I was nine years old when I realized that my fathers reality wasn’t the same as mine. He was tearing out the boxes of cereal in our cupboard, Lucky Charms strewn all over the floor as he mumbled about a camera in the walls spying on us. Later that week was the first time I heard the term "schizophrenia". Growing up with a schizophrenic father shaped my worldview in ways I never anticipated. As a child, I lived in a constant state of emotional vigilance, trying to distinguish between the realities my father described and the one the rest of the world inhabited. As you can imagine, I was a very confused child- asking my teachers if the government could read people's minds, or if the people on the news were sending coded messages to my dad. These are experiences I can look back and laugh on at their sheer absurdity, but growing up surrounded by that profoundly impacted my beliefs, relationships, and aspirations, leaving me both resilient and vulnerable in equal measure. In relationships, I became both hyper-aware of emotional cues and fiercely independent. I learned early on how to take care of myself, because my father’s illness often meant I had to be the adult in the room. For a long time, I struggled with emotional distance in many of my friendships and romantic relationships—I was always bracing for unpredictability, always afraid that someone might change before my eyes, just as my father often did. Honestly, I still do. But at the same time, it also made me value stability and trust above all else. I hold onto the people who ground me, and I seek out connections with those who are open about their vulnerabilities, because I know how hard it can be to live with the unspoken. Growing up in a world where my father’s dreams were often ruled by schizophrenia pushed me to strive for success in a way that feels almost necessary. I wanted to prove that his mental illness wouldn’t define me, that I could rise above the chaos that often filled my childhood home. But more than anything, I wanted to find stability and peace—the kind of life my father couldn’t achieve. I gravitated toward goals that gave me control: a career where I could direct my future. The unpredictability of my childhood pushed me to create order in my own life, a way of compensating for the instability I couldn’t control back then. One of the most significant impacts of my father was on my belief system. I came to understand that the mind is a fragile and complex thing, one that we're not entirely in control of. I had to reconcile the loving father who tucked me in at night with the man who was adamant that he was hearing prophecies from God. The man that would carry me on his shoulder and the near-stranger who'd scream at people for looking at him too long. His illness taught me early on that you never know what's going on in somebody's mind. It taught me that everyone carries unseen burdens, and that empathy and understanding are the most important things we have to navigate our relationships with others. I've come to realize over the years that while his mental illness didn't define me, it did shape me in ways that I'm still unravelling to this day. For a long time, I struggled with resentment and frustration. In some ways, I'm still resentful that he refuses medication or intervention. Part of me is still that little girl who needs her dad, who hopes that someday he'll magically get better. But his behavior wasn’t something he chose, his mental illness wasn't something he chose. It was the product of a mind at war with itself. I carry the weight of my father’s illness not as a burden, but as a reminder that we don't get to choose the hand we're dealt in life. The most important thing in this world is kindness and understanding, and I do my best to treat others how I hope they'd treat my father.

I was nine years old when I realized that my fathers reality wasn’t the same as mine. He was tearing out the boxes of cereal in our cupboard, Lucky Charms strewn all over the floor as he mumbled about a camera in the walls spying on us. Later that week was the first time I heard the term "schizophrenia". Growing up with a schizophrenic father shaped my worldview in ways I never anticipated. As a child, I lived in a constant state of emotional vigilance, trying to distinguish between the realities my father described and the one the rest of the world inhabited. As you can imagine, I was a very confused child- asking my teachers if the government could read people's minds, or if the people on the news were sending coded messages to my dad. These are experiences I can look back and laugh on at their sheer absurdity, but growing up surrounded by that profoundly impacted my beliefs, relationships, and aspirations, leaving me both resilient and vulnerable in equal measure. In relationships, I became both hyper-aware of emotional cues and fiercely independent. I learned early on how to take care of myself, because my father’s illness often meant I had to be the adult in the room. For a long time, I struggled with emotional distance in many of my friendships and romantic relationships—I was always bracing for unpredictability, always afraid that someone might change before my eyes, just as my father often did. Honestly, I still do. But at the same time, it also made me value stability and trust above all else. I hold onto the people who ground me, and I seek out connections with those who are open about their vulnerabilities, because I know how hard it can be to live with the unspoken. Growing up in a world where my father’s dreams were often ruled by schizophrenia pushed me to strive for success in a way that feels almost necessary. I wanted to prove that his mental illness wouldn’t define me, that I could rise above the chaos that often filled my childhood home. But more than anything, I wanted to find stability and peace—the kind of life my father couldn’t achieve. I gravitated toward goals that gave me control: a career where I could direct my future. The unpredictability of my childhood pushed me to create order in my own life, a way of compensating for the instability I couldn’t control back then. One of the most significant impacts of my father was on my belief system. I came to understand that the mind is a fragile and complex thing, one that we're not entirely in control of. I had to reconcile the loving father who tucked me in at night with the man who was adamant that he was hearing prophecies from God. The man that would carry me on his shoulder and the near-stranger who'd scream at people for looking at him too long. His illness taught me early on that you never know what's going on in somebody's mind. It taught me that everyone carries unseen burdens, and that empathy and understanding are the most important things we have to navigate our relationships with others. I've come to realize over the years that while his mental illness didn't define me, it did shape me in ways that I'm still unravelling to this day. For a long time, I struggled with resentment and frustration. In some ways, I'm still resentful that he refuses medication or intervention. Part of me is still that little girl who needs her dad, who hopes that someday he'll magically get better. But his behavior wasn’t something he chose, his mental illness wasn't something he chose. It was the product of a mind at war with itself. I carry the weight of my father’s illness not as a burden, but as a reminder that we don't get to choose the hand we're dealt in life. The most important thing in this world is kindness and understanding, and I do my best to treat others how I hope they'd treat my father.

“Everyone gets tired, get over it.” These are the words that I heard from my professor, after opening up to him about why I had fallen asleep in class. As someone with Narcolepsy, I've had to learn to navigate a world that doesn't always understand my condition or what it entails. Narcolepsy is a neurological disorder that affects my sleep-wake cycle, causing me to experience excessive daytime sleepiness, sleep attacks, migraines, and a plethora of other symptoms that affect me both mentally and physically. It’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but imagine running on 3 hours of sleep, all day, every day. Throughout my life, I was constantly plagued by this crushing sleepiness and fatigue, but this wasn’t taken seriously until I had an episode of cataplexy during my driver’s test. As you can imagine, I did not pass. One of the biggest challenges I've faced as a result of my Narcolepsy was during my first year of college. Pharmacies close to my campus were consistently out of stock, and I had begun to ration my medications for my most symptomatic days. Because of this, I was constantly struggling to keep up with my peers during my first semester. They could seemingly breeze through managing their coursework and tests, as well as keeping a social life. Without my medications, I was sleeping upwards of 14 hours a day. When I was awake, I was so tired that I was unable to concentrate. Although I knew my disability was genuine, I was too embarrassed to ask for help. I shared these concerns with a counselor from my school’s Wellness Center, who implored me to reach out to the Disability Resource Center. Connecting with the Disability Resource Center changed everything for me. They went above and beyond, even helping me find a pharmacy with my medication in stock. I was given accommodations that helped me manage my schoolwork, such as extra time on tests, extensions on assignments, and excused absences when necessary. With accommodations set in place, my grades began to soar. The Disability Resource Center also connected me with other students with disabilities. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in my struggle. While my Narcolepsy has presented me with challenges, I believe that it’s also given me a unique perspective and resilience that will serve me well in the future. I’ve learned how to advocate for myself and accept support from others, instead of feeling shame or guilt about my condition. In terms of the future, I’m excited to see where this journey takes me! This year, I've found strength in my identity and want to inspire those who come after me. I’m currently working on my degree in computer science and was offered a position as a College of Science and Technology Peer Leader at my university. By being visible and vocal about my experiences, I believe that I can be an advocate for others who are going through similar experiences. I’m extremely grateful for the support I’ve been given along the way, and I know that my efforts will help create a more inclusive and accessible environment for future STEM students. Post-graduation, I'm interested in pursuing a career in digital forensics or cybersecurity. I'm currently minoring in Criminal Justice, and have found myself entranced by complexities of the law. I'm also currently working towards a Cybersecurity certificate, and am learning more about the field every day. I hope that my work in the future helps people, and leaves some sort of positive impact on the world.

In today's digital age, I've come to realize the invaluable role that computer science plays in shaping the future. From creating innovative software to solving complex problems, a degree in this field opens up a world of exciting and fulfilling career opportunities. It also gives me the skills and knowledge to make a meaningful impact and be a leader in the tech industry. Whether you want to be at the forefront of the digital revolution or simply want to take advantage of the endless career possibilities, pursuing a degree in computer science is a smart choice. I have always been drawn to the world of technology and the ways in which it can be used to solve problems and improve people's lives. As someone who has always been passionate about science and the inner workings of computers, and someone who has always loved to spend time online, I knew that majoring in computer science would allow me to combine my interests and use my skills to create innovative solutions to real-world problems. One of the reasons I was drawn to computer science is because of the vast opportunities it provides. The field is constantly evolving and offers a wide range of career paths, from software development and data analysis to artificial intelligence and cybersecurity. This variety of options allows me to pursue my interests and find a job that is both challenging and rewarding. I discovered digital forensics as a career just a few months ago, while exploring the different concentrations I could focus on in my degree. As someone who wanted to be a lawyer but didn't have the chops for it, I was immediately intrigued. As I learned more, I was fascinated by the ways in which digital forensics can be used to investigate and prosecute crimes that involve technology. One of the reasons I want to go into digital forensics is that I am passionate about the law, as well as the intricacies of cybercrime. This fascination has led me to pursue a minor in Criminal Justice and a certificate in digital forensics and cybersecurity at my university. As I learned more and more about the career, I was transfixed on the idea of data coming from data, and how every site we visit, or message we send leaves tiny crumbs of data that could be analyzed and collected. A career in digital forensics would look like a fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through data to build a bigger picture. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external threats. I want to go into digital forensics because it is the amalgamation of all the things I am passionate about. I've always loved working with computers, and I am fascinated by the ways in which technology is constantly evolving. Digital forensics provides a way to combine my interests in technology and science with my passion for justice and fairness. I would be able to use my technical skills and knowledge to help solve complex problems and to make a positive impact on society. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in digital forensics is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and that I have what it takes to succeed.

The first thing people ask me, as someone with Dyscalculia, is always "Why do you love math?" It's a question I've answered a million times, but one I love to explain. My relationship with math has been complicated. It was a beautifully frustrating language I simply could not speak. I had accepted that I was someone who wasn't smart enough for advanced math- until I discovered physics. Instead of an insurmountable obstacle, math became a beautiful branch of knowledge I never knew I was capable of having. I love math because it's the basis of physics, and physics is the basis of everything we know to be true. To truly understand physics, you must have a rich knowledge of math. From the smallest particle to the largest galaxies, we are all governed by the laws of physics. These are essentially just laws of math. Everything we know about our universe is math at its core. Math is the understanding of the world around us. In hundreds of thousands of years, when society as we know it no longer exists- that math will. It is precise and concrete, never to be modified by an opinion or a governing body. Furthermore, as my math and physics courses increase in difficulty, I find myself in awe of it's beauty. Many of the equations used in physics are strikingly beautiful, with simple, symmetrical forms that hint at underlying order and harmony in the universe. For example, Maxwell's equations, which describe the behavior of electromagnetic waves, have extraordinary symmetry and prove the sheer power of mathematical abstraction. But more than that, I believe that math is beautiful in its own right. A deeper understanding of its elegance and simplicity has led me to pursue a degree in Computer Science and Physics, and I'm so excited to learn more about what this beautifully complex universe has to teach me.

In today's digital age, I've come to realize the invaluable role that computer science plays in shaping the future. From creating innovative software to solving complex problems, a degree in this field opens up a world of exciting and fulfilling career opportunities. It also gives me the skills and knowledge to make a meaningful impact and be a leader in the tech industry. Whether you want to be at the forefront of the digital revolution or simply want to take advantage of the endless career possibilities, pursuing a degree in computer science is a smart choice. I have always been drawn to the world of technology and the ways in which it can be used to solve problems and improve people's lives. As someone who has always been passionate about science and the inner workings of computers, and someone who has always loved to spend time online, I knew that majoring in computer science would allow me to combine my interests and use my skills to create innovative solutions to real-world problems. One of the reasons I was drawn to computer science is because of the vast opportunities it provides. The field is constantly evolving and offers a wide range of career paths, from software development and data analysis to artificial intelligence and cybersecurity. This variety of options allows me to pursue my interests and find a job that is both challenging and rewarding. I discovered digital forensics as a career just a few months ago, while exploring the different concentrations I could focus on in my degree. As someone who wanted to be a lawyer but didn't have the chops for it, I was immediately intrigued. As I learned more, I was fascinated by the ways in which digital forensics can be used to investigate and prosecute crimes that involve technology. One of the reasons I want to go into digital forensics is that I am passionate about the law, as well as the intricacies of cybercrime. This fascination has led me to pursue a minor in Criminal Justice and a certificate in digital forensics and cybersecurity at my university. As I learned more and more about the career, I was transfixed on the idea of data coming from data, and how every site we visit, or message we send leaves tiny crumbs of data that could be analyzed and collected. A career in digital forensics would look like a fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through data to build a bigger picture. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external threats. I want to go into digital forensics because it is the amalgamation of all the things I am passionate about. I've always loved working with computers, and I am fascinated by the ways in which technology is constantly evolving. Digital forensics provides a way to combine my interests in technology and science with my passion for justice and fairness. I would be able to use my technical skills and knowledge to help solve complex problems and to make a positive impact on society. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in digital forensics is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and that I have what it takes to succeed.

In today's digital age, I've come to realize the invaluable role that computer science plays in shaping the future. From creating innovative software to solving complex problems, a degree in this field opens up a world of exciting and fulfilling career opportunities. It also gives me the skills and knowledge to make a meaningful impact and be a leader in the tech industry. Whether you want to be at the forefront of the digital revolution or simply want to take advantage of the endless career possibilities, pursuing a degree in computer science is a smart choice. I have always been drawn to the world of technology and the ways in which it can be used to solve problems and improve people's lives. As someone who has always been passionate about science and the inner workings of computers, and someone who has always loved to spend time online, I knew that majoring in computer science would allow me to combine my interests and use my skills to create innovative solutions to real-world problems. One of the reasons I was drawn to computer science is because of the vast opportunities it provides. The field is constantly evolving and offers a wide range of career paths, from software development and data analysis to artificial intelligence and cybersecurity. This variety of options allows me to pursue my interests and find a job that is both challenging and rewarding. I discovered digital forensics as a career just a few months ago, while exploring the different concentrations I could focus on in my degree. As someone who wanted to be a lawyer but didn't have the chops for it, I was immediately intrigued. As I learned more, I was fascinated by the ways in which digital forensics can be used to investigate and prosecute crimes that involve technology. One of the reasons I want to go into digital forensics is that I am passionate about the law, as well as the intricacies of cybercrime. This fascination has led me to pursue a minor in Criminal Justice and a certificate in digital forensics and cybersecurity at my university. As I learned more and more about the career, I was transfixed on the idea of data coming from data, and how every site we visit, or message we send leaves tiny crumbs of data that could be analyzed and collected. A career in digital forensics would look like a fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through data to build a bigger picture. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external threats. I want to go into digital forensics because it is the amalgamation of all the things I am passionate about. I've always loved working with computers, and I am fascinated by the ways in which technology is constantly evolving. Digital forensics provides a way to combine my interests in technology and science with my passion for justice and fairness. I would be able to use my technical skills and knowledge to help solve complex problems and to make a positive impact on society. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in digital forensics is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and that I have what it takes to succeed.

I have always been drawn to the world of technology and the ways in which it can be used to solve problems and improve people's lives. As someone who has always been passionate about science and the inner workings of computers, and someone who has always loved to spend time online, I knew that majoring in computer science would allow me to combine my interests and use my skills to create innovative solutions to real-world problems. One of the reasons I was drawn to computer science is because of the vast opportunities it provides. The field is constantly evolving and offers a wide range of career paths, from software development and data analysis to artificial intelligence and cybersecurity. This variety of options allows me to pursue my interests and find a job that is both challenging and rewarding. I discovered digital forensics as a career just a few months ago, while exploring the different concentrations I could focus on in my degree. As someone who wanted to be a lawyer but didn't have the chops for it, I was immediately intrigued. As I learned more, I was fascinated by the ways in which digital forensics can be used to investigate and prosecute crimes that involve technology. One of the reasons I want to go into digital forensics is that I am passionate about the law, as well as the intricacies of cybercrime. This fascination has led me to pursue a minor in Criminal Justice and a certificate in digital forensics and cybersecurity at my university. As I learned more and more about the career, I was transfixed on the idea of data coming from data, and how every site we visit, or message we send leaves tiny crumbs of data that could be analyzed and collected. A career in digital forensics would look like a fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through data to build a bigger picture. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external threats. I want to go into digital forensics because it is the amalgamation of all the things I am passionate about. I've always loved working with computers, and I am fascinated by the ways in which technology is constantly evolving. Digital forensics provides a way to combine my interests in technology and science with my passion for justice and fairness. I would be able to use my technical skills and knowledge to help solve complex problems and to make a positive impact on society. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in digital forensics is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and that I have what it takes to succeed.

I discovered digital forensics as a career just a few months ago, while exploring the different concentrations I could focus on in my degree. As someone who wanted to be a lawyer but didn't have the chops for it, I was immediately intrigued. As I learned more, I was fascinated by the ways in which digital forensics can be used to investigate and prosecute crimes that involve technology. One of the reasons I want to go into digital forensics is that I am passionate about the law, as well as the intricacies of cybercrime. This fascination with digital forensics has led me to pursue a minor in Criminal Justice and a certificate in digital forensics and cybersecurity at my university. In today's digital world, it has become extremely easy to commit crimes online, and it has become way too prevalent that people believe cybercrime isn’t an actual crime. Many people believe that everything they do on the internet can be covered up, and if you haven’t been affected by some sort of cybercrime, the odds are that someone you know has been. Digital forensics provides the tools and techniques needed to uncover the truth and build a case against individuals who have committed crimes. By working in digital forensics, I would have the opportunity to make a real difference in people's lives by helping to ensure that cybercrime doesn’t remain a faceless crime. As I learned more and more about the career, I was transfixed on the idea of data coming from data, and how every site we visit, or message we send leaves tiny crumbs of data that could be analyzed and collected. A career in digital forensics would look like a fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through data to build a bigger picture. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external threats. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in digital forensics is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and that I have what it takes to succeed. I want to go into digital forensics because it is the amalgamation of all the things I am passionate about. I've always loved working with computers, and I am fascinated by the ways in which technology is constantly evolving. Digital forensics provides a way to combine my interests in technology and science with my passion for justice and fairness. I would be able to use my technical skills and knowledge to help solve complex problems and to make a positive impact on society.

59% of Americans have experienced some sort of cybercrime; ranging from virus scams to zero-day attacks, there are an estimated 2,500 cyber attacks per minute around the world. If you have never been hacked, you know someone who has been. Sensitive information on the line is not something you want to take lightly. When I was 16, my Google account was hacked, and thousands of dollars was spent from the bank account I deposited my minimum-wage paychecks into. This was my first experience of the reality of hacking, and how easy it was to lose all of my personal information to one security breach. It wasn’t until two years later that I discovered my passion for cybersecurity. While I would love to say that passion stemmed from my experience being hacked, or solely wanting to prevent others from experiencing the same, that wouldn’t be completely true. The truth is, I’ve always liked taking things apart more than putting them together. I had my eyes set on cybersecurity as soon as I decided on my major. I’m currently enrolled in a Computer Science B.S. program at Temple University, a public research university in Philadelphia, and working towards a certificate in Cybersecurity and Digital forensics with a minor in Criminal Justice. While speaking to a Computer Science alumnus, I discovered that cybersecurity was the one field I would never be bored in. A fast-paced environment where I would constantly be solving puzzles, and sifting through software to see what makes it tick. I'd constantly be learning new technologies and would be challenged with every new task given to me. Vulnerabilities are everywhere- prioritizing and developing plans of action to mitigate them is no simple task; what other job would allow me to pick apart million-dollar systems and pay me for it? Moreover, I’ve always wanted the career path I took to be meaningful and have a positive effect on society. I could code Netflix’s newest review button or develop software that protects people’s most sensitive information. I could be safeguarding anything from personal health data to someone's Social Security Number. When these data breaches fall into the wrong hands, it's extremely dangerous and could potentially ruin lives. It's the one discipline that’s the best front-line defense against internal and external vulnerabilities. I know that if this is the path I take, my work would have intrinsic value. The path to landing a job in cybersecurity is difficult, but I believe it is the right field for me and I have what it takes to succeed.

Dealing with my body is like living with a rebellious toddler that never grows up. Now, you may be thinking: “What does this have to do with health?” Well, I’ll tell you! As someone who has dealt with chronic illness and disability her entire life, I have been told constantly what I can and can’t do, and what I should and shouldn’t do. I’ve been on a slew of different medications, trying to heal my body while slowly destroying my confidence and faith in the medical system. Just this year, I have had over seventy injections, including on my head, neck, and shoulders. I had started to feel like a human pincushion. Every time I was beginning to feel better, my illness would flare up, and I was back to square one. It was like my body was a toddler, having a temper tantrum on my joints and and muscles. One that no medication could even begin to touch. My life changed when I decided to cut out unhealthy, processed foods. I barred myself from McDonalds, Burger King, and sugar loaded snacks filled with ingredients I couldn’t pronounce. I started eating cleaner, and felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. It was difficult at first, and I felt myself craving salty, fried foods, and sugar more than ever. The convenience of fast foods was easy to cave into, especially on days I was too tired to cook. But after about a month, my sluggish body felt lighter and more energized than ever. My good days were better, and more frequent. Some days I was able to feel like a normal college student. The toddler had calmed itself, so to speak. While I still struggled with symptoms of my illness, for once I felt like something was truly helpful. The cutout of processed junk foods also made me more resourceful, and a better chef. I had to learn to cook healthier foods and develop my own flavor palate. I went from barely being able to cook for myself, to cooking healthy meals for my whole family. I’ve learned to cook vegetables I had never even heard of, learned to love foods I thought I would always hate. It’s been 9 months since I last had fast food. My skin is clearer, and my symptoms have lessened. After 8 years since the onset of my illness, I finally have enough energy to exercise again. While I still struggle with my body, and I still have bad days and flare ups of my condition, I’m much happier, and I’m much healthier.

"Very lovely morning, try not to kill yourself today." This is not a line you'd expect from an upbeat, happy song accompanied by soothing guitar, but Rainbow Kitten Surprise delivers just that. Painkillers, a song off of the album How To: Friend, Love, Freefall has a very important message, and resonates with anyone who has been affected by addiction. In the height of the opioid epidemic, 1 in 10 American adults has reported having a substance abuse problem at some point in their life. Painkillers’ message is a little more nuanced than "don't do drugs", but more the importance of what you'll miss when you overdose, and that you inevitably will. One of the lyrics that most resonated with me is "Canaan ain't far for the souls who barter their pain for sweet relief." Canaan, biblically, is the promised land. It paints a portrait of heaven, which the addict isn't far from. This song and the message sent by it are especially important to me, as someone who has been surrounded by addiction. It shows the somber reality of what addiction does to the people around you, and how eventually it will take your life. More than 90 Americans die from an overdose every day, and that number is steadily increasing. Addiction is a disease that affects everyone around it, and Painkillers perfectly describes that feeling.

Have you ever stepped on a bag of chips? Heard the deafening crunch in your ears while eating one? The incessant crunching of a potato chip has become oddly reminiscent of my daily life, except a lot less enjoyable. While I had always experienced some sort of joint pain, my symptoms truly began manifesting during my freshman year of high school. Every day I would wake up with stiff, inflamed joints and migraines that completely incapacitated me. A symphony of cracks and crunches greeted me when I walked. I brought this up at my yearly physical exam, but it was dismissed as growing pains. Like many other women, it took me years to receive an accurate diagnosis. There’s a common misconception that adolescent women in pain are all suffering from mental illness and conversion disorders. After months of being told I had AMPS, that I was just depressed and needed to exercise more, I was diagnosed by a Rheumatologist with Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia syndrome. I was finally heard. It was easy for me to become depressed, wallowing in my illness instead of facing the harsh reality that nothing could “fix” me. But, recently I’ve realized what my disability has done for me, and I’m almost grateful for the experience. Talking to other people my age with autoimmune diseases online and participating in my university’s disability support group changed my perspective. My autoimmune disease forced me to learn how to advocate for myself. I was so afraid to take up space and to accommodate myself, shrink myself as small as possible because I was so ashamed. I see things differently now, and I’ve come out stronger because of it. As a female Computer Science major, it’s already easy to feel isolated from your predominantly male peers, and as a disabled student, I felt even more alienated. In my first semester of college, I decided to be the change I wanted to see, and I never wanted other young disabled women in STEM to feel what I felt. I talked with the leaders of the Women in Computer Science chapter, and Disability Services peer mentors who recommended I take the necessary classes and apply to lead the first-year seminar classes, as well as organizing a Disabled Students in STEM interest meeting. While I am still only a freshman, I plan to continue to cultivate this club, and hope to make STEM more accessible. Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis is a condition I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, but I believe everything has a reason. We must make the best of the circumstances we are dealt, and I am who I am because of my JiA. I am a stronger, more resilient woman who has learned to advocate for myself and others. I’ve learned to live with my disability proudly and will be a role model for other women like me. If I can overcome JiA, I can overcome anything. My illness is invisible, but I refuse to disappear with it.

Dealing with my body is like living with a rebellious toddler that never grows up. Now, you may be thinking: “What does this have to do with health?” Well, I’ll tell you! As someone who has dealt with chronic illness and disability her entire life, I have been told constantly what I can and can’t do, and what I should and shouldn’t do. I’ve been on a slew of different medications, trying to heal my body while slowly destroying my confidence and faith in the medical system. Just this year, I have had over seventy injections, including on my head, neck, and shoulders. I had started to feel like a human pincushion. Every time I was beginning to feel better, my illness would flare up, and I was back to square one. It was like my body was a toddler, having a temper tantrum on my joints and and muscles. One that no medication could even begin to touch. My life changed when I decided to cut out unhealthy, processed foods. I barred myself from McDonalds, Burger King, and sugar loaded snacks, filled with ingredients I couldn’t pronounce. I started eating cleaner, and felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. It was difficult at first, and I felt myself craving salty, fried foods, and sugar more than ever. The convenience of fast foods was easy to cave into, especially on days I was too tired to cook. But, after about a month, my sluggish body felt lighter, and more energized than ever. My good days were better, and more frequent. Some days, I was able to feel like a normal teenage girl. The toddler had calmed itself, so to speak. While I still struggled with symptoms of my illness, for once, I had hope for a brighter future. The cutout of processed junk foods also made me more resourceful, and a better chef. I had to learn to cook healthier foods, and develop my own flavor palate. I went from barely being able to cook for myself, to cooking healthy meals for my whole family. I’ve learned to cook vegetables I had never even heard of, learned to love foods I thought I would always hate. It’s been 9 months since I last had fast food. My skin is clearer, and my symptoms have lessened. After 8 years since the onset of my illness, I finally have enough energy to exercise again. While I still struggle with my body, and I still have bad days and flare ups of my condition, I’m much happier, and I’m much healthier.