Life can be overwhelming which is why I believe everyone should practice self-care on a daily basis. I have a few daily things I do in order to prioritize myself in the mental and physical aspects. In the physical aspect, I exercise or incorporate some movement daily. Six days a week, I do the exercise I enjoy the most, weight-lifting. This has helped me tremendously. When I feel like I'm falling into a depressive episode, I go workout and it, usually, helps. It also gives me about an hour where it's just me and my music and I am working through whatever may have gone wrong recently, all while relieving stress. On my rest day, I go on a walk to clear my mind and, again, have time to myself. For my mental health, I journal daily. Through therapy, I found that writing down my struggles helps me work through them and make sure that I am acknowledging them instead of avoiding them. Furthermore, I like to finish off by stating my blessings and writing down two things I like about myself that day. This is to remind me to find the positive things in life and to remind me that even on my bad body image days or even seasons, there is always something beautiful about me. All of these things help me cope with my mental issues and daily things that might go wrong. I didn't have coping mechanisms for a long time but I learned that these are what work for me and thus, I now use them to prioritize my well-being daily.

I can't say I have always wanted to grow. At times, growth has been terrifying. In the thick of my eating disorder, I didn't want to recover. Despite, the torture of feeling the need to purge, restrict, count calories, exercise no matter the hour, and have anxiety attacks at the thought of food, I still wanted to continue. Part of the reason was the control, another is that it was a coping mechanism, and another is that I was scared of rejection and I felt I had to be perfect and think to be accepted and loved. Yet, after realizing what I was losing- family gatherings, time with friends, my menstrual cycle, my hair- I realized that it was time to push myself and live. Looking back, I sometimes wish I would've recovered sooner. Yet, I understand that I needed the time. Nevertheless, this is the most intense growth period I have ever gone through and I gained so much from it. I learned self-love and acceptance, how to nourish my body, and how to help my friends reject the societal diet mentality pushing us all to have unattainable body standards. All of it was part of my journey. Thus, when change seems terrifying, I know to always push through and to allow for changes in my life so that I may grow. I know what happens when I resist and I know what happens when I let myself go through life, pushing myself to be better despite how difficult it may be. Keeping this always in mind, I know that in the face of adversity, I must choose to grow.

I struggle to love myself. In fact, for most of my life, I can honestly say I hated my body and never felt good enough. I remember dieting by eating only applies in second grade because I believed I needed to lose weight to be accepted. In Junior year, I developed a full-blown eating disorder after years of disordered eating habits. I remember distinctly being asked my therapist to write a list of things I liked about my body and things I hated; I could not think of a single thing I liked, not my hands, not my eyes, not my legs. After over a year in recovery, I have found things to fall in love with, such as my strength. As I was allowed to exercise, I fell in love with weight-lifting. Now, my favorite part of my body is my back. My back is the place where you can see my muscles the most. When I look at it, it reminds me of how far I have come. That I eat enough to grow it and that I allow myself to eat that food now. It reminds me that I don't have to be the smallest version of myself and that strength is beautiful. It reminds me of the hard work I put into my mental battle in recovery but did it anyway. I see my back and I think it's beautiful. Every muscle, every bone, every section of fat and weight. My back reminds me that I am strong, resilient, and why recovery was worth it.

High school is a different experience for everybody. Going into it, I believed that it would be the most exciting and transformative four years of my life- and they truly were transformative. My time in high school was not what I expected. Starting freshman year I began struggling with depression and intensified anxiety. I did not open up to anyone about this for three years. I would have mental highs and lows but my future motivated me to keep striving for good grades. Specifically, I would think about how the University of Texas at Austin accepted the top 6% and I wanted to be admitted so badly that even on my worst days, I kept studying and working. When the pandemic hit, a sense of relief came with it. I felt like I could breathe. Being at home gave me an opportunity to learn more about myself than ever and finally reach out for help. Although I began struggling with an eating disorder during this time, I didn’t keep quiet about it for long once I figured it out. The strength I acquired in getting to know myself got me through it. Nevertheless, keeping my mind on schoolwork was often difficult as my mind would run to places I didn’t want to be in. In class, I would think about giving in to the darkness but I didn’t let myself quit. I kept working at getting better and even got on medication. Now, I am focusing on keeping my grades up until the end of the year. I know what I want and that is a future at UT on a campus I have dreamed of since 3rd grade. It has been my motivation to keep my grades up during difficult of times and it will continue to be.

For a very long time, I was terrified to step out of my shell and step into a leadership position where people would look to me for answers. Yet, despite the pandemic being unbelievably difficult in personal losses and health issues, it also allowed me to gain things. Specifically, I had an endless amount of time on my own and thus, I analyzed myself. By doing this, I realized that being in a role where I were to be under pressure and had to make decisions was something exciting to me. Although I knew that doing these things would be difficult, I decided that it was about time that I pushed myself into leadership positions that inspired me. The two main leadership positions at school that I am the most passionate about are that of Senior Vice-President and Women Empowering Women Vice-President. Being Senior Vice-President has allowed me to speak up for the part of my class that usually isn’t heard. Going into it, I knew they were often ignored because I was one of the quiet people. Being Vice-President of Women Empowering Women has allowed me to put my energy stemming from being a feminist into a club that I completely believe in. Both of these positions have allowed me to work on my organization skills due to having to direct different fundraisers, retreats, and activities. Furthermore, they have provided me an opportunity to work on voicing my opinions and developing communication skills used in various topic education, and formulating plans with others. All of these skills can be brought into my future in being an active participant in class, participating in clubs, being able to organize the various activities needed, and working with the students around me, even under tense moments. I learned the importance of stepping out of my comfort zone and how that can help me fall in love with various activities. I learned I love education on topics, organizing events, such as a Breast Cancer Awareness Fundraiser for the Rio Grande Cancer Foundation, and bringing in unheard voices into different conversations. As a future neuropsychologist, I now know the importance of pushing patients out of their comfort zone, within reason, and the importance of being a strong voice for them.

Mental health is not straightforward or easy to solve. Our brains are so complex that understanding mood disorders and chemical balances cannot be done fully. That's why some medications are a mystery as to why they even help treat certain mental illnesses. I learned this myself with dealing with an eating disorder and depression. I wanted to understand why, but I couldn't. What I did learn is that small steps are important in helping yourself or others get to a better place. The first step is not judging yourself for the thoughts in your mind or the actions you can't control. The second is making small goals. Deciding to stop self-harm from one day to another or to start being productive every day is not realistic when you are fighting to survive. Instead, it is important to make almost minuscule goals. Instead of showering every day, shower once a week. Instead of trying to go cold-turkey on self-harm, do it once a day instead of twice or once every other day. In addition, prepare to make everything sanitary and do damage control. Dealing with mental health is so complex and difficult. Oftentimes, it is about damage control. Every time you control the damage and little more and never judge when there is no success. These are the two most important lessons that helped me fight my battles.

We are told countless times to go outside, enjoy nature, and how it will make us feel better. Honestly, I never really listened to anyone who told me this because I didn’t really care. This all changed when my mental health deteriorated. I developed an eating disorder, was diagnosed with body dysmorphia, and had anxiety attacks when I didn’t have control over my food. I wasn’t thankful for my body; in fact, I hated it. I wanted to change it in every way. Soon after, I discovered hiking to be my newfound passion and blessing in disguise. My aunt and uncle were hikers and had often invited me. I never really wanted to go because the thought of walking for hours and getting up early didn’t seem worth it. I thought it would be boring, and that even if I did go, I wouldn’t make it through the hike. I preferred to just go to the gym and walk outside if I needed to. Then one Saturday, with nothing to do and a need to escape from all the anxiety and stress, I decided to go. To say the least, I thought I was going to die during that hike. I thought I was in decent shape, but if the mountain was alive, it would’ve laughed at me as I struggled to keep up with my aunt and uncle. I honestly don’t remember most of the first hike because I just kept thinking about how much time was left until we got to the end. Nevertheless, I went again the following week because it had been a good distraction, and the difficult exercise made me feel a little more at ease when eating. The next time I went, it was the same trail but a whole new view. I started doing a little more cardio so that I would be more prepared, and it really helped me get through it. This time, I actually saw the beautiful mountains and the sun as it rose. It was beautiful. I actually appreciated the hike. Flashforward, I began doing more difficult trails. The most mesmerizing one was the Organ Needle in Las Cruces. It took us ten hours, walking in inches of snow. I couldn’t believe it. Standing on top of the mountain, I was in shock. My body had worked so hard for me, through all the aches of the climb, making me stronger mentally by training me not to think of the hours it took. My arms had held on to the rocks as we rock-climbed the final portion of the hike. I was so thankful that my body was strong and that it had gotten me to the top where I saw the most beautiful view, surrounded by snowy mountains. After so much time, I didn’t hate my body anymore. For the first time in a long time, I was thankful for the body I was given. I realized it wasn’t worth mental space to hate it. When we got down, I had pizza, my biggest “fear food.” It was freeing! Hiking brought me so much closer to recovery. It showed me how strong my body was and how much it does for me. If I hadn’t found a coping mechanism, I might not have been able to get to his point. Because of this experience, I realized I want to go into cognitive neuroscience with a focus on cognitive development. Although my story isn’t about a mood disorder, I want to help people in need through cognitive science with techniques such as thought-stopping. The restrict, binge, and purge cycle, along with the self-forced exercise, and calorie counting, all led to me researching psychology and finding great interest in cognitive development. I want to help in the treatment as a Latin American woman beginning with my bachelor’s, leading to a Ph.D. in psychology. I know the University of Texas at Austin could aid me in this, hopefully alongside Dr. Church-Lang during some point in the future with her fascinating studies in various disorders and how they might develop during childhood. It would be an ideal and exciting school in which I would love to be future alumni.

We are told countless times to go outside, enjoy nature, and how it will make us feel better. Honestly, I never really listened to anyone who told me this because I didn’t really care. This all changed when my mental health deteriorated during lockdown. I developed an eating disorder, was diagnosed with body dysmorphia, and had anxiety attacks when I didn’t have control over my food. I wasn’t thankful for my body; in fact, I hated it. I wanted to change it in every way. Soon after, I discovered hiking to be my newfound passion and blessing in disguise. My aunt and uncle were hikers and had often invited me. I never really wanted to go because the thought of walking for hours and getting up early didn’t seem worth it. I thought it would be boring, and that even if I did go, I wouldn’t make it through the hike. I preferred to just go to the gym and walk outside if I needed to. Then one Saturday, with nothing to do and a need to escape from all the anxiety and stress, I decided to go. To say the least, I thought I was going to die during that hike. I thought I was in decent shape, but if the mountain was alive, it would’ve laughed at me as I struggled to keep up with my aunt and uncle. I honestly don’t remember most of the first hike because I just kept thinking about how much time was left until we got to the end. Nevertheless, I went again the following week because it had been a good distraction, and the difficult exercise made me feel a little more at ease when eating. The next time I went, it was the same trail but a whole new view. This time, I actually saw the beautiful mountains and the sun as it rose. It was beautiful. I actually appreciated the hike. Flashforward, I began doing more difficult trails. The most mesmerizing one was the Organ Needle in Las Cruces. It took us ten hours, walking in inches of snow. I couldn’t believe it. Standing on top of the mountain, I was in shock. My body had worked so hard for me, through all the aches of the climb, making me stronger mentally by training me not to think of the hours it took. My arms had held on to the rocks as we rock-climbed the final portion of the hike. I saw the most beautiful view, surrounded by snowy mountains. After so much time, I didn’t hate my body anymore. For the first time in a long time, I was thankful for the body I was given. I realized it wasn’t worth mental space to hate it. Hiking brought me so much closer to recovery. It showed me how strong my body was and how much it does for me. If I hadn’t found a coping mechanism, I might not have been able to get to his point. Because of this experience, I realized I want to go into cognitive neuroscience with a focus on cognitive development. Although my story isn’t about a mood disorder, I want to help people in need through cognitive science. The restrict, binge, and purge cycle, and calorie counting, all led to me researching psychology and finding great interest in cognitive development. Despite the pandemic being the most difficult moment of my life, it also allowed me to find my passion and inner strength in a way that I would not have been able to before.

I want to be as knowledgeable as possible and acquire as many skills during my time as a student so that when I start my first job in my field, I can truly help as many people as possible. Struggling with mental health is one of the most difficult and stigmatized things in society. So, I want to go into my profession aware of the difficulty that comes with dealing with chemical imbalances and different disorders. It is so difficult to feel understood and sane when you don’t understand your own brain and I want to be able to guide people into being able to live out their lives working with their illnesses and disorders instead of against them. I can’t completely understand what others go through with different mental health illnesses but I can become as educated as possible so that people don’t feel so alone. I want the statistics leading to suicide with illnesses such as depression and borderline personality disorder to drop with my help in counseling patients and dedicating my time to research in helping people with mood disorders find a balance in their lives. No one should feel like their brain chemistry is the reason they cannot live out their lives. My ideal life would be counseling as many patients through their mood disorders and also discovering how to prevent these mood disorders.

For a very long time, I was terrified to step out of my shell and step into a leadership position where people would look to me for answers. Yet, despite the pandemic being unbelievably difficult in personal losses and health issues, it also allowed me to gain things. Specifically, I had an endless amount of time on my own and thus, I analyzed myself. By doing this, I realized that being in a role where I were to be under pressure and had to make decisions was something exciting to me. Although I knew that doing these things would be difficult, I decided that it was about time that I push myself into leadership positions that inspired me. The two main leadership positions at school that I am the most passionate about are that of Senior Vice-President and Women Empowering Women Vice-President. Being Senior Vice-President has allowed me to speak up for the part of my class that usually isn’t heard. Going into it, I knew they were often ignored because I was one of the quiet people. Being Vice-President of Women Empowering Women has allowed me to put my energy stemming from being a feminist into a club that I completely believe in. Both of these positions have allowed me to work on my organization skills due to having to direct different fundraisers, retreats, and activities. Furthermore, they have provided me an opportunity to work on voicing my opinions and developing communication skills used in various topic education, and formulating plans with others. All of these skills were developed in pushing myself out of my shell and into a position where I knew I would belong if I just tried.

Mental health was not something that I learned about from a young age. Instead, it was almost shoved down my throat during the summer before freshmen year. That's when my battle with depression started. I fought to survive on my own every day for three years. It was exhausting and I didn't tell anyone. During my Sophomore year, I developed an eating disorder. Covid only escalated my obsession with food, weight, and body image. Both of these things felt like they were eating me alive. It's the only that that consumed my brain on a daily basis. They still do. The first thing I did was try to learn about everything that was going on in my mind because I didn’t understand it or how to communicate it. Finally, I reached out for help a few months ago. People sharing their stories on social media apps helped me reach out for help because they began to normalize it for me. Although I was ashamed to admit what was happening and what I was doing, these online influencers helped me through it, without knowing it. As I slowly get better, I want to have conversations about these mental illnesses with the people around me to make them aware of certain things that are triggering even though they don’t realize it, such as complementing weight loss. As we know, people struggling with mental illnesses can be the best at masking their emotions. I believe that bringing up these conversations can help those hiding their thoughts and actions reach out for help. Lastly, I want to bring these conversations to social media. I believe that I can reach more people this way and help remind them that having a mental illness is okay and that it always gets better. Mental health is becoming increasingly important during modern times and I would love nothing more than to educate the people around me on it.

Role Model for Recovery How much does society influence how we live our lives? For me, society's standards led me down a dark path with anxiety attacks when surrounded by food, constant body checking, weighing myself daily, excessively exercising, eating less, calorie counting, and feeling miserable. During this dark time, Brittani Lancaster was the first person to bring me out of that place, without even knowing it. For as long as I could remember, I have had body image and food mentality issues. I remember being in first grade and wanting to get rid of my stomach fat and doing hundreds of crunches a day to try to achieve that. I wanted the perfect body and I was willing to eat less and overexercise to achieve that goal. Still, I knew what I was doing wasn’t right and that I always felt tired. I even started experiencing hair loss. During this quarantine, these issues got worse for me. I would cry uncontrollably about how much I disliked myself. Yet the more I restricted myself, the less control I had when I was forced to be in an environment with food. I couldn’t stop eating and no one noticed. I was exhausted and I didn’t how I could keep living like that. Soon after, I discovered Brittani. Brittani has dedicated her TikTok and other social media platforms to share her eating disorder recovery story and encourage others to love themselves and recover as well. She makes body positive content and shares what she eats in a day to encourage others to fuel their bodies with food, as well. She continues to show that you can love yourself at any size, despite what others say and that health is not determined by size. Her comments are flooded with people thanking her for saving their lives and explaining how her story and content inspired them to change the course of their life. People usually feel alone in these mental battles, but she makes sure that people know that she is there for them and so are all of her followers. By watching her, she inspired me to eat in order to fuel my body and exercise only to feel good, not to look a certain way. Not only that, but she inspired me to reach out for help and ask to see a psychologist in order to address the mental stress that all of these things were putting on me. I had forgotten how to listen to my body for hunger cues because of the excessive restriction and calorie counting but I’m slowly finding my way back to eating intuitively. Because of her, I chose to live a happy life, happy with myself, and not working for an unachievable standard that society pushes out. My journey for self-love is not complete, but because of Brittani, I know that this fight is worth it and that I want to win it. During the past few months, Brittani has become my role model. She changes people's lives daily and floods people’s lives with positivity. I want to encourage the people around me to have freedom with food and to be happy with themselves. Life is too short to be worried about what society thinks of you. She inspires me to encourage others to love themselves and be the positive light for others because sometimes that’s what people truly need.