My entire life, I had always looked at boys in a different way than I did girls. I never understood those feelings until I was in the sixth grade. My peers began to use a word I had never heard before to describe others. Gay. I didn't know what this word meant, but just one Internet search ensured that this adjective described me. The Christian household and conservative town I resided in quickly taught me that being “this word” was wrong and was a sin that would send me to hell. This stunning revelation started my tailspin into depression. Trying to stay loyal to my faith, I prayed to God every night, ashamed of who I was. “Why did you create me this way?” “Please just fix me.” I repeated these phrases over and over to no avail. I felt like God was punishing me, but I didn't know why. All I wanted was to be normal. In 2016, I remember when Todrick Hall released his “Straight Outta Oz” musical on YouTube. Part of the opening showed Todrick as a young boy singing in his church, but also how his peers would soon bully him as they assumed he was gay. This lead to the song “Over The Rainbow” which has resonated with me to this day. The song spoke about the gender roles enforced onto boys from a young age and how if Todrick just changed his sexuality, he would be loved and accepted by God. I vividly remember bawling the first time I heard this song as the raw emotion presented through the lyrics and vocals struck a chord in my heart. It was the first time I had seen another Black male who had gone through the same scenario I was facing. I felt somewhat secure and safe seeing that someone fought through this struggle and is now as successful as Todrick Hall is. From then on, anytime I’d have intruding thoughts of not being accepted in God’s eyes I’d immediately play this song to make them fade away. On October 11th, 2018, I came out as gay through an Instagram post. To my surprise, I received nothing but love. Hundreds of comments poured in from family and friends in full support of who I was. I can now whole-heartedly say that I am proud to be an openly gay man, and I know that this song helped give me the strength to come out. "Over The Rainbow" made me realize that the words and opinions of others do not define who I am or what I believe. I now identify myself as a gay Christian, and I can say with confidence that as I'm writing this, I am the happiest I've ever been. I am proud of who I am and what I’ve become and I know that one day I’ll be dancing “somewhere over the rainbow.”

Every teenager struggles with confidence at one point or another. When I was suffering from depression, I would walk into high school each morning with what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. And then I discovered fashion. I began developing a passion for design and “haute-couture” trends and even started tinkering with what a signature style of my own might look like. When I walked through those metal doors each morning, strutting into school with the hottest trends born from my bedroom “fashion house,” the world was good again. I wanted to infect everyone around me with this new superpower I’d gained. I wanted to create apparel that makes people smile when they put it on; streetwear that serves as a constant reminder that we are all beautiful and powerful just the way we are. With this goal in mind, I launched Jynx Apparel in the spring of 2020. Along with my brand's focus on positivity and empowerment, I’ve started using Jynx’s platform to educate on the perils of fast fashion. The fast-fashion industry has caused tons of excess waste in the environment, chemical runoff in water sources, and manufacturing processes that heavily pollute the ecosystem. I want to research more efficient manufacturing processes and sustainable materials for clothing. Using the grant, I could learn the methods of clothing production that conserves water and makes use of all excess materials. I could also learn to utilize materials that can be sustainably produced and are biodegradable. Producing clothes with Jynx Apparel with these new found skills would allow me to make an impact on the fashion industry as we know it. The apparel produced gives customers a more eco-friendly option as each person reduces their carbon footprint. I hope that with a more cost-effective, option to produce clothes, the world’s leading fast-fashion brands will follow suit and make the shift to sustainability. This is my calling.

My entire life, I had always looked at boys in a different way than I did girls. I never understood those feelings until I was in the sixth grade. My peers began to use a word I had never heard before to describe others. Gay. I didn't know what this word meant, but just one Internet search ensured that this adjective described me. The Christian household and conservative town I resided in quickly taught me that being “this word” was wrong and was a sin that would send me to hell. This stunning revelation started my tailspin into depression. Trying to stay loyal to my faith, I prayed to God every night, ashamed of who I was. “Why did you create me this way?” “Please just fix me.” I repeated these phrases over and over to no avail. I felt like God was punishing me, but I didn't know why. All I wanted was to be normal. To try and suppress my true feelings, I began to identify as bisexual at school. I thought that if I just dated girls and married a woman, I would be accepted in God's eyes. This facade I put up further drove me into denial of my true feelings. I continued to uphold this lie from the seventh grade through the tenth grade while also hiding my sexuality from my family. My facade never erased my depression, and my misery grew to its peak in the tenth grade. I became easily agitated by the slightest words; my work ethic was near non-existent, and I was barely trying in my classes. After receiving my first C's in a class, after crying too many shed tears, and after the pain became immeasurable, I had had enough. I knew I had to come out. I knew I had to stand up to my family and friends and be honest about who I was. After weeks of contemplating, I convinced myself that I was ready. Even if my family disowned me or if I would become a victim of bullying, nothing could stop me from ridding myself of my self-hatred. On October 11th, 2018, I came out as gay through an Instagram post. To my surprise, I received nothing but love. Hundreds of comments poured in from family and friends in full support of who I was. The four-year secret and lie were now gone, and I was now free to be me. But the freedom I finally felt didn’t last for long. After some months of being out, I noticed an abnormality within my personality. Even though I was openly gay, I was still struggling to be myself in public and around strangers. I would try to suppress my femininity by lowering my voice and avoiding certain phrases. I thought that coming out would be the climax of my struggles with sexuality, but it became apparent that there were still more issues to face. The persona I possessed was sacrificing my personality in order to please others. I was coping with the fears and anxieties of being judged by putting myself through yet another lie. I knew that to be proud of who I was, I needed to accept myself. I needed to be comfortable in my skin; be proud of my feminine qualities; and be confident with the personality that is truly, uniquely, and authentically my own. This realization has led me to where I am now. I can now whole-heartedly say that I am proud to be an openly gay man. I thought that by merely coming out my depression would just evaporate away, but the root of my sadness was much deeper than that. I've learned that in the future, to grow out of my darkest times I must do more than address the issue. I have to fully accept the situation for what it is and move forward from there. In finding my self-worth and self-acceptance, I can say with confidence that as I'm writing this, I am the happiest I've ever been. From now on, I will lead my life with honesty, self-love, and above all else - pride.