For the first ten years of my life, I grew up in a regular household. My parents were together, my siblings were around, and it was pretty much a nuclear house. Then sometime around 2012, my parents got a divorce. I wouldn’t say it was overly messy or terrible, but some kids chose one parent over the other. I ended up in the middle of everything, my older siblings didn’t really understand my experience since they were either completing college or starting it. I was still only in middle school at that point, so we grew up in different homes. For the next five years or so I spent bouncing between different houses. I would go to my dad’s for a couple of days, then my mom’s, and weekends would swap every other week. Then it became a weekly thing, where I’d be at one house for a week but then swap one day a week to break it up. During the weeks I was with my mom, it would be as if I was an only child. All of my siblings were moved out, they were adults doing new things and being responsible, I had my mom to myself. She did her best to work around her work schedule, but she was basically at work from six or seven am, to six at night. It was a long work schedule and she would do it five days a week. She always seemed so happy and willing to do so much for me, if she could stop being at work to drive me places she would. It seemed like at times, I was almost a burden for her, making things more complicated. Especially during my teenage years when I always seemed to fight with her. I ended up thinking I was right in every situation and I usually wasn’t. But she had so much grace with the situation and still dealt with me. She pushed me towards a good college and towards good relationships and has always been a light in my life. There are very few occasions when I know she’s in the wrong or she isn’t being fair, but she’s raised me the best she could after being put in an extremely tough situation. I will never know what was going through her head during that time, but a large part of her personality created the man who I am today and I am extremely grateful for it.

A healthy lifestyle affects the entire existence of a person. Someone that consistently eats junk, and doesn’t move, will feel those internal problems all the time. When you are always bogging your body down, it never feels right. When you don’t move or are always hiding inside without any sunlight, it can change your entire mood. But when someone eats healthier, and they plan to go outside or be in the sun, they feel like a totally different person. Lifestyle affects someone’s mood, interests, and even physical state. When you go and move for an hour every day, even if it’s the same jog, or lifting the same weights, eventually, it gets easier and easier. Building these habits can make or break someone. I spent so much time hiding inside, and away from the sun, and it feels so much different when you’re in the rays and warmth of the sun. When you can take in all of the energy around you. I try to be outside daily. Or at least be near an open window. I want to be outside to do things I usually do inside. I would hide in my room to organize trading cards or play video games. But it’s so cool because all of those things can be done outside. Spending five to ten minutes with the sun on your face, listening to music, or doing whatever is most calming to you. Recently I have been trying to be healthier. I started a job, I am going outside and drinking more water. I try to exist with my family and be around them so I’m not constantly alone. I am going out of my way to eat more fruits and vegetables. Rather than going out to Wendy’s or whatever easy fast food place after work, I’ll go home and make something with things that I like. Even add in things that I may not enjoy as much, but that I know are healthy for me. My mom has been plant-based, and I have been trying the things she makes, or even bringing a small amount of it with me to work for lunch. I have been trying to do the small things that keep my mental state at a height rather than allowing my negative headspace to consume me and take me to a dark place. Sometimes a little bit of being uncomfortable can really make a person grow.

My experience with mental health has been going on for many years. Once my parents got divorced years back, my mom wanted me to go to a counselor and speak with them about what I was going through, but I saw no need. As time went on I began to become more greatly affected by my depression and negative headspace. During times of high stress between my friends, or when put in a tough decision, I would freeze up and snap. Usually after not trying to find any solution. It would create tension between me and others and made us split apart. Once I got into college I was pushed to interact with so many people that I wouldn’t have any worries or must deal with the negative sides of things. I allowed myself to float behind people and then I wouldn’t be a part of the drama. But once Covid hit and I had to be isolated, I was forced to deal with the negative thoughts that were hiding. In my first ‘Covid’ semester, fall of 2019, I overloaded my schedule and ended up failing many classes because I didn’t have anyone else to balance them with. I had to watch all my lectures on my laptop and work in my room, as since I didn’t feel comfortable outside my room. And since I was an RA, I had to hold myself to a higher standard and didn’t want to push any of the rules. So, I had to deal with the isolation and ended up starting counseling and taking antidepressants. Though that year was basically null and void, it was the beginning of me trying to take care of myself. I had been dismissed from the school of engineering and had to begin my search for a new major and a new career. At first, I wanted to go into stem cell research, I had a lot of cool ideas that I could use an engineering major for, but I think that the negative side of things was the lab work. Many engineering jobs can be isolated and alone, since you may work with a team, but it isn’t always inevitable that you do. I began looking through career interest exams and eventually found that many health care positions were up to my alley. Things like Physicians, Physicians Assistants, or even Pharmacy, had a lot of the problem-solving aspects that I enjoyed from engineering to the social side that I need so desperately. Though a big problem was that my GPA was low from the past couple of semesters during that time, and I wouldn’t have been accepted by any medical school unless I got my act together. I began to work harder during the fall of 2021, trying to really work with my counselor to do better and stay on top of things. Which I did! My GPA ended up getting boosted by the two semesters of my junior year, the 2021-2022 academic year. The next problem though, during the winter I fell back into old habits, I stopped wanting to try, and could barely get out of bed. It became a strain to even want to do anything. It was basically torturing to try and end up in any class. At the end of the semester, I had to drop three classes because I was failing, and didn’t have much else to do. I knew that I needed to change and there wasn’t much else that I could figure out. Which is about where I am now, writing this scholarship. I’m still battling my depression and anxiety daily, but I’m pushing myself to be more social and to have better goals. I want to survive and end up having a positive future, and I would be extremely grateful for the support.

The past few years have been an emotional rollercoaster. I remember being very focused my freshman year of college. I wanted to work out and get healthy. Sleeping better and working to better myself in all different ways. But once Covid-19 hit, and I went online my depression and anxiety took hold of me. Not seeing other students or being given any opportunity to work with someone else was a detriment to my entire student capacity. I ended up getting extremely bogged down by all the different parts of the semester and the day and really pulled back academically. At the time, I didn't have any study skills because high school I didn't need to try. It was a hassle for me to try and balance being an RA my sophomore year, especially when all my classes were online. I never had the chance to interact with other students in similar majors other than the other RA's in my hall. It was basically impossible for me to do well, since my advisor had also put me in a position where I was taking over 20 credits. I could barely handle more than 15 at the time though. My sophomore year I really took a bigger hit. I passed two or three of the six or seven classes. And I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into it all. Though the fortunate part, my Mom had been pushing me to try and find a counselor, and to speak to my Physician about antidepressants. So, I figured out a bi-weekly time to meet with someone from school, along with testing some antidepressants for the Spring 2021 semester. It worked well. My spring and fall semester of 2021 I had brought my GPA slowly back up. Though then when this past semester came by, I found myself stuck in another rut. I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a place that I didn't enjoy. Where I wouldn't try to do well in class, or be social able, or do anything other than hide in my dorm room. After the semester ended though, I finally felt determined to do well. I would usually blow off my Mom asking me to get scholarships or trying to be healthier or in the sun at all. It didn't click to me how much changing small habits can really make or break you. In the three weeks I have been home from school I have been pushing myself to work harder. Being outside more or eating differently. Whatever I could do to improve myself. And it really has been working. I have felt much happier, more motivated, and more content realizing that there will be months that I will be at the bottom of the barrel, and months that I feel like I am on the top of the world.

Calculus is one of the most important courses needed in the STEM field. From biology to physics to chemistry. In my opinion, when students are placed in a calculus course with a proper professor, they are able to take in experiences for the future. The more complex the equation used by students and the more they understand where those equations came from, the more problem solving and critical thinking students are able to. In my first two years of college, I was an engineering major and had to take all calculus classes. During my high school career, I attempted Pre-calc and was taken aback by how challenging the course was. Though once I got into college and took Calculus 1/2 with the right professor, I enjoyed the class immensely and did so much better than how I did previously in other calculus courses in the past.