Having borderline personality disorder (BPD) has definitely influenced my relationships. It can be hard to stay content in certain situations, for years and years I have had to teach myself how to not completely lash out for the sake of myself and the people around me. It took a lot of trial and error. With the people I love, especially in romantic relationships, I can become obsessive, jealous, possessive, and overthink constantly. I always wished I could love normally and react to things normally. I thought I was hard to love, I mean, who could love someone like me? Regardless, I tried my best to cope, especially for the sake of my boyfriend. My boyfriend has been so understanding and even learned about my condition. He has helped me more than he could ever know. I have learned to communicate how I feel more but sometimes I feel too much and no words can match how I feel, that's when I turned to art. I'd draw my emotions from the situation I was dealing with, and just let it all out. Drawing how I felt was the best way I could cope, it wasn't hurting me or anyone. The constant highs and lows I would deal with used to be detrimental, especially to my mental health. There were people I used to be attached to that would leave and I’d be at an all-time low, to finally overcome these situations, using my artistic skills was always something I could turn to. Not all the art was a consistent style because neither were my emotions. It could be a full-body portrait or a page full of rips and scribbles, nonetheless, I would still consider it all art. That is why I am so passionate about art. It's selective, personal, different, and up to how you wanna interpret your feelings, your situation, or your imagination. I believe you decide what art is, I want to teach people that they can express themselves in their own way, that you can explore your mindset and just let it out. These experiences and realizations gave me the motivation to become an art teacher. I never want younger generations to feel how I felt, I don't want them to grow up feeling like their mental illness is a burden, or that they are incapable of being loved just because of something that they can not control, I don't believe that's true. I want to give them options to cope, there are other options to get out your emotions without hurting yourself or other people. I don't believe art is the only way either, there can be other forms like dance, music, writing, photography, sport, etc. I want to teach that, I want to help students explore their horizons and interests. I know that in today's society, lots of people now deal with mental illness and it can lead to suicide, my main goal is to help contribute to this rate going down, by accomplishing my dream of becoming an art teacher I see this as a very real possibility.

Throughout my whole life, I've had a harder time talking about or expressing how I feel than other people would. I feel like I had so much to say, so much to let out, yet nothing would. Bottling up my emotions like that affected me for a long time, I knew there was something I had to do about it. Then I realized that art was a perfect outlet for me. These images flowed out from my pencil so much easier than words ever could. I feel like it got my point across, it let out a release. Drawing has made me express myself more than anything else could. Over the years I still use drawing to show emotions, whether it's digital or traditional, but not just negative ones anymore. For example, I always draw for my boyfriend, it can be a silly doodle or a full portrait of him. These pieces I make for him are gifts of love, to show that he is my muse, my favorite person. My sketchbook is filled with drawings of him, he has brought so much joy into my life since I met him and I love to draw the happiness and love he gives me. I also enjoy drawing stuff for my family and friends as gifts to show how much I love and care for them too. This experience made me want to let other people know how much art can help and let you release these bottled emotions. This started my passion for wanting to become an art teacher. I want other individuals to know that art is an option and that no one should have to hide how they feel. What I love about art is that it's all selective and personal. No one draws identically, I love seeing different versions of how people express themselves through it, scribbles, thin lines, thick lines, bright colors, dark colors. It's fascinating. My dream of becoming an art teacher would let me see this every day and I'd treasure every single second. Even when I feel alone, I know art is always there for me. I know I can always rely on it when I can't really get the words out. Art has made me improve my mental health and even learn how to communicate better. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it and I can't wait to accomplish my dream of sharing this discovery with other people.