January 5th, 2022 I received a phone call from the county corner back home in Indiana. They were looking to contact the next of kin for my father. My father was found deceased in his bathtub. I was not close with my father, our relationship was estranged. My only memories of my father were filled with pain and anger. My father suffered deeply from major depression which made it difficult for him to attend to his parental responsibilities and provide love and nurturing. I often would make 911 calls when he threatened or attempted to self harm which only made my father more angry with me. By the time I was in high school I made a decision to end contact with my father. In 2012 I began working as an occupational therapy assistant. Throughout my career I worked with numerous patients who suffered with mental illness and gained an understanding and empathy for those who suffered. Something, I was not able to grasp in my childhood. With this new found insight I decided to reconnect with my father. We were never able to connect like I had hoped, he was so withdrawn from the world. The last time I saw my father was in January of 2020. He didn’t even recognize me and I could tell that he physically, emotionally, and mentally was at his worse. Our contact was minimal since that interaction, as he often would keep his phone disconnected. The last time I heard his voice was November 30, 2021. It wasn’t even a voice but just faint breathing. It’s now January 6th, 2022 and I’m inside his apartment. I have 3 days to clear his belongings before the property management will start charging his estate. Overwhelmed, I begin clearing through the dust and piles of junk. I come across a stack of journals. As I begin reading I begin to sob. I began to know my father on a level I never imagined. The pages were filled with pain about wanting peace and happiness, anger that he had to suffer, and begging for this affliction to not be passed down to his children. I flew back to NM once I handled his estate. I was getting ready to leave for OT school. I was so excited for this next step prior to the death of my father but now I feel conflicted if I’m on the right path. There was an overwhelming feeling of frustration and anger over the lack of support and the unspoken prejudice toward mental illness that exists in the health care system. In OT it feels like we are constantly advocating for our patients to be seen and for their mental health to be taken more seriously. Maybe instead of doing the advocating as an OT I would have more success as a medical provider. I withdrew from OT school and moved back to NM to finish my bachelor’s in psychology at UNM with the intention of applying for PA school. A goal I am so close to achieving. I aspire to become a PA who will be able to provide the medical and mental health care that patients with mental illness deserve. I believe my background in OT will aid me in better serving this population in this new role. I hope that through my service as a PA I can help increase awareness and change the prejudice that surrounds mental illness.