From "integration" to "implicit differentiation", calculus terms can sound daunting and impossible. This is for good reason, as implicit differentiation needs a complex name, since it is a complex process. Naming it something like "addition" or "number" would have given calculus students across the globe a false sense of hope that has little place in calculus. However, although these concepts fulfill their difficult names, they are not impossible, but rather intrinsic for STEM students. After taking AP Calculus this past year, I have learned how calculus is the foundation for any successful STEM student. Not only are upper level Physics and Chemistry problems dependent upon the principles of Calculus, but it also teaches STEM students to work hard and learn how to fail. Going into Calculus, I had never struggled in a math class. There were certainly tests here and there that I missed the mark on, but it usually came down to if I studied, I got an A. This rhythm became familiar to me in math classes ever since elementary school. However, calculus presents a completely foreign beast. From the introduction of a derivative, I learned that for the first time in my life, I was going to have to commit to math. Through calculus, I learned how to truly study a stem subject. To me, studying for Calculus relied on repetition. Being an active learner was the only way for foreign sequences and integration rules to stick in my brain. Therefore, I learned that in order to succeed, I would need to devote time each day to the subject of Calculus. Not only did this routine help me succeed in learning Calculus, but it also taught me a broader lesson about life: life does not owe you ease, and you cannot expect results without dedication. Through these lessons, I have become a better student and a harder worker in every activity I do. The key to success for me is not panic or worry, but rather setting aside time each day to attack the task at hand. All that you can do in the moment is attack the present, and calculus taught me how to attack each task at hand. Therefore, Calculus is the foundation for the STEM field both literally and metaphorically. Yes, many concepts in engineering, medicine, and research cannot be performed without Calculus, but also many lessons in hardwork, determination, and dedication are learned through the concepts in calculus. These lessons will certainly be needed as I attack the STEM field ahead of me, and I am thankful Calculus helped me learn them.

The date is October 20th, 2020. I lay in an unfamiliar bed. One that is more or less a wooden frame with a mattress pad thrown on top. One that is far from my family. At 6:00 am, I awake to the loud sounds of a medical machine rolling into the room. The lights are turned on. A nurse puts a heart rate monitor on my finger, a blood pressure cuff on my arm, and a thermometer under my tongue. Then, we wait for the beeps. She records it all, and carts the machine across the room. After repeating this to my roommate, she exits. I fall back into an unconscious state. A short hour later, we hear the loud yells of a therapist assistant, who tells us it is time for morning hygiene. We get up, go to the nurse for weights, take a shower, brush our teeth, and form a line to go downstairs. My next 42 mornings would follow this exact routine. Monotony is a funny thing. Defined as “tedious sameness,” it carries a negative connotation. However, I came to find comfort in monotony as this morning routine was one of the few sources of stability over those 42 days. In fact, despite the repetition, the roommates would come and go (5 different girls to be exact), the TAs would rotate (some more friendly than others), the line would shorten and lengthen, and my attitude would ebb and flow. My life became anything but stable. Everywhere I looked, change was inevitable, so this sense of constancy was a breath of fresh air. Growing up, I resented change. I cried at age 10 when Austin and Ally, my favorite Disney Channel show, went off air. Unlike most kids, summer was not my favorite time of the year because I missed going to school everyday. Therefore, when my life was dramatically changed, I was terrified. In September of 2020, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. I tried to heal it on my own, but I continued down a path leading to death. For the first two and a half weeks of October, I sat in East Tennessee Children’s Hospital, and change became the forefront of my life. An inpatient hospital in Atlanta, Georgia was my only option. In addition to facing this mental battle, I had to leave all of my friends, put school on the back burner, and live far away from my family. My whole life was out of control. October 19th. On this day, I woke up in a hotel room, and drove to an office building with a red sign. My parents and I walked inside, but shortly thereafter, I was whisked away in a wheelchair. I did not know it at the time, but 42 days of constant change would forever alter my perception of the world. After 42 days, I returned home and slept under my own blankets. I woke up to the sound of my dogs jumping on my bed. My life had become normal again. Now, it has been over a thousand days since I came home from Atlanta, and the details of those 42 days are fading into a distant memory. However, the lessons that I learned will not fade, and these lessons have shaped who I have become. Who have I become? I have become a stronger leader, a harder worker, and a deeper friend. I no longer let the seemingly mundane things in life pass me by. I have learned to appreciate each sunset and each rainfall. I have learned to live in the present rather than dwell in the past or hyper fixate on the future. But more than anything, I have allowed myself to be me. I have allowed myself to be loud and outgoing, and to step into each day as I am. I have changed. Change is a privilege. After attending an inpatient facility, I spent a long time resenting the fact that I needed a hospital for change. However, as I have matured, I have learned that it was not a horrible experience, but instead a privilege. This privilege is one that not many people receive. There are hundreds of thousands of people who seek mental health treatment and not all of them are given accessible treatment. By reframing treatment as a privilege rather than a burden, I have come to not only accept change, but also realize that change is beautiful.

In 2015, Onkyo, a Japanese company, released the first version of a product on the market that would improve my life, and many lives of others. The wireless earbud. Although it was a small product, merely the size of a grape, it was a product that became sought after. Popularized by Apple the following year, the product would be coined “Airpod,” and it would find its way onto the shelves of every Walmart, Target, and superstore across the world. Finally, in the Christmas of 2017, it would find its way under my tree, and my life for the next 7 years would be improved. The idea of a wireless headphone changing my life may sound silly and dramatic. However, the headphones that I have carried around for the last seven years have allowed me to find peace in the violence of the world. The world that we live in is loud, overwhelming, and for someone with anxiety, this world can be debilitating. However, the peace that two small Airpods bring has allowed me to find productivity and quietness in the hustle. The best way to describe my anxiety is to imagine a subway station. There are several tracks and trains moving at what seems the speed of light. These trains are my thoughts. Each thought comes into my head at what seems the speed of light, and I do not know which one I am supposed to get on. I look down at my ticket and try to find out what time my subway leaves. This is how I get when I am trying to make a decision. Suddenly, a person comes up to you, and tries to sell you something. Another distraction. Another thought. Living in my brain is like living in a crowded subway station. Overwhelming and chaotic. However, imagine a subway station in which there is no one there but you. Peaceful, calm, and a solace from the crowded bustle of life. This is how my brain feels with Airpods in. Peaceful and calm. Sometimes my Airpods have nothing playing in them. Sometimes I have the Pride and Prejudice instrumental soundtrack that lets my mind drift. Sometimes I have the chaotic tune of “Nonstop” from Hamilton as I internally sing every word. Yet no matter what is playing, I can find relaxation in the tune. As a woman in technology, I hope to create something that provides peace for someone as Airpods have provided peace for me. We live in a chaotic world, and finding solace is imperative for success. Each person has their own peace, and I hope to meet that need for someone in the future.