This last year we have lost three people. My stepdad's father, my partner's grandma, and my neighbor's husband. When I was beginning my teenage years my stepdad married my mom. My bio dad's family had rejected me, yet my stepdad's father was always open and treated me like part of the family. I remember how he was always good to me. I am very grateful for that because the teenage years can be challenging. My partner's grandma was always kind to me. This is very important because my family had hidden our Jewish heritage. I knew at a young age I was but did not officially find out until I did a DNA test, by that time it was too late to do a birthright tour, however, I have been able to learn a lot about my heritage and embrace the holidays of the fall and spring. (I hope someday to visit Israel). From my understanding to be safe, my family hid in the Catholic church and then moved on to a Baptist church. I had experienced a lot of abuse at the hands of Christians while I was growing up and felt like something was missing. I was afraid to go near Christians. Being in an LGBTQ+ relationship, my partner's grandma could easily reject me. She could have preached at me since she was a very conservative Christian. Yet every time I came around she was always kind to me. It was very healing for me, especially since both my grandmas I had, had broken relationships. I remember being there with my partner's grandma and having the privilege to hold her while she was confused and help her many times. This year I was given the honor to sing at her memorial service. Less than 2 weeks before my partner's grandma's service, my neighbor's husband died. He was like the papa to our community. My neighbor is another special lady. She is very courageous in my eyes. She had three sons, one died, one is severally disabled, and the other has a family. It was a very special time as he was passing. We gave up our parking spot so his family and church family could visit and have easy access to seeing him. We played and help with his granddaughter so his daughter-in-law could attend to him. Our other neighbor was there to help with her kids and watch his granddaughter. We came together as a community in love. He passed in his home. My neighbor grabbed my hand and said "Nicole come say goodbye to my husband." I was honored and shocked. I said goodbye and thanked him for everything he gave me. I went to his service and didn't understand a word because it was in Ukraine. But it was a special experience and full of love. I wanted to do something special for my grieving neighbor's grown son who has a disability so I got him a stuffed fish to remember his dad. I heard him playing with it. I remember when her husband showed me his fish and laughed at me. I also gave her a pillow with her husband's picture on it so she could hug him at any time. She gave me the biggest hug. She isn't my neighbor, she is my friend and family. I am very grateful for her and love her and her family very much. We as neighbors grew in love and sorrow as we worked together to make the death process as easy as possible for him.

I chose to put my focus on industrial organizational psychology. The reason for this is because according to the CDC people with disabilities have a 2-3x higher unemployment rate. Having a mental health condition many times can fall under the category of disabilities especially if it is chronic. Many times employers and our school systems do not know how to work with people with disabilities, or what I like to call different capabilities. This creates traps for people with different capabilities. The first trap we can fall into is not having a place to belong. According to Brene Brown, without love and belonging there is suffering. In the US one of the first questions people ask is "What do you do for a living?" When someone has a mental health issue, not having belonging and feeling uncomfortable because an employer won't work with them, creates more mental health issues. When society puts their worth in work this can be devastating for a person suffering from a mental health condition. The second trap a person runs into is getting the proper help they may need. There is tons of research out there, yet it isn't as accessible. The third trap is the fear mental health invokes in people, which brings us back to trap number 1. This is why I chose industrial organizational psychology as a degree path. I wanted to bring understanding and equity to the workplace. Currently, I am an advocate for people with disabilities. I am a part of NCIL counsel which played a part in the ADA. I have spoken to government officials about disability equity and mental health. I have been diagnosed with mental health issues and have done a lot of work around brain chemistry and research on how to work with the struggles I have. I have researched healing modalities and how to re-wire the brain so that I can start to find belonging. Many times people with mental health issues do not have skills in life. I have spent time learning skills. I also researched skills. I found that this was so vital that I used my educational background to start working on developing a modality that teaches people how to communicate their needs. As I began developing this modality, I saw people start to accept themselves and their needs. This led me to change my education and career path to Applied Social Psychology and Neuropsychology. Not only do I have a mental health condition, but I also have a learning disability, so school can be challenging for me unless the correct reasonable accommodation (RA) is put in place. When a RA is put in place that works for me, I almost make strait A. My goal is to get my Ph.D. and create a business through games that get people to discover they are amazing, speak their needs and listen to others' needs, creating healthy belonging.

I often remind my mom what my stepdad did for our family when he came into our lives. I am very grateful to him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I am today. For Christmas, I got him something that made him shake his head and made the whole house laugh. My mom, I often send her texts telling her I love her. I offer to help her. Recently I saw a painting that would inspire her dream. I am a resource person. I am always helping people find resources. I listen to what my friends need and find things that can help them. Recently I heard that someone was looking for a career change I gave them a whole bunch of information on classes they could take for free that could possibly help them gain some new information on career paths. They were very excited. I believe the best way to make people feel loved is to listen to them so you know what they need to feel loved.

There is this saying, misery loves company. I tell people all the time I don't want to be friends with misery or be in its company. So I changed the saying. I say to people joy loves company and I am best friends with joy! People think I am strange because I am always searching for joy. I need joy. I had a really challenging life. At one time I couldn't find any happiness, every day I wished I could die. I tried suicide many times and I couldn't kill myself no matter what I tried. I had given up. My life was a shell. One day I decided to try something different. I decided to find my hope anchor and find my base gratitude. As I started doing that I started to find joy. As I found joy my life started to change. I didn't want to die anymore. I found life, I found friends, I was able to achieve goals. I found that I could be in the company of joy and that they could be my best friend.

I remember when I was hit by a drunk driver while I was in high school. My senior year was challenging. I was in so much pain, that the school nurse knew me by first name. My choir teacher had little to no compassion for me. She would tell me to open my mouth wider or that I wasn't opening my mouth wide enought while I was singing. I couldn't due to TMJ issues. That December I had surgery on my jaw. It was day surgery. I still managed to pass that term. The next term I competed at state for singing. My choir teacher put me in the hardest category, soprano. This category did not fit me. She had a reputation that if she didn't like you she would put in the categories that were the hardest so failure would happen. But for me I ended winning the competition and going to state. I feel that I overcame a lot that day.

A few years back I got a very special gift. My partner for my birthday got me a vision board portrait. It is a picture of me with the words coming out around my head. I chose the words that fit what I wanted to happen in my life. One of those words has already happened. Which is exciting. I look at my picture by my side of the bed every day, seeing my thoughts knowing that each and every one of them will come to pass. The day that they come to pass really doesn't matter. What matters is that I stay in alignment with them coming to pass. My partner did a vision board portrait too. Theirs was much different than mine. The words they have on their portrait have words like peace and happiness. I have words like masters and Ph.D. I look at mine for inspiration and look at theirs for grounding. This was one of the best gifts I have ever gotten and I would encourage every person to invest and get something similar.

Having a disability is super challenging. For years I thought I was incapable. I was also very traumatized when I was younger. Because of this, my mother did almost everything for me. I remember one time in middle school my mom didn't like the way I did my homework so she took over and did it for me. I failed at cooking and didn't cook again, mom took over that took. For years I kept failing. So I learned that I couldn't do anything or at least I thought I could. Until one day I decided I was going to try again. I went back to school and took some classes. This time I didn't fail, no one took over and I ended up passing. But I had to do a trick with myself that made it happen. I made a vision board. I put my goal up in front of me and kept it up in front of me until it happened. I learned that if I want something I need see that I can do it, no matter what has happened in the past.

There are so many choices people have when they leave the world. Social media has made it easy for anyone and everyone to be noticed. It can be scary at times. I have often thought about this especially when it comes to leadership. I have watched leaders for years that have broken my heart and left me in tears by their actions. Fame leads many to shame. I was looking up ways that I could do Ted Talks through the APA. I thought why would I want to do a Ted Talk? Would it be to be famous? My answer was no. I knew what my message would be. It has to do what I am doing now. It is to spread the words I am spreading now. Disability within context or Ableism. That we need to have more equity and more opportunity for people with disabilities in all positions. That all minorities need equity. My legacy is that all voices need to be heard. That we all need to be given dignity and be treated with kindness and love.

I believe my skill is being resourceful. I am the one people come to when they are looking for resources. I believe this is a vital skill that a lot of people need. It is also a skill that is important to have in social work or when starting your own company. When a person starts their own company they have to wear a lot of hats. Another way that I use my resourceful skill is when I am volunteering. I am currently volunteering with several committees that are working towards helping people with disabilities and employment. I doing volunteer work for some professors and being resourceful helps them in their research projects. There are several ways that I am always improving my skills. One I share the information with other people. I am always listening to what people are needing. It is like I have an Excel Spread Sheet in my brain that pulls up resources to help people with what they need. I am also learning new skills and new ways to apply my abilities to be resourceful.

Listen with empathy trying to understand each person's story giving them their voice back. I grew up in the flux where things were changing. It was before the "Me Too" movement, Aids was a crisis, bisexuality was not accepted in the gay community (you were considered a traitor and needed to pick a side), the ADA had just come into effect and Rodney King was wanting us to "get along." By now most people would have progressed but we still struggle with race, gender, sexual orientation, equity, and not sexually abusing people. In general, there is still a lot of anger and people feel silenced. This last year, I have experienced disability discrimination, and have heard people make comments about how they have experienced racism. I don't understand how this can still be happening. That is why I always open the door for conversations that can provide healing in this area. During the holiday season, a friend's roommate joined us. She shared a traumatic event about when she was growing up and was told she could not speak Spanish by the state she was in and how it affected her. I listened with empathy and gave her a place where she could have her voice back. She shared with me how angry she was. I believe this gave her some freedom she was needing. In life, many people have been silenced. It is giving a voice back and letting that person be heard and know that they are accepted and loved and that what they experienced was painful.

The most inspiring book I have read is The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol. The book was first written in 1948 a very long time ago. I have read this book many times. I think the reason why I kept reading the book over and over again was that I wanted to learn how to believe for something positive in my life. I had lost everything in my life, many times and was struggling with feeling like I could never manifest anything good. I needed to know I could have a life that was different than my past. My past was filled with horrendous abuse, with finding poverty, failure as the thoughts that would manifest. I had accepted what people spoke over my life and believed that over the positive I saw others have. I thought I was not worthy to have something different. The Magic of Believing talked about how to believe. It gave me example after example. Every six months for years I would read it. My life began to change. I stopped failing and started succeeding in different areas of my life. The prospect of college and being able to be successful with a learning disability went from possibility to reality. I am grateful for a book written before I was born, that has given me my life back.

I have a learning disability. That has been a big struggle especially since many people do not understand Ableism or disability within context. I remember when I was first diagnosed with my learning disability, no one knew what to do with me. There was no place to put me because there was not a category for me. I wasn't blind or deaf. I had a visual and auditory processing disorder. I felt all alone in the world. I was told that I was faking it, that my reasonable accommodation was not fair to other people. In fact, my whole life I have been called a liar over every trauma, whether it was ritual abuse or rape I experienced. I didn't stop and I didn't give up. The first step was standing up for myself. I stop up when instructors said it wasn't fair to other students that I got a reasonable accommodation and they didn't. I would respond is it fair I have a learning disability and they don't? In the last couple of years, I started doing more for the disability community. I joined SILC. This committee is appointed by our governor's office in our state. They work on policies that have to do with disabilities in our state. After being on the committee for almost a year, I decided to join the NCIL which is the national committee dealing with disability and employment issues. I also know races are struggling with discrimination issues like people with disabilities and many people are both so I started working on a research project with my alumni college. This summer I knew I wanted to help employers find ways to see disability in context. I had experienced through my employment and college experiences that there is very little understanding around the diversity within disability. I myself still don't fully understand the differences and the different needs in reasonable accommodation. I was in a professional group called SIOP. They have an annual conference every year and people can submit proposals. I asked some of the staff how do I submit a proposal if I do not know anyone. They suggested I email people in one of the volunteer groups I was in. I did as they suggested. Our group put together a proposal on what employers need to hire people with disabilities. The team and I felt that we need more people working at all levels in companies with disabilities together and how can we get employers to work with their fears to hire people with disabilities. Our proposal has been accepted and will be speaking this spring. I am doing what I can to be a part of the change within my community so in the future people with disabilities can have more equity.

I am passionate about employment equity for people with disabilities. Currently, I am on several committees that are doing work in this area. The reason I am passionate about this is for multiple reasons. It doesn't matter what age or race a person is a disability can happen. Many people don't understand disability in context or capability. Many people judge or don't give room for people with disabilities to show their capabilities, which causes many people to have to go onto social security. People then get mad that they have to pay taxes to support "these" people who have to live in poverty because they are not even given a living wage. This can make a person with disabilities feel damned for even existing. When a person with a disability can work they have a more challenging time getting a job. In fact 2-3x higher unemployment rates. You may be thinking there are not a lot of people with disabilities. According to the CDC, 25% of Americans have a disability and the stats seem to be growing. My whole point in this is, education and providing a space where we can talk about work environments that work for employers and people with disabilities and people without disabilities. Equity does not take away, it provides equal footing and with the current job issue we are having if people would open their eyes not only to what employees are needing to work there but also to what people with disabilities are needing maybe we wouldn't have so many issues around retention and employment.

One of the ways I try to live a healthy life is by having a positive attitude and meditating. I am careful what I watch on TV, what I speak, and even what I eat. I like to say that even though things may be challenging at this moment they may change in the next. When I do that I don't stay stuck. I do a lot of breathing exercises and relaxation. I make a lot of jokes. I find ways to be happy. There is a lot of research that your brain does much better when you find things to be grateful for. When a person focuses on what they have vs what they don't have it makes life easier to live. It also makes it easier not to go for the cookie jar. When things get challenging I take a step outside and breathe in some oxygen. All of these things work together and I believe my life is getting healthier each day.

Actively listening to me means knowing who the person really is and acknowledging their pain. Recently I was talking with a friend of mine who went to a predominately white college. They were Hispanic and they had experienced racism in college. I listened to what they were going through but I believe it was more than that because I opened the door to talk about what Hispanic people deal with as far as prejudice in that area. In other words, what careers were Hispanic people expected to do and how that related to the classroom in their situation and in their experiences in college, and what it must have felt like. My friend hugged me tightly and said."You get it." Active listening means opening the doors to conversations that are tough. I was in mediation training where a white woman got upset with me and started berating me about Black Lives Matter. I had no idea what it was about. After the incident, I wanted to understand so I went to my neighbor to talk about it. My neighbor's friend spoke up."I am tired of white people telling me how I am supposed to think and feel." By asking my neighbor and her friend who were black what they felt about the movement, I was listening and acknowledging giving space to learn & grow. Active listening involves trust growth and learning. A person needs to be kind and open to the process and be willing to talk about the challenging issues that arise.

I have many turnaround stories that I am proud of. I think the one that I am most proud of is when I flunked out of college because I did not have the skills between my past traumas and my learning disability. Actually, I had had a suicide attempt that year. I had given up all hope I would ever get my education. For years I lived in a place of hopelessness feeling lost. But one day something revived in me. I began learning skills and healing my past traumas. I did therapies like DBT which taught me skills on how to cope with stress. After that, I went back to college and was able to finish my bachelor's degree. This time I did not get a grade lower than a B. I had never done that in my life before. But it got better. Last year when COVID happened I finished my master's in six months, two terms with my learning disability and I was on honor societies. I was so proud of myself! Now I have applied for my Ph.D. and I am hoping to get accepted. I have visuals everywhere to keep me motivated and to myself focused on my goals.

I remember when my second mom was dying of cancer. It was very challenging. Her husband had passed away, she had sold her home and moved across town. I was working and had just graduated from college. I had the opportunity to go and look for a better job or keep my job part-time and talk with my employer and go help her. I chose to help her. It was the best choice I ever made. Many would say I gave her a gift by being there, but to me, it was the other way around. She taught me something I will never forget. I grew up with some mean people, that were always critical. I was expecting my second mom who was in a lot of pain to be mean and horrible. But that was not the case, instead, she was kind and grateful. I was shocked. What I learned was that no matter what is going on, no matter how much pain you are in, how you react is a choice. I have never lost that lesson. Even to this day, my partner says to me, you respond differently to me when you are not feeling well. You are grateful for my help. I am grateful I got the privilege to take the year off after I graduated with my bachelor's degree and help my second mom until she was ready to transition to a nursing home and then pass away. I am sad that she is gone now, but I will never forget the opportunity I was given to assist her by doing her dishes, getting her groceries, and the other little things she needed.

I believe everyone is constantly leaving an impact on our world. Currently, I am doing several things to create change and I hope that my plans continue in that direction. This last year was very challenging and I took on that challenge by starting and finishing my master's degree. I then joined several committees that aligned with my goals of equity for employment for people with disabilities. I knew I needed more expertise so I reached out to my alumni college and asked what I could do to be a more competitive candidate, they said start volunteering for instructors' labs. Through my committees, I have submitted a research proposal and I am now trying to work with another person to develop training in regards to employment equity. I am still waiting to hear back from my proposal. This was the first time ever trying something like that. I had no prior experience and I had just completed my master's in a short period of time with limited research experience. Yet I looked at it as if I don't try, how will I learn. I have to keep putting myself out there till something sticks. That is why my goal is to get my Ph.D. I feel if I can do that I will have more opportunities to be listened to in this field and be able to assist in creating equity in employment for people with disabilities. I want to give hope that equity does exist and that people with disabilities have more and more opportunities to find equity in employment.

Currently, I am involved in several committees that are active in equity employment for people with disabilities. I have always struggled with people not understanding equity for employment for individuals that have disabilities. I wanted to be a part of that change. I looked at business schools and saw how they thought and did not want to go down that route. That is how I found industrial-organizational psychology. During COVID I finished my master's program and started researching where to finish up my psychology degree. Many colleges were not progressive in how they viewed people with disabilities especially developmental disabilities. I found Portland State University, where there were several professors doing cutting-edge work on equity for minority groups. I started working in two of the labs at Portland State University to learn research skills so that I can be more competitive in the knowledge of how to address the employment crisis we are facing when it comes to improving the lives of individuals with developmental disabilities. When I was growing up, my aunt had a developmental disability. In those days people were cruel, they told my grandma that my aunt was a curse from God because of her having a developmental disability. My aunt was made fun of and treated horribly. Governor Barbra Roberts had a son just like my aunt. When Governor Roberts found out about my aunt she invited my grandparents to her home. Governor Roberts talked with my grandparents and later a home was created for people like my aunt. A community where my aunt could have a job, a home, friends a life. My aunt lived a very long and happy life. Because my grandparents partnered with Governor Roberts change happened for people like my aunt. But there is more to this story. I have a learning disability, because of my aunt and the struggles my mom saw my aunt go through she was able to assist me more with my challenges. I want to give back because of what my aunt gave me. I want to continue being a part of that change in regard to employment. When people with developmental disabilities have the opportunity to work, to have positive support to improve the quality of their lives, they have a better outcome like my aunt did. Because of Governor Roberts opening doors for my aunt she no longer had to come home from school and sit terrorized in a puddle of urine from being made fun of because she was different from the other kids. She had opportunities. Her quality of life improved and she lived longer than expected. I have applied to Portland State's Applied Social Psychology degree program. I will not be able to go to school if I do not get all the funding I need and with my disability, there are some limitations. That is why I am applying for scholarships. I believe I should be awarded this money in honor of my grandparents for being pioneers in working for change, for my aunt's courage in taking a risk and leaving her family, for me to continue the legacy work of what my family started so I can continue my education. If I am awarded this scholarship, it would be honoring my aunt and my family. My Grandpa Pearson was on the cover of Life Magazine on March 31, 1958. The magazine article was talking about the crisis around teachers. There is a picture in there with my aunt when she was little.

I have several goals for the future and I am starting to achieve them. I have always wanted my education. This last year I finished my master's in six months, did it with honors and a learning disability. I then went back to my alumni school and started talking to an instructor there asking them how I could get into the Ph.D. program. He suggested I volunteer in the labs, which I am currently doing and I have applied to the Ph.D. program. My goal is to get into the program and become an expert so I can do more studying on my personality model and equity for people with disabilities. Another goal I have is to continue to write my own books and publish them. I have written two books this year in a series called The Needs Languages and I have more in the series that I will publish. The Needs Languages is a system to identify and categorize personality types. It is fast and intuitive helping you feel connected and providing a sense of belonging in all your relationships. I am also involved in committees that are working to create changes for people with disabilities. My goal here is to create a more equitable environment for people with disabilities in the workplace. By getting my Ph.D. I will be able to have the skills and expertise to be able to accomplish that. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MGFRHB9?binding=paperback&qid=1637796738&sr=8-1&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tpbk

The simplest pleasure that makes me happy is my dog. She is very old. I have had her for a long time. I remember the first time she started singing with me in the car. At first, I thought something was wrong. I used to get her to sing with me all the time. It was amazing and wonderful. She used to howl with me I love you. A few years back I met my partner, who brought her cat into our home. I was a little worried at first because the two of them were older pets. But my worries soon changed to laughter. The cat had decided the dog would be his play friend without the dog's permission or knowledge. The cat will look at the dog "meow". The dog will fumble off the couch chasing the cat up the stairs. She will feel like she has accomplished her mission. While I know deep down inside the cat is laughing at the dog that he got her off the couch. I am grateful they are here with me and that they keep me laughing and keeping each other alive.

There are many ways to give. Some are simple and go unnoticed, like when you give a bottle of water to a homeless person on a hot day. Other times when you put together a proposal for a study on what employers need to hire more people with disabilities. Each one of these impacts the world in a positive way. It is that one that takes more time than the other. I am actively involved on several committees that working on changing the dynamics for people with disabilities. There are a lot of issues right now with our work environments and employers, not understanding Ableism. I have been volunteering my time to work on discovering ways to create change in this area so I can find a way to make a difference in the job market for people with disabilities, even if it is a small dent. Many times I have had friends and family call me for resource help regarding where to go so they don't lose their jobs. There are other areas I am volunteering in too. I am volunteering in two labs at Portland State University that are involved with diversity issues and social change. I believe that doing this with others, will open doors for equity for future generations.

Equity is a change that is needed in our educational system. But what does equity really mean? Many use this word but don't understand what it means. Being a person with disabilities I understand what it means not receiving equity and having to explain it to people. I have a learning disability. My learning disability is a visual and auditory processing disorder. In other words, I easily misunderstand information both visually and auditory, which can make life very challenging. I decided to get my master's at an online school where everything was in writing and you had to follow the instructions on the assignment. I had a reasonable accommodation to speak with the instructor to make sure I had interpreted the information correctly. I had one instructor that said my reasonable accommodation was not fair to the other students. Yet none of the other students to my knowledge had a processing disorder. I can not help it that my brain misinterprets information and I do not know when it will happen. Is it equitable for me to misunderstand and not get a reasonable accommodation while the other students get the opportunity to understand because their brain processes differenlty? It is like saying a picture needs to be hung up at a certain height, yet only a few people are tall enough to hang the picture up and the others are not given a ladder to hang the picture up. Is this equitable to the shorter students? Right now the disability population is growing, unemployment with the disability is at least 2x higher. This means that people with disabilities do not have equity or accessibility to education like other groups are having. How this will change is if we have the same education opportunities as others and that will come by talking more openly about Ableism and disability within context or capability. Many people hear the word disability and they think of people as not being capable. The reason for this is that people are not educated on what different disabilities can do and how they can do amazing things for our world. When we have inclusivity in workplaces innovation increases and so does profitability. By having a more inclusive environment for people with disabilities and having more educational opportunities, you are inviting them into the workplace and into the economy. This would open the door for future generations to be successful and feel like they are contributing to the world. Because disabilities can affect any race, gender, age or culture, you will automatically be including any and everyone. This would give even more people a chance at education than was ever thought possible. https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2015/p0730-us-disability.html https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandhealth/infographic-disability-impacts-all.html https://www.bls.gov/news.release/disabl.nr0.htm https://hbr.org/2013/12/how-diversity-can-drive-innovation

I have had an autoimmune disease of arthritis for a very long time. With the combined struggles of autoimmune disease, learning disability, and trauma it has been very challenging. It took many years to learn skills on how to communicate what I need and how to take the time I need to rest. There were many times I would push myself to the point where I would burn out and be of no use for long periods of time. I now know how to regulate myself better. This is vital for me to be healthy and successful in life. This has also assisted me in looking for ways to help others by volunteering on a few committees regarding disabilities and employment issues. Currently, we are having an employment crisis. According to the CDC in 2018, one out of every five Americans were diagnosed with a disability, that is 25% of Americans. In 2015, it was one out of every four. In three years we have had a 5% increase in disability rates. According to the Labor bureau people with disabilities have a 2-3x higher unemployment rate. Many autoimmune diseases fall under the category of disabilities. I with a fellow member in one of these committees have worked on submitting a proposal to present research on what employers need to hire more people with disabilities. I don't want to stop there. I started researching what colleges believe in equity for people who have struggles like mine and want to see more people like me succeed. I know that I am considered a minority group that is underrepresented and not always heard. I had taken college courses multiple times where people did not understand Ableism or disability within context, meaning capability. Having an autoimmune disease means I have to put my capability in context and know how to explain that to people. I knew I wanted to find a place that would help me become an authority so I could create change in this area. I found Portland State University and applied for their Ph.D. program. I am waiting to hear back. I constantly talk about Ableism to people and what it means. I also constantly talk to people about the importance of open communication, empathy, and understanding. I recently started working on a project called The Needs Languages and have written a series of books. At this time I have published two books. The Needs Languages are a system to identify and categorize personality types. It is fast and intuitive helping you feel connected and providing a sense of belonging in all your relationships. I discovered this modality while brainstorming on a road trip and have been working on it and applying it ever since. I have been seeing amazing results. I have included links to my website and to the books I have published. I have also included links to what I have referenced. Every struggle I faced I have overcome no matter how long it takes me and in that, I have made a commitment to myself that I will be a part of the change for others. Thank you for the opportunity to write for this scholarship. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/02/unemployment-rate-among-people-with-disabilities-is-still-high.html https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/disabilityandhealth/infographic-disability-impacts-all.html https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2015/p0730-us-disability.html #theNeedsLanguages https://thesevencandles.com/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MGFRHB9?binding=paperback&qid=1637796738&sr=8-1&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tpbk

Keeping a growth mindset isn't as difficult as one may think. Many years ago I decided that I wanted my life to change. That was really the first step for me, a decision. Once I made that decision, things began to change, Youtube videos showed up on my feed or people came into my life or I would sit at the doctor's office and there would be an article I would see and read. That was in the beginning, that started the flow. I am very busy writing books on how people's personalities communicate and applying to grad school. I want to research the communication concept more. I don't have much time to do the daily activities of positive mental growth like I used to. I am still growing in knowledge with lab work and developing the concepts around the communication model, however, my life is transitioning. So instead I did a mini vision board to remind myself of where I am going to keep myself on track. I also have a portrait vision board in my bedroom. This is a picture of me with words coming out of the top of my head. I had it made to always remind me to stay in a growth mindset.

Mental health started shaping me in the womb. My mother was traumatized by her upbring & my biological father who was a war veteran that had mental health issues before the war. The combo of the two made it a scary upbringing where tormenting memories disappeared to protect my mind. Stability was hard to find. I was isolated so both my parent's mental health could stay hidden and because of this, I did not learn social skills. They divorced but the shattering to my soul was already done and the damage was not seen. I shut down for years because I could not seem to find a way out of failure. Until one day an awakening occurred. I realized I did not have to live in the trauma from the torments of mental health. I started to gain skills that I had missed as a child. I did a therapy called DBT which taught me life skills. I started studying communication and learned a lot from books like Nonviolent Communication and Crucial Conversation. As I was building my interpersonal skills and life skills, I decided to go back to where I had failed and try to create it as a success. The failure came at the end of my junior year of college, where I tried to commit suicide. The memories of failure and loss of dreams were in the front of my mind, but I would not let fear stop me. On academic & financial probation I went back to Portland State University. By the second term, probation was gone and my grades scored higher than I thought possible. I believe it is because I put visuals of success everywhere I could see them in my home before I went back. But graduating with a bachelor's degree was not my stopping point. When the pandemic happened I went to an online school completing my masters in 6 months with honors, a huge feat because of my learning disabilities. I decided I want to go back to Portland State University and get my Ph.D. in industrial-organizational psychology. This degree is a workplace psychology degree and with this degree, I can be a part of the change regarding minority groups (disability included) getting equity in employment. I have recently started my own company, where I have a published book. What I developed with my co-collaborator was a modality of how personalities communicate. I am very excited to assist people in finding balance and belonging which is what our modality can do. The first book in the series is called The Needs Languages: Bringing Balance & Belonging in dating. The book is on Amazon. My experience with mental health almost destroyed me, it took me time to learn who I was, gain skills, and find my life. Mental health kept me from healthy relationships. However, if it wasn't for my experience with mental health, I wouldn't have the empathy I have for others. Along with that, I don't think I would have been able to understand the importance of personality and belonging and how to help others. Mental health gave me challenges, but in those challenges, I have learned, grown, and created something that I believe can help others.

My neighbor has a daughter. She is in middle school. I remember that time in my life was really challenging. He is a single dad. He has asked me if I would be on the call list for his daughter in case there is an emergency at her school. I have said yes. She likes to sing, recently she came over for some girl time. She showed me a song she had written. It was neat that she felt comfortable sharing with me. We spent some time bonding and talking. My neighbor has three kids and they are in grade school. My partner and I have taken them across the street to the school to play catch giving mom a break. The youngest who is starting kindergarten this year did something very special a few years back that brought belonging to another person in our community. I give the kids stickers and I asked the youngest to give the man with a disability, that lives next to him a sticker. What that taught him was inclusivity and not to be afraid of disabilities. Since the neighbor man has started smile more. His mom told me, he keeps all the stickers that are given to him. My favorite way to help others is to create a space of inclusivity and belonging for all ages, races, and disabilities.

The song that most inspires me is Unleashed by Epica. Every time I hear that song, the words "When will I be unleashed" come into my head. I wonder when will my destiny be unleashed. When will I be free, to exist and not be lost in endeavors that are unfruitful or buds of flowers that have not fully bloomed yet? I sang before I talked. My mom was a piano teacher, my sister went to state twice with the flute. My senior year was rough I was hit by a drunk driver, had jaw surgery was in a lot of pain, and my choir teacher put me in the wrong category to compete hoping I would fail. She did this with the students she didn't like. BUT I went to state and was one of the top sopranos in the state of Oregon. After that more struggles happened and I gave up hope on my music and stopped singing for a while. But something changed a few years back and I started picking it up again. This song is more than just being unleashed in singing or music. This song for me is about being unleashed in my dreams, dreams to be "free to be me" and fulfill my destiny.

Recently I did a class on Positive Psychology, to make my degree in industrial-organizational (I/O) psychology much more applying. One aspect of I/O psychology is happiness in the workplace. I used to not be happy or feel I was worth being happy, so I started studying how to be happy. What I found was starting a gratitude journal that led me to be able to find happiness every day, even on those days that are very challenging. The gratitude journal helped me discover the wonderful people who help in making me happy, like my partner. When I hear how my neighbor talks about how they love my partner because of how kind they are and watching how our pets interact with my partner gives me great joy. Singing is another place that makes me happy. I love singing, especially symphonic metal, there is something about powerful high notes. When I am on stage and people are surprised that is the best because they stop and listen. The last and probably most important is when I get to use my gifts and talents, like encouraging to impact people's lives. When I watch people change or see them feel accepted, I know I created a ripple effect that changes the world for good.

Patience is challenging. Last year I started working with someone on developing a project. It is now that we are starting to put a booklet out. It should be published this week. A year seems a long time to publish a 30-page booklet. This is the first of many in a series. However, for a year we have been brainstorming and figuring out how to put this project together. It has been like a baby, taking time to develop. In this process, we have learned a lot. Yes, it would have been nice to have a book published a year ago and to start making some money while going to school. Yet if we would have published earlier we would not have learned how powerful what we were creating was. My partner learned how to communicate better with their co-worker. My partner learned how to set better boundaries with their parents. I healed some major childhood traumas. I was able to share what I learned with my stepdad so he could better communicate with other family members. I learned how to communicate better with others in society and how to find belonging. When I was ready to publish, my partner said wait go to an editor. I was not wanting to. Yet I did and waiting a week, we fixed a lot of problems. I am learning patience is my friend in healing, making me look good, and growing to be a better person.

Self-care has always been challenging for me. I think it is because my mom and grandma have always been very busy to the point of doing circles around me. On top of that, I am a go-getter. I have to force myself to slow down. I have had to make it a priority, a deliberate decision that I will take care of myself. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is take time to visualize and connect with gratitude. That sets the tone for my day. I remember when I had stopped doing that and got so focused, I didn't leave my home for days. I started to get mentally sick. My partner told me that we were going away for my birthday, I argued being stuck. My partner won and I am grateful. We went into the woods with lots of wonderful trees. I started breathing again. It refreshed me so much that I began to remember how important self-care was. I started my practice again. I also have made a commitment to sing and dance on a regular basis. Currently, I am applying for grad school and putting together research. Even though it is interesting and exciting, it can be intensive. I need to make sure I have something light and fun, with laughter and that is why I sing with dancing. This refreshes me, bringing me back to joy and allowing me to refocus on my goals.

Generosity is giving from the heart. These last few years I have seen a lot of disparity a lot of struggle in our world and it has saddened me. Even though I live in what a lot of people would call poverty I feel I have a lot. I give for the joy it brings. Recently I connected with an old neighbor of mine's daughter. She reminded me of the time when she came and stayed in the mornings with me because her mom had to work early. She said you are like a second mom to me. My heart filled with love. The other day one of the neighbor kids was outside and saw me and said hey do you want to see what I did to that jacket you gave me? She had put patches all over it and she was so proud of how she looked going to school. In generosity, it has opened the door for her and me to talk about race issues that she is struggling with. I feel so honored. She told me that one kid at school said she wasn't Hispanic cause her mom was white and I told her that wasn't true she was both and to be both was amazing. That she has so much to offer the world. The other girl she was with started talking about her ethnic background and researching where she came from. Generosity opened the door for being heard in the struggle around identity. There are many more stories I could share about living a life of generosity but what it comes down to is that living a life of generosity is, is living a life of joy.

The wisest thing I heard was from a Chinese proverb. "Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions. Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character. Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny." Solomon also talked about thoughts in proverbs as well. "As a person thinks in their heart so they are." What we think we speak. " Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." All of these tell me to be careful what I think because what I think will define what my outcome will be in life. My thought life has been challenging. I grew up in a very negative traumatic environment, all of the adult hierarchy had mental health issues and were abusive to me and themselves. I was hated and not wanted. Death words were spoken often. It has been really difficult to not listen to those words, to not allow those words to be my thoughts and let them become my words. I don't want my character to be a character of a loser not wanted, I don't want to walk in that habit and have that be my destiny. So I changed that destiny. I changed my thoughts to a place of gratitude. Every day I take my thoughts to a place of gratitude. I meditate and I listen to my words, being aware of what I speak. I ask unconditional love for the ability to receive thoughts that align with joy, peace, kindness, and gratitude. This gives me the character I want and aligns me with my destiny.

When I breathe in the word hope, I think of the future leaders who will create change. Leaders like Martin Luther King spoke during the Civil Rights Movement. The Civil Rights Movement opened the door for so many and it was not limited to race. Suzanne Spaaks left the comfort of her upscale home to free Jewish people from Hilter's reign of terror. The little girl in 1990 threw herself out of her wheelchair on the capital steps saying the disability community will be heard. This is our hope, the leader of the past speak to the leaders of the future. They inspire us to keep moving forward in the momentum of change. It is the voice of change that gives me hope for the future. I have this saying that I tell people all the time, "If it wasn't for Martin Luther King's mom speaking into his life we wouldn't have had the impact of the Civil Rights Movement. You don't know what words you may speak into someone's life that might inspire them to create change. We all play a part and even though that part may look small, it may impact someone so greatly they go out and create change, that impacts many." It is the words of the past change, the words of the current change, and the words of the future change that give me hope. Our words can be so inspiring, to create movements that stop the violence. It is the courageous women who stand up and say ME TOO and no more! It is nonviolent protestors I saw while traveling in Minnesota capitol saying NO MORE to police racial profiling. It is every single voice who speaks up and will not be silenced. But it is more than that, it is those who speak with honor in their voices. They are the ones who say no more but they do not attack back with their fist they find other ways to create change. They do petitions, car wraps, social media. There is hope for humanity and hope for the future if we are willing to speak up and continue to speak up. Many people do not realize how powerful our words are. They either bring life to a situation or death. Some situations need to be put to death like inequality. But some situations need life brought back into them, like the value of humanity. When we see the value of humanity and stand up for the value of each other, life comes back, hope is restored, equity speaks and inclusion hears our voice. Innovation rises and our economy thrives when we are working together as one in life, in making a difference. I breathe in hope that humanity will one day realize we all have value and we all can see value in each other and speak value to each other. I breathe in hope that there will continue to be leaders along the way that will guide us into this truth.

I am a ritual abuse survivor. My grandpa would call me the chosen one and decided to use me in his ceremonies. My father who was a Vietnam vet also ritual abused me. He had PTSD and at one time lost his mind saying he was Jesus. The women in my family also struggled. I developed PTSD from the trauma and lost myself for many years. What happened in the PTSD is that I lost my mind, couldn't handle stress, and got misdiagnosed. For years no one knew how to help me. I was suicidal and had, had several attempts. Every day I wished for death. I had no belonging because I could not talk about what happened to me because I really had no memory. The PTSD raped me of my identity and no one wanted to come near me. I was alone isolated and counselors didn't know what to do with me either. Having little to no memory can make it very difficult to treat with mainstream psychology, and I was stuck in mainstream psychology. But my story doesn't end here. One day something changed. I felt I heard God telling me to go to this church and I went. It opened my eyes to resources and started me down a healing journey. What I learned is there are so many healing modalities that can help PTSD. I started off a little slow with EFT or tapping. Which is now being introduced into a lot of veteran hospitals. I also went to DBT and learned skills on how to cope when the thoughts would come. I started creating vision boards to find my hope anchor. I listened and learned about gratitude and how it rewires the brain. I started off by making a commitment to myself that on my bad days when I couldn't find anything to be grateful for, I would go to my base gratitude of being grateful for running water and flushing toilets. Little by little things started changing. I found out about EMDR a trauma-based therapy and went to a therapist that specializes in it. I found emotion code and Psych-k and have done several sessions that have released some trauma in me. I have done integration with my fragmented pieces and feel more together. In the last few years, I have joined a few groups that are for ritual abuse survivors. I have made friends who struggle with PTSD as well. I regularly encourage them. I also keep a list of resources on hand so when I talk with people I can give them the information. I do this because for years I struggled. I lost almost half of my life due to the trauma I experienced and I don't want others to have that happen to them. I regularly volunteer on a committee regarding fair housing and another one that works towards helping people with disabilities. I do what I can. I still struggle, but with the skills I have learned and practicing those skills, and with the resources I share, I can listen. In the long run, what we all need is someone who empathizes with us and listens.

When society speaks of empowering women, it is a broad subject, because each situation is different. Last year I was given a scholarly article on the 3 Ms that women deal with in the workplace, menstruation, maternity, and menopause. It was very interesting the struggle women face around these issues. Women wanting to have a family are still seen as it will cost a company, yet a man is seen as an upstanding family man with morals and values. What isn't looked at is this. Let's say a woman and a man have 40 years of working in their lifetime. A woman takes ten off to raise a child. Yet that child has 40 years of working history as well. So if the perspective was changed, it would come out to a woman giving 70 years to the workforce, with the man only giving 40. So why has it not been seen this way yet? Let's look at menstruation, when anyone bleeds it affects iron levels which can affect fatigue. If a man were to bleed from his pelvic area, would he be treated differently? Just because it happens monthly doesn't mean fatigue can't set it. This should be understood and talked about. Women need to be given compassion and understanding in this area. The article talked about how women were treated differently because of a fan needed during a hot flash. These women were expected to be just like the men, even though their body was giving them Arizona summer heat. The fear women face for being ridiculed because of menopause is absurd. Women need to be able to ask for what they want and need. This brings me to my final point, we need to be seen as individuals that are human beings with the same issues as everyone else. We need to be treated with the same respect that men want to be treated with. I remember growing up in the 80s and watching the movie working girl. In the movie sexual harassment was common. It was something many women dealt with. How we can empower women is to talk about it. We give each other a voice without shame, judgment, or criticism. We need to listen with empathy and stand together. We need to educate our boys that women are to be respected, honored, and treated with dignity. As women, we need to act with dignity. Years ago I met a person that started to show me disrespect and I walked away. I didn't yell or scream, instead, I saw the warning signs and left the relationship. When an employer discriminates report them. Do things to be a part of changing the laws. Stand up in an honoring way and say something. There are many of us that have experienced me too. Talk about the 3 Ms, be open with the struggle of what our bodies go through and what we need in the workplace. It is ok that a woman's body may need more iron or a fan. We need to not live in shame or embarrassment for being a woman. But most of all we need to work together to change things. That involves listening to each other. We need to figure out what we want, what we need, and go to our legislation and say something.

Traveling with my partner usually involves seeing the capital. All state capitals are different. When we walked into our last capital building on our trip, we heard the turmoil that Minnesota was still in. The African American community was speaking out about how their white representatives were not listening to them, and not changing laws to help them. My partner was talking to a police officer in the capital about not defunding the police but getting them training with social workers assiting and getting rid of those who were prejudice. We later went to Mall of America where my heart broke. I saw many different races but what I didn't see was integration. I am used to my home where gender, race, and disability don't matter. It is common to see different colors of people walking together down the street. We talked to our Lyft driver about what we saw and about being a change in his community. I told him that we never celebrate Martin Luther King's mom day but if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have been able to do what he did. It only takes one word to encourage change. The Lyft driver said I don't want you guys to leave. I said you go impact the world. I was so grateful to come home because of how integrated our diverse community is. I live next to biracial children and a disabled man that doesn't speak. Our neighbors are immigrants. To us, we pick our friends based on character. On our travels, we made sure we got coloring books for the kids from Kanas state capital and for the little girl a STEM coloring book. It is important to encourage her that she can be anything. It is very common for people with disabilities to be overlooked. I get the kids stickers, one day I realized that the disabled man that doesn't speak wasn't getting stickers, so I encouraged the children to give him a sticker. It is vital the neighbor children learn he is part of our community. The disabled man keeps all the stickers he gets. He is starting to feel part of the community. Community and belonging are what keeps our society alive and healthy. It is what a lot of people with disabilities are missing. I volunteer regularly for a committee that is part of bringing equity for people with disabilities. For me, I try to show up with love where ever I go. It is so important to encourage others and it brings me joy. In impacting others I know it is creating change. When change is created it makes the world a better place not only for myself, but for others as well. By doing these little acts of love, my world becomes happier, healthier and I feel gratitude that I am so fortunte to have these opportunities.

[“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. Lao Tzu] Growing up I was seriously abused, around critical judgmental people, and have a disability. I have struggled with mental health issues. The thoughts I struggled with became my words creating actions that drew negative things to me creating more abusive situations and my life became a struggle. My destiny was altered for years, I shut down, isolated and alone with no one wanting to come near me. But then something happened. I began to learn ways to change my thoughts. I learned skills. I learned things can be different. As I learned ways to counter the negative thoughts, and especially not speak them, my life began to change. My actions and habits changed as well. As my character changed people wanted to be my friend and I got a wonderful partner. My destiny started to shift and I started to move forward becoming my second favorite quote, being the change you wish the world to see (Gandhi). I am involved in volunteering with committees that work towards making things better in housing and for people with disabilities. I am starting a business that goes along with my degree to help businesses have better interpersonal working relationships. Even though I still struggle I have decided I am going to keep working on my thoughts. I have made a decision to continue to change because I believe that not only will my destiny change me for the better but also those around me in the world.

Being a person with disabilities is challenging. When a person has a disability it can feel like they are maneuvering an obstacle course while ducking and dodging debris flying towards them. In other words, people with disabilities have a higher rate of poverty, obstacle 1. According to the United Nations, people with disabilities have a 2x higher unemployment rate than people without disabilities, obstacle 2. Another struggle is when a person has a learning disability like I do some things take longer or accommodations need to happen, meaning it makes it more challenging to work, obstacle 3. That doesn't take into consideration the discrimination that I have experienced from many instructors who have no understanding of disabilities, obstacle 4. With all these obstacles it makes it super challenging to even get the opportunity to go to school. Seeing these obstacles show that I need this scholarship. But there are non-obstacle reasons or advantages as to why I need this scholarship and why you should choose me. When I went to community college I had a professor who had a disability. He was a very good instructor because he understood what people go through. He was inspiring to me. Giving me this scholarship helps me get my education and become an inspiration to others who have disabilites, advantage 1. It helps me get out of poverty because now I am educated and with education, I have a better chance of getting a good-paying job. This not only benefits me but also society, advantage 2. The degree I am working on can directly impact others with disabilities. An industrial organizational psychologist works to make the working environment more inclusive, advantage 3. By choosing me for this scholarship, you know I will be impacting the world for change and this is the last advantage. Thank you for your time in reviewing my scholarship application. Below is the resource for the stats on disabilities https://www.un.org/development/desa/disabilities/resources/factsheet-on-persons-with-disabilities/disability-and-employment.html#:~:text=Persons%20with%20disabilities%20are%20two%20to%20three%20times,have%20jobs%20receive%20little%20or%20no%20monetary%20remuneration.

I come from a family of entrepreneurs that either never went to college or didn't finished college. My grandpa owned his own business and worked hard to build it in the 1970s. My mom had to drop out of college because she became pregnant with me but she used her music skills and played piano, that was what put food on the table as we couldn't count on my mentally unstable father. In the workplace, I have always been creative seeing things outside of the box and I knew I was meant to be an entrepreneur. But what really inspired me was the need I saw. I saw that people were not happy and did not know how to encounter their identity and how amazing they are. So I made products. After my first set of products and trying to sell them I knew I needed more education and went back to school to finish my bachelor's and masters with a learning disability. But with my field a PhD is needed. What I have learned in my journey is that I can do this and anything is possible, how to step out in faith and go for your dreams. Being a person with disabilities can create unseen challenges. What motivates me to succeed, is being able to educated people how to heal and create their own belonging. The reason this motivates me is because I was so traumitized as a child I never was able to have belonging. Through out much of my life, I was alone isolated and didn't know how to fit in society. Lost, confused and alone I died inside and gave up. One day I learned that it didn't have to be that way. The idea of giving the gift of knowing how to create beloning is a motivator. Another motivator is my grandpa who was on the cover of life magazine in 1958. My grandpa was a science teacher and one of his children had a disability. When she was growing up, she was seen as a curse from God. But that wasn't true. My grandparents worked with the governer of our state and helped put together a home and created jobs for people like my aunt who had similar disabilities. That inspiration made me think what if through research I created a program to help people understand who they are by what they speak and help them figure out how the connect to others in their idenity. Creating a world where we know how to discover where our belonging is and be a part of that is getting more and more vital especially with technology causing more interpersonal separation. With my program I will bring an understanding of community.

One of the biggest problems facing the world is the lack of understanding of our idenity. In that lack of understanding, conflict arises. When conflict arises and individuals don't have skills, isolation becomes the norm while belonging melts like snow under the Sun's hot glare. When we don't have an understanding of self, we can not have an understanding of others. As an entrepreneur, I have developed pamphlets that assist people in discovering their needs language and others' needs language. The research is based on Jung and as an industrial-organizational psychologist, I will be able to communicate this. This can be applied to businesses to know who to place with who on teams. This training gives understanding that decreases conflict. Along with this, there will be a survey that companies can use and an app. I also have video and board games that are in the developmental stage as well, along with toys for children. Starting off young can give this next generation hope that they can belong and create belonging for others, which according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is a must for humanity.

"I'm Jesus Christ," is what my father used to say when he was in one of his episodes. My mother terrorized and traumatized developed depression and talked about suicide. My sister, half-sister, and I all have had suicide attempts. Along with depression and developing PTSD from my Vietnam War veteran father, I was diagnosed with a learning disability. It seemed the world was against me. But my father's mental health issues got worse and with that, he wanted to be worshiped dove into cults and ritual abused me. Yet he was not the only one who struggled with mental health my grandpa drank to manage his mood swings. He called me the chosen one ritual abused me as well. I tried to say something, but no one listened and fear gripped its long dark skinny fingers around my neck. Back then we were told, "It's all in your head," Denying the reality of what was going on. Mental health was never talked about when I was growing up. Men could do no wrong and if a woman suffered abuse due to mental health issues well it was because she wasn't submissive enough. At least that is what the pastor said to my mother. This shaped my identity into shame, isolation, rejection, self-hatred, and fear of abuse. For years I hid cowering in silence alone afraid of what might come, failing at everything I tried, and being shown by humanity there was no place, no belonging for someone like me. It got so bad I flunked out of college not achieving my goal of graduating from college got on disability, had no friends, and no job. I could not maintain any kind of relationship and would constantly pick people who would hurt me. I had given up, become a shell of existence with no hope. Maslows Hierarchy of Needs discusses safety and belonging, how it shapes us and how vital it is to our humanity. For years people have suffered in silence with mental health because no one was willing to talk about it when it really needed to be talked about. Because people were not getting treated properly abuse ran rapidly causing more harm to those predisposed to mental health. However, my story does not end here. One day I was reading and I came across a book that talked about how to connect with others. I devoured it because I was never taught that, my whole life was about survival. At that moment I made a commitment to figure out ways to move more with my mental health. I knew it would be hard. Soon after I found out about trauma therapy and started working really hard at it. Shortly after I learned about DBT a skill-based therapy. This gave me the skills to work with my mental health. Instead of taking a bottle of pills to kill me or cutting myself when those feelings came, I could now breathe through it. Years later I got up the courage to go back to school. When I went back I used these skills and was almost a straight-A student! Something I had never achieved before. In a nutshell, my experience with mental health shaped my goals by crushing them into dust, making me fearful of any and all relationships with a distorted lens of the world. I never struggled with forgiveness, just dissociation with the people who hurt me and at times losing my mind, with sober blackouts. However, when I made a decision I was no longer going to let mine or anyone else's mental health issues destroy or rule my life, my life did change. I still struggle but now I find ways to look for hope. I ride the waves of my depression knowing it won't last forever. If I get overwhelmed or overstimulated I find ways to communicate and breathe. With flashbacks, I speak kindly to myself bringing myself to the present and the greatest gift I give to myself is acceptance. What I mean by this is I lost my mind and life for years, I can't get that back. I have to let go of the I should be.... In letting this go, I have more compassion for others, the compassion that wasn't given to me. I volunteer on a committee that talks about ways to create fair housing and another committee that indirectly works with people that have disabilities. So yes at first my experiences with mental health almost destroyed me but in the end, mental health has given me a gift of overcoming, compassion, deeper levels of love, and understanding for myself and others. My mom told me I was named after her best friend's dog. She said she was drawn to that name and knew it was supposed to be mine. Later I asked God why would you name me after a dog? I felt the answer was, "Because that was the only way your mother would hear your name and I knew you needed the name Nicole because you are meant to be victorious." What is interesting is dog spelled backward is God. My name means victorious. Hearing this made me realize, in my mental health issues, in my learning disability issues I can either be overtaken and destroyed by the struggles they bring or I can take on the challenge and work through them. But I can only be victorious if I am open to being vulnerable in safe communities, learn skills and apply those skills. Thank you for reading my essay.

https://www.facebook.com/nicole.payne.3532507/. What makes me proud to be LGBTQ+ is that I can be and not hide it anymore. That I live in a state that openly accepts me and my person.

I grew up with a father who had mental health issues. He was schizophrenic. He would say he was Jesus and do horrible things. It was very scary as a child. My mother has struggled with depression and has often said that she has wanted to kill herself. My sister, myself, and my half-sister have all had suicide attempts. It has been very challenging and there has been little compassion given. What I learned in all this was that there is a lot of shame and isolation in mental health. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, belonging is essential for the need of humans. Growing up mental health wasn't really talked about so because of it I missed out on a lot of belonging. I lived a childhood of isolation. I grew up believing you had to hide your depression, the struggles that were going on. At one point I had to get on social security it got so bad. The mental health issues prevented me from having any kind of relationships, let alone skills to live life. But things changed when I went to DBT and started to teach myself how to have interpersonal skills. Yes, I still suffered in silence with the mental health issues but I knew better how to interact and communicate with others. I learned skills in DBT that helped me be able to function when the worst came. One day I decided I was going to have a base gratitude. My base gratitude was running water and flushing toilets. So when I had those horrible days where I could find nothing to be grateful for I went to my base gratitude. There were many days that all I could find was my base gratitude. But then one day I realized it had been a long time since I had, had to go back to my base gratitude. This one thing has helped me in realizing that even though things can be really bad there is always something good and if I find it, I can make it through those bad days. Having mental health issues and a learning disability has not made it easy to get my education. Yet this year I was able to finish my masters and be welcomed into honor societies. I research my educational path and decided I want to help businesses see the benefits of hiring people with disabilities. Research has shown that people who have disabilities have a 2x higher unemployment rate. Research has also shown that people with disabilities are more likely to be loyal to the company, yet many companies are too afraid to hear this truth. This type of work is one aspect of what industrial-organizational psychologists do and I am working on some other projects as well. Currently, I am working on designing training to reduce conflict in the workplace, address retention issues, and how to inspire employees through their needs languages. I want to own my own business and work with other companies. The only thing I need to be fully successful is my education. I have to have a certain level of education to be able to be competitive in the marketplace. If I don't get more education it will make it more challenging to get a job and with it already being 2x more difficult for people with disabilities, it will be like climbing Mt. Everest with no training to be able to obtain a job. However, as I am working towards my educational goals I am applying myself to my career aspirations and using my DBT skills to help me be successful. In choosing me for this scholarship you will help others because I give back to the disability community and will continue to do so. Thank you for your time and consideration.