All my life, I have been a people pleaser. My therapist tells me it’s one of the reasons I often feel drained and as if I never have time for myself. Throughout high school, there have been multiple occasions where I have hidden my true feelings to make sure others don’t think differently of me or view me as weak. Like most LGBTQ+ youth, I was in the closet for a while. I felt as if coming out to my family would make me unlovable in their eyes or, even worse, make them disappointed in their eyes. Rather than speak openly with them, I closed off communication even further, hiding everything unique about me and only highlighting my academic and theater achievements. While this made my parents proud, it made me resentful towards my family and even myself. Yet, this behavior grew to be second nature and carried over into my school life. In my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I lost my aunt and grandfather amid musical rehearsals for San Mateo High School. I was emotionally distraught, yet I chose not to tell any of the creative team or cast what I was going through because I thought that would make people doubt my abilities. I thought to myself, “I can’t let these people down. I can grieve later, push through now,” … and I did. I went through both turmoils not letting even my closest friends know what I was experiencing because I didn’t want to burden them. Though I put on a brave face, my loved ones saw less and less of the real me every day. As I grew even more reclusive, the Covid-19 pandemic began. During this time, I grew more and more irritable around my family, which eventually led to me blowing up on my mom and breaking down in front of her. She was distraught and confused about how to handle the situation. After a while, I calmed down enough to the point where we could have a conversation, and I expounded, “I need a therapist.” Though my family suggested I could talk to them, I really could not, and I could not worry about their feelings at that time. Fortunately, my parents listened and found me a therapist by the fall of 2020. I greatly enjoy going to therapy. Through my sessions, I have been able to recognize healthy coping mechanisms, such as positive affirmations, that help combat my anxiety and depression. Through these sessions, I could finally mourn my aunt and grandfather and recognize the aforementioned reasons I felt I needed to hide my pain around my peers. Moreover, I no longer strive to meet others' briefs for perfection. With this newfound confidence, I developed the courage to pursue a degree in dance despite my parents’ initial hesitations. Since starting college, I have realized my passion for youth education because I want to be like the positive role models that helped me through my mental health struggles. I hope to start a nonprofit organization aimed at providing access to the arts to children with disabilities. Due to these aspirations, I have chosen to double in dance and public affairs at UCLA. Many wonder why I did not simply pursue public affairs and not "waste" time on getting a dance degree. Dance has been an important outlet for so long that I couldn't imagine my life without it. In this way, I've prioritized my mental health and myself in a major way. Needless to say, I've never been more content.

After college, I would love to have the opportunity to dance with a touring artist. As I age however, I would like to take on a more executive position. Within the past year, I have developed a love for choreographing dances. Consequently, I would love to become a professional choreographer for touring artists, music videos, etc. More realistically, I see myself working at a dance studio ten years from now. However, I would enjoy this line of work just as much as the aforementioned career path because I love helping youths develop as individuals and would still get to choreograph major pieces. Currently, I work as a math tutor and an instructor for a ballet studio geared towards youths from the age of 18 months to eight years. Through both of these jobs, I have been able to watch kids grow more confident, stronger physically and mentally, and, most importantly, more dedicated to self-betterment. Seeing this kind of progress melts my heart, and getting to do that as a career would be a dream. Additionally, I would aim to get hired at a dance studio that allows its students to participate in competitions, so I could eventually become a choreographer for the team. To increase my chances of getting hired, I will highlight my advertising prowess (a skill I discovered as the publicity manager of the Kids Help Kids club at my school and would like to develop further in college) and work as a marketing lead at said studio. By marketing for a dance studio while simultaneously instructing students, I will continue my passion for child development by attracting more families to dance instruction with my adverts and providing students with stellar technique and performance training.

Tweet tweet goes the whistle. I get in position, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people in the stands stare at me and my squad. They expect a stellar performance. Then, the band starts to play, and the San Mateo High Dance Ensemble performs a halftime show masterpiece. Performing during halftime of my school’s biggest football game is just one of the many opportunities my passion for dance has granted me. After attending my first jazz class five years ago, dance has grown into my most vital creative outlet. Through my exploration of this art, I have completed projects I never fathomed, igniting a desire for artistic ecstasy I want to feed after graduation. In February of 2021, my friend and I planned to choreograph and film a major production number during the pandemic. To communicate the joy we felt dancing with others again, we choreographed a piece to the infectiously joyous song “Dance with Me Tonight” by Olly Murs. For the health and safety of everyone in our production, we rehearsed at a park near my house and filmed on the top floor of a parking complex. After two weeks of weekday rehearsals and Sunday film days, we produced a piece that our dance teacher called, “Show stopping!” Upon viewing the final product, I realized how much I enjoyed holding an executive position for a piece. Whether I work for touring artists, music videos, or for a dance studio, working as a professional choreographer would allow me to relive that moment of ecstasy I felt watching my work in my school’s dance showcase. To achieve this goal, I must study dance in college. Doing so will prepare me for my dream career and, more importantly, continue my exploration of my biggest passion and creative outlet.