My favorite aspect of Minecraft has been, and will always be, functionally decorating the area around the house, or terraforming. I'm not a fan of building the house or mining for material, but decorating and adding onto the base will always have my heart. Terraforming an area to turn it into a field of wheat and adding a small waterfall in it, creating a farm full of animals that is easily accessible, creating whimsical ways to add lighting and texture in the areas around the house, and adding personality and flavor to an entrance of a mine or the portal to the Nether is incredibly satisfying to me. I don't like building the house because I don't want to get all technical with how wide and long a specific room should be, and I don't like mining because I am scared of the dark. But with terraforming, I can see the progress. I watch the development of the area from bland, to tasteful right in front of my eyes. I don't need to plan or map out an area for my projects; I can just build wherever I want if there is space. If there is no space, I can always create it. When I explore, I love knowing that I am close to my base by watching the transition from the natural Minecraft world to a world touched by whatever inspiration I had at that time.

"You can win the battle, but you'll never win the war." There are struggles in my teenage years that I had to claw my way through to survive, but realizing that at the end of it all, it'll be something that I will regret for years to come will haunt me forever. Looking back, having known that some problems I encountered were so easily fixable but perceived to be overly complicated, it adds a few cents to the debt I carry for myself in my head. Eventually, all these pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters start to add up and weighs me down. There were an abundant number of battles I went through while I was a teenager, ranging from typical teenage angst to experiences that no one should ever go through. The lyric that I chose came from Olivia Rodrigo's song titled "pretty isn't pretty". The song captures the feeling of never being enough; not being pretty enough, not being skinny enough, not being popular enough, etc. The way that I wanted to be perceived by others and the way that I perceived myself differed so much that once I had overcome the battle in my head, I still doubt its authenticity. I've reached the milestone that I had set for myself previously and I hesitate to believe that I deserve it. To a younger version of me, if she had known that I've already won the battle she was wrestling with at the time, she would've been ecstatic. Unfortunately, that's not how it feels like to me; it doesn't feel like I won. It feels like I've become a fraud. My past still haunts me. I may be pretty now, but I was ugly back then and that's how some people will continue to perceive me. I may have good grades now, but that low exam score will continue to stain my record. I may be out of a relationship that made me cry myself to sleep every night, but I carry that trauma into a new relationship. "You can win the battle, but you'll never win the war" has an in-depth meaning to it. There are things that everyone will struggle with while going through one of the most emotional times of their lives. There are things that happen in their teenage years that will continue to happen and haunt people past this age. For me, I've won many battles, but even now, I question if I'll ever win that war.

I deserve this scholarship because I did terrible in my chemistry class and failed the first two exams. From staying up late putting my effort into a different class (or game), I did terrible on my first exam. All my worries flew away when I stayed up late playing video games all night and before I knew it, I did worse on my next exam. Summer school is expensive. My academic goals are to do so well in my biology oriented class that my teachers have no other choice but to give me an A and make me their assistant so I can be better than everybody else in that class. I like being the best in biology, but not chemistry. Biology is better than chemistry. One of my first obstacles when I started going to college was food. There were so many food options around my school. Being in college allowed for more time to travel, too. I could go some train stops down and get some good dumplings or walk across the street and get some tacos. I fixed this terrible predicament by downloading a spinner wheel app that chooses where to eat for me.

I've been struggling with depression for as long as my brain allows me to remember. It was a struggle getting out of bed and finishing my tasks given to me because everything felt so heavy and I simply couldn't gather the energy to put energy into doing something. Setting small, yet achievable, goals gave me that rush that allowed me to continue working on my assignments and chores, rewarding myself, and writing to-do lists to give myself the pleasure of physically seeing a task is completed motivated me to become more responsible. It helped me open my eyes, get out of bed, pull the blanket over my pillows, and get ready for the day. I am still slowly changing my mindset about how I go about my day, albeit it may seem weird to others. I have to text my friend to share the momentarily sliver of joy I found when I stepped outside and threw a worm back into the dirt so no one would step on it.always feel like there are people staring holes into the back of my head and the way I managed to somewhat cope with this feeling is to pin a sock to the back of my shirt because now I know that if people are looking at me, they’re looking at something I put on myself and not something I can’t control. I realized that healing can only come from within. No one is going to heal you, but they may encourage it. That first step is the most difficult step, but no matter how big that step is, the first step is still a step. If my methods are showing results, no matter how fantastically bizarre they may be, then I'll stick to it.

I don’t think I have depression. There’s nothing wrong with having it, I just don’t believe that how I see the world is severe enough to be called depression. Growing up, my mom always told me that depression wasn’t real, that it was just in your head. She was partially right, it is in my head, but it spread like a wildfire throughout my body, affecting my mind, my strength, and the people around me. It was hard setting goals for myself because it would either become an addictive rush of energy completing them or it would be a negative cycle in which I don’t reach my goals and it pushes me deeper into a hole I believe I dug myself into. Maintaining relationships was difficult because I felt as if they truly didn’t want me there or that I couldn’t conjure the effort into talking to them. Soon enough, I couldn’t get out of bed in fear that something worse would happen and because of this, I didn't get to escape that negative cycle. I’ve thought about it and I’ve come up with a solution that works for me, although I don’t know how long it’ll last. Setting small, yet achievable, goals gave me that rush that allowed me to continue working on my assignments and chores, rewarding myself, and writing to-do lists to give myself the pleasure of physically seeing a task is completed motivated me to become more responsible. It helped me open my eyes, get out of bed, pull the blanket over my pillows, and get ready for the day. I am still slowly changing my mindset about how I go about my day, albeit it may seem weird to others. I have to text my friend to share the momentarily sliver of joy I found when I stepped outside and threw a worm back into the dirt so no one would step on it. I have to feed my pet chickens because I know no one else would do it the way my chickens like to be fed. I always feel like there are people staring holes into the back of my head and the way I managed to somewhat cope with this feeling is to pin a sock to the back of my shirt because now I know that if people are looking at me, they’re looking at something I put on myself and not something I can’t control. I realized that sometimes, the only available help is yourself. That first step is the most difficult step, but no matter how big that step is, the first step is still a step. If my methods are showing results, no matter how fantastically bizarre they may be, then I'll stick to it.