Growing up I was a shy kid. I never really vocalized my thoughts because I thought no one would have cared about what I had to say. I think my downfall was when I started middle school. I had the stereotypical pre-teen phase where I would blast loud music, wear dark clothes, and curse out everything that made me upset. Being a preteen during those Covid years was very strange. I was forced to grow up and face the reality of the world I was thrown into. My dad lost his job, my grandparents' health was declining rapidly, and my parents were in the middle of an ugly child support battle… These moments made me feel like I was alone in this world. I began to form bad coping mechanisms because I didn’t know any better. I would bottle up all my emotions because I didn’t have anyone I felt like I could trust with my thoughts. With every passing day, I felt myself deteriorating more and more. I knew that I wasn’t happy anymore, but it was hard to even bring this up with anyone because I knew everyone was struggling as well, and that my problems were irrelevant. Just recently, I moved out of my mom's house because I realized that every moment I was there, I just wanted to leave. I couldn’t recall the last time I was happy there, but I was afraid of leaving because I had lived in this house since I was born; how could I just pack up and leave? Every wall had seen me at my worst, each one of my pillows and stuffed animals had soaked up all my silent tears and screams, and my own mother had been the culprit for making me feel this way. Her constant yelling would be “the only way to reach me”. Her comments struck my heart like knives, and her touch would sting, oppositely to what a mother's touch should be. My breaking point was when I was in a very dark place. I was lying down in my bed, contemplating taking my own life. I had been crying in my room all day when my mother came storming into my room like she would always do. My older sister had popped by the house to pick up something and my mom barged in my room to look for it. When she couldn’t find it, she arrogantly asked me where the item was. I tried to say something, but the words that came out of my mouth were nothing more than a mumble. My mother then got angry that I was giving her this attitude, and she started yelling at me. The tone in her voice, so sharp, had triggered me to start crying. Then she said something that will always stick with me, “Your crying does nothing to me… you’re only crying because you know you’re in trouble.” I realized that the woman who was supposed to be my provider and protector didn’t even like me. She only loved me because I was her flesh and blood, but she put no effort into actually caring for me. I learned that if you stay in a situation where you’re constantly stressed or scared for your life, you’re not living, just surviving. Now that I am out of the house I feel a lot better. I am currently living with my dad, and I’ve noticed my appetite, motivation, and overall happiness have come back. I’m able to eat real meals again, when before at my mother's, I wouldn’t eat for days on end. I am also going to the gym with my dad almost every day. My New Year resolution was to “Be Healthier”, and even though at the time I meant physically, I am currently working with my dad and therapist to work through my trauma, and hopefully be able to put the first 17 years of my life behind me, and to “Be Healthier" mentally as well. As far as my academics, I hope to go to school to pursue music production and become a Grammy-winning artist. As an up in coming senior, I am currently researching universities that interest me and scouting out scholarships to help relieve any financial strain on my family. While I was with my mothers, I had no motivation to do anything, much less start planning out my future. Now after a couple of months, I found my will and determination to the end goal of becoming a successful music artist. And in the far future, I hope to start my own family and show them all the love that I never got from my mother.

I’ve learned to count pennies since kindergarten. My family and I didn’t have much growing up, and we often struggled to make ends meet. Going to the grocery store always made me sad because I would see other little girls who could simply ask for a brand-new Barbie doll—and one would be dropped into their shopping cart instantly. Meanwhile, I had to make do with what I already had at home. I always wished things were different. The elementary school I attended was in a low-income area. We had many fundraisers to support our field trips and end-of-year festivities. For each fundraiser, I gave it my all so my class could reach our goals and enjoy the rewards. Now that I’m in high school, my priorities have shifted. In addition to being an honor roll student, playing music is a big part of my life. I’m part of my school’s orchestra program, where I play the violin. As Vice President of the Orchestra Council, I help fund the program by reaching out to local restaurants to host fundraiser nights. I also manage an Amazon list with affordable decoration options that fit within our budget. I participate in group fundraisers as well. Each year, we host two chocolate bar fundraisers—one in the spring and one in the fall—through World’s Finest Chocolate to fund our end-of-year banquet. My director expects each student to sell at least two boxes within a two-week period, and I always make sure to meet or exceed that goal. In the summer of 2023, my band had the opportunity to travel to Nashville, Tennessee, where we performed at local restaurants and historic sites. Our director told us he didn’t want our parents to simply pay for the trip—he wanted us to work for it. Within a year, I raised over $2,000 through popcorn sales and other fundraising, which covered my entire trip and gave me some spending money for souvenirs. On a personal level, I have my own bank account, and I recently opened a CD (certificate of deposit) account with the bank. I deposited the leftover money from my trip fundraising into the CD so it could earn interest—just in case we have another trip in the future. I also have an investment account with a company called Acorns. My uncle started the account for me when I was in 6th grade, and I’ve continued to deposit some of my personal earnings into it, allowing it to grow over time. I do this because I want my money to work for me, rather than just sitting in my bank account. I’m gaining a sense of what it takes to be an adult in today’s world—where hard work is essential, and achieving a goal makes the reward that much sweeter. Whether it’s for a school fundraiser or a personal financial goal, I’ve consistently worked toward bettering myself, my family, and my community. And I’ve learned that every penny counts.

Someone who I have lost was my grandmother on my dad's side. She died when I was 7 years old. She had a heavy influence on me. My parents have been divorced since I was 2. At my dads house, it was all males in the house, beside me and grandma. The only way I was allowed to go visit my dad was if my grandma was there. While I was there, my grandmother made sure that I was active and well rounded. She enrolled me in piano lessons, and every other Saturday we would go to this older woman's house for my lesson. I only lasted 2 months with her, but even though I dreaded going to my lessons, I knew that I wanted to pursue music. I felt a connection between me and the music. I knew that learning and performing an instrument made my grandma very proud of me, as she would brag to all her church friends. Even though I was very young I understood the concept of death, thanks to my grandma. She was a very devoted and religious person. She was always volunteering and attending her church. She would teach me stories from the bible from a young age, explaining that if I'm a good girl, one day we'll all go to heaven and she'll be waiting for me. I could've never imagined that she would be gone so suddenly. I distinctly remember that morning when I got the news. I was in my room, thinking about the next time I would see my grandmother. When my mom walked into my room, she told me that my grandma died. I never knew that when she dropped me off that weekend before would be the last time I saw her. I instantly broke down. Everything seemed wrong. After that I wasn't able to be with my dad and his family, due to custody issues between my parents. When I needed her the most, she was gone. After that I went into a deep depression. I would just have random moments of hysterical crying, just because I would remember the smallest things I missed about her. I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I spent my weekends and summers in my room, watching endless amounts of TV. It wasn't until about a year and a half after she passed when my dad enrolled me in music lessons, because he knew that I took music lessons before when I was younger. Now I was about 9 years old when he told me that I had to do something with my time, and not just sit around and do nothing. I remember dreading going to the music school because I thought that it was a waste of time. Finally, I sat down in the room with the teacher. It was so awkward, my dad, grandpa, and uncles were all watching me through the doorway. I took a breath, and I picked up the drum sticks. And surprisingly, I held them correctly without having any prior knowledge. I knew that this could be something I wanted to do. And now 6 years later and countless hours of practice later, I'm still enrolled at that music studio. I currently take drums and bass guitar lessons, and I hope to continue my career in music. I'm planning on going to college to major in music production. Something I ponder about late at night is the butterfly effect of my life. If my grandma didn't put me in piano lessons, or if she didn't die, how much different would I be?

When I imagine my future career, I see myself working in a music studio, writing and producing the next biggest hit. I have loved music all my life. I can't imagine my life without it. Not only do I enjoy expanding my music taste, but I also play multiple instruments, including drum set, bass guitar, violin and guitar. I hope that one day I’ll be able to pursue a career in music. My goal as a future music producer is that I want to be inside a music studio writing and producing the next biggest hit of the year. I want to be in the room where it happens. I want to be remembered as someone who was a musical genius and I want to inspire and support others. In order to put this plan into action I need to take my music courses seriously, as well as learn music theory and composition. Last year, I took AP Music Theory and I struggled a lot in that class because it took me a while to understand the material, as well as the workload. I felt as if maybe I was not good enough to pursue a creative career in music. Which made me sad, because music is all I have known. Finally when the AP test rolled around, I had no confidence in myself. I did not think I would have passed. But once I started my test, everything I had learned that year came to me. I felt confident enough that everything would be okay. And that day restored my faith in myself that I could do this. I play the violin in my school's varsity orchestra, and I am currently student Vice President of the program, with plans of applying to be President next year. I chose to take on this position because I wanted to take on a leadership role and become a role model to my fellow orchestra members. Outside of school, I am enrolled in private drum and bass lessons. And every summer the studio hosts a summer rock band camp called, "Summer Jam", where a group of kids get together to practice for 2 weeks and at the end of the camp, we perform at local restaurants for our family, friends, and patrons of the restaurant. And for the past 5 summers, I've grown not only as a musician, but as a person. And for the past 3 summers I have been appointed band leader. My job is to make the setlists for our gigs, be in direct communication with my band members and my director, and be the second in command for my director. And for the past two summers, we have successfully toured to cities such as Nashville and New Orleans to perform there and to learn more about how those cities have contributed to music. And the one thing my director told us was that the students had to find a way to help relieve their trip balance for their parents. During those 2 years, I hustled and fundraised money, in order to pay off my trip. I had to make sacrifices as well. All of the money that I earned while hustling and all my birthday money had gone straight to my trip balance. I wasn’t able to go spend it on frivolous things like my peers were. I learned what the value of a dollar was, something that will always stick by me for the rest of my life. If I really wanted something, I needed to work for it, because nothing was going to be handed to me.