We learn to be embarrassed at around three years old. Once we start to process the societal expectations that we are supposed to live up to, we begin to develop our self-conscious emotions like jealousy, empathy, and embarrassment. These are different from our primary emotions, such as fear, anger, and joy, in that they require us to think and to evaluate the way we live our lives. In doing this, some of us find ourselves stepping back and viewing our own lives in the third-person. My own feelings of embarrassment cemented themselves into the framework of my mind quite easily. Like many young children, my first dream career was to be an actress. Sometime during my initial years in a school setting, this changed. I learned what it felt like to take up space, and I hated it. I hated the attention, the ever-present eyes, and the judgment that I could feel enveloping me. My dream career then shifted to being a writer. I figured that writing would still give me the opportunity to have an impact on others like being an actress would, but I would also be allowed the anonymity of never having to be seen and the ability to hide behind my pen. When I learned that writing is subjective to each individual and that someone would always hate whatever I created, my dream career shifted again. I fell in love with math and the beauty I found in its objective truth. Math only has one right answer, and you either know what you’re doing and love it, or you don’t. I am the former. This discovery was one of the main factors that led to my current choice of career: engineering. As I learned to become more self aware of the pressure I was putting on myself and realized that being embarrassed is so inconsequential, I refound my love for creativity, which played a large part in my choice of engineering. I opened up doors in my mind that I had previously shut, and was able to redesign my creative paths to allow them front-row access to my life’s decisions. I allowed myself to think in new ways and to let all of these influence how I lived my life. Now, I express my creativity in every aspect of my life. In my free time, I enjoy reading and writing. When spending time with my friends, I try to find new things for us to do in order to stay spontaneous. With my family, I try to find solutions that were previously unthought of, for all of the problems or issues that arise from a split household and three younger siblings. I’ve spent most of my life viewing myself in third-person and trying to anticipate what other people would think of me and my actions, but I am learning that letting go of all of that and being proud of the space I take up is all that I can do to really, truly, live.

As cliche as it might sound, while this year has been honestly one of the best of my life, it's also been a very angsty teenage girl kind of year. I'd have to say that my top three most relatable tracks from this album are Shake It Off (Taylor's Version), Bad Blood (feat. Kendrick Lamar) (Taylor's Version), and Now That We Don't Talk (Taylor's Version). If you can't tell, this year has been one of great cleansing for me. I've let people leave my life when they no longer provide anything beneficial to me, and it's been an interesting experience. My first high school breakup, my first real situationship (they're not kidding when they say those things are BRUTAL), and my first (that's a lie this was actually the second time but saying it was the first fit better with my pattern) friend that left my friend group. While some of these so-called losses were sad, in retrospect I see that they were exactly what I needed. I had forgotten what it was like to not feel an obligation to update someone on every single second of my life (our relationship was not healthy if you can tell), to feel butterflies around someone (half of the fun of being a teenager is having crushes and I forgot what really liking someone was like), and to not feel anger around my friends (sometimes one person really can ruin it for everyone else). Something that I have struggled with since I was younger is living with the pressure that I put on myself to please everyone around me. As I grew up and learned to become more self aware of the pressure I was putting on myself, I found that keeping people in my life who I don't want there will only be detrimental to me in the long run. While a lifetime of living life afraid to upset people and only wanting to make them happy no matter the cost to myself, I’m still consciously and actively working to realize my own needs and act in a way that will help me achieve them. To put it in the more eloquent words of Taylor Swift, “You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you.” There’s a reason that none of us are the same as another, that we go through life with the people we do, and that we only live once. There isn’t enough time promised to you for you to surround yourself with people who don't have your best intentions at heart and who won't help you further your life towards your goals. I’ve spent most of my life viewing myself in third-person and trying to anticipate what other people would think of me and my actions, but I am learning that letting go of all of that and being proud of who I am and what I need is all that I can do to really, truly, live.

As both a woman and a minority, I’ve felt looked down upon my whole life. Simple quips in elementary school about boys moving the heavy stuff had quickly cemented in me a full-fledged hatred towards both the patriarchy and the ingrained prejudices held in society against so many groups of people. As a woman in the music industry who is so often reduced down to conversations about her romantic-life instead of her globally-recognized achievements, fewer people are in a better position to put into words the unfairness of trying to prove yourself in a world that’s already formed an opinion against you than Taylor Swift. With notions of self-empowerment reflected in all of her more songs, Taylor Swift’s lyrics and accomplishments have served as a constant inspiration in my own life that the negative opinions of others don’t dictate what you can and can’t do. I’ve spent my life listening to the voices of others drone on about what I can and can’t do, what I should and shouldn’t try to accomplish, and what my life would or wouldn’t end up amounting to. Learning that other people’s opinions of my life do not matter more than my own, was as much a freeing discovery as it was a terrifying one. My life is my own to live how I decide, and while the world may be against me, I know that there are billions of people around me who are willing to fight against a system in order to prove it wrong, despite the difficulty. Throughout her Eras Tour, Taylor Swift has not only positively impacted the economy of each individual place that she visits, but found a way to connect with thousands of people night after night through her deep lyricism and immense vocal talent. While her music has always held an important place in my heart, the start of the Eras Tour reignited this deep passion that had been relatively dormant for the past few years. While I hadn't spent much time listening to "folklore" or "evermore" in the years after their release, her dramatic displays and beautiful scenes that she depicted in these sets of the Eras Tour inspired a new love for her music in me that jumpstarted by newfound obsession. Something that I struggled with a lot when I was younger was living with embarrassment. As I grew up and learned to become more self aware of the pressure I was putting on myself and realized that being embarrassed is so inconsequential, I refound my love for creativity, which was also encouraged by my love for Taylor Swift. While a lifetime of living life afraid to take up space will not be undone simply because I want it to, I’m still consciously and actively working to be satisfied with who I am and what I do. To put it in the more eloquent words of Taylor Swift, “You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you.” There’s a reason that none of us are the same as another, and a reason that we only live once. There isn’t enough time promised to you for you to care about what other people think of you. I’ve spent most of my life viewing myself in third-person and trying to anticipate what other people would think of me and my actions, but I am learning that letting go of all of that and being proud of the space I take up is all that I can do to really, truly, live, and this is largely due to the influence that Taylor Swift has had on me.

T h e s k y i s o p e n a n d c l o u d s a r e g o n e B i r d s a r e a w a k e a n d s i n g i n g t o u s S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s W e d r i v e d o w n t h e s a m e o l d p a t h T a l k w i t h e a c h o t h e r o r s i t i n s i l e n c e S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s F o o d f r o m t h e p l a c e s w e ’ v e a l w a y s l o v e d W i n d o w s d o w n a n d m u s i c b l a r i n g S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s Y o u t e a s e m e a n d c o v e r i t u p w i t h a s m i l e M y n o s e b u r n s a n d s a l t f i g h t s t o e s c a p e d o w n m y f a c e S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s W e l a u g h t o g e t h e r a n d d r i v e a w a y I s i t s i l e n t i n m y c a r t h i n k i n g a b o u t w h a t w e s a i d S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s I s e e e v e r y t h i n g a l l a t o n c e Y e t I c a n ’ t s e e a n y t h i n g S u n s t r e a m s i n t o m y e y e s

My favorite Met Gala theme was "In America: An Anthology of Fashion" in 2022. Blake Lively had the best outfit this year, at least in my opinion. She arrived in a dress that had a sort of bustled train and large extravagant bow, and this dress looked fully copper. The intricacies of this dress were actually referencing the intricacies of the Manhattan architecture and city, especially the Empire State Building. After arriving, her dress transformed into a new look when the skirt was let down fully. Upon being let down, the bow and pinned up skirt transformed into a flowing train of green. This was in homage to the Statue of Liberty, and was complimented by a crown-like headpiece similar to that of the Statue, as well as earrings with both copper and green pieces.This transformation was also representative of the effect that time had on the Statue of Liberty, and how the oxidation process of the copper caused it to change colors from a metallic copper to the green color that we see today. Seeing as the top part of her dress remained copper, the whole dress flowed from copper at the top to green at the bottom, demonstrating the timeline of the statute with the past at the top and the present at the bottom. In addition to this, the design on the green fabric of her skirt contained more hidden details, in that the design was inspired by Grand Central Station's constellation ceiling. Blake Lively's outfit demonstrated a history of America and one of its most important cities, and did so in such a fashionable way that actually contained hints of fashion styles from multiple decades of American history. Her dress was one of the most beautiful outfits that night, and the transformation it brought with it, as well as the adherence to the theme made it my favorite outfit and hands-down the best outfit of the night for me. Kourtney Kardashian was, in my opinion, the worst dressed. Her outfit was a decomposed version of Travis Barker's outfit. While I do think that her look had a nice special story with how it was intertwined with Travis Barker's, it had no relation to the theme. She even admitted that she hadn't "really thought" about the theme. The outfit did show a representation of fashion and reflected how it was interpreted at the time, but it had no meaning towards American fashion in particular or any other aspect of the history of the nation. In addition, I think the deconstructed outfit also looks bad, plain and simple. I think that one of the best things about the Met Gala is seeing how everyone interprets the theme, and getting to see whose I agree with or disagree with. Blake LIvely's outfit showed an obvious consideration for the theme, whereas Kourtney admitted an ambivalence towards it. This alone has placed Blake's on a much higher place in my rankings, and Kourtney's on a much lower. Overall, I truly love the Met Gala and getting to dissect all of the outfits is something that I find a lot of joy in, even if I don't particularly like all of them.

If you would have asked me my thoughts on the importance of mental and physical wellness four years ago, I would have said that I didn't see much importance in them beyond the superficial "they're important to keep in mind." Four years later, however, my mindset is completely changed. This drastic change is due mainly to the developmental changes that my character underwent while locked up inside my house with no one to talk to. I struggled to hold on to my drive and spent hours alone with my thoughts, which led me to realize that most of my beliefs that I had held, had been formed for me and weren’t my own. I started to realize that when I pictured myself in the future, my family no longer consisted of me and a husband. Instead, I was envisioning another girl with me. This was a very hard realization for me to come to. I was raised in a very Christian household and this meant that I was not raised to avidly support LGBTQ lifestyles. Coming to terms with my own sexuality took a serious toll on me. I became more stressed and closed off, and I was afraid of being transparent with those around me out of fear that they would judge my actions or disagree with my choices. Eventually, this stress and these other harmful habits bled into different aspects of my life. I struggled to keep good grades and my stress and procrastination levels were astronomically higher than they had been. As I started to get more comfortable with some of my friends, I rebuilt my support system and started to feel comfortable being vulnerable and transparent with others. I regained my motivation to maintain my good grades and rigorous course load, and also had free time to relax and be healthy. I started to eat healthier as well and had more time to workout and to put effort into maintaining my physical health. I learned that both your mental and physical health are integral parts of being a good student, and that maintaining both of these will eventually result in you obtaining all that you want in life. If you try to do that backwards and focus only on getting what you want, both your mental health and physical healthy will deteriorate. By focusing on bettering yourself and staying the best you can, everything else will fall into place.