Mental health is like a slippery snake. One minute you have a firm grasp in your hands, and the next minute it has shifted, and you've completely lost your grip. This is exactly how my journey has unfolded. At 6 years old I was diagnosed with a rare disease, Chronic Recurrent Multifocal Osteomyelitis (CRMO), which causes inflammation in and around the bones resulting in lesions and excruciating pain. Flares are debilitating, putting a full stop to my life. Treatment is intense, with monthly infusions, physical therapy, labs and scans. I have missed months of school, fractured my spine, discovered a glioma in my brain and have been at times unable to walk on my own. Much of this disease is hidden, so I have also been subjected to doubt and teasing, even from friends. Too much of my last 12 years have been spent in hospitals. Despite this, I have learned to manage all this disease has thrown at me. That was, until two years ago when I was diagnosed with hypermetabolism / anorexia. As an athlete and a "guy", this was impossible to comprehend. I refused to acknowledge or accept the diagnosis because I didn't "fit the profile". I resisted treatment and ignored all the warning signs because I had already been through enough. This was something I would easily handle myself, even though I continued to ignore its existence. Eventually, I had to be pulled out of school and admitted to a 6-month partial hospitalization program. I remained in complete denial and initially refused to participate, but when issues with my heart rate and blood pressure persisted it became the only option.
I still find it hard to believe that I am recovering from anorexia. I am a "guy's guy", I was a competitive athlete and heck, I love to eat! In my mind it sometime still seems impossible, but with therapy I have learned so much. Our brains are so complex and can easily send us wrong and damaging messages. No one is immune, and it is definitely not our fault. It took me a long time to admit my disease, and even longer to be able to say it out loud. The embarrassment literally clawed at my soul, and I am still coping with the toll it took on my mental health. But I have learned that in facing it head on, I can overcome this obstacle that life has put in my way. It has opened me up to the reality that taking care of my mental health is just as important as my physical health. From therapy I have learned how to be more comfortable being vulnerable with my family and friends, and that has taught me a deeper level of love and acceptance that I only thought I knew. My relationship with my mom, who was by my side every step of the way (despite all the ugliness anorexia doles out on loved ones), has grown to a level I never knew existed.
I have also gone back to the hospital program, as a graduate ambassador, to speak to those who are in the depths of an eating disorder in the hopes of showing there is a road to recovery.
You never know what life is going to throw at you, and even "expecting the unexpected" doesn't prepare you for everything. The best way to understand the world we live in is to follow the age-old advice "to treat others the way you want to be treated". We are all living a journey unique to ourselves, and the best we can do for each other is to respect that journey.