Come prepared to do your best. The mindset is half the battle! instagram @vaeh.rosalia

My dad is crazy about finances. Saving money is one of his biggest passions, not in a greedy-and-cheap kind of way, just in a cautious kind of way. Because he's so intense about making responsible money choices, I've dealt with far too many financial lectures. Even with him constantly telling me things like "don't buy AirPods" and "make a monthly budget", there's been one thing that he's stressed so hard my entire life, and I'm beginning to see why. As I'm quickly approaching college, with siblings and friends already enrolled, the pressure is on. I'm worried not only about acceptance but how I'm going to pay for it once I get to that point. Now I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat wondering what my dad's best piece of advice was. To be frank, it's less of a piece of advice and more a strict rule: No student loans. Now I can bet you're disappointed by that. Everyone has heard that hundreds of times, especially high school students like me. However, I feel that a lot of students don't really listen. It took me years (and hours of tortured podcast listening, thanks to Dave Ramsey) to understand why he was being so strict about student debt. I began to do my research and realized how bad the student debt crisis is. It is truly a horrible thing. Sure, you get your college paid for, but you have to spend the rest of your life paying back your loan, sometimes totaling double or triple the original amount of the tuition. It's insane! My own mother is still paying off the loans she used to get her bachelor's degree, 20 years later. I thank my dad everyday for the helpful advice he's given me, most especially that tidbit.

My name is Nevaeh and I am 15 years old. 15 years ago, my mother gave birth to me at age 15. She had a rough life growing up. She came from a poor, broken home in south Detroit. She never had many friends. And one day, she found herself pregnant. The father of the baby left before he even knew about her condition. Once her religious classmates found out, they slashed her tired and vandalized her home. Throughout the rest of her high school career, she focused on one thing: me. She worked full time to provide for me while going to school. After she graduated, she joined the military. She got discharged after four years. Since then, she's gone from job to job, struggling to provide for me and my siblings with no support from any of the fathers. Did she make poor choices? Yes. Did she commit to the consequences of her actions? Also yes. My mama has worked tirelessly to give her children a better life than she had, even when I didn't have all the name brand clothes I wanted, I always had food on the table and running water. Even when I was left with my grandparents because she was deployed to third world countries, she did everything she did for me. And that has taught me lessons many, many people don't get to learn. I learned about perseverance. Work ethic. Unconditional love. My mother taught me, through all her struggles, that the world is mean and cruel. You have to work for what you want. Most people are not privileged enough to get it handed to them. I was also taught humility. I was humbled by my experiences, I learned the value of kindness from strangers. I learned that everyone has hardships in their lives, that you should treat everyone with generosity. It's hard having a single mother. I'm expected to keep up my studies, but also bear the weight of the household. While my mother works, I clean and cook, and I babysit my siblings. Make sure they eat and bathe and study. It's stressful but it's what I have to do. And I will never complain because I know people have it worse. Who am I to complain about being anxious when there are kids my age going hungry? That is the most important lesson my mother taught me, gratitude. Gratitude is the most important thing in life. It keeps you humble, happy, and helpful. How very generic a thing to say! The thing my mom preached most to me was this: "Nevaeh, everything I do is to give my children a better life than myself." I plan to make her proud. I want to make her proud! I'm going to go to a beautiful college in the United States, graduate with my Ph.D., work my way up to the FBI. I'm going to make enough money to provide for myself and my mother. I want to buy her a beautiful home where she can relax and be happy. I want to help my siblings, not only financially, but as a role model. I want to show them that you can work your way up in life with hard work. You don't need wealth and privilege to be successful. I don't have the money to attend school for 4 years, let alone enough to get my Ph.D. But what I can do is write essays. I can write hundreds of essays for hundreds of scholarships and earn my way through college. If I'm awarded this scholarship, it will help pay for a portion of my tuition. It will also encourage my siblings to work hard for a successful life. To follow in my footsteps, to be better than my beloved mother. My little brother is too old for formula, but by the chance I get picked for this scholarship, I would donate it to my two aunts to split. They have a whole load of babies each and are even worse off than my mom. I know that would help to ease some stress off of them. It's extremely upsetting to think about the struggles that not only I face, but my loved ones as well. And it's tough to know that I can't help everyone, I can't give them all the perfect life they deserve. Sometimes life rips people off. They give the good positions to the spoiled and cruel when there are kind and decent people struggling to keep the heat on while keeping food in the cupboards. And though this scholarship would make a big impact on me and my family, if I were not to get it, I truly am thankful to know that it is going to someone equally, or more, deserving and in need.

It was almost two in the morning. I was wide awake, unable to even move, to blink, to breathe. I felt like the darkness of the night was closing in on me, suffocating me and leaving me alone with the crushing weight of my thoughts. I was in a panic, and I was completely and utterly alone, even with the three other people in my house, only a wall away. A part of me knew it would go away. It was horrible, but it always ended. The other part was afraid that this time it wouldn’t. It was after almost two years of being tortured every hour of every day when I first decided I needed to seek help. I had just assumed that the state I was in was the normal state to be in, so I never told anyone close to me. I was filled with anxious and self-deprecating thoughts and was hurting myself and others around me out of pain, and I was only 13. Though I was able to recognize that in myself, there are thousands of people, especially young people around the world who cannot. Some people need a push in the direction of self-help. Because having mental health issues was seen as weird, or even terrifying, it deferred me from opening up about, and from getting the right help. I struggled alone and in agony because I was scared of being put down by society. Now that I've realized having issues with mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it's opened my mind. It's made me more open about my emotions and it made me realize I can create change in my own life. When not recognized and coped with, mental illness only gets more aggressive over time. Awareness needs to be raised regarding mental health, especially in youth. When teenagers or young adults aren’t able to distinguish real issues from normal behaviours, or when families can’t provide emotional help to their children, that’s when other adult roles in that person’s life need to come through and support them or get them help. This could be a teacher, counselor, or even a family friend. And awareness is the first step. Our teachers, our counselors, even our coaches need to be able to recognize signs of distress and know how to deal with them. On the contrary, some students have the resources but won’t come forward out of fear. There is a great stigma around mental health, and that can be intimidating for young people. After I finally admitted to myself that I wanted help in dealing with my problems, I was still in fear of not being accepted. That was the farthest thing from the truth. My family and close friends wanted nothing more than for me to feel better, and they felt better themselves when I did. The impact that you can have on another person is substantial, and I didn’t realize I was bringing other people down with my issues. And the people close to me were more supportive than I could have thought. It was a relief that I was accepted and supported, and it took a great weight off of my mind. I was extremely lucky. Every person deserves to be cared for in this way, and people need to be taught to do it. In addition to raising awareness of the reality of mental health, we have to kill the stigma around the subject. Mental health is often not assigned a high priority in most schools in the U.S. Along with that, the media produces horrible stereotypes of the mentally ill. People with depression are not always lazy and unemployed, just as happy people sometimes are. Mental illness is just a barrier, not the end of the road. Bringing shame and disgust upon the mentally ill will never solve anyone’s problems, only cause new ones. It’s been almost two years, and I have learned how to deal with my symptoms and increase my happiness. I’ve discovered things that bring me joy and learned to avoid stress and anxiety factors. However, I can’t help but think that if I didn’t have the support systems provided to me, I could have spiraled and caused myself and others around me even more pain. Everyone deserves the support they need to get better, and providing it will take effort on the part of society.

I was sitting in my college prep course. The discussion topic was careers, specifically what made us chose our future careers. My friends said they were following in their parents' footsteps, pursuing a sport they loved, becoming a pediatrician because they love children. Suddenly it was my turn and I gave a short answer, "Silence of the Lambs." That must've been a terrifying thing to hear. It seems morbid, that I am inspired by one of the sickest horror movies to be created. I can guarantee you, however, I do not wish to grow up to be a serial killer. I first watched Silence of the Lambs with my dad one night. I was terrified, I could barely sleep. But I was also curious. I knew Hannibal Lector was a real killer so I turned to my favourite True Crime podcast. They didn't have an episode on him, so I listened to an episode from the podcast Serial Killers instead. I learned a lot about Hannibal Lector, specifically that he was not real. The man the character was based on, Robert Maudsley wasn't at all the monster the film industry makes him out to be. The truth behind it is that he was extremely mentally ill. Maudsley was originally arrested for killing a man who had just confessed to being a child molester. From there, instead of giving him the proper mental treatment he needed to rehabilitate, they put him in prison with no help, where he proceeded with more acts of violence. It wasn't until Robert Maudsley could officially be titled a serial killer that he was provided with a psychologist, who was quick to see how his abusive childhood, mental illnesses, and horrible treatment throughout his life could be to blame for his horrible behavior. "Hannibal the Cannibal" was then created from media propaganda. This struck something in me. I've struggled with mental illness for years, but I, thankfully, have access to proper help. It's easy for people to look down upon criminals without trying to understand why they did it. There are certainly monsters out there who deserve to be locked up forever, but many criminals, especially serial killers are not sane. A large percentage come from broken or abusive families and have experienced severe abuse throughout their life. Some developed personality disorders such as BPD and ASPD. Others have illnesses such as schizophrenia. When you think of it from a different perspective, you can understand that some of these people thought what they were doing was the right thing. Perception is reality. What many people don't realize is that many of these people can be rehabilitated back into society with proper help. This creates not only a better life for them, but prevents more crimes they would commit, possibly saving lives. That's what I want to do, save lives. Of as many people as possible. Becoming a criminal psychologist is my dream. And I plan on working as hard as humanely possible to reach that dream.

I was sitting in my college prep course. The discussion topic was careers, specifically what made us chose our future careers. My friends said they were following in their parents' footsteps, pursuing a sport they loved, becoming a pediatrician because they love children. Suddenly it was my turn and I gave a short answer, "Silence of the Lambs." That must've been a terrifying thing to hear. It seems morbid, that I am inspired by one of the sickest horror movies to be created. I can guarantee you, however, I do not wish to grow up to be a serial killer. I first watched Silence of the Lambs with my dad one night. I was terrified, I could barely sleep. But I was also curious. I knew Hannibal Lector was a real killer so I turned to my favourite True Crime podcast. They didn't have an episode on him, so I listened to an episode from the podcast Serial Killers instead. I learned a lot about Hannibal Lector, specifically that he was not real. The man the character was based on, Robert Maudsley wasn't at all the monster the film industry makes him out to be. The truth behind it is that he was extremely mentally ill. Maudsley was originally arrested for killing a man who had just confessed to being a child molester. From there, instead of giving him the proper mental treatment he needed to rehabilitate, they put him in prison with no help, where he proceeded with more acts of violence. It wasn't until Robert Maudsley could officially be titled a serial killer that he was provided with a psychologist, who was quick to see how his abusive childhood, mental illnesses, and horrible treatment throughout his life could be to blame for his horrible behavior. "Hannibal the Cannibal" was then created from media propaganda. This struck something in me. I've struggled with mental illness for years, but I, thankfully, have access to proper help. It's easy for people to look down upon criminals without trying to understand why they did it. There are certainly monsters out there who deserve to be locked up forever, but many criminals, especially serial killers are not sane. A large percentage come from broken or abusive families and have experienced severe abuse throughout their life. Some developed personality disorders such as BPD and ASPD. Others have illnesses such as schizophrenia. When you think of it from a different perspective, you can understand that some of these people thought what they were doing was the right thing. Perception is reality. What many people don't realize is that many of these people can be rehabilitated back into society with proper help. This creates not only a better life for them, but prevents more crimes they would commit, possibly saving lives. That's what I want to do, save lives. Of as many people as possible. Becoming a criminal psychologist is my dream. And I plan on working as hard as humanely possible to reach that dream.

1:47 am. I was wide awake at 1:47 am on a Thursday, knowing full well I had to awake for school in 5 hours and 13 minutes. That knowledge only worsened the anxiety I was feeling. It felt as if I was suffocating, every time I began to breathe again, the grip only tightened. I rushed outside, where the freezing air hit me like a slap in the face. For over an hour, I had been crying, screaming, pacing my room. My wrist was covered in purple and blue bruises from where I had been snapping a rubber band against it. Sadly, anxiety attacks like these are common for me, as is the embarrassment that follows, amplified even more when I happen to be in public or with other people. I hate feeling like that, it's something I would never wish upon anyone. I intend to go to school and graduate with a degree in criminal psychology. Often, criminals are the people with the most pain, both external and self-inflicted. They're also the people who almost never get the help they need. Mental health is a stigmatized subject, even the people we hold in the highest regard lose value when they show the need for emotional help. I want to help people, stop them from having to go through the things I go through, or worse. I want to help the people in our society who need it the most, the people who don't get help. I want to save lives with the work I do. I've had many people discourage me from going into this field. I've been told that I wouldn't be able to deal with it, emotionally. That people who have done wrong things don't deserve help. People who do horrible things do it out of pain. If I can ease that pain or help them cope, I can save their lives and the lives of those they harm. By preventing this one person's life from going downhill, I create a domino effect that could help millions. I just really want to save people.

1:47 am. I was wide awake at 1:47 am on a Thursday, knowing full well I had to awake for school in 5 hours and 13 minutes. That knowledge only worsened the anxiety I was feeling. It felt as if I was suffocating, every time I began to breathe again, the grip only tightened. I rushed outside, where the freezing air hit me like a slap in the face. For over an hour, I had been crying, screaming, pacing my room. My wrist was covered in purple and blue bruises from where I had been snapping a rubber band against it. Sadly, anxiety attacks like these are common for me, as is the embarrassment that follows, amplified even more when I happen to be in public or with other people. I hate feeling like that, it's something I would never wish upon anyone. I intend to go to school and graduate with a degree in criminal psychology. Often, criminals are the people with the most pain, both external and self-inflicted. They're also the people who almost never get the help they need. Mental health is a stigmatized subject, even the people we hold in the highest regard lose value when they show the need for emotional help. I want to help people, stop them from having to go through the things I go through, or worse. I want to help the people in our society who need it the most, the people who don't get help. I want to save lives with the work I do. I've had many people discourage me from going into this field. I've been told that I wouldn't be able to deal with it, emotionally. That people who have done wrong things don't deserve help. People who do horrible things do it out of pain. If I can ease that pain or help them cope, I can save their lives and the lives of those they harm. By preventing this one person's life from going downhill, I create a domino effect that could help millions. I just really want to save people.

I would love for this essay to be about the positive changes that I've seen in my country and community. Sadly, that is not the case. 2020 as a year was notoriously, comically bad. From injustices in our law enforcement system to economic decline to the enormous death toll, all of the US has suffered. Each and every global citizen has suffered in different ways, some plagued with disease, others with unemployment. However, everyone had to undergo the emotions and stress that came with social isolation. For me, I can look back and see that the hardships I faced mentally during isolation were simply a painful way of being forced to mature. I ended up having plenty of alone time with my thoughts, which, thanks to my constant over thinking, came with many hard realizations. I was able to explore my personal and sexual identity in a new light. I believe that I discovered I was lesbian and came out to my friends and family all in the same month. Fortunately, they were all very supportive, which was a big step for my growth and mental health, which I had been severely struggling with. Being socially isolated highlighted the fact that most of my "friends" didn't care to talk to outside of school hours. Though this did hurt at first, it made me realize who my genuine friends were. It also taught me what I believe to be the most important lesson I've learned since March 13, 2020- popularity isn't everything. Obviously, that's something many people had warned me of, but there's a big difference between being told something and figuring it out yourself. I was able to shed my fixation for popularity and embrace the more creative aspects of myself that I hadn't bothered to explore. I found my own fashion sense. I bought clothes that I liked, instead of ripped skinny jeans and expensive Urban Outfitters T shirts. I discovered that I adore painting. I began to paint everything, mirrors, polaroid pictures, plant pots, CD's. I started doing things for me, without fear being judged for not being "trendy." And sure, there's still a part of that that's lingering, but I feel so much more confident in myself 8 months into quarantine. I started doing tele-therapy a couple of months after the pandemic broke out. I was filled with so much despair and angst, and I just couldn't adjust to this new normal. I was able to talk out what my anxiety felt like and work out coping mechanisms to help with my attacks. It was also a nice outlet to discuss family matters in an unbiased, safe space. I was able to talk about my stress caused by my mom's unemployment and my father's angry outbursts. It was also during my road of self discovery that I learned of paganism. Coming from a very strict Christain home, it felt like a religion that I didn't fit into was constantly being forced upon me, causing my mind to subconsciously put a negative connotation on all religions. I never thought to research different religions. If I had, I would have learned that Paganism, specifically Wiccan, was not about following a leader or the oppression I felt Christianity had put on me. It's about nurturing your spirit and becoming one with nature. Finding religion after considering myself an atheist for years really opened my mind. I realized that I need that sense of power beyond the known. I truly believe that it made a huge impact on improving my self esteem and becoming more comfortable with not only myself, but external problems the Universe could throw at me. There's been times when I wish I was reckless. Seeing videos of my classmates having fun, roaming the streets of New York City admittedly made me very jealous. But I had to remember how serious of a threat Covid-19 was, still is. I wouldn't risk getting my family, or even strangers, sick just because I was feeling lonely. Two of my elderly family members got diagnosed with Covid-19, and the thought of potentially losing them was infinitely worse than the jealousy I felt of my friends. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Sadly, it's happening to millions around the world. But I refuse to be the cause of any of those. This pandemic has wreaked havoc on myself and my loved ones. It's truly wreaked havoc on society. It tore families apart. And though we are still in the midst of it, I think it's important for everyone to reflect on how they've been impacted, and try to focus on the positive. One can easily reflect on how they've been wronged. It's much more difficult to accept that and be grateful for the positive outcomes. Otherwise, no one can learn and move forward stronger.

I was sitting in my college prep course. The discussion topic was careers, specifically what made us chose our future careers. My friends said they were following in their parents' footsteps, pursuing a sport they loved, becoming a pediatrician because they love children. Suddenly it was my turn and I gave a short answer, "Silence of the Lambs." That must've been a terrifying thing to hear. It seems morbid, that I am inspired by one of the sickest horror movies to be created. I can guarantee you, however, I do not wish to grow up to be a serial killer. I first watched Silence of the Lambs with my dad one night. I was terrified, I could barely sleep. But I was also curious. I knew Hannibal Lector was a real killer so I turned to my favourite True Crime podcast. They didn't have an episode on him, so I listened to an episode from the podcast Serial Killers instead. I learned a lot about Hannibal Lector, specifically that he was not real. The man the character was based on, Robert Maudsley wasn't at all the monster the film industry makes him out to be. The truth behind it is that he was extremely mentally ill. Maudsley was originally arrested for killing a man who had just confessed to being a child molester. From there, instead of giving him the proper mental treatment he needed to rehabilitate, they put him in prison with no help, where he proceeded with more acts of violence. It wasn't until Robert Maudsley could officially be titled a serial killer that he was provided with a psychologist, who was quick to see how his abusive childhood, mental illnesses, and horrible treatment throughout his life could be to blame for his horrible behavior. "Hannibal the Cannibal" was then created from media propaganda. This struck something in me. I've struggled with mental illness for years, but I, thankfully, have access to proper help. It's easy for people to look down upon criminals without trying to understand why they did it. There are certainly monsters out there who deserve to be locked up forever, but many criminals, especially serial killers are not sane. A large percentage come from broken or abusive families and have experienced severe abuse throughout their life. Some developed personality disorders such as BPD and ASPD. Others have illnesses such as schizophrenia. When you think of it from a different perspective, you can understand that some of these people thought what they were doing was the right thing. Perception is reality. What many people don't realize is that many of these people can be rehabilitated back into society with proper help. This creates not only a better life for them, but prevents more crimes they would commit, possibly saving lives. That's what I want to do, save lives. Of as many people as possible. Becoming a criminal psychologist is my dream. And I plan on working as hard as humanely possible to reach that dream.

Music has saved my life. It's a phrase that you hear often, tossed around when someone finds a song or band that they thoroughly enjoy. For some, it may be an exaggerated way of saying that music brought them happiness. For me, it feels closer to the truth. I've struggled with mental health for as long as I can remember. It spouts from trauma, a broken family, and a lack of identity. I remember a point at my very lowest when I daydream about taking my own life because I simply couldn't stand the pain anymore. I felt alone and unloved, I remember a feeling of pure struggle. Then I heard the song, "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" by George Michael and Elton John, and it gave me this incredible sense of hope. I started looking into the song and its respective artists. I learned that they were both homosexual, like myself, and they both struggled with their identity. I learned that the song which I cherished so much was about recovery. It was a story of bouncing back from hell and coming out stronger than you started, and I really felt that this 30-year-old song related to me on a personal level. That realization really taught me that music is timeless, that people have always struggled with the same things, with these intense and painful emotions that I had been feeling. It gave me comfort to know that people like Elton John, John Lennon, and the great Kurt Cobain were all in my position once, made it through, and even made incredibly beautiful art from it. Tortured souls truly make the best music. And so I gained a newfound appreciation for music, beyond the typical enjoyment. It became a way for me to not only escape from reality but a way of putting perspective on things. Music for me is a constant reminder of hope. All I want to do in this world is to help people. Give hope to the hopeless. Give love to the loveless. And I sincerely hope that one day I can make an impact on someone the way music made an impact on me.

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" is a song that changed my life forever. It's a beautiful song, but more importantly it's a story of recovery and perseverance, illustrated by Elton John's performance of it, his first show after rehab. Every track I chose to put in my playlist are not only masterpieces, they have real stories behind them. Some are heartbreaking, like Polly, the story of a girl who was abducted and tortured. Others are more innocent, like Journey's Don't Stop Believing. But the thing these songs have in common is the emotional depth of the artist.

This is a picture of my knees. This image was taken right before I boarded down my first double black diamond. It seems something very unimportant, but it was a very important turning point for my mental health. Something about completing this challenge which I found so terrifying gave me a newfound sense of confidence. In snowboarding, yes, but in myself, my worth. I remember coming down this mountain feeling pride in my accomplishment. And I will forever remember that rush of adrenaline followed by a revelation that I am worthy and I am capable.

It was almost two in the morning. I was wide awake, unable to even move, to blink, to breath. I felt like the darkness of the night was closing in on me, suffocating me and leaving me alone with the crushing weight of my thoughts. I was in a panic, and I was completely and utterly alone, even with the three other people in my house, only a wall away. A part of me knew it would go away. It was horrible, but it always ended. The other part was afraid that this time it wouldn’t. It was after almost two years of being tortured every hour of every day when I first decided I needed to seek help. I had just assumed that the state I was in was the normal state to be in, so I never told anyone close to me. I was filled with anxious and self-deprecating thoughts, and was hurting myself and others around me out of pain, and I was only 13. Though I was able to recognize that in myself, there are thousands of people, especially young people around the world who cannot. Some people need a push in the direction of self-help. Middle and high school is the time when most mental issues begin to show in young adults. However, they are often discredited. Their issues are tossed aside with labels like “it’s just hormones” or “you just want attention.” These kinds of behaviors are more harmful than beneficial. Young people have plenty of other factors affecting their mental health, such as school stresses, social problems or substance use. Because I felt having mental health issues was seen as weird or even terrifying, it differed me from opening up about, and from getting the right help. I struggled alone and in agony because I was scared of being put down by society. Now that I've realized having issues with mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it's opened my mind. It's made me more open about my emotions and it made me realize I can create change in my own life. Not having the right support, especially from friends and family is what causes a large percentage of the approximately 5,000 teenage suicides annually. When not recognized and coped with, mental illness only gets more aggressive over time. Awareness needs to be raised regarding mental health, especially in youth. When teenagers or young adults aren’t able to distinguish real issues from normal behaviours, or when families can’t provide emotional help to their children, that’s when other adult roles in that person’s life need to come through and support them or get them help. This could be a teacher, counselor or even a family friend. And awareness is the first step. Our teachers, our counselors, even our coaches need to be able to recognize signs of distress, and know how to deal with them. On the contrary, some students have the resources, but won’t come forward out of fear. There is a great stigma around mental health, and that can be intimidating for young people. After I finally admitted to myself that I wanted help in dealing with my problems, I was still in fear of not being accepted. That was the farthest thing from the truth. My family and close friends wanted nothing more than for me to feel better, and they felt better themselves when I did. The impact that you can have on another person is substantial, and I didn’t realize I was bringing other people down with my issues. And the people close to me were more supportive than I could have thought. It was a relief that I was accepted and supported, and it took a great weight off of my mind. I was extremely lucky. Every person deserves to be cared for in this way, and people need to be taught to do it. In addition to raising awareness of the reality of mental health, we have to kill the stigma around the subject. Mental health is often not assigned a high priority in most schools in the U.S. Along with that, the media produces horrible stereotypes of the mentally ill. People with depression are not always lazy and unemployed, just as happy people sometimes are. Mental illness is just a barrier, not the end of the road. Bringing shame and disgust upon the mentally ill will never solve anyone’s problems, only cause new ones. It’s been almost two years, and I have learned how to deal with my symptoms and increase my happiness. I’ve discovered things that bring me joy, and learned to avoid stress and anxiety factors. However, I can’t help but think that if I didn’t have the support systems provided to me, I could have spiralled and caused myself and others around me even more pain. Everyone deserves the support they need to get better, and providing it will take effort on the part of society.

It was almost two in the morning. I was wide awake, unable to even move, to blink, to breath. I felt like the darkness of the night was closing in on me, suffocating me and leaving me alone with the crushing weight of my thoughts. I was in a panic, and I was completely and utterly alone, even with the three other people in my house, only a wall away. A part of me knew it would go away. It was horrible, but it always ended. The other part was afraid that this time it wouldn’t. It was after almost two years of being tortured every hour of every day when I first decided I needed to seek help. I had just assumed that the state I was in was the normal state to be in, so I never told anyone close to me. I was filled with anxious and self-deprecating thoughts, and was hurting myself and others around me out of pain, and I was only 13. Though I was able to recognize that in myself, there are thousands of people, especially young people around the world who cannot. Some people need a push in the direction of self-help. Middle and high school is the time when most mental issues begin to show in young adults. However, they are often discredited. Their issues are tossed aside with labels like “it’s just hormones” or “you just want attention.” These kinds of behaviors are more harmful than beneficial. Young people have plenty of other factors affecting their mental health, such as school stresses, social problems or substance use. Because I felt having mental health issues was seen as weird or even terrifying, it differed me from opening up about, and from getting the right help. I struggled alone and in agony because I was scared of being put down by society. Now that I've realized having issues with mental health is nothing to be ashamed of, it's opened my mind. It's made me more open about my emotions and it made me realize I can create change in my own life. Not having the right support, especially from friends and family is what causes a large percentage of the approximately 5,000 teenage suicides annually. When not recognized and coped with, mental illness only gets more aggressive over time. Awareness needs to be raised regarding mental health, especially in youth. When teenagers or young adults aren’t able to distinguish real issues from normal behaviours, or when families can’t provide emotional help to their children, that’s when other adult roles in that person’s life need to come through and support them or get them help. This could be a teacher, counselor or even a family friend. And awareness is the first step. Our teachers, our counselors, even our coaches need to be able to recognize signs of distress, and know how to deal with them. On the contrary, some students have the resources, but won’t come forward out of fear. There is a great stigma around mental health, and that can be intimidating for young people. After I finally admitted to myself that I wanted help in dealing with my problems, I was still in fear of not being accepted. That was the farthest thing from the truth. My family and close friends wanted nothing more than for me to feel better, and they felt better themselves when I did. The impact that you can have on another person is substantial, and I didn’t realize I was bringing other people down with my issues. And the people close to me were more supportive than I could have thought. It was a relief that I was accepted and supported, and it took a great weight off of my mind. I was extremely lucky. Every person deserves to be cared for in this way, and people need to be taught to do it. In addition to raising awareness of the reality of mental health, we have to kill the stigma around the subject. Mental health is often not assigned a high priority in most schools in the U.S. Along with that, the media produces horrible stereotypes of the mentally ill. People with depression are not always lazy and unemployed, just as happy people sometimes are. Mental illness is just a barrier, not the end of the road. Bringing shame and disgust upon the mentally ill will never solve anyone’s problems, only cause new ones. It’s been almost two years, and I have learned how to deal with my symptoms and increase my happiness. I’ve discovered things that bring me joy, and learned to avoid stress and anxiety factors. However, I can’t help but think that if I didn’t have the support systems provided to me, I could have spiralled and caused myself and others around me even more pain. Everyone deserves the support they need to get better, and providing it will take effort on the part of society.