Because of fear and anxiety, I have constantly questioned my own life. I questioned why I couldn’t just be normal like everyone else. I questioned why I couldn’t just speak when I wanted to. I questioned whether or not people like me even deserved to live out their hopes and dreams when one of the most basic capabilities of being a human being felt like an impossible task. Since preschool, I have always had social anxiety. My parents just waved it off, assuring themselves that I would become more talkative eventually. However, the opposite occurred. My social anxiety became worse over the years to the point where a single word wouldn’t come out of me for an entire day. This problem became especially noticeable during my high school years where my parents finally took me to therapy and got me an official diagnosis of severe social anxiety and selective mutism. When I got my diagnosis, I didn’t feel any different. I always knew I had some sort of anxiety disorder but had constantly been rejected by my Asian parents who knew nothing of mental health–falsely telling me that I was completely normal. Being unable to talk to anyone out of fear, I spent most of my childhood years alone. Instead of interacting with others, I would occupy myself with drawing, listening to music, and various other forms of escapism. Most of the time, I felt fine. But other times, a dark pit in my stomach would form. Other people my age were forming precious memories with their friends, while I lived through the same everyday. Loneliness was a side effect of social anxiety. On really bad days, I couldn’t hold it in and would burst into tears, crying in front of everybody. The kids in my class would notice but not say anything. Nobody knew how to comfort me. Nobody knew who I was. Nobody even knew my name. I wept. Living with selective mutism is painful. It makes you feel less than human for being unable to speak– the simplest task that anybody could do. However, that was in the past. For several years, I have tried to change. Although progress was nonlinear, I feel as though I have transformed immensely. It was difficult and scary to withstand my fear, but I slowly reached small goals one by one. I answered questions in class even if they were wrong, I attempted to approach someone first instead of waiting for someone to do it to me, I actually made friends although it took me several tries, I have formed unforgettable memories of folding origami with my best friend and exchanging it to each other as a token of our friendship and our shared love for art. Spending nearly thirteen years of my life drowning myself in my own loneliness, fear, and pity, I had convinced myself that I deserved nothing. However, that was not true. I am a human being, after all, like everyone else– capable of change, to love, and make friends despite my social anxiety. Currently, I am eighteen years old, pursuing a degree in art– the one thing that had comforted me when I had nobody. Although I still have small bits of that cemented fear from my early childhood, I hope that I can continue to change when I get to college. I want to form connections, learn more about art, and make memories like everyone else because I deserve to live out my hopes and dreams too.