package. It wasn’t near enough to cover the cost of attendance. And, of course, my credit and income isn’t sufficient for a loan. So I spent two weeks having hard conversations and trying to find someone to help me co-sign for a private student loan. In the end, I might not be able to go to my dream university. I might be stuck working a 9-5 without an education in my passion. So, here I am, applying to every scholarship on every website I can find. I don’t know if it will actually make a difference. But I want to know that I tried. That I could’ve done if it I had just a little more assistance. I don’t want to live my life with regrets. I want to go to college. I want a good education. I want to be a marine biologist, and travel, and experience things. Even though I grew up with severe financial hardship, and even though my family still struggles, this is something I need to do. For myself and for everyone around me who wants so badly to believe in me. It’s difficult to have faith, but I do. I know I can do this. I know I can live all of my dreams and passions. Even if I’m applying to all the scholarships until the second I have to move into the dorms. I will do this. I can’t move on knowing I could’ve been a scientist, and lives life to the fullest. I won’t move past this until I succeed.

There was a point in my life where I did not think I could allow myself to see tomorrow. I was deep in the pits of a battle with my own mind, my own body. While I dealt with a chemical imbalance, or Bipolar Disorder, severe anxiety, and ADHD, I was also struggling with anorexia and body dysmorphia. It felt like, no matter how far I came from the start, I was still taking two steps backwards. Multiple times, I decided I shouldn’t live anymore. But for some reason, I failed at dying. I think it was because I was meant to survive, even though it was difficult. The hardest thing I ever did was decide to keep going despite the pain. When I realized I was destined to live, I finally took the time to make sure I was truly alive. I began going to the gym, eating healthier, and healing my internal organs that had been damaged through my eating disorder. I regularly took medication for my mental disorders, and went to therapy until my mentor told me I didn’t even need it anymore. Now, I am unafraid of being alone with my thoughts. I don’t need to be talking to someone 24/7 in order to keep the hurt at bay. And I live like tomorrow isn’t promised. Because for some people, it isn’t. Maybe for me, it isn’t. But all 18 years of my life have told me that tomorrow is an essential piece of myself. And I’m going to look at the world like everyone needs a hug, and if they want me to, I’ll give them that hug. If it makes them feel like they can stay on this Earth, I’ll hug them until we both are annoyed of the contact. Because that’s what I really needed all those times I tried to leave. A hug.

Writing has been my passion since I was a little kid. I grew up writing short stories and poetry, even dabbling in songwriting occasionally. What I love most about writing is the creative freedom I get to have when I work. If there is a book or poem that I want to read but can't find, I simply write it myself. I can do anything, with my characters, my world, my style. Writing gives me a sense of self that, without it, I might never have found. I need to further my education so that I can be the best, most experienced writer I can be. It isn't that I'm terrible at prose, or dialogue. It is just that I know I can be better. I can know more about history and literature, so that I can incorporate more classical texts and figures into my work. I am very passionate about mythology and history, specifically French history. I love to combine myths and historic events with modernized writing. It gives my books more of an authentic feel. Any English major will work, as long as it teaches me structure, formatting, and, of course, literature. I am currently in an AP Literature class, where I am reading pieces by Oscar Wilde and Flannery O'Connor. I adore books and classics, which inspire my writing the most. On top of furthering my knowledge in literature and English structure, I also want to take creative writing and poetry workshops. I want to learn how to write like my favorite authors. I want to be someone's favorite author. Another thing I look forward to in furthering my education is working as an intern. I hope to work with a publishing agency, or even a small literary magazine. Even just the city newspaper would do. I really want to be involved with the writing community, so that I can learn what it takes to succeed in it. In conclusion, I love writing because it gives me freedom and a sense of self. My goal is to be a traditionally-published author who can make a living off of her work, and I intend to do this by furthering my education in literature and every other form of writing. I will major in any English or writing subject I can take. My entire future is based off of what I do right now, and I am going to do all that I can.

I have been writing since I was a kid. From a young age, I've been fascinated with books and, more specifically, writing them. I recall all of my English assignments where we had to create a story, or write an essay, and I felt so overjoyed to complete these tasks. I would say my passion for writing started in the fifth grade, when my teacher assigned us a book project. I created a fantasy story, only a chapter or two long, but this turned into an entire world in my mind. I began seriously writing books in the sixth grade, and I have been a writer every day since. I've always had a bit of a poetic outlook on the world. Death doesn't scare me; it intrigues me. The worst things on earth are what inspire me to create whole universes and put them on paper. My family, friends, and especially teachers, have praised me for my writing, and continue to encourage me to take my work somewhere big. I was told in sixth grade to enter a contest for a literary magazine, by my English teacher. Of course, I didn't think my writing was much, so I didn't enter the contest. But it was with that teacher that I also found my love for history and Greek mythology. I incorporate many references to historical and mythological figures into my work. Without these interests, I would not be the writer I am today. There are a few steps I have taken to further my career as an author. In 2023, I self-published two shorter books through Amazon KDP. I've grown a decent following on social media, where I share insight to my books, pieces, and future projects. I market to a general audience, one that shares my passion for literature. The most recent step I've taken is finally figuring out what my writing style is. I used to try and write crime, young adult, and romance. Now, I've taken a bit of a darker route, and have decided to strictly write gothic, contemporary, and literary fiction. I take inspiration from several famous writers and poets, specifically R.L. Stine, Stephen King, Edgar Allan Poe, Oscar Wilde, and Donna Tartt. Finding my genre has opened me up to so many ideas and projects, and has simplified marketing on social media. In conclusion, I envision positively impacting my future profession as an author by continuing to write, even when it's hard. Even when I have zero motivation, even when I would rather be doing anything else. When I'm bored, when I'm tired, when I haven't done anything for the past week. I will write to my full potential, and I will do so until the day that I die. Because, when I do inevitably leave this earth, my legacy will remain here and full of life.

Sabrina Carpenter has made a huge impact on my life since I was in elementary school. I would watch Girl Meets World just for her, and I was obsessed with her style. Now a senior in high school, I continue to enjoy her acting and music. She was so young when she started acting and singing. Sabrina Carpenter makes me feel like I can do anything I dream of. She started off so small, and now, she is one of the world's most successful celebrities. The journey through her career truly shows that anyone can accomplish great things, no matter how old or how popular. Sabrina Carpenter and her music will always hold such a special place in my heart. Her songs have reached me, and motivated me to embrace every part of myself. I am who I am because of her influence on the world. I have goals and dreams, and I know I can accomplish them because she has proved that anyone can do so. I am a fan of Sabrina Carpenter and her career has impacted me for years. Her music, her acting roles, even her style. I will forever be a follower of Sabrina Carpenter, for all that she has done for me and my world.

I have struggled with severe anxiety since I was a little kid. For as long as I can remember, I've always had a pit of nausea in my stomach. I am very paranoid and always think the worst about a situation or person. The trust issues that come along with my disorder make it difficult to find and keep friends. Panic attacks have me locked in the bathroom for long periods of time. However, I think the most important concern that my parents, doctors, and myself have always had with my anxiety is the amount of school it causes me to miss. Back when my anxiety was manageable and medication was calming it down, I had straight A's and perfect attendance. I received honor roll, principal's list, and many other awards for my behavior. But when high school hit, my disorder started to worsen. I would beg my parents to pick me up in the middle of the school day because I felt uncontrollably sick to my stomach. I have awful social anxiety, too, and find it hard to talk to my peers. When my parents said no and gave me advice on how to focus, I would freak out, and a panic attack would begin. Eventually, I started asking my parents to skip school completely. I would fake being sick, or flat-out tell them I was going through a tough time. It hardly ever worked, and now when I'm actually sick, my parents don't know whether or not to believe me. Pursuing a college degree is important to me because it gives me a chance to have a future. When I entered high school, I found a new passion: dancing. I have been in dance ever since, and it is one of my favorites hobbies. I hope to attend college and major in dance at a good school. I'll work as hard as I can, get into a studio, and eventually become a professional dancer. That is my dream. Although my anxiety has made it difficult to do a lot of things, it never took a toll on my dancing. Dance actually calms me down. I feel most myself when I am moving with the music, and while I usually would be scared that someone was watching me, I find that performing for people is my favorite thing to do. In conclusion, I want to pursue a college education to succeed as a professional dancer.

To me, success is being able to say, "Wow. I did it." Success is finally feeling proud of myself and my accomplishments. It is the concept of winning my own favor, because God knows I need to value myself a little more. I would use this opportunity to attend college and major in one of my passions, whatever I decide is most important to study. I define my own success. This opportunity, along with many others, is going to help me achieve success, both figuratively and physically. I am going to use the award to major in either creative writing or forensic science, in hopes of one day becoming a traditionally published author. My books are going to be world-famous. I'm not going to have to work a second job, because I am going to be so successful due to my writing. I will move out, live with my boyfriend, feed the cats, and most of all, be happy. Everyone is going to know my name and love my work. I am going to be like Kafka, or Edgar Allen Poe. I am going to be celebrated for my efforts, by everyone around me and by myself. I grew up in a decently financially comfortable household. We could pay the bills and buy food for the week, but there wasn't much "extra." I certainly didn't think I'd be able to attend any college I wanted. But I have hope now. I have more motivation than I did before. I need to be successful. I need to be proud of and valuable to myself. It's been hard, not knowing if I would be able to attend university. But I've finally stopped worrying and decided to start acting. Now, I am on the road to true success. This opportunity will grant me everything I have ever dreamed of. I can feel it in my bones. While success is subjective to everyone, I believe that humans have the same goal in mind: pride. We want to feel good and happy with ourselves. No matter what we are trying to achieve, we really want the satisfaction of achieving it. I am going to make a living off of being a world-renowned author, and nothing is going to stop me. My success is only going to grow as time goes on, and as I develop into the best version of myself. In conclusion, success to me is being proud of myself. It is being able to do what I want, when I want, and not having to worry about if it's good enough. Because I'll know it is. My writing will not be criticized by its author any longer. I will be living my life the way I want to, not the way everyone tells me I should. My perfectionism is going to vanish as I get older. And once I am in college, I will study as hard as I possibly can to achieve what I desire. I am going to be stronger, braver, and most importantly, successful.

If I had to choose one show on Netflix that everyone should binge-watch, it would be The End of the F***ing World. It is such a beautiful show that explores many different parts of life. While the ending is rather bittersweet, it certainly is not a waste of time to watch. The End of the F***ing World follows two teenagers, Alyssa and James, as they fall in love. Alyssa hates her life, her family, her town, and so she convinces James to run away with her. They steal James’ dad’s car and drive far, far away. James, on the other hand, is sure that he is a psychopath. He considers himself to be dull and without a sense of humor or compassion. James plans on murdering Alyssa, just to feel the feeling of killing another human. But when Alyssa is nearly assaulted and James comes to the rescue, he finds that murder is not everything he’d thought it would be. Now, the two of them are on the run from the police and their parents. The first season ends with James being shot in the chest. The second season picks up with James getting out of the hospital. He reunites with Alyssa, who is engaged and about to be married. When she finds that he is alive, she runs away from her own wedding, and their little adventure starts up again. Only this time, there is another person. Her name is Bonnie, and she is out for revenge. James killed her lover when the man tried to assault Alyssa in season one, and now Bonnie is planning to kill both of them. The second season finishes off with the police being called and Bonnie being taken in. It is an open ending that can be interpreted in many ways. The End of the F***ing World is a tragic, bittersweet, and remarkable TV show that describes love and revenge more than perfectly. James and Alyssa’s relationship is so beautiful that, whenever I watch this show, I nearly cry. It is just so inspirational and makes me want to live a brave and adventurous life. Trust me when I say this: you will not regret watching The End of the F***ing World. However, it is slightly triggering, so don’t go into it with hope for a happy, lighthearted story. It is intense and full of passion. That is why you should clear your weekend and binge-watch The End of the F***ing World.

If I could have everyone in the world read just one book, it would have to be The Cruel Prince by Holly Black. This book is a true work of art, and a mind blowing piece of fiction. It is the perfect mix of fantasy, adventure, and romance. The Cruel Prince follows seventeen year-old Jude Duarte as she navigates her way through life after being kidnapped by a faerie, an evil creature that the rare human knows about. She wishes to be a knight, and is ready to fight for her honor. The Cruel Prince is the first book in a trilogy, and there is a spin-off series that tells the story of Jude’s younger brother, Oak. Overall, The Cruel Prince is a wonderful book that explores concepts of self-discovery, betrayal, and confidence. I remember reading it for the first time, just flying through the pages and eager to start the second book. The story is so captivating, and the fantasy aspect really draws you in. I seriously could not put it down once I started reading it. That’s how fascinating the writing is. Holly Black is an amazing author, and has many other works that I hope to read soon. In conclusion, everyone in the world should read The Cruel Prince, or The Folk of the Air trilogy, by Holly Black. It is the perfect Young Adult fantasy book for people who enjoy action, romance, and angst. Don’t underestimate the hold a good adventure book has on the human soul.

My 2023 year so far has been a rollercoaster of events and emotions. There are a couple of songs from 1989 (Taylor's Version) that would be on its soundtrack. I have loved Taylor Swift since I was young, and I relate almost everything that happens in my life to at least one of her songs. The first song that would be on the soundtrack of my 2023 year is "Wildest Dreams." I started dating the man I hope to marry on January 1st, and we spent nearly every day together. Then, he moved. He moved farther than I'd like. At least a 45-minute drive and we both do not have our licenses yet. "Say you'll remember me" is a lyric from this song that I think of frequently. I wonder if he'll ever forget me or the times we had when he was close. The next two songs are "Bad Blood" and "Now That We Don't Talk." These songs are ones that I relate to my ex-best friend who just recently told me she doesn't want to talk anymore. Most of Taylor Swift's songs are about her past romantic partners, but these two songs can be relatable to any kind of relationship. I am going to miss my old best friend, but I have accepted that she is not a part of my life, and from now on, I am going to be a better version of myself for any future friends I may come across. Finally, the last song from 1989 (Taylor's Version) is "Clean." I relate to this song very much. In early 2023, I broke up with my boyfriend during a manic episode. This sent me to a mental hospital, where I never felt more alone. I got back with my boyfriend, and from then on, I have been so much happier. At the time that I went to the hospital, I was also cutting myself and using other forms of self-harm to cope. But now, it's been almost nine months since I last injured my body. Of course, "just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it." I still have urges to self-harm. I still have suicidal ideations. But now, I am clean. I am better. In conclusion, I relate many songs from 1989 (Taylor's Version) to my 2023 year so far. I am grateful for everything that has happened, whether it be good or bad. And, one thing hasn't changed: I still am a die-hard Swiftie.

Olivia Rodrigo once said, "It's me who's been making the bed." I resonate with this lyric because, at the end of the day, I am the reason for all of my suffering. I am the one who caused every issue I have, whether that be on purpose or accident. And I will be the one to pay for the damage I've caused. By "making the bed," I have given myself every reward, and every consequence that I deserve. I have pushed away all the people who know me the best. I have lost friends, I have distanced myself from my family, and I have dug a hole that I am afraid I will never be able to climb out of. I have injured my body, inside and out. I have ruined friendships and familial relations. And, most of all, I have lost all but one of my chances to redeem myself. This lyric from Rodrigo's song, "Making the Bed," perfectly describes how we as teenagers tend to blame everyone but ourselves for what happens to us. We rarely take responsibility for our actions and the consequences that come with them. So, this is me apologizing to myself and everyone I've pushed away. I never meant to do this to the people I love the most. And I never meant to love myself less than I should. When I was younger, I thought being a teenager would make everything better. I thought I'd be happier, healthier, and most importantly, stable. But I've found that, over the years, I've just been trapping myself in a life I never wanted. While I've been "making the bed," everyone around me has been trying to stop me. They've been trying to help me. And I haven't listened to them. I thought I would just be miserable for the rest of my years. I suppose the real challenge of being a teenager is accepting responsibility for everything you've done, to others and yourself. In conclusion, I relate my teenage experience to the lyric, "It's me who's been making the bed," because it is me who has done all of this. It isn't easy taking the blame for hurting anyone. But it is especially difficult to accept responsibility for hurting yourself. And yet, I am using this essay as an opportunity to apologize to myself and everyone else I've damaged and pushed away. I know now that I have made the bed.

I love math because it is the language of science. Science has always been one of my highest interests. I am going to major in forensic science, and math is a very important part of that field. I love math because it is something I am good at, and can do independently or with help. Math is what makes studying all sorts of science possible. It explains complex subjects that otherwise would not be understandable. With math, we can learn as much as humans are capable of. We write equations, we solve equations, and then we apply those equations to every single aspect of our lives. In forensics, math is an absolute necessity. In conclusion, I love math because it is what describes my favorite subject. When I graduate and move on to major in forensic science, I am going to use math every day for everything. It is important, not just in the scientific field, but also in everyday life. We start learning math when we are very young, and it kind of grows and evolves with us. It is like a friend that we have known since we were kids. And it will continue to change our lives.

For as long as humans have studied science, there have always been details, subjects, and ideas that we consider to be "fiction." My selected field of study is forensic science, and this is possibly the most accurate depiction of turning science fiction into science fact. From Sherlock Holmes to forensic technology, it is a known fact that science fiction can be just that: a fact. To start with, bite mark analysis. In crime television, this is the perfect way to determine a perpetrator. But in the real world, it isn't as simple as judging someone's bite. Instead of using this unreliable method of deduction, we can use other forensic technologies, such as single-source DNA analyses and ballistics. While there is not one completely reliable way to determine if a suspect is guilty or not, DNA analysis is one of the more dependable approaches. Next, there is the fingerprint analysis method. This method is fairly trustworthy in the sense that it hasn't failed countless times like the bite mark analysis trick has. Fingerprints are the first topic people consider when they think of DNA. It is reliable, accurate, and a smooth, quick process. A fingerprint is unique to each individual, and also rather permanent. Therefore, they are easily accessible and efficient when determining a perpetrator. The fingerprint analysis method is most definitely higher up on the scale when it comes to reliable forensic technology. Finally, we have the method of toxicology. Toxicology is the study of the effects of chemical substances on living organisms, and the practice of diagnosing and treating exposures to toxins. Researchers developed toxicology as a specialized field of forensic medicine. They devised tests for poison and other toxins, tests that are still decently accurate to this day. Overall, toxicology is an easy, dependable method of deduction, and can quickly determine someone's cause of death. It can also treat living victims of poison. In conclusion, forensic science has and will continue to turn science fiction into science fact. Over hundreds of years, it has been used to bring stories like Sherlock Holmes and other forensic crime books to life. I have decided that I am going to study forensic science so that I can make a difference in the crime and science world. I want to change lives and viewpoints. Forensic science is doing just that. From DNA analysis to toxicology, this scientific approach is working its magic to make science fiction as real as science fact.

#BookTok has had a tremendous impact on readers and non-readers alike. Of course, the recommended books that are currently trending are not always for everyone. This means that people consider some books to be better or worse than others. Everyone has their own opinions. Here are a few of my must-have #BookTok books. The first book I would say is essential is The Secret History by Donna Tartt. The book follows Richard Papen, a young college student studying Latin with a small group of other young adults, as he discovers the truth about his so-called "friends." The Secret History is very dark and consists of some of the most impressive prose I have ever read. The story is also very interesting, and I never once found myself getting bored or distracted. Overall, The Secret History is a very necessary read if you are new to #BookTok. Next is the A Good Girl's Guide to Murder trilogy. This book is the perfect combination of mystery and humor. It's about a high school senior, Pippa Fitz-Amobi, who is trying to complete her senior capstone project. Throughout the series, she discovers the truth about several different cases from her small town, and in the end, some may say she becomes the villain. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder is one of the first #BookTok books I read, and I encourage everyone who is a fan of murder mysteries to try it out. The final #BookTok book I recommend is I Fell in Love With Hope. It is a beautifully written, tragic story about a group of sick children. It tells their tales of life and hope, and eventually, death. The narrator, Sam, is also the embodiment of the human concept of "hope." The book begins with a flashback, and it ends with a heartbreaking scene. I loved reading this book, not only because it was so inspirational, but because it proved that self-published authors really can have an impact on entire communities. Those were my #BookTok recommendations for anyone who likes or wants to read. I have found many of my favorite books on #BookTok, and I think everyone who is even remotely interested in reading should think about looking it up. The inspiration and comfort you will find on #BookTok is truly unmatchable. In conclusion, #BookTok is a wonderful source for new books, and also just a safe space for readers, old and new.

If I could have everyone in the world read just one book, that book would be "You've Reached Sam" by Dustin Thao. It is about a girl mourning the death of her lover, who discovers that she can call him on her phone. Eventually, her boyfriend has to leave, and the girl must say goodbye to him forever. It is such an emotional book with a very bittersweet ending. This book teaches us about the vast array of human emotions. It shows us the many sides of grief, love, and heartbreak. I cried multiple times as I read "You've Reached Sam," and I can honestly say that it taught me to never take anything or anyone for granted. You never know when you're going to lose something you hold dear. The reason everyone should read "You've Reached Sam" is because people need to know that what they have isn't permanent, and neither is life itself. To love someone is to hold them close, and to lose someone is to be forced to let them go. You should make every day you have with the ones you love count, for you cannot predict when you are going to lose them. It could happen at any moment, and you would never have suspected it. In conclusion, the one book that everyone should read is "You've Reached Sam" because it displays loss and the process of grief like no other book I have read. It will inspire you to make every second count. It is a book that no one will ever regret reading.

My favorite song on Taylor Swift's "1989" album is Clean because it has such passionate and groundbreaking lyrics. You find yourself loving songs that you can relate to, and I can't think of a more relatable Taylor Swift song. Everything about it screams "I'm improving," and I think that has a very positive and inspirational message. For a few years, I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts. And, while the ideations haven't gone away yet, I have been clean for about a month and a half. Before I relapsed, I had been clean for about four months, and it was the best I have ever felt about myself. But, as Taylor sang in this song, "just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it." It has been a very deep and difficult struggle. Still, I am doing my absolute best, and I haven't hurt myself in nearly two months. I'm getting better. Another thing I am getting clean from is my eating disorder. For nearly five years, I struggled with a mix of anorexia and bulimia. It was an underlying yet severe issue that affected everything about my daily life. I hated eating, and I struggled with my self-image and worth. I am still getting over the hatred I have towards both my outward and inward appearance, but I haven't starved or purged in a good two, maybe three months. The last struggle I went through is the slight addiction I had to taking pills. I only took Midol, Ibuprofen, and Tylenol, but anything can be dangerous if you abuse it. I would pop them whenever I was stressed, depressed, or bored. I rarely ever used them simply for pain or cramps. I have most likely destroyed some vital organs in my body, but when I was taking the pills, I didn't care. I wanted to ruin myself so that I wouldn't have to live a long life. But now, I regret all of it. Taking these pills probably made me feel even worse than I did when I didn't use them. In conclusion, my favorite song from "1989" is Clean because it means so much to me. It is relatable, inspirational, and honestly gives me hope. I want to be the best person I possibly can be. Getting better has been a goal of mine since I started my mental health journey. I can now say, "I am finally clean."