My eldest brother, Trey Krodinger, committed suicide in April of 2020. He was heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol, which led him to take his own life. I was thirteen at the time, unaware of what substance abuse can really do to a person. The concept of suicide was difficult for me to fully grasp. Losing him showed me how complicated grief and pain really are. There were so many different emotions going through my mind when I was woken up at 5:00 a.m. by my mother rushing into my room. I did not believe it. Suicide? Had my brother taken his life? My brother wasn't just an "addict," even though that's what some people saw. He was caring, protective, funny, and a great older brother. But behind that joyous personality, addiction was slowly taking him away from us. What I have learned is that addiction is not a lack of love or a weakness. It is deeply rooted in someone more than we can understand. At first, I was mad at Trey. I was so angry that drugs took him away from us. I had countless "what if's," and questions without answers. The question, "What could we have done differently?" still crosses my mind often. Grieving him was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Little things still remind me of him today. The feeling of missing him never truly goes away. Some days, the weight of his absence feels overwhelming. Other days, I feel more grounded and stronger than ever before. I realize that healing does not mean forgetting and pretending everything is alright. Healing is balancing loss and love, celebrating the life he had. This loss has changed me in ways I never would have thought. I have grown into a strong individual who strives to help others in difficult times. I pay closer attention to the world around me. I intentionally check up on people. I never ignore signs that someone may be in need of help. His life and struggle taught me the importance of empathy. However, I do not let his loss define my future; instead, it fuels it. I cannot change what happened to my brother, I cannot change his life, but I can choose how I let it shape mine. I've allowed his loss to make me more compassionate and aware. Right now, I am taking classes to become a nurse, and I plan on attending nursing school. I want to be the kind of nurse who sees people behind diagnosis. I want to make people feel seen and heard in their most vulnerable moments. I am determined to treat patients with dignity, especially those who feel mistreated or judged. I want to save as many people from substance abuse and mental illness as I can. His life was precious, and I am going to honor him by giving others the compassion and care they deserve. Mental health MATTERS. Substance abuse awareness MATTERS. Showing up day after day MATTERS. We all MATTER.